An unexpected reunion with the girls was on my schedule for today, and I didn't have time to prepare anything in advance.
Roseanne has developed a new habit of making plans and leaving out details or not letting me know about said plans at all. Or perhaps she has always had this habit I just didn't know about it.
I was excited to see the girls again—don't get me wrong—especially because most of the times that we've hung out, or briefly met, was when they were dripping in sweat and energized by nothing but bananas.
Thankfully I had the ingredients to make pizza from scratch. When I once learned to make pizza on my own I never bought again; even when I was tired I'd force myself up just to make it because the taste differs immensely.
Tomato sauce was always ready in my fridge from batches I make since it's a common staple for other dishes and cheese that I order to be delivered to my house along with different types of meats from my favorite local butcher.
I was excited to feed them my pizza but was anxious about the time closing in. If I work fast enough, when they arrive the pizza should be almost finished and in the oven. I had to make it work and well I've worked at a restaurant so this shouldn't be an issue.
Roseanne still wasn't here which was upsetting because not only would I have greatly appreciated her help and on the note that it was last minute, but I wanted to see her alone even if it was for a minute.
We've only briefly talked since the day of our first therapy appointment; just casual 'How are you doing' and 'Eat well's along with reminders to drink water. It was good, great even because it showed that she cared I just really wanted to see her.
I got the wine drinking started a bit early because I wanted to feel a bit relaxed under the pressure of making pizza from scratch and looking like a hot mess. And just to my luck I heard a knock—a couple of knocks and no voice to confirm that it was the girls so I was hesitant about opening the door; hesitant and terrified until the melody played notifying me that my doors had been unlocked to reveal the blonde with the girls behind her. Meanwhile, I was still in my black apron covered in flour, and the dough was still not ready even though it's been a while since I'd let it sit.
I couldn't complain though, my movements were much slower, more fatigued, and weaker. I couldn't complain at all because the blame was mine and mine only.
Lisa hugged me first almost knocking me over like an eager dog and it took Jisoo to pull her away from me so that Jennie could follow and give me the gentlest and warmest hug ever. Jisoo gave me a normal hug but she smelled amazing so that was good and it was then that I realized she was carrying a couple of bags.
Roseanne was last but not least to hug me and I wish it would've been followed with a kiss, a passionate I missed you kiss. I was complicated, I wanted to do things people are dating yet I broke up with her. Maybe I'm the problem.
"What's that?" I asked the blonde pointing at Jisoo's large bag.
"Food, we bought some on the way here. We had a meeting back in the company building I'll talk to you about it later." She tapped the tip of my nose.
I gave her an understanding nod despite my disappointment about not feeding the girls pizza, all the kneading and beating I gave the dough for me to not even have to make it. Maybe I'll make it tomorrow, there's nothing wrong with eating pizza alone while watching TV. What kind of pissed me off though was that I had let her know I was making it and I would've appreciated a heads up so I would've saved my energy because now I was tired and out of breath.
I frowned at the thought, I have never felt this beat up when making pizza. I was hoping that I was still getting to the fully healed stage and that I wasn't permanently like this.
I should hit the gym to make sure I'm not 65 by 28.
The girls gathered in my living room talking about something annoying that happened at the meeting. Jennie who was very expressive when it came to anger was ranting about something one of the guys said but I briefly caught what she was saying because she was speaking pretty fast switching between languages.
It was nice to see the girls but I felt like I didn't belong and I knew it was the fact that they had been together for years and I just met them. However, things were different from the times on the dance practice floor when Roseanne would take time to catch me up on the talk so I could give my opinion that Jisoo always asked for. Now I just smiled and ate pretending like I knew what was going on half of the time.
At some point, I excused myself to replace my wine glass with a glass of water.
I made my way over to the kitchen and it wasn't until I was reaching for a cup that I noticed Roseanne had followed me. "You ok?" She asked with her mouth close to mine as she grabbed the cup for me—not that I couldn't do it myself it was at an acceptable level for my almost healed body.
"Yeah, just a bit exhausted." I filled my glass and took a long sip savoring the liquid as it quenched the thirst I didn't know I had, probably that developed from having Roseanne's lips so close to mine.
"Sorry that I let you know last minute, the girls wanted to see you." She leaned against the counter, "Were you busy? I know you've been wanting to improve and make new recipes and you had your apron on so I just—if you want I can make them leave and tell them you don't feel good." And seem like the asshole by kicking them out of my house? No way.
Plus it wasn't entirely true because, "I wasn't busy with that. I was making homemade pizza for you guys I didn't think you'd pick something up on the way."
Roseanne's eyes widened at the realization and it didn't make me feel better, maybe I was being too sensitive but I felt unappreciated for my kick-ass effort at making my special dough that would eventually end up as part of the best savory pie one could eat.
"Oh, y/n I'm sorry if I knew that you were making something for us we wouldn't have gotten anything. Why didn't you tell me." Her brows arched genuinely but I felt myself starting to slip into that phase of anger, a new thing happening for me so I still yet had to learn how to avoid it or stop it.
"I did Roseanne. I messaged you." I could almost physically see her heart skip a beat although that would be alarming because it's dangerous and I would no longer be upset but worried. Drowning in worry.
"I'm sorry. If you want I can come help you make it tomorrow and we can eat it and have ice cream for dessert. Our second date," she approached me, burying her face in my neck as she reached for my hands, "let me make it up to you." As much as I wanted to say yes I was too upset to think straight, fogging up my brain with negative thoughts. I couldn't be with her alone because I'll just want her more and I'll be upset when she leaves. I'll be upset even now when they leave.
They won't come back. They'll leave and never talk to you again. My brain whispered and I almost gagged. I'm so upset over pizza that I'm thinking this? Over pizza? What's wrong with me?
"No, I want some alone time for a while, plus I have to call my parents it's been a while. Maybe some other time?"
"Oh... yeah some other time." She tapped her fingers on the counter and hung her head.
"We better get back before they start getting ideas."
Roseanne's POV
Dr. Tesfaye was coming over to my place now since I volunteered to do the individual session first. Since the day the girls went over to her house y/n hasn't been in contact as much as I would've liked. She ignores my FaceTime calls and texts and when I check in on her she'd be cleaning glass cups, cooking, or watching TV but not once did she have her phone in hand. I was just glad she was ok and that was enough.
"Good afternoon Roseanne how are you today?" The floor-to-ceiling windows shining natural light at the woman making her skin glow like how I imagine vampires would.
"Good, worried but good." I rubbed my thighs to get rid of the nervous sweat my hands developed.
Dr. Tesfaye with her delicate aura and personality could make the angriest person calm. She was a soft-toned woman with an exquisite voice like that of an RNB singer; like Floetry. Even she made walking alone look expensive and dainty.
"Worried? How come?" Her hand worked as support for her head, her eyebrows furrowing with curiosity and concern.
I crossed my legs and my back bowed, "Y/n. She's been feeling distant since last week. I don't know if it was the appointment and how it opened up new emotions and views for both of us or something else." I expressed.
She raised her chin her facial expression the same, "And her being distant, how is that making you feel?" I wasn't sure if it was just a universal therapist question or if I'm overthinking it knowing that I was the one being distant. Maybes she's trying to put me in Y/n's position to make me see how horrible it felt. Definitely overthinking, a therapist wouldn't do that.
"I wish she wasn't pushing me away but I do want to give her space. I'm afraid I'll do something wrong and mess things up with her. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells that I placed." She dropped her chin and nodded, "The only thing making me feel ok is knowing that she's ok— it may sound weird but when we started dating she gave me her security system login info because of some funny thing that happened but I still watch her and well maybe she's not completely ok... she has this habit of checking door and window locks repeatedly every day and the other day when I thought she had gone out she was actually in her closet hiding and I only found out after I visited her."
Dr.Tesfaye adjusted the flowy long skirt she had, "it's obvious that you care about her a lot. The habit you mentioned comes from PTSD, she suffered a traumatic experience and she does it for the sake of her sanity, to feel safe. I'm glad you mentioned it but I want to talk about you."
"Oh I don't really have anything that needs worrying, I'm the one who brought her into all this mess." I leaned back with my legs still crossed, checking my nails as I was ashamed to give the woman eye contact.
I've thought about it a lot, everything that affected y/n or has happened to her was from something I did. From the very beginning, from the very moment that I called her over.
I blamed myself because I didn't do enough or didn't do things correctly and the once free, independent, loving, and bright woman was destroyed by non-other than my own two hands. I don't regret meeting her, she's a wonderful person but I regret dragging her to me—asking her out and making her fall in love with me. My mom was right, she deserved so much better.
Dr.Tesfaye smiled and shifted slightly on the small sofa that made her look like she was sitting on a large throne, "that is an issue itself, Roseanne. I think there are a lot of things that need worrying about when it comes to you, you just aren't aware that they are worrying. This is what this session is for, unraveling and pinpointing what they are and working on them together. Nobody is perfect— and I know you weren't trying to imply that but there's a lot of people who often say they don't need therapists when in fact everyone needs them, including therapists."
We discussed my thoughts and emotions when I distanced myself from Y/n as Dr. Tesfaye tried to make me feel better by telling me anger was a normal emotion and it was good that I experienced it when Y/n visited me because it showed that I cared and that I wasn't so fucked in the head. We did though, go over different ways to react and how to just avoid "flashbanging" emotions and communicating by using words like, "I need space can we talk about this later when I'm calm." Along with a string of other sentences to use that benefit both Y/n and I.
After I dismissed my therapist, I shot Y/n a text letting her know my session went well and that I wanted to let her know because I know she still cares I mean obviously she does I just hurt her too much and she's only reacting. I know she's scared of me leaving and distancing myself so she's doing it first. I knew it was going to be difficult to gain her trust completely but I'm willing to wait and work hard to turn things back to how they were.
We also talked about me making the good decision of still living apart because like that it'll show her that I'll continue to come back. It was also good for her because she tends to want me to stay and like that she'll grow more dependent; there was no in-between with her it was either dependency or distancing. Dangerous double D's (and not the only ones at that).
It wasn't much but she did reply and it formed an instant smile on my face. I took this as a chance to talk about the second date after accidentally and regretfully not reading Y/n's text about her making pizza. Not only did I know it was going to be better than any chain restaurant pizza but I could tell that she was upset by it, she must've really wanted to show the girls her love in the form of crust, sauce, and cheese. An amazing savory pie created by her godly hands.
"How do you feel about a skating date? Too cliche or is that ok?" I asked feeling like a teen all over again. I always wanted those cheesy dates like in the movies and I think this is a great time to make my dream come true.
"I've never skated before." She replied.
I smiled, "Perfect. Meet you at yours tomorrow?"
"How much spice can you candle?"
——
Safety gear was already part of our wardrobe thanks to our city scooter date that we had. I had extra stickers to bring and other things that Jennie gifted me to, "bedazzle everything" as she does herself. Anything from phone cases to songwriting notebooks and her AirPod case are all covered with cute stickers and every time I see her they change.
All I needed to do was buy two pairs of skates and wine for dinner. I was a bit worried though because if I can bearly skate sober, skating tipsy is a scary thought and I don't want to see myself or have Y/n see me fall on my ass because I'm drugged up by berries in liquid form.
I arrived at her house and was expecting it to be filled with the aromas of spices and chili peppers. I wasn't much of a fan of spicy foods and the only reason why I kept anything spicy in my pantry or fridge was because of Lisa who loved spicy food. My taste buds were rather sensitive, however, I didn't want to tell Y/n that plus there's nothing a glass of milk can't solve, right?
"Hi! Just in time I just cut the cucumbers."
She hugged me and I was a bit upset that I couldn't hug back because both of my hands were busy. "I got you skates with green since I know it's your favorite color." And she hugged me again, adding a cute jump to her excitement.
She pulled away momentarily, "dinner first or embarrassing falls?"
"Dinner."
And there I was hypnotized by the amount of love and time she put in for dinner. Apparently, when she was making her spicy dish she remembered that on our first first date, I mentioned not being a big fan of spicy food; so she took the time to make something else for me. Something I've never tried but was certainly intrigued by and I definitely trusted Y/n when it came to food.
"I know a guy who owns live sea animals, I don't know how he gets it delivered alive but he does—" she started to explain.
I interrupted as I found her words funny at how she, a short small framed woman, talks like a 6-foot tattooed gangster. "You know a guy?" I questioned.
"Yeah he came to my restaurant and offered a deal for my business but I needed constant and cheap supplies of seafood and had to reject it, I did buy there frequently though— since I now have everything delivered. A phone is an amazing tool." She set up the pots of both foods on the island and I helped with the plates and cups. "Anyways, I had squid delivered and made dish one: Spicy squid stir fry, and dish two, squid ink mafaldine pasta with uni butter."
I stared at the girl in awe and wanted to hug her and squeeze her tightly but the island was in the way. "Did the squid arrive at your doorstep alive? Did you name it? Did you know that this is called Ojingeo Bokkeum in Korean?"
She froze as she reached out to grab the tongs staring at me with amusement, adoration, confusion, and teasing annoyance. She dropped the tongs back down, "It did, my guy delivered it himself in a cooler and no I did not name it because that's... weird, to name your food. I did not know that's what they were called in Korean because well I don't know Korean."
"Why do you keep saying 'my guy'? What if I want fresh seafood too? Or is it an illegal sale or something and there's a chosen amount of customers? Next time buy a squid and keep him as a pet so you can name it, a pet squid would be cool."
She laughed showing off her cute dimples as she grabbed a tong full of noodles and placed them on my plate. "I think pet squids are illegal, plus I was only allowed to refer one friend and your mom was that friend."
"Very mature Y/n I didn't realize we were role-playing as high schoolers now." She then served herself, the contrast of the food and the white plate making it look more fiery and hot.
"You're welcomed to take some— and I am mature I literally meant your mom, Clare Park, the woman who birthed and raised you." I suddenly felt jealous, I wanted to know the guy too. "And I'm not roleplaying as a high schooler unless it's with Rosanno and he's the teacher." I gasped cynically as she ran all her fingers down her throat giving me a smirky face.
"You kinky little fox! Tell me more about that fantasy and about others you may have and I may tell Rosanno you miss him. Warning though, I think he shaved the mustache."
She scrunched her face in disgust, "Never mind then, I guess I'll settle for Roseanne then." She joked and I was just happy I was seeing more curved to her lips and the whites of her teeth. I don't think she's aware of how cute she is when she smiles.
——
Your POV
I sat on the steps that separated my living room and kitchen as I strapped myself with protective gear and the cute helmet I kept in my closet as a remembrance of our second date, funny how I'm using it again on our second second date.
I added more stickers to mine and I even had the honor of Roseanne Park, singer, model—a big-time global celebrity, of signing it. I loved her signature, it was unique and pretty much like the person who owns it.
I had just finished slipping my skates on with my ass glued to the floor because I was terrified to stand up and have the luck of falling into a pit of embarrassment and my hard floor of course.
Roseanne was rearranging my furniture to give us a lot of space for skating and man did I forget how big my living room was. I lost myself as I daydreamed about having my kids in the future run around this space and probably skate like I'm about to as well. I think I'd be a cool mom, Roseanne and I would make those coolest moms ever.
I smiled staring at the girl who was pushing the last few things off towards the wall and for a moment I daydreamed and saw her going extreme measures so that her future kids are happy. The smile she wore despite moving heavy things is the same smile she would wear as she played around with them or when she's watching them play a sport. But I was getting too ahead of myself, maybe she won't be the one running around with my humans that would be half her size behind her.
My smile dropped at the thought. I had to stop filling my head with these expectations and fill my head with the opposite so I'd be surprised when things do go right instead of when they go wrong. I was too caught up in trying to skew into another topic that I didn't realize the blonde was headed towards me.
"Hey don't be scared I'm here. I'll be here to keep you safe and protect you." Of course, it's an innocent statement involved with skating but my brain couldn't help filling myself up with happy endings and loving expectations. "Grab onto me and trust me ok? I won't let go." My breath hitched at the last sentence and I hoped she didn't catch that.
She's talking about skating Y/n.
She held her hand out to help me up from the sitting position I was locking myself in. Slowly, I made it up and soon the wheels began to roll and I almost lost my balance but Roseanne meant it when she was going to keep me safe.
We made a lap around of slow movement and I think I was getting the hang of it. I knew I was a fast learner but I expected to take some time with this.
Maybe I should try skateboarding next.
"You're doing good," Roseanne reassured me as she guided me throughout the room.
Eventually, the strong hold turned into a light single-hand grasp. A light grasp that led to her fingers lifting away from me until I was moving on my own, a little stiff but I was moving without help.
"Remember to move your feet as I told you." And I did, allowing me to successfully surf through my floor making wide turns and skating in different directions.
I finally lifted my gaze from my feet and the floor and looked up seeing my rearranged furniture and Roseanne who was skillfully moving without fear with excitement plastered on her face. I returned the smile she was giving me as I felt a rush of adrenaline rush course through my veins. Who knew that walking on wheels would be so fun and exciting?
Roseanne took her phone out and began recording me and I panicked because what if I embarrassed myself? I skated to her and before I made it to her I went off balance and fell into her arms, her thin arms encasing me but my weight pushed her back and her ankles hit the stairs causing us to fall back.
We busted into fits of laughter while I laid on top of her not even wondering if I hurt her because I was too engrossed in the moment and the fact that my face was buried into her neck and her sweet perfume triggering me to want to stay like this forever. A comforting scent that makes me feel warm and safe.
I laid my head on her chest as we both calmed down from laughing. My lips were so close to her neck that I couldn't help and kiss the exposed skin. A soft moan escaped from her lips and it was something heavenly to hear, If I knew these were the noises she made I would've gotten the cochlear implant long before I decided to.
I was about to sneak my hands inside her shirt but her hand caught my wrist. "We should take our skates off, they're kinda heavy." And at that moment I wasn't sure if she didn't want me to go further and to stop me or if she wanted to take everything off so we could continue. Either way, I listened and rolled off of her into a sitting position removing the skates first and then my safety gear.
I stood up and was about to remove my cute helmet before Roseanne took it off for me, throwing it onto the sofa pushed towards the wall, and taking my face into her hands pressing her lips against mine. Initiating a magical kiss filled with passion and starved lust.
She guided us to my sofa which I wish was still where it was because it took a while to reach it and have her over me. Now I was allowed to slide my hands under and feel her soft skin, but my nails wanted to mark it rather than caress it.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to taste you again." Her voice was low and hoarse, a new noise for me and I loved it. I was definitely more turned on now.
She kissed my neck leaving marks with gentle bites as she sucked on the skin of my neck. Just that alone could make anyone go crazy especially when they are made by her.
Her hunger didn't let her linger around my neck and soon her hands were begging to remove my shirt as she straddled my waist. My view was gorgeous, nothing snow-tipped mountains or the beach I want to live by can beat. Dark eyes, swollen lips, and the hickey I was able to leave her before she stopped our session in skating gear.
At her commanding glance, I removed my shirt and allowed the girl to take my bra off right away. I was leaning on my forearms before she weakened me with the ecstasy her tongue gave my hardened buds. Her hand found the other bud and teased it before giving me hard twists. This was the only type of pain that I enjoyed, pain that I wanted and craved like the bites she was giving my other nipple.
"You're so gorgeous and addicting. You're so dangerous for me." Her face was now in front of me with her forehead resting on mine, whispering so low and deep that it made me so damn needy, "Let me know that you want this. I don't want to hurt you again I want to do everything right so please let me know if you want this." On my end, the lust converted into pure love. Her sentence warmed my heart it almost physically burned.
She sat up again and removed her own shirt and now there was no way I couldn't say no— not that I was planning to say no in the first place, "yes I want it, only if you promise not to leave after again."
"Never baby, I'm never leaving you again. Mark me so you can let everyone know that I'm yours because I am. I only want you." Sweet words laced with so much love and passion from this intimate moment are something I'm sure Dr. Tesfaye won't be too ecstatic about. It's better to talk things out when you don't have lust fogging your brain because once it's over maybe one can regret it. And it was perfect for that reason, this is how I'll know if she really wants me, if she's really sorry, and if she is genuine about every word and action she has performed. "I want to mark you too because I don't want anyone else trying to court you. I'm for real about us Y/n."
"Then take me and show me." And without another word, she kissed me. Words that triggered the girl into bringing me into another world I was lucky enough to witness and experience.
I just hope it's not the hunger talking.