It was because of the darkness of the city outside the window that I prayed for light.
Not because of the growing dread in my gut, twisting my intestines into tight knots. Certainly not because of the piles of cardboard boxes scattered over the patterned rug or the bare walls void of the frames holding a farce of our lives. But somehow, we're here—both trapped in the moment of crunching bubble wraps, dust particles floating in the air and covering the floor in thin layers, and the growing towers of things we wanted but never needed.
Nothing could be done to avoid this outcome. Rather, I did nothing to avoid it.
"Hye-jin," a voice I haven't decided if I hated or not speared through my thoughts. "Who's going to take the vintage plates?"
I tore my eyes away from the bustling city beyond the window, away from the little pockets of light whizzing through the roads and flashing from the buildings, and made sure my stare was as flat as the kitchen counter behind him. "I don't know, Rin," my voice was hollow like it was being scraped clean of any traces of who I was. It didn't sound like me. At all. "When was the last time we used it?"
Rin frowned. He set the box he was carrying from the dining room at the foot of the couch. Distinct clinks of porcelain rang from the inside. The mugs, maybe. "I don't think we ever did," he answered. His eyes moved towards the empty spot on the otherwise lengthy couch where I sat. "So, who's going to take it?"
My lips curled in on themselves. Rin had always complained about the plates and how I skimped on their use for "special occasions". Of course, the only special occasion we ever had was now, when we were already dividing up the house like the piece of property it was. He was adamant about using things for their purpose, and plates sitting in the dark were the opposite of what they were used for. Did Rin resent me for that?
"You can take it," I averted my eyes as Rin sank into the couch. We're on the opposite ends, each armrest claimed. Too far to reach me. That's what led to this whole fiasco, anyway.
He sighed, a sound so heavy it felt like it settled on my shoulders not long after. If I don't follow suit, it might crush me.
I held my breath in.
"You gave those up fairly quick," Rin noted inclining his head at me.
I didn't look at him. I couldn't, anyway. Instead, I let my gaze wander and ultimately rest on the single vase neither of us could touch, much less throw away. A bunch of purple lilacs sat over its slender neck, giving it some sort of a fluffy tophat. Rin's statement burned at the back of my head. He seemed to be implying more than the plates. But for the most part, anyone would be quick to shed things they just didn't care for any longer. It's his fault for failing to realize that.
A lot of this was his fault.
"Hye-jin, just..." the hesitance in his tone finally made me throw a sideways glance at him. Ever since we walked out of court a few weeks ago, I hadn't looked at him longer than a few seconds. But now...
Let's just say he looked like the lilacs on the vase. Wilting.
"Have you finished emptying the bedroom?" I asked. Rin's shoulders flinched. Must have been my tone. Whatever.
He jerked his chin towards the box he had set down. The patterned rug had never looked so silly against our bare feet. All flowers and colors. It reminded me of what had become of the home it was supposed to be decorating in the worst way possible—by showing me what I wished it to be.
"I will, if you get your ass out of there and help, for once," Rin brushed the hair out of his face with a slow swipe. It was early into the winter but beads of sweat rolled down from the side of his face. Did I crank the heating too much? Well, that's his problem. I couldn't stand the cold.
Then, I noticed the pointed jab from his statement. I whipped to him with a scoff. "Me, not helping?" I laid a hand on my chest. "Can't I rest just for a second, Rin? I've been hammering away at the living room all morning, taking down the mess you made in the first place."
Rin opened his mouth to say something but decided against it with a small shake of his head. "Let's not do this, Hye-jin," his tone softened as he slouched against the couch's backrest. "Not on our last day."
There it was. One of us was finally brave enough to say it.
I closed my eyes despite the growing dread in my chest of being alone with someone who I no longer had connections with, at least according to the law. "What would you have us do, then?" I said, weaker and more pathetic than I intended. As much as I hated it, Rin had always been the one to see this side of me. Most of the time, he's the one who was able to coax it out.
"Seeing as you haven't touched the console, I'm assuming you're still not ready to let it go?" Rin flicked his gaze towards the flatscreen television sitting a few paces from the couch. The wall behind the television had never been so...white.
A light snort escaped my lips. "It's more like I can't decide if I should take it or worry about the other half you put into it," I replied.
Rin glanced at the console again, his dark pupils moving in rapid, discordant inflections. Thinking. He's been doing a lot of that since last year. But like all the months and years I've been with him, I never really had any luck in deciphering whatever was going on in his thick skull.
"One last game?" Rin turned to me with a small smile. He never smiled at me since that night in my hometown. "For old time's sake?"
My first instinct, the first word that should have flown out of my mouth, was No. Instead, I clenched my jaw, keeping the view of the wilting lilacs off of my periphery, and met Rin's eyes for the longest time in a while. "What are you planning?" I asked.
Rin rolled his shoulders. The plain army green shirt he wore didn't really suit him, but it's not like he'd stop wearing something he'd gotten himself for the holidays despite all my complaints. Then again, he'd just snap at me, saying I complain too much. Damn right, I do. That's the only way I could be heard in this house.
"Nothing. Jeez, Hye-jin. I'm not a criminal," he threw his hands up and chuckled. "One last game, then I'd rescind all of my rights on the console. Deal?"
I arched an eyebrow. Rin never made deals that weren't advantageous to him in some way. The sales person in him, talking. That's what this was.
Still, as we both know, this was the last time we would be spending time alone in a room together. After all this, we're going to live our own lives, where we'd have no choice but to survive, to make it on our own.
Because marriage was like meat. Both didn't mean anything, but somehow society convinced us we couldn't live without them. It wasn't the end and neither was what we've recently faced.
We gave each other a chance. To begin again or something just as cheesy. And this time, the plan was to live like this whole thing didn't happen, like I could survive even without this chapter in my life. Because I had to.
So, what's one more game? What's one last game?
"Deal," I said. The word bounced around the room in empty rings before flitting off into the dead horizon. "What do you want to play? Dungeon Rule? Astrofire? Fortress and Strife?"
Rin pushed his lower lip out. "How about Legends of Solarlume?" he said. "Come on. We both loved that game."
"Didn't we finish every quest and storyline? Twice?" I tilted my head to the side, tapping my chin. "Or was it thrice? I know you played another round without me."
Rin tapped the side of his fist against the armrest from his side of the couch. "I did it to see if I could get the limited edition Dragonkin skin," he said. "I didn't, so it's a lost cause. They stopped updating the game long ago too."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. " 'Course," I said. "The server is really old, considering we're already playing for quite a few years even in university. The number of users have dwindled too."
He hummed, telling me he didn't really understand any of that. Sooner or later, he's going to say that it's more of my field and not his.
"Let's just get on with what we find, yeah?" Rin stood up and loaded the game in. Like always, I didn't have a choice. But it didn't matter. This was the last moment in my life where I would feel like it.
The game's familiar theme played from the speakers by the time Rin made it back to the couch. A blue-lined controller edged from my periphery. I traced it up to an arm and finally, Rin's face. Before I could chicken out or my pride flared up, I snatched it from his hand. I turned to the television, my eyes tracing the pixelated fontwork of the game's logo.
The Legends of Solarlume. I never realized the design team never moved on from the time the game was still web-based and had primitive graphics. Leaning against nostalgia, maybe? I clicked my tongue. "Should we just do a quick dungeon round? See how far we can go without running out of HP?"
I glanced at Rin to find him fiddling with the buttons of his controller, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. " 'The Lamiere Dynasty' ?" he said. The selector rimmed the button saying exactly that when I turned back to the screen. That's...weird. That button wasn't supposed to be there, at least from what my memory told me.
"Did they update it recently?" Rin was saying, expecting me to pick up my half of the conversation.
So, I did. "Let me check," I pat my baggy sweatpants' pockets for my phone. It sat on the dining table when I leaned the long way over the couch's backrest. "Wait a sec. My phone's over there. What about yours?"
"It can't be that bad, right?" he said.
I whipped towards him, not letting go of the view of my phone from my periphery. "What do you mean?"
Rin shrugged. "It's just a game, Hye-jin," he waved his controller towards the screen where the new button was still bobbing in and out with the selector rimming it pink. "What's to be afraid of? It can't hurt you."
Right. I also distinctly remember him claiming the same thing with grasshoppers and I still have nightmares about the time I got bitten by one. "Let's just look into it first. Maybe the developers made a mistake and leaked an update? It's strange they'd look into upgrading this, especially when the build we have is...shall I say, old."
I began easing out of the couch when I heard the sound of a finger pressing a button. "Rin—"
Whatever's coming out of my mouth was drowned out by a bright torrent of light and the unmistakable roar of static in my ears. So, it did come. "Turn it off! What's happening?" I screamed, but no reply reached me. "Rin?"
Still nothing.
Black spots ebbed in my vision like annoying raisins inside cupcakes. I blinked. And blinked. Come on. Just what's going on? What's up with that light? Rin better have an explanation about this. Something tickled my foot. A yelp escaped my mouth and I scrambled out of the way. What the—
It's like the rug had developed feelers and was now coming for me.
Only it wasn't the rug. It was...
"Grass," the word flitted off my mouth, making whatever it meant real. Final. "What the actual f—"
I paused when caught a whiff of my arm rising to knock some sense back into my head. My eyes widened at the sight of detailed arm greaves carved straight from shiny purple metal strapped against my skin. What in the world...
A breeze rose from somewhere, slamming onto me. I winced, bracing myself for the way it would bring a biting cold against my arms. My feet skidded against the ground, and I heard a distinct clink of metal. Eyebrows knitting, I glanced down.
No way.
There's just no way I was suddenly wearing metal shin guards over some kind of cured leather laced boots. And was that...a sword? Strapped to a belt around my waist? Dear God. What's going on?
Then, due to having my head down, my hair slid off my shoulders and fluttered forward. The faint breezes following after the initial, strong one made it billow. The strands were silver.
A humorless laugh tore from my lips. "It's a dream," I said. A quick glance around me told me I was standing on some sort of hill, overlooking the low-lying civilization at its foot. Splotches of red, orange, and brown leaped out to me in varying frequencies, taking the forms of roofs, walls, and fences.
It's a dream. Somehow, I was dreaming I made it into some fantasy land. I have no time to spare, though. The house wasn't going to clean itself, and the realtors said we needed to be out of there by tomorrow. This was no time to be exploring dreamscapes.
I gasped. "Where's Rin?"
A quick look around told me I was alone. On a hill. After a burst of light from my living room slapped my eyeballs without warning.
The wind picked up again. This time, it was strong enough to drive me a few millimeters backward. Along with it came a strong whiff of flowers, too exotic for me to try and guess. Rin would have more luck at getting it right. He's the gardening nerd, not me.
I sniffed and rubbed my nose. The sensation of my skin against it was real. Too real, in fact. I slapped my cheek. Then the other. Nothing happened. Wake up, Hye-jin. Let's not waste any more time here. Come on.
Slap. Pinch. Slap again.
After a few minutes, what I ended up with was a throbbing cheek and a glaring suspicion that this was, after all, not a dream. But...what was this? Why was I here? What happened to the living room? To the game? To the house?
I stepped forward, ultimately bringing my hands to my head—to do what, I wasn't sure. A bright picture exploded in my vision, driving another undignified yelp from my throat and causing me to step backwards, right into an exposed root of some tree. The world blurred.
"Wait—"
Pain ripped through my butt just as I came crashing to the ground. "Ow!" I screamed at no one. This time, there was no one to blame but...
"Stupid menu screen!" I waved my arms in front of my face. "Get out of my brain!"
I froze. Hold up. Menu screen?
I forced my eyes to settle into the bright picture shielding my view of the real world beyond it. Green and red bars. Skill webs. Inventory. Map. Location.
Location.
My heart dropped at the letters forming the words describing it. Suprana. The Citadel of Light. Which could only mean one thing.
"I'm in Solarlume," I muttered. No matter how many times I ran it over my head, nothing made it more real than hearing my voice ringing in my ears. "What the actual fuck? I'm in Solarlume."
It wouldn't take long even for an idiot to piece the puzzle from here. The light I wished for, for some absurd reason, brought me inside a game. Not just any game. I was inside freaking Solarlume of all places. Why couldn't I just end up in Pixie Palace and spend my time designing inedible cakes?
And how did I end up here?
That's right. Rin pushed a button he shouldn't have. Like everything that went wrong in my life until now, it's his fault.
Today was no different.
"Rin," I clenched my fists at my sides, not even caring if I have my nails done in this world. The glare I gave the sky could have sent it scampering away. "When I find you, I'm going to flay you alive."