(art from @216kazu10 on Twitter)
As soon as she saw him her whole body froze in panic. Her first reaction was to run away into the archive room behind her desk and hide there until he was gone. However, right before her body could react he moved his eyes from the floor to her own eyes, and again she felt another wave of pain and embarrassment.
"Hey..." he started, as uncomfortable as she was. But she couldn't hold his gaze as she feared that she might break again like last night. Seeing him usually hurt her as it was, but after being rejected so directly and coldly, with complete silence... she just wanted to disappear and come back when Kakashi had forgotten about her words, or even better, her whole existence. But instead, he was there "Can we talk for a moment?" he added after her silence. She looked away, biting her lip.
"There's nothing to talk about, really," she rushed, really not wanting to prolong her suffering any longer "I understand. It was stupid of me and I promise I'm almost over it already" she lied, but he didn't know that.
"You are?" he asked, now being him the one to feel slight hollowness on his chest. Because as much as he had tried to go on with his life as if nothing happened, he wasn't able to stop repeating her words and image in his mind.
When he read his books, he couldn't help but feel as if he wanted what the characters had for himself. He read about couples that were madly in love, that would nap together, kiss tenderly, and drift to sleep in each other's arms... He wished he had someone like that too, a woman that also whispered sweet nothings into his ear, whom he could cuddle with. But then, if he thought about actually doing those things with a person, he cringed. He didn't like it as much, and he didn't see himself doing any of that. He didn't think he could hold someone's hand, or have someone kissing him. But if he thought about (Y/n) in that position... he didn't cringe that much. And after creating that image in his mind, he wasn't able to get rid of it anymore.
It was a battle between his until-now-hidden feelings —now not wanting to be hidden anymore —and the way he had always lived, what he was used to and comfortable with. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to tell her actually, but he had to do it because now that she had said she was over him he was certain he did not want her to. But if she was... he would take that too. He was too much of a coward to do otherwise, too used to loneliness to change it.
"I—" she stuttered after his question. Because as much as she would like to answer with a yes, she simply couldn't lie to him "I will be, don't worry" she tried to smile through the pain in hopes it wouldn't make her look so pitiful.
But Kakashi's heart sped up. He wasn't sure of what she meant, but if it meant she was still in love with him... the thought scared him almost as much, especially when he thought of his joke of a plan.
"Can we talk somewhere else?" he managed to say, feeling that perhaps if they had this conversation somewhere more private he would get the courage to actually talk. Or at least have clearer thoughts and a clearer idea of what he wanted. But she hesitated, she didn't quite want to. She had already been hurt, she didn't want to keep being hurt. But again, she couldn't say no to him, especially when he looked at her with those dark eyes of his.
So, in the end, she made a sign with her head to follow her to the archive room behind her. Once there, where her colleagues of the Analysis Team weren't able to pry on their conversation, she signaled him to sit down on the only chair there was while she remained standing, leaning far from him against one of the many selves. He sat down, but leaned forward, nervously playing with his gloved hands while he still tried to figure out what he wanted and what he should say. And as anyone should, (Y/n) didn't take her behavior as something good, and so, foreseeing something bad was coming, she crossed her arms to embrace herself.
"(Y/n)," she loved when he called her, when he said her name with his voice. But in this situation it made her feel the contrary. Her stomach closed and she knew she was to get hurt again "You're an amazing girl. Smart, cute, kind... But I—" he definitely did not know how to continue, and he was aware it was coming out awfully wrong. And indeed, she felt her heart getting crushed yet again.
She would have killed to have Kakashi call her all that, any of that. But knowing something bad followed his words... it just had the opposite effect. Why had he come? To reject her again? Wasn't it enough to do it with silence? Wasn't it embarrassing enough as it was?
"I can't give you what you want," he finally said, looking at her with a frown and biting his lower lip. (Y/n) did too. To her, this was beyond humiliating. She would have preferred not to hear it. She really had caught the message with the silence already "I have never... I... I wouldn't be able to... I won't be able to," he said, cryptically.
(Y/n) stared at him with glossy eyes, trying to understand what the hell he was trying to say. Until she slowly realized that perhaps he didn't mean what she initially thought. Even back at the party when she confessed... She should have known. Kakashi wasn't good with words. Of course he would freeze! Then, what was he trying to say now? He hadn't flat-out told her that he didn't like her...
She stopped crossing her arms and her frown relaxed a little. But her adrenaline was also rushing through her body.
"Can I?" she asked lowly while she approached him, bringing her hands close to his cheeks but without actually getting to touch him. Kakashi swallowed and pondered for a quick second.
"I... prefer if you don't," he reacted unconsciously as he shook his head in denial, thinking she meant unmasking him. Although to be fair, he couldn't help but hate himself at the moment, because the truth was that something had ignited in his heart when the thought of her seeing him maskless crossed his mind. And especially at the thought of him touching his maskless face.
She blushed, embarrassed once more. Now, she wasn't so sure of her theory. Perhaps he did mean what she first thought. But, determined to be sure before getting any ideas, she decided to act upon the two theories that were: Kakashi didn't like her but was too good to just say it, or Kakashi did actually like her but was completely clueless.
"I won't, then," she said with a small disappointed smile. However, she still placed her hands on his cheeks, over his mask.
She bit the inside of her lip, enjoying every second of this moment, of the closeness and how his face felt against her hands, even with his mask on, she could feel the warmth coming out of him. He didn't move away, but he became visibly nervous.
"Do you trust me?" she couldn't help but ask, thinking that if the answer to that was negative she would then definitely want the earth to swallow her. Hell, she would dig a hole for herself. But luckily, he nodded slightly, as if he was either shy about it or nervous and unsure. Perhaps he was all at the same time.
She smiled, this time genuinely, and then she hooked one of her fingers under the hem of his mask, pulling it down just an inch. Only showing a little bit more of his scar and cheek. Kakashi tensed even more, but he continued to trust her. Then, she leaned down closer to his cheek, where she finally laid a long peck that she promised to burn in her memory. And honestly, Kakashi didn't think he could forget this feeling any time soon either. Her warmth, her proximity, the air hitting his red cheek, the softness of her touch... it was making his heart speed up more and more.
With one hand placed on the side of his neck, and the other one supporting her from his shoulder, she got even lower and placed another kiss, this time on his masked neck. She breathed in his scent and almost died in his arms from how great he smelled. Just, how could someone's presence have such an impact on someone? How could his natural scent be so different from each and every man of Konoha? So alluring and addicting?
Meanwhile, Kakashi was having a similar reaction, and his whole body started burning up after her soft kiss. Even more when she gave in to her urge a little bit more and decided to indulge herself only a bit further. She laid her head on his shoulder and hugged him not too tight nor too loosely either.
"It's alright," she spoke, her voice so soft that it provoked goosebumps all over his body. She meant something different, but he needed to hear those words anyway. He needed to be hugged and reassured, even if he had never let it show, and he continued not to let it show "I understand if you don't feel the same. Being your friend and being able to hug you has been enough for me," she said, getting sadder and therefore tightening her embrace around his neck a little bit more. But Kakashi clenched his fists. He didn't mean that! It wasn't that he didn't feel anything for her! "But if you mean something else..." she added, making his heart freeze. Could she... Could she have understood him? The thought scared him and excited him at the same time "Just know that... I haven't dated anyone else before either..." she said, her whole face beaming red right after.
She simply couldn't believe she was admitting that in front of her long-time crush. Because what if she was reading all this wrong? She would never be able to face Kakashi again, she knew that for sure.
But Kakashi's eyes widened in surprise, feeling a little bit more reassured. His hand, which had been awkwardly held in the air, was about to finally lay on her back, perhaps returning her hug. But the sound of someone about to enter the archives made her bolt away quickly.
"(Y/n), Aoba needed your help with a mission," one of her coworkers said.
"Thanks, I'll go right now!" she immediately answered, leaving the place rather quickly. She didn't say anything else, and it messed with Kakashi even more.
He wanted to follow her, to ask her what she meant by that. To keep having a conversation he hadn't had enough of. But he himself knew the meeting could last a lot, not to mention that she'd probably had work to do after. So he ended up leaving and racking his mind with more and more thoughts than before.