Who was she?
******************
Reid sat in Garcia's office, gripping the tablet tightly, hands shaking with fear. It was the ninth of August, the day that the new livestream was supposed to start. But nobody knew if the livestream was even going to start. The last time Reid had seen Ciara, she told him she was giving up. None of them knew what had happened between then and now. For all they knew, the livestream wouldn't start because Ciara might no longer keep the Unsub accountable.
After everything that had happened in the last month, Reid wasn't sure he wanted to know what had become of Ciara. They thought they would get somewhere when they found Ciara's brother and sister, but everything they had learned led to another dead end. Hotch and Rossi had revealed that Ciara had made a deal with the Director, exchanging information and a favor for the chance to get into the FBI Academy and to have her information redacted. But what she had information on, the Director wouldn't tell them.
JJ had also revealed what Ty Byrne had to say, and none of them had known what to make of it. Ty had painted a rather unpleasant picture of Ciara, painting her as a violent problem child. Reid had wanted to ask Teresa about what her brother had said just to see if there was any truth in it. But so far, the two hadn't had a chance to meet. Every time Teresa had been free, the BAU had been on a case. And every time Reid had been free, Teresa had several children under her care. Reid had emailed the details of Ty's call to her, but Teresa had sent a very brief reply.
Ty is a liar. Never forget that.
Reid wasn't sure what to make of the statement. He had assumed Ty was a liar, or at least had a grave misunderstanding of who Ciara was, but why had Teresa's reply been so short? Why hadn't she felt the need to elaborate on what exactly he had been lying about, or what the truth really was? Reid was beginning to realize that Teresa had some secrets of her own, but what they were and how much relevance they carried, Reid couldn't be sure about.
"It's going to be okay," Akilah whispered to him. Reid nodded slowly, but he wasn't sure if he believed her. How could anything be okay? There were two possibilities of how the day was going to go. Either the livestream wouldn't start, and that would mean one of two things. Either the Unsub had killed Ciara after finally getting what he wanted, or he just didn't feel the need to put on the livestreams anymore. Either way, the livestream not starting would prove that they had lost Ciara forever.
On the other hand, if it did start, Reid would have to face what had become of Ciara. He would have to see what she had been doing in the last three months and face how far she had fallen. But, then again, if the livestream did start, they'd have a chance to bring her back. They'd have a chance to remind her what she had to fight for. The last time, it had just been Reid trying to remind her. But maybe if everyone was trying to remind her, it would go over better.
And everyone was there. The whole of the BAU was once again cramped in Garcia's office, trying to come up with a plan to help Ciara if the livestream came on. When Reid had finally told them of the devastating end to the last livestream, they had all banded together. Normally, it was only Reid, Akilah, and Garcia who attended to the livestreams. But this time, they'd all be watching, and they'd all try and get Ciara back.
Ping!
Reid looked down at the tablet, eyes wide. The livestream was starting. It was actually starting. Reid handed the tablet to Garcia, who propped it up in front of her computer so that everyone could watch. Garcia waited for a few seconds, giving everyone a chance to take a deep breath before she nervously hit the "accept" button. And there, standing in the middle of the room, was the Unsub. But Ciara was nowhere to be seen.
"Well, hello, BAU. I must admit, I've been looking forward to this livestream. I've been looking forward to showing you what I've accomplished," the Unsub said.
"Where's Ciara? What have you done to her?" Reid asked, and the Unsub laughed softly.
"What have I done to her? Nothing she hasn't wanted. In fact, she's been so eager these past months. Always looking for new ways to please me. Always looking forward to the pain."
"No, that's not Ciara. She would never try to please you," Akilah said through gritted teeth.
"Don't believe me? Well, why don't I show you? Princess? Come here," the Unsub ordered, and Reid sucked in a breath when Ciara slowly ambled into the frame. She didn't look horrible; in fact, just the opposite. She looked healthier than she had in her whole captivity. She hadn't put back on all the weight she had lost, but she had obviously gained a little. She'd clearly been eating. She had some color in her cheeks now, when before, her skin had carried a sickly pallor.
But what hurt more than any of that was the fact that on her face was a dreamy smile.
"Yes, master?" she asked, and Reid's breath caught in his throat. She was calling him "master"? And when she'd said it, there wasn't a hint of fear or nervousness. How far gone was she? Was it even possible to bring her back from this? How could she turn her back on them, on everything she had been fighting for, and let herself fall so far?
"Master?!" Morgan asked incredulously. The Unsub turned away from Ciara, giving the camera an irritating smile.
"Oh, yes. Isn't it lovely? I've got her in the palm of my hand now. I can do anything I want to her. I can ask her to do anything, and she'll do it without question. Finally, all my hard work has paid off," the Unsub told them victoriously.
"No, it's not true. Ciara, you've got to snap out of it!" Akilah cried, and Ciara's brows furrowed. Then her face fell into one of apprehension, and the Unsub turned to face her.
"What is it, princess?"
"The voices, they're back. I know what you said about them, and I'm trying not to listen, because you said not to, and I'm a good girl!" she cried, and the Unsub shook his head in amusement. But Reid wasn't sure what to focus on. The fact that Ciara was once again thinking they were just voices in her head? The fact that she was pleading with the Unsub, claiming to not want to listen simply because he told her not to? Or that fact that her lovely Irish lilt was completely gone?
"Her accent... it's gone..." Akilah whispered.
"Oh, that? Yes, that did take a bit of work. It's quite difficult to train someone to speak in a completely different manner than they're used to. But I simply told her that her way of speaking was wrong. That speaking like an Irish peasant made her a bad girl, and that she was supposed to be speaking like me. It took some time, but eventually, she got the hang of it," the Unsub explained.
"And how many times did you torture her before she 'got the hang of it'?" Akilah asked, sadness and anger in her voice.
"Torture her? Oh, I didn't need to do any such thing. You make me out as a monster. I'm no such thing. I understand it's not easy for someone to ditch the way they've talked their whole life and learn a new way. Occasionally I'd have to remind her not to speak like an Irishwoman. I may have been a little forceful, but sometimes that's just what you've got to do. As long as I could tell she was trying, that was enough for me," the Unsub answered.
"Stripping her of her identity, her heritage sounds like something a monster would do if you ask me," JJ piped up.
"Ah, now that's a voice I haven't heard in a while. Forgive me if I don't remember your name. It has been a long time, hasn't it?" the Unsub responded, and JJ's eyes narrowed at the screen. Reid looked back at Ciara, who was looking around the room, eyes unfocused and distant. It was as if she wasn't sure what she was supposed to be doing. "But, princess, you needn't worry. These aren't the voices in your head. They're real."
"They are?" she asked, eyes focusing on the camera. She tilted her head, and her fingers began to drum at her thighs. "Who are they?"
Oh no. No, no, no, Reid thought. Was this what he thought? Did Ciara... had she forgotten them? Did she no longer remember who they were? Ciara had said that her memories were slipping, but what would it mean if she had lost them completely? Could they bring her back if she didn't even know who they were? But how could she not remember? How could she not remember all of the memories they shared? How could she not remember him?
"Ciara, it's us. We're your friends. Please, please remember us," Reid pleaded, but Ciara didn't respond. She returned to glancing around the room, seemingly looking for her next task. The Unsub looked at the camera, a gleeful smile on his face.
"Oh, she won't remember you. It was fascinating, truly. One second she was screaming as I cut her, and then... nothing. She went completely catatonic. And when she finally came out of it, she couldn't remember anything, not even her own name. She woke up a black-and-white outline for me to color in however I wanted. Do you understand now? I've won," the Unsub said, and Reid felt his chest tighten. No, she had to remember them. Her memories had to be locked inside of her somewhere. But how could he unlock them? What could he do to remind her of who they were, who she was?
"Ciara, come on. Snap out of it. I know you remember us," Morgan said, but Ciara wouldn't focus on the camera. She wouldn't even respond with a look in their direction. "Ciara, look at us!"
"Ah, yes, I probably should have mentioned that. She doesn't answer to Ciara anymore. I did remind her of her name, of course, but I told her that she didn't answer to it. She answers only to 'princess', and why? Because I told her to," the Unsub told them. "If you don't believe me, you are free to see for yourself."
"Ciara?" JJ asked softly, but Ciara didn't respond. She had focused on something in the corner of the room, and she didn't even look away from what had intrigued her.
"Ciara!" Akilah said, a little more forcefully. But still no response.
"Ciara! Answer us!" Morgan exclaimed, but Ciara didn't even flinch.
"Ciara? Please, say something," Reid pleaded, but still, there was no response. But maybe that was just because she didn't recognize their voices. Maybe it wasn't a question of what they were calling her. Maybe she just wasn't responding because she didn't remember them.
"Ciara," the Unsub said, but even then, she didn't respond. "Princess." Ciara turned away from the corner and looked at the Unsub, a smile forming on her face.
"Yes, master?" she asked, and the Unsub smiled, humming in excitement.
"Come here," he ordered, and she walked over to him, stopping at his side like an obedient dog. Reid's stomach started to churn, and for a second, he thought he might be sick. The Unsub had done it. He'd broken her. He'd made her submit to him; he'd made Ciara his slave. And if she didn't remember who they were, there was no way to bring her back. They'd lost. The Unsub had won, and Reid had lost Ciara forever. The very thought made tears well up in his eyes.
"Ciara, please. Come back to me," he begged, but Ciara didn't acknowledge him.
"I never told you who they were. You've been very patient and haven't asked again. Good girl," he said, running his thumb along her jaw. Ciara leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering shut. "Do you know them? Do their voices spark even a hint of recognition?"
"No, master," she answered, and Reid felt his chest become even tighter.
"As it shouldn't. But I don't think they believe me that you don't know them. So let's see what happens when you see their faces, hmm?" the Unsub suggested, before turning to the camera. "Let her see."
"You're sure about that?" the Partner questioned. Reid hadn't even known he was there. He hadn't spoken before that moment.
"Very sure," the Unsub responded, and the Partner sighed. Then, the camera switched. Instead of showing the room, for a few seconds, it showed the Partner, looking above the camera, hiding his face with his hand. But the Partner turned the camera, and they were once again shown the Unsub and Ciara. "Go on, princess. Take a look." Ciara slowly walked towards the camera, and Reid held his breath. From what he understood, she hadn't seen their faces that whole time. Maybe now that she could see them, maybe she'd remember.
"I don't know them," Ciara said, and Reid felt his heart drop in his chest. No, this couldn't be true. She had to remember. She had to. He couldn't lose her. He'd lost too many people in his life. For that year she'd been in his life, he'd known that there had been a reason. That, in whatever terms, she was supposed to be in his life. Their friendship, no matter what direction it ended up going in, was supposed to last their lifetime.
What would he do if he lost her? How would he survive? Over the last year, he'd watched the color bleed from his life. If he lost her, would his whole world turn to nothing but mottled shades of gray? Would he ever get the color back in his life? And the question he'd been asking himself for the past year- who would he talk to when he wanted to talk to her? Over the last year, he'd tried to fill that void with Akilah. But it hadn't been enough. It would never be enough.
"Ciara, please. Please remember us. Please come back," Reid pleaded, but Ciara just looked at the camera, not a single spark of recognition in her eyes. Those bright, beautiful amber eyes that now just looked cold and dead. It was as if Ciara's spirit had left and her body was simply running on autopilot. He felt tears on his cheek as anger bubbled up inside of him. But who the anger was at, he wasn't sure. "You promised! You promised that you would always come back to me, Ciara!"
"I don't know you," she responded, before turning back towards the Unsub. "Am I supposed to know them?"
"No, you aren't. Come back here," the Unsub said, and Ciara obediently walked back to his side. "But I know them. Do you want to know who they are?"
"Yes, master," she answered.
"They're the ones that are trying to take you away from me," the Unsub told her, and Ciara's eyes widened, her mouth opening in words unsaid. She looked toward them, her face contorted in worry.
"But why?" she asked. That face of worry turned into one of indignation. "Why would you do that?"
"Because he stole you from us!" Akilah exclaimed, and Ciara took a step back, confusion filling her face. Everything was silent for a minute as Ciara digested the statement and the Unsub looked at her, waiting to see what she'd do.
"Master?" she started, and he looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "Is... is that true?"
"In a way," he responded, and she looked down at the ground. "They took you from me first. I simply took you back. And they can't handle that. They can't handle that they couldn't keep what wasn't theirs. So now they're trying to steal you back."
"That's a lie! You were never his to begin with! He's the one that stole what isn't his, not us!" Akilah cried out, and Ciara shook her head.
"No. My master doesn't lie. You're the liar. I'm his," she said, grabbing his hand. She looked down at their hands and slowly started to draw her hand back, seemingly afraid that she'd overstepped her boundaries. But he didn't mind. Instead, he gripped her hand, intertwining their fingers. But it wasn't a soft hand-hold, like what Reid had shared with her. No, there was something possessive in the way he held her hand. Like he was proving to her and to them that he owned her.
"You're not his. You've never been his. You are your own person, Ciara," Reid said, that queasy feeling in his stomach rising. He didn't like hearing Ciara describe herself as that man's possession. He liked watching her act like it even less. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out a way to get through to her. If she didn't remember him, if he was nothing but a stranger to her, why would she ever listen to him? Even if they were telling the truth, how was he supposed to make her see that? How was he supposed to make her remember?
"You don't think she's mine? After everything, you still don't understand that she belongs to me? That she would do anything I tell her to? Maybe I ought to show you," the Unsub said, before turning to Ciara. "Princess?"
"Yes, master?"
"Kiss me." Reid's breath caught in his throat. No. No. He couldn't see that. It had been awful watching the Unsub kiss Ciara against her will, but somehow, the thought of Ciara doing it willingly was even worse. Even thinking about it made the churning in his stomach worse and for a second, he thought he might actually vomit. Ciara smiled up at him, stood on her toes, and gently kissed him. Reid felt the nausea rising as she pulled back, waiting for his approval. "Good girl. Now. Kiss me like you mean it."
Ciara's eyes widened before she smiled and practically threw herself at him. Ciara wrapped her arms around his neck and he grabbed her hips. And then she kissed him. Hard. The Unsub grabbed Ciara's ass and lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. She placed her hands on his face, and Reid could have sworn he saw some tongue action in there.
Reid couldn't hold it in anymore. He grabbed one of Garcia's trashcans and pushed his way through the room, ignoring those who were saying his name. He went into the hallway, gripping the trash can close to his chest. He only got two steps away from Garcia's office before he couldn't keep it down any longer. He fell to his knees, doubled over, and began to vomit, just barely making it into the trashcan.
Once he was done, he slumped against the wall, trying and failing to catch his breath. Why couldn't he breathe? He still held the trashcan close, ignoring the smell coming from it, just in case he wasn't done vomiting. Just in case his stomach decided to rebel yet again.
He'd seen some horrible things in the last year, but somehow, that had been the most horrible thing yet. Somehow, watching Ciara willingly throw herself at and make out with the Unsub had been worse than anything he had seen so far. Maybe it was because he had broken her to gain her submission. Maybe it was because that submission had only been bought with a year of brutal torture. Or maybe it was because it wasn't really her- she had become nothing more than a shell of her former self.
"Reid?" Akilah asked softly, and Reid looked up to see her standing a few paces away, looking down at him with concern. She stepped closer and sat down beside him. She wrinkled her nose and looked at the trashcan, her face twisting with disgust. She reached out for it, and Reid gave it to her. She didn't look inside but instead sat it on the floor, expertly sliding it across the floor until it was far enough away that they couldn't smell the contents anymore. "We'll take care of that later. For now, are you okay?"
"No," he said, fresh tears running down his cheeks as he slid his knees to his chest, placing his head on them. Akilah put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly.
"That was horrible to watch," she said, and Reid nodded in agreement.
"He did it," he whispered, the devastation catching in his throat, filling his chest, icing his veins. "He won. He broke her. She doesn't even remember us anymore. I... I couldn't save her. I lost her, just like I lost Tayler." Akilah whipped her head around to look at him, eyes wide. It had been a long time since he had brought up Tayler. He had thought he had moved on. In fact, outside of Dr. Whitman, Ciara had been the one to help him move on. But now that he'd lost Ciara, all those old feelings were returning.
Why? Why did he lose every person that got close to him? Was it something about him? Was there some dark force attached to him that doomed anyone who got close to him? Did the universe just hate him? Why did it seem he was always the main character of some Shakespearean tragedy? Why couldn't life just fucking be good to him for once in his damn life?
"It's not like Tayler. Tayler, she's... well, she's dead, and Ciara's not," Akilah tried to comfort him.
"She might as well be," Reid cried, and Akilah looked down at the ground, blinking away the tears in her eyes.
"There's got to be a way," she whispered, but Reid shook his head. "There's got to be a way to remind her who she is, who we are."
"What else can we try?"
"We could try telling her something that only she'd know. What about Teresa? What if we bring up Teresa and Ria?" Akilah suggested.
"If she doesn't remember us, what makes you think she'll remember them?"
"That's her sister. Maybe her name would spark something?" Reid shook his head.
"No, I don't think so. It's over, Akilah. It's over. He won. We lost," he responded, and Akilah shook her head.
"I refuse to believe that! There's got to be something we can say or do! There's got to be something, some action, some phrase that can bring her back to reality!"
So if I'm out of touch with reality and ye need to bring me back, just say that phrase, and I'll come back.
Reid's head shot up as he gasped. Of course! How could he forget? She had told him, a year ago, the night before that fateful day how to help her. She'd given him the answer. He just needed someone to remind him. If nothing else worked, that would always work. She'd told him herself. Now, she probably didn't plan on having to come back from something as awful as this, but that was the only plan he had. It had to work. It had to.
"Reid, what is it?" Akilah asked as he jumped to his feet.
"I know what to do!" he exclaimed as he ran back towards Garcia's office, not even giving her a chance to catch up with him. Besides, he wanted to be alone for this. He and Ciara had to keep some things for themselves. He entered the room, and everyone parted for him as he ran up towards the tablet. Ciara and the Unsub were no longer kissing, but she still stood next to him, holding his arm.
"Well, it's been fun, showing all of you my victory, but I think I'd like to get back to being alone with my princess. This is the last time I'll be communicating with you. There won't be any more livestreams after today," the Unsub said.
"You can't do that! You made a deal! And since Ciara's not dead, the deal is still on!" Morgan argued, and the Unsub shrugged.
"As far as I'm concerned, the Ciara that made that deal is dead," the Unsub laughed.
"Guys, I need everyone out. I need to be alone with her for a second," Reid said, hoping that everyone would just listen to him and ask for an explanation later. But no one moved. Couldn't they tell by the tone of his voice how urgent this was? Couldn't they tell how much he needed for this to be private?
"Reid, what are you talking about?" Hotch asked, and Reid groaned.
"I'll explain later! For now, I just need to be alone with her! I think I know how to fix this, but I have to be alone to do it!" Reid exclaimed, but still, nobody moved.
"I will miss our conversations, but I think that spending time with my princess will completely make up for it."
"Guys, please! Just leave!"
"Reid, we don't have time for this!" Hotch argued.
"Goodbye, BAU." Screw it. Reid wanted- needed- to be alone for this, but they weren't letting him. And he needed to bring Ciara back more than he needed to be alone. He could be angry later.
"Wait!" he exclaimed, and the Unsub looked at the camera, head tilted. "Ciara, are you close to heaven?"
"Nice try, but I don't think that-"
"What did ye say?" Ciara asked, stepping away from the Unsub. Her accent. It was back. Reid's heart hammered in his throat as her face turned to confusion as if she was trying to remember something that was barely slipping into her mind.
"Are you close to heaven?" he asked, and the Unsub turned to face her. Ciara looked at the camera, blinking, before she gasped, her eyes filling with recognition.
"Reid?"
*************
Ciara... Ciara, please. Come back to me.
Ciara stirred under the blanket, just barely waking up. She had been woken up by voices before, but she could always feel that they were dangerous. She had buried her head into her pillow, and eventually, the voices would disappear and she would go back to sleep. But there was something different about this voice. It seemed kind. But who did it belong to? Recognition itched at the back of her mind, but until she heard it again, she wasn't sure she could place it.
Ciara, are you close to heaven?
Reid? Instantly, she shot up, completely awake. How long had she been asleep? What all had she missed while she was sleeping? She had no clue how long she had been there but knew she needed to get out. Now that she was fully rested, she felt the fire in her burning brighter than it had in a long time. She needed to leave. She needed to get back to him.
The rain hadn't let up while she was asleep, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Getting to Reid was more important. She ran out of the warehouse and looked around the street. Where was he? Where had his voice come from? How could she get back to him if she didn't even know where he was?
"Reid, where are ye?" she cried.
Are you close to heaven?
The voice seemed to have come from the end of the street, away from the direction she'd come. She looked towards the end of the street and barely saw a figure in the distance, a figure that was there one second and gone the next. But she'd know Reid's tall, lanky figure anywhere. She started to run toward him, hoping he would wait for her. She ran faster, willing him to wait for her, to let her catch up to him.
That was, until the ground shattered beneath her and she once again started to fall into the darkness. But unlike the last time she had fallen when there was nothing but endless darkness at the bottom, she fell into a bright light that fully enveloped her until nothing else remained.
Heyo! That started off a little worrying, didn't it? It seemed for a moment that the Unsub had truly won. But it all turned around, didn't it? I hoped y'all remembered the phrase "close to heaven" from the last book because it's finally come full circle. It seems that Ciara's been brought back, but what will be waiting for her when she comes back to her senses? What is the Unsub going to do now? Well, we'll find out next chapter, so until then... BYE!
"Then the angel who was speaking with me returned and roused me, as a man who is awakened from his sleep." -Zechariah 4:1