Conversation in the car was sparse but neither one of us seemed to mind. I picked a few songs that played softly in the background and the sound of the windshield wipers filled the silence between us. He was focused intently on the road, driving slowly and cautiously as the rain came down. My attention wandered to him; half focused on absorbing this moment and half focused on my thoughts about what this was.
I had the unnerving tendency to overanalyze, especially when it came to relationships.
Without trying to convince myself otherwise, I acknowledged that I felt safe, and comfortable even around Pedro. I could see the budding of something. That was rare for me given the fact that my recent escapades revolved solely around knowing I was desirable, getting what I wanted, and planning an escape. I knew that the handful of men I had seen before Pedro didn't want anything serious so I wasn't callous, a bit selfish maybe, but it was a dating app. I didn't know what I was doing. I had the same intention going into our first date but something about him changed my mind.
Then, I desperately wanted reassurance that I was the only one he was actively pursuing (a bold move precipitated by a quick consumption of alcohol). I had no idea if he had matched with other people or the level of intimacy he had with them. Throughout the past week or so I had begun to let go of the need to know. I tried to replace it with contentment in the present moment. I wanted to enjoy my time with him without making it so big or complicated in my head. It didn't have to be serious. At least that's what I told myself in his car. I had no clue where my mind would go once our date was over and my imagination could run rampant again.
"Is this what you meant?" Pedro's voice interrupted my thoughts.
We were stopped at a red light and he glanced at me with a sort of furtive smile.
"What?" I asked, readjusting in my seat.
"You're watching me drive." He resolved my confusion, "Weakness for hot men behind the wheel and all that."
"Oh, sorry." I said bashfully.
The car in front of us accelerated as the light turned green. He followed suit and I was glad he couldn't see the tint of rouge in my cheeks.
"I was just lost in thought." I replied, trying to keep my gaze on the road.
"Were you thinking about how hot I look?" He asked cheekily.
The blush deepened. "You wish."
"I wish?" Disbelief in his voice and then, "yeah ok, maybe."
I laughed, "Don't act like you don't know."
"I do know but it doesn't hurt to hear it. Especially from someone like you."
"Mm, sounds a little conceited."
"Not conceited, confident." He was quick to respond and managed to do a good job of balancing his attention between the hazardous conditions of the road and our conversation.
"You said someone like me?"
A comment like that was guaranteed to make me bite because the answer (usually) fed my ego. He brought out the part of me that relished in knowing what others thought of me. At the same time, I refused to let it take the driver's seat. Instead, I was firm in my resolve to maintain control by not giving everything away just because of what was said. My ego wasn't insatiable, it only needed a bite or two.
"Yeah, someone I'm sweet on."
My heart fluttered.
"Ok grandpa," I replied sarcastically, "I'm vaguely familiar with that expression. Please remind me."
"It's grandaddy." He corrected me with a know-it-all smile, "and it means I like you."
He had said that once before. I felt a wave of doubt wash over me. The thought that powered it was that his words were merely a means to an end. A way for me to let my guard down so he wouldn't have to work as hard. Truthfully, I wanted to give him more credit but that felt like walking a tightrope of naivety and I've always been a little clumsy.
Even though I felt potential between us, it was still a little too soon to put all my trust in his word.
"Fine. I like those glasses" I settled. Wanting to engage without giving too much.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" He egged me on.
"OK. I like you in those glasses."
That seemed to appease him. He smiled, "Guess I'll just have to wear these forever now."
"I also like you without them. But they add a little flavor." I spoke without thought.
"What kind of flavor?"
"I don't know," I laughed again, "Maybe the kind of flavor you get from a well-aged wine or cheese."
"Oh stop it." He reached over and squeezed my knee, causing me to emit a half yelp, half laugh.
"¡A la verga! Focus on the road. I don't want to die."
"Couldn't help myself."
"Seems to be a common theme today."
A bit stunned his mouth was open as if he was going to respond, or laugh perhaps, but then he bit his lip and shook his head. An intrusive thought appeared and I imagined what it would be like to give him road head. I almost wanted to ask if he'd ever done it but I quickly talked myself out of it. There was just something incredibly sexy about the way he looked at that moment and I couldn't help but think of him in that way.
"You have a flavor too, you know." He said, pulling me away from my imagination.
"And what's that?"
"You're spicy." He hissed the word seductively, "Good thing I'm into spicy food."
I felt my whole body heat up. I was so tempted to ask him but instead, I asked, "Speaking of food, what do you want to order when we get to your place?"
Another red light. He looked over at me and seemed to notice the blush on my face. "Wow. I have the feeling that you were thinking about something completely different. I was too. But sure, we can talk about food."
---
When we finally pulled up to his apartment complex he hit a button to open the parking garage underneath. I needed a cigarette and this seemed like the best place to do it. I wasn't as soaked as I was before thanks to the heater in his car, but I did like the idea of changing into warmer clothes as soon as possible. Well, as soon as I finished smoking.
I needed to cool myself off. The rest of our conversation was mild but I kept catching myself fantasizing about what it would be like to touch him. Distract him. Make him crave more. It would have been incredibly dangerous in the rain, and it was way too soon with him. But that was something I liked doing. My weakness explained.
"Is it ok if I smoke in here?" I asked once we both stepped out of the car. "I don't have to smoke the whole thing I just want a couple of drags."
"Uh," He seemed hesitant, responding while he scanned the garage but there was no one else in sight. "Sure. If I can have a drag too."
"I don't want to be a bad influence." I pulled out the pack along with the lighter.
He stepped closer with a flirty grin, taking the lighter out of my hand. "Too late for that."
My body lit up, thinking about our kiss.
It was cold out but I needed this, especially if we were going to be alone in his apartment.
✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺✺
Not as long as I'd like but the best I could do!
OMG I just want to say thank you so so much for anyone who has engaged with my content (reading, voting, commenting, following me, adding this to a reading list) to let me know you are (hopefully) enjoying my silly little story. And if you're just reading and decide it's not for you, that's ok too! I'm grateful you stopped by to check it out. :)
I'm licherally posting as I write so I might change a few things here and there if I figure out a better way to convey a thought or conversation, but I feel pretty comfy with this chapter. Hope you all like it!! <3
aLSO: ISN'T HE SO CUTE IN HIS GLASSES I LOVE THAT HES A CHUNKY FRAME KIND OF GUY. UGH. MY HEART.