"Can we talk?" Greg's voice was calm but his furrowed brow told Naomi he wasn't over his earlier tension, but neither was she.
"Sure." She bit back her petty reply about privacy.
Greg stood with a wide stance and his jaw firmly set. "What's going on with the electrician? Last weekend, he was a nameless stranger. Today you're on a first-name basis, and he's quite informed about the party."
Naomi crossed her arms. Was trying to accuse her of something? "We ran into each other at the grocery store on Tuesday."
Greg tensed. "How many other times have you two 'run into each other'?"
"I'm not lying to you. It was just the bar and grocery store. Shivanna was there."
"Is this why we're taking it slow, so you can compare me to this guy?"
Her eyes burned with tears that she begged her body not to form. "Screw you, Greg. I have done nothing wrong. I can't believe you'd accuse me of that!"
"Then why can't we have a normal relationship?"
Naomi's cheeks grew hot, and her breaths more ragged as she sought the couch's firm embrace. 'Normal' cut into her self-worth like a knife. Chasing it had torn her self-esteem into shreds. It had coerced her into situations where her body begged her to stop, but her mind pushed her through. It left her questioning her value as a human being.
She tried to steady her breaths. "I can't have this conversation with you when it seems like you're out to attack me."
Greg sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm trying to understand you. Forgive me for thinking that whatever this is between us means something."
"No, you've been a condescending prick. First, you dismissed a conversation your friend pretends doesn't bother him for your benefit. Now you're freaking out about Kieran. I could have blown up about Tara wandering up to your room, looking for you and throwing accusations at me, but I trust you. This could be something if you did the same with me."
She'd dealt with her exes thinking her feelings weren't as sincere as she claimed with her sexuality, but no one had implied she was a cheater. That was the last thing she'd expected from Greg.
"If you're going to dismiss the issues I care about and accuse me of cheating on you because of the speed our intimacy moves, this relationship is doomed."
He met her gaze and bowed his head. His heavy breathing grew softer as the minutes passed. She stayed because he hadn't asked her to leave, and she was too upset to mingle with a crowd.
"I'm sorry." Greg sat beside her and placed his palm on her knee. It didn't seem as soothing as she remembered. He took her hand in his and squeezed it before pressing his lips to it. "I spoke with Rory and Travis about that conversation more directly. Marc was there too to hear it."
"Thank you. Marc's been our friend for years. He deserved that at the minimum."
Greg released her hand and rubbed his palms against his pants. "I'm sorry about how I reacted with the electrician too. You were so pissed at me and thrilled to see him. It upset me because you two seemed close at the bar." His eyes were downcast.
Despite his vulnerable tone, she wasn't letting him off the hook that easily. "Not quite to your degree of bar close."
"That was different. It was just a temporary physical connection. I didn't plan on seeing her again."
Was that supposed to make it hurt less?
"You and the electrician were connecting and laughing and enjoying each other's company. I don't know what conversation I walked up on at the bar, but I can hardly kiss you without making you uncomfortable. You two discussed a lot more, and you seemed fine then and now." Greg's shoulders slumped.
"That was just a conversation. With you, it's real, and it wasn't about those things happening between him and I, it was..."
An icy chill crept over her arms. Greg was already upset with her. Despite his eyes searching hers for understanding, telling him the truth now would set their relationship up for failure.
"It was about him and his friend that he's really into. She bailed on him that night like you did with me. We talked about how devastated we were when you both left us for someone else. You were the reason I went to that club and wore that silly dress."
Greg gave her a gentle smile. "It was a beautiful dress."
"He knew about tonight because he asked if you and I ever got together, and I told him we had. I want to explain why I need to take our intimacy slow, but I can't do it when you're mad at me or when I'm this upset. It's all about me, and not about you or us. I promise. You are everything I want, Greg."
He reached out to hold her hand. "I win the asshole of the night award. Yet, here you are tolerating me. I swear I'm going to work on being less jealous and more trusting. You deserve that and so much more."
They were both living in similar fear. She thought it was obvious that she was head over heels for him, but throughout their friendship, she had dismissed their connection, searching for the right moment or from fear, like him. Plus, the break-up with Tara had left him shaken.
"I panicked when I talked to Tara too, but Marc reassured me."
Greg nodded, and his nose twitched. "And that's why you stood up for him tonight."
"He deserves a space where he and Nimkii are respected."
"You have a good heart, Nomi." Greg stared at his feet before glancing back at her with defeated eyes. "Are you sure you want to date someone who's such a mess?"
As much as he'd pissed her off tonight, the vulnerable man she'd grown up with, who'd stood by her side through countless screw-ups and messy break-ups, was dealing with insecurities that he'd been honest about and acknowledged. One bumpy night would not be the end of them.
"Of course, let's avoid repeating tonight. You don't need to accuse me of infidelity because I don't cheat my way out of relationships. We deal with our issues together."
He massaged his temple with his free hand. "So slowness isn't a sign that something's wrong?"
Naomi shook her head. "My heart wants to shout my feelings for you from a rooftop and fall asleep in your arms every night for..." She bit the inside of her cheek. Was it too soon to be so intense? Greg's soft, waiting gaze didn't seem to imply so. "Years."
The smile that broke across his face was everything to her.
"But it's like my body isn't in sync with my heart. It's frustrating because my heart wants everything yesterday, but..."
She was so close, but the words clung to her tongue. She also didn't love this way of describing it, as it made her version of love feel flawed when it was as sincere as anyone else's. But that explanation had worked best to allow her allosexual ex to understand her.
Greg took her other hand and pressed his lips together. "When we were twenty, you said you were too drunk to remember, but before Shivanna and I found you with that guy, do you think anything... happened to you?"
Naomi shook her head. "My body is still aware the day after an entirely consensual experience, so I would have sensed if something had happened against my will. My arm was a little bruised, but nothing otherwise. I don't even have memories to haunt me. It was all blank after the second drink."
A sense of unease still permeated her thoughts and veins. Both at the idea that a body could continue functioning to a degree without any connection to memory or self under the right combination of alcohol and drugs and that people went to such terrible lengths to take advantage of others. It was surreal that the difference between her current life and dealing with trauma on top of asexuality was two observant friends at the right place at the right time.
When she tensed up during intimacy, there were zero links or flashbacks to that night. She wasn't asexual because a man had drugged and nearly assaulted her. Both allosexual and asexual people could be victims or near victims in her case. But she'd sensed she was asexual long before that.
Growing up, she never experienced aesthetic attraction even in a non-sexual way. It was easier to do algebra, which she loathed, than figure out how her friends picked which people were attractive and which weren't. It baffled her friends when she didn't have crushes, real or celebrity ones. People joked her tomboy, sports-focused nature kept her from noticing people. Then Greg showed up in junior high: smart, slightly awkward, and he came to her games to support her like he took her seriously. Between that and movie marathons with him and Marc, Greg fit into her life like he'd always been there.
For the first time, she was drawn to someone and very aware of each word and action she produced. Like each one was for him, even if she was speaking to someone else. It excited her to know what a crush was and be 'normal', but it scared her, especially as they got older and relationships became a lot more than holding hands and cuddling, so she kept her feelings to herself.
Present Greg stroked her hand, despite her zoning out on him. "Sometimes talking to someone after incidents like that..."
"My body acted this way before that too. You remember your first few years of university." She'd come up with excuses whenever she'd gone on dates as to why they weren't right for her.
He nodded, and his lips twitched like he wanted to say more, but he didn't.
She swallowed her fear before she second-guessed herself. "Are you sure you're okay with us taking this slow? You've said you are, but it doesn't seem what you want."
His implication that it was abnormal still made her gut twist.
He ran a gentle hand along her cheek. "After taking over a decade to admit our feelings, slow fits us like a glove. A reliable, well-worn glove you'll keep long after the stitching rips, and it falls apart. I was worried that slow was synonymous with uncertainty about your feelings, but you've cleared that up."
"Slow matches what my body is comfortable with." Naomi sniffled and wrapped her arms around him. "And thank you. I needed to hear that more than you know."
He kissed her cheek. She debated telling him about her asexuality since she'd calmed down and he seemed receptive, but as she built up the nerve, he asked, "Can I kiss you? I promise it'll be slow."
And her heart and lips jumped at that opportunity. Each kiss was like a soothing balm to her anxiety. He threaded his hands through her hair to pull her closer, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. His kisses came in waves, crashing into her with intensity and then ebbing back to feather-light pressure, where he pulled his lips away slowly enough that hers would catch in his like he hated to let go.
He ran his hands over her upper arms and pressed his forehead to hers. "Is this a good speed for you?"
"It's perfect," she whispered and instigated the next kiss. "I like it when you run your hands through my hair."
"What else do you like?" he asked between kisses.
"The way you're looking at me now."
His gray-green eyes glistened only inches from her face. "Like you're my universe?"
"Yeah."
His confirmation came through in his lips, sending a pleasant feeling through the crown of her head to her toes. A comforting warmth better than any blanket. He chased away all the pain that today had caused.
Together, they could take on a shared future. His trust issues and her asexuality be damned. All that mattered was the emotion coming through these kisses.
"Greg," Marc called from outside the door, but neither Greg nor Naomi separated until the door swung open.
Greg broke away slowly, like a wave ebbing away from the shore of their theoretical tropical vacation. Naomi was in too strong a daze to look anywhere but him.
"Sorry to interrupt. But Kieran has a question," Marc said.
As they sat up, Greg put an arm around Naomi's shoulder and did not leave the couch. Instead of gripping her tightly, his fingers traced figure-eights on her skin. "What's up?"
Kieran grinned as if he was holding in a laugh. "You have a few outlets that need replacing, and the panel seems like it'll be a reoccurring issue, so you'll want to upgrade soon."
"This house isn't that old," Greg protested.
"It sucks to hear, but sometimes companies put out inferior products in the case of your panel." Kieran had the same disarming confidence as at the bar and remained entirely unfazed by Greg's stare.
"How much will that cost?"
"Several thousand for the panel upgrade. For the outlets, I could replace a few vital ones now and hold off on the others depending on how long you want to wait for that panel. It shouldn't be too bad. You have time to think about the upgrade since we'd need to order the parts."
"Just fix the two along the interior wall in the kitchen and the one behind the TV. I'll deal with the panel later."
Or Naomi suspected he'd just avoid hosting anytime soon.
"Perfect. I'll start with the living room. I should be out of your hair in less than an hour." Kieran's charm almost had Greg relaxed as the electrician took off.
Marc rocked on his heels at the door and glanced down the hallway.
Greg stood and stepped toward his friend. "Listen, man, I'm sorry again about my colleagues and the shitty things they said. They'll behave if you want to invite your girl."
Marc looked between the two of them, blinking a few times. "Thanks, that's... she's busy, but I appreciate it."
"Maybe next time."
Marc smiled and nodded.
"Apology shots for my wonderful best friend and my amazing..." Greg's pause made Naomi's heart flutter. Surely after their talk, they were more than friends with benefits or casually dating.
"Girlfriend?"
Marc shook his head. "Please tell me this is not the first time you've asked her that."
Naomi didn't care. Their entire romance was messy, and they'd spent so much time talking through their insecurities and uncertainties that to know he'd accepted them and still wanted her was a relief.
She met Greg's waiting gaze with a smile. "Absolutely."
His kiss was everything she imagined since she was a teenager. It enveloped her like that first warm breeze in the spring, chasing away the harshness of winter. This was their true beginning.
"I'm going to pour those shots. I'll take one from your booze collection for every five minutes you two lovebirds make me wait," Marc said.
Greg deprived her of his kisses long enough to say, "Take one then, we'll see you after that."
Then she was back in bliss.