Kabanata 16
Avoid
I saw Arshed loosened up his necktie before he blew his breath harshly. Magkasalubong ang mga makakapal na kilay nito. He looks like a dangerous handsome predator who’s ready to devour his prey.
Kabababa ko lang galing sa kwarto ko rito sa QIA building para mag-agahan sa malapit na restaurant nang makita ko itong kausap si Captain Lazer at ang asawa nitong si Captain Maisha sa labas at pareho nang nakasuot ng uniporme. May hawak na tablet si Captain Lazer at may pinapakita kay Arshed na parehong mga seryoso ang hitsura. I don't know what they’re up to now.
Nagkibit ako ng balikat bago tuluyang naglakad palabas ng building. I was just wearing a black cropped top na pinaibabawan ng itim din na hoodie at pinaresan ng denim jeans. Hindi muna ako ba-biyahe ngayon dahil may dalawang araw pa namang natitira sa leave ko. Magpapahinga na lang muna ako at bukas na ako babalik sa trabaho. Uuwi ako ngayon sa condo para doon ako makapagpapahinga ng maayos.
Lumingon si Arshed sa gawi ko nang ituro ako ni Captain Lazer bago ito nagpaalam sa kausap. Captain Lazer tapped Arshed’s shoulder before he walked towards me.
He looks polished as usual—handsome in his own way. Mas lalo itong gumwapo dahil sa suot na uniporme namin. Gwapo si Captain Lazer at ang iba pang mga piloto at co-pilot dito sa QIA. Marami ring gwapo sa DIA na minsanan ko nang nakasama sa training, isa na roon si Captain Sullivan at Captain Montecalvo. Isali mo pa ang mga mechanical engineers at mga co-pilots doon, pero iba ang dating ni Arshed sa akin. He looks expensive, snob, ruthless hunky but smells like baby powder.
I shook my head in disbelief. Behave, Carae, maybe you forgot that you have a boyfriend, a scout ranger. I reminded myself and closed my eyes painfully. I can't believe I'm thinking about it, for goodness sake!
I cleared my throat nang tuluyang nakalapit sa akin si Arshed. His eyes were serious like the placid morning Caribbean waters, drowning me in reality, and I can't help myself but to let it drown me and not even willing to get up, even if it will take me deep down even more.
"Günaydın, Kaptan," ( Good morning, Captain) agad na salubong nito sa akin. His husky voice lingered in my ears and made my stomach churn and even gave me goosebumps.
"Günaydın," I greeted back as I cleared my throat again. "You're going now?" tanong ko dahil handa na itong umalis. Agad umiling si Arshed sa akin at nagkamot sa batok.
"Yok (No)..." sabay iling nito. "I'm going to have my breakfast. Mamaya pang alas otso ang biyahe. Wanna... come with me, Captain?" Hindi na ako nag-inarte pa. I nodded at Arshed and walked past him as he gestured for me to walk first. Agad din naman itong sumunod sa akin hanggang sa magkasabay na kaming naglakad.
Tahimik lang kami ni Arshed habang kumakain. He didn't bring up what we'd talked about last night, na ipinagpasalamat ko. Now, I wonder what he's thinking about it. Maybe he's thinking that what my mother did scared him out of anything.
Nagkibit ako ng balikat dahil sa naisip.
Well, it won't be a surprise to me, though. I have known a lot of my friends' families, but they aren't like mine. They have a warm home with loving families living together, unlike mine. My family lived like we're in the middle of the Antarctica, so cold and distance. Sa sobrang sanay ko nga sa pagiging malamig ng pamilya namin, it didn’t bother me at all. I treat it like it's normal for us because my family was busy in business, I just didn't know that there is a big reason behind that coldness treatment.
"Kailan ka babalik sa duty, Captain?"
Nag-angat ako ng tingin dahil sa tanong ni Arshed. I forgot to tell him that I'd be on duty tomorrow. I don't want to sulk in my bed and think about what happened in the Philippines anymore. Tama na iyong mga araw na pinagmukmok ko. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want to let my step-mother ruin it by sulking.
Nilunok ko muna ang kinakain ko bago sumagot.
"Pag-uwi niyo... I just need some time now to have a fully rest." Tumango-tango si Arshed sa akin at sumubo ulit ng pagkain. I did the same.
"You haven't meet Devon today?" tanong ulit ni Arshed na ikina-buntonghininga ko. I forgot to tell her!
"Well... I haven't seen her in the building. She isn't her, I guess?"
"Yok... she's here, but she arrived late last night. She came from a bar..."
“Again?” I asked and shook my head. Tumango lang si Arshed sa akin. It's not new to us though.
Nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain hanggang sa natapos. Agad na nagpaalam si Arshed nang makabalik kami sa building at papasok na ito sa airport dahil ilang minuto na lang din ay biyahe na nito. I saw Devon inside the airport too, talking with another crew, kaya hindi ako nito nakita.
Just like what I'd planned, I spent my whole day resting. I didn't even open my phone to avoid any contact from the Philippines. I didn't worry about Jardine either, since I'd already texted him what happened to me. At siguro naman ay matagal pa rin ito makakabalik galing sa mission.
Naglinis ako sa buong condo ko nang nakabalik ako. Minsan ko lang itong nagagawa kaya lulubus-lubusin ko na. Namili na rin ako ng kaonting stock na pagkain dahil sigurado akong dito ako sa condo tatambay sa mga darating na araw.
I'll be having my straight duty dahil sa sunod-sunod ko na leave, though related sa airline ang lakad ko noong sa Denmark, counted pa rin iyon as one of my vacations as an aviator of the year.
Pagkatapos ng mga gawain ay agad akong naligo at natulog para tuluyang makapagpahinga. Kaya nang magising ako ng madaling araw at lumabas ako ng balcony, I saw Arshed's car just arrive and go to the parking lot.
Bumalik ako sa loob ng kwarto at nagsuot ng hoodie bago umakyat sa top floor. Naupo ako sa kadalasang spot na tinatambayan namin ni Arshed, and grab a stick of cigarettes from the pack inside my pocket. I got my card-style lighter and lit up my cigar at binuga ang usok matapos akong humithit ng isang beses mula sa sigarilyo.
I looked up and closed my eyes as the smoke slowly faded in the air, and my nostrils filled with its minty fragrance.
This relaxes me—silence, a stick of cigarette, a starless night, city lights, and a cold wind—all of these things relaxes me.
I took a puff again from the cigarette I was holding. I was about to close my eyes back when I heard footsteps approaching where I was sitting.
I tilted my head and saw Arshed walking towards me, effortlessly hot in his long sleeve button-down shirt that's folded up to his elbows, loosened tie, black slacks, and disheveled hair. Hindi pa ito nakakapagpalit ng damit galing sa trabaho, talagang inalis lang nito ang coat na pinapaibabaw ng uniporme namin at halatang dumiretso na kaagad dito sa taas.
I sighed and blew a cloud of smoke out. Oh, God, why does he have to be this dangerously hot? He’s giving goosebumps—in a different way.
Arshed places his hand in the railing when he reaches beside me. I offered him a cigarette, and when he got one stick, he caught the lighter I threw to him.
I smirked as he got it and gave me a quick glance before he lit up his cigarette. I stared at him as he smoked and let it out from his nose.
"How are you? You look relaxed now," he commented as he placed my lighter back beside the pack of my cigarette in front of me.
Nagkibit ako ng balikat dahil sa sinabi ni Arshed at nagbuga ulit ng usok.
"The cigar did its job." Arshed let out a soft chuckle. "How's the flight? Are there any problems with the navigation?" I added, trying to divert the topic.
"Yok... everything's fine. Captain LeVier maneuvered it carefully. He’s afraid you might get angry when your baby gets scratched,” he joked, kaya nagkibit ako ng balikat. “Only you were missing the flight," he added, kaya natawa ako.
I puffed once more from the stick I was holding bago siya tinapunan ng tingin.
"Merak etme, beni bir daha bu kadar özlemeyeceksin," (Don't worry, you won't miss me this much again,) I joked that made Arshed shook his head and let out a soft chuckle again—a soft chuckle that sounds like a lullaby to me, relaxing and it made me crave for it even more. I want to hear it from him again and again... like a drug that gets me addicted.
"Hmm... Sanmıyorum." (Hmm... I don't think so.) I laugh with him, natigil lang ako nang tumitig sa akin si Arshed gamit ang mapupungay nitong mga mata.
I cleared my throat and looked away.
"I kinda like it when you're relaxed. It pleases me when I see you smile at wala iyong mabigat na dinaramdam mo." Arshed murmured as he stared in front of him in awe, like he was lost in the sight in front of him.
Hilaw akong ngumiti. Sometimes all we can do is smile, move on with our day, hold back the tears, and pretend that we're okay even if things get tough. Wala tayong ibang magagawa, e. Life is tough, so we need to be tougher. We need to become unbreakable. We need to stand still and act like it didn't break the shit of us—like it didn't hurt us so bad. Wala e, some people love seeing us broken and fragile.
Nanatili akong tahimik. Ganoon din si Arshed pero humihithit ito sa sigarilyo. I've done mine, but I didn't light up again. One is enough for me. I am not addicted to cigarettes; I just need them to relax.
"I saw you in a tabloid this morning." Ilang sandaling makalipas ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin.
Nilingon ko si Arshed dahil sa sinabi nito. Naalala ko nga kanina na may pinapakita si Captain Lazer sa kanya. But I didn't know it was all about me. I thought it was about our job.
“The news is all over the social media, huh,” walang ganang saad ko. I expected it already. My known family is famous in the Philippines, they are part in elite society, kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung agad man kumalat ang eskandalong nangyari sa party ng kompanya.
Bumuntonghininga ako at tumitig din sa harap.
"You are engaged with the son of one of your family's company directors?" dagdag ni Arshed. Nagpakawala ulit ako ng malalim na buntonghininga.
“Isa ‘yan sa parte ng pagiging anak ng pamilyang nabibilang sa alta sosyedad. Hindi mo aakalaing bigla ka nalang mapapasubo sa sitwasyong wala kang kaalam-alam,” walang gana kong sagot.
“You... like him?” he asked, nag-aalangan.
Gusto ko sanang tumungga ng beer ngayon, kaso nakalimutan kong magdala. Kung hindi lang din naman kasi ganito ang topic ay hindi ko maiisipang uminom.
"It's already dawn. You need to gather some sleep already. Kagagaling mo lang sa mahabang biyahe and we still have a flight later," agad na pag-iiba ko sa usapan. Bumaba ako sa baluster na inuupuan ko at nagpagpag ng kamay.
Arshed cleared his stance and moves closer. His breath hits my cheek. I can feel myself developing rubatosis. The mix of the eerie calmness of the surroundings and my heartbeat almost caught me off guard.
"You avoid talking about it, Captain, does that mean you don't like it?" He whispered. May namataan akong pag-asa sa boses nito, and it totally caught me off guard.
Nahawakan ni Arshed ang beywang ko. A small smile crept onto his lips as he surveyed my face. I stared his eyes and he did the same. His eyes speak more than his lips... his lips.
My eyes crawled from Arshed’s hawk-like eyes down to his red, kissable lips. Nagtagal ang mga titig ko sa labi ni Arshed, kaya nang gumalaw ang adam's apple nito nang lumunok, at umangat ang gilid ng labi nito at ginawaran ulit ako ng makalaglag-panty na ngiti ay dali-dali akong tumayo ng maayos at tumikhim.
Arshed let my waist go, but the small smile on his lips was still there.
"I... I'll go ahead. G-Günaydın," saad ko at agad na umalis sa kinatatayoan ko. Walang lingon kong tinungo ang elevator kahit na nagkukumahog sa pagkabog ang dibdib ko. This is the first time I feel so weak because of Arshed’s hold.
I closed my eyes tight and blew a loud breath when I finally got inside the elevator.
"I don't like that news either, Captain," I heard Arshed said before the elevator finally closed.