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Y/N's POV, 1985
Things has been going well for Mötley Crüe, too well some might say. Their fame had skyrocketed the last couple of years and were now infamous all around America and even internationally too, people said they didn't deserve what they had, that they were too satanic, too evil, too reckless, too destructive and a million and one other things.
I disagreed, they worked their fucking asses off for what they have and every single fan they'd made was deserved more than anything.
Nikki and I had been together for three years after meeting him after being dragged to Vince's audition for what became Mötley Crüe.
Vince was my rather irritating older brother, although I loved him to death, so it kinda balanced out. We were very different people ever since we were children, I was much more reserved while Vince was pretty bold and in your face.
He did bring out things in me though that I hid from other people, and brought out my confidence. Despite him being the bane of my existence when we were younger, I wouldn't know what to do without him, we'd always been inseparable and nothing had really changed that. We had each other's backs and really hardly did anything without the other.
Hence why I went to his Mötley Crüe audition. He wanted me there to just get a second opinion on the band and incase anything went wrong he had me there to back him up, not sure what I could have done if a brawl broke out and neither did Vinnie I don't think however the sentiment was there.
When Nikki and I got close a few months after this audition, given I spent as much time with the band as Vin did, Vince hated it. He hated Nik hitting on me and went all overprotective older brother on him, much like he went the same way in Tommy when Tommy hit on me in high school given I was in his year and we had loads of classes together.
I told Nikki that Vince would murder him if he continues the way he was but the bassist didn't seem to care, he carried on and carried on. Vin eventually pulled Nikki aside and me I'm not sure why was said but Vince started to come around the the idea of me and Nikki from that point onwards.
And by now, he was totally okay with it, for the most part... it's been hard for him lately to see me being with Nikki in a good light given Nik was getting a slightly nasty addiction to drugs. It didn't help that Vin was in a car accident back in December which resulted in the death of Hanoi Rocks drummer Razzle, since then Nikki hadn't really showed Vin he cares at all and sometimes Nik failed to show he even cared about me and so I knew kinda how Vince felt.
Vinnie hadn't had a great year, I mean how could he after killing one of his friends? The accident with Razzle was tragic, and it had put Vince through an emotional rollercoaster, none of them being good.
It was hard seeing my brother suffer the way he was, and I was disappointed by the lack of support he got from the other guys in the band but like I said particularly from Nikki. Yet, Nikki did have a reason, a shit reason but it was still a reason,.
I hated watching him lose himself, both my boyfriend and my brother were falling apart and I was stuck in the middle of them, just watching it happen.
Today, I was over at Vince's place, it hadn't been scheduled, I just felt like spending a day with him as Nikki was pissing me off, he'd hardly spoken to me today given he'd been high as hell since I woke up and I was over it.
I'd rather spend time with my brother making sure he's okay then my boyfriend who was way to invested in a damn needle right now rather than his bandmate who's supposed to be his best friend and his girlfriend.
I'd been with Vinnie for a couple of hours and I was thinking of heading home soon, back to Nikki but we were talking, or rather Vince was venting. He was doing that a lot with me, he had nobody else to vent too, nobody that he trusted with these kinds of things anyway. We'd always told one another everything and this was no different.
His main venting point was Nikki, it might seem overdramatic that Vince is so affected by Nikki not offering him any support but out of the guys Nik has done the least of anything, Tommy and Mick hadn't done much but they at least had called before, Nikki hadn't. And when they'd bene in the studio recording, Nikki's never even said anything about the accident except to belittle him for it.
They were meant to be practically family, that's what it had been built on, however that seems to have come crashing down the moment something went wrong, and that's what hurts Vin the most how easily everyone's just forgotten about the pact they made only a few years ago.
"How do you actually like live with him?" Vince asked me after talking for a couple of minutes straight over how much of an asshole Nikki's become.
"We all lived with him, so don't make it out like I'm crazy. I guess I've had experience with living with annoying little shits while growing up, given my brother is one."
"Hey, fuck you. I'm not annoying, if either of us are annoying then you're fucking annoying. You're a girl so that automatically puts you above me."
"You're more of a diva than any girl I've ever met, PMS more than any girl too."
"One more fucking word outta you and there will be consequences." Vince smirked, pointing a finger at me with a look.
"No, there won't be." I smirked back "You love me too much."
"I'll never say it aloud."
"That's such a lie."
The blonde nudged me softly and placed his head on my shoulder "Why are you the only person to actively give a shit about me?"
"I'm out of here out of obligation not because I care." I teased and the man whines.
"Don't, cause I'm in a state of mind which means I'll actually believe you when you say that... Nikki's such a dick, I know you love him but he is I don't care."
"You have every right to feel the way you do, Vinnie... really you do but he does care Vin... somewhere he does."
"Nah, he doesn't. C'mon, Y/N, you're with the bastard everyday, you've said to me that somedays he's that out of it he's fucking intolerable. That he doesn't care about you. And trust me, if he doesn't care about you then he certainly won't care about me."
"I know he's frustrating you but he does care... I promise he does... it hurts and I get that... but Vin, taking frustration out on Nikki isn't going to solve anything."
"Maybe not but it bothers you, stop trying to pretend like it doesn't. If it bothers me it's got to bother you."
"Of course it bothers me, I never said it didn't, I'm angry at him too... I just don't show it cause it'll make things worse, and sometimes I'm scared to leave him alone because of the shit he does."
"He's not good enough for you, right now. You know that, don't you?"
"He's sick Vin... that doesn't make him not good enough for me. I'm as pissed at him for abandoning you like he has as you are, but I don't have the energy to argue, and like I said, I'm scared of the consequences if I do."
"Just do it, just confront him because it might give him a fucking kick up the ass and if it doesn't you can come back here and stay here until he realises he can't stay the way he is. I'm thinking more for you than for me here... cause you do deserve better."
I sighed "I know, but Nikki needs help."
"And you need to tell him that, tell him as it is, you've put up with him, you have every right to be angry with him. He needs somebody to tell him as it is and that has to be you because you're the one he's most likely to listen too. I know you hate inciting conflict but sometimes you have too for the greater good. As much as I'm pissed about him not being there for me, it's not just about me, it's about you... it's about the band and it's about Nikki's well-being. Fuckin' argue with him, Y/N and don't stop until he listens to you."
Maybe Vince had a point, Nikki needed a dose of reality at times, and he was most likely to listen to me because Vin was right, I didn't like starting arguments, and although Nikki and I had argued before, they were off his back more than mine. If I started an argument it would tell Nikki I was serious, I had to just tell him as if was even if it was going to be hard.
This couldn't carry on, for anyone's sake.
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I arrived home from Vince's an hour or so after that conversation with my brothers words ringing in my ears. I had to confront Nikki, the things he was doing wasn't acceptable.
Upon arriving home and going inside the house, it was pretty quiet, the only sound was the distant hum of the TV and whatever was playing on it, closing the front door behind me.
My feet then slowly take me into the living room where I see Nikki sat on the couch, seemingly watching the TV but upon closer inspection I saw Nikki wasn't paying attention to it, he was totally zoned out staring into space.
And I got a little angry that he'd spent his time alone getting high, but this time instead of forcing that irritation away and just leaving it, I did what I knew I had too and expressed it.
"Hey, asshole. You gonna say anything to me?" I say sharply standing in-front of Nikki, my words don't get a verbal response, he just looks at me blankly and I rolled my eyes "Aren't you going to ask me how my days been? How I'm dealing with Vince seems as you couldn't give any less of a shit about him if you tried. He's not doing so great if you wanna know."
"He's your fucking brother. What do you want from me? Want me to cry about it?" Nikki shrugged, sounding as spaced out as he looked, seeming like he genuinely didn't give a crap about anything or anyone else, and maybe in this state, he truly didn't and I had to remind myself, this wasn't my Nikki, this was drugged up Nikki.
"I want you to care about your friend! I want you to talk to me, to actually be my boyfriend instead of sitting there and acting like the only things which matters to you is drugs!"
"If you're gonna be a bitch and yell at me for no fucking reason you can go back to Vince, it's something you two have in common, it must run in the family." He half snarled to me in retaliation and I scoffed.
"Seriously? I never say shit to you about what you do! I let it go, because you know as well as anyone I hate arguing but you need to hear this because you're hurting everyone by being like this... this isn't you Nikki! See it and change it."
"This is me... how am I meant to be anyone else? Jesus, I ain't hurting anyone you're just being overdramatic. Nobody's forcing you to be here, so leave if I'm too much for you, as for Vince, he's a big boy, he can handle his shit himself. It's not my fucking problem, as long as he doesn't fuck up the band."
"Is that all you care about? Maybe I should be relieved you still give a shit about your career because sometimes I'd never guess given how screwed up on drugs you get."
"I'm not listening to this, if you have nothing constructive to say then shut the fuck up and leave me alone. I'm really not in the mood for this."
"I'm not in the mood to deal with you high every day but I do it anyway, and I'm not just going to leave you, because I know deep down that's not what you want."
"How do you know what I want? If you truly knew what I wanted you wouldn't be on my case right now. I don't care anymore, leave if you wanna leave, it's not like I need you."
"Why are you being like this?! I'm trying to talk to you! Why can't I talk to you about the drugs, why do you get so goddamn defensive! Fuck Nikki! When'd you become such a heartless asshole!"
"When you started getting on my case about everything! I'm allowed to do what I want, I'm not going to be told what I can or can't do! I see the way you look at me, you might not argue with me but you look at me like which tells me exactly what you think of me!"
"I'm worried about you, I love you! I can't just not give a shit, it annoys me that you're not seeing what the drugs are doing to you! They're ruining you, they're ruining our relationship, your relationship with the other guys and they'll ruin your entire life if you carry on, I don't want that to happen so if I'm looking at you any kinda way it's because I don't know what to do!"
"I'll tell you exactly what you need to do then! Turn the way you just came and go. Come back when you're going to keep your mouth shut, I'd rather you look at me like I'm the scum of the earth rather than you call it out to me face. You don't know what's best for me, you don't know shit, I'm doing what's best for me, you don't like it? I don't want you here."
I stood there in a tad bit of shock. I knew he'd get defensive, did I expect him to get defensive this fast? No, I didn't. He usually kept his cool for a few questions before getting more aggressive and that's usually where I leave it, he never usually skips straight to the arguing.
He might be in the middle of a high or just not in the mood, but I'm not in the mood either. His growing drug problem was really driving me insane, and it was even more insanity inducing because he didn't realise he was turning into a entirely new person.
Maybe me having a break from him will be best for my sake, and I could spend more time with Vince as he's on his own and me not being here might make Nikki realise or remind him that he does need me, even if he hates to admit it.
"Fine." I swallowed firmly "I'll go, but you're gonna prove yourself wrong. You need me and you might even realise drugs won't solve all your problems. At least I hope that's a lesson you'll learn. I'll be with Vince if you wanna find me, though I don't need to tell you that, so I'll go and we'll bitch at each other seems as that's apparently a talent of ours."
The bassist didn't say anything, he just continued sitting there, not looking in my direction keeping a blank expression on his face staring at the TV, though I knew him well enough to see that there was a slight bit of apprehension on his face as I don't think he genuinely expected me to walk back out, as I'd never done it before.
I'd come back, I just had to get him to start to realise the drugs aren't helping him and without me around, that might actually happen. I'll take a week or so, focusing my attention on my brother's mental health and let Nikki sort out his priorities, or remember the importance of having me in his life, I knew he loved me, it was simply finding that part of him that did, the part of him untouched by the drugs he was pumping into his veins on a daily basis.
Knowing the man wasn't going to say anything, I left, getting back into my car and heading back to Vin's place. No, I didn't bother collecting anything from Nikki and I's place, I had things at Vinnie's given we left things over at the others houses all the time.
When I pulled back onto the singers driveway, next to his flashy sports car and went back to his door, knocking on it, as soon as it opened and the man looked at me Vince knew why I'd come back, it didn't take a genius to figure it out.
"Fuck him." Was all I said to the frontman and he gave me a lopsided smile.
"That bad, huh?"
I shook my head "Not really, he just didn't wanna hear it, kept telling me to leave if I didn't like what he was doing, so I called his bluff and did it. I'll give it a week or so, see if it helps him realise a few things about the drugs, if not, I'll figure it out when I get there. For the next week though, I'm free to babysit you, good news right?"
"Not exactly the word I'd use, you're not my babysitter. I am in fact older than you so it's the other way around." He retorts, opening the door further for me to enter.
"I've always been your babysitter, I'm the more mature one out of the two of us, you can't even dispute that, the amount of times I've covered for your ass with mom and dad over the years is uncountable."
"Eh, alright. I'll give you that one." Vince relents, pushing the door to close then following behind me back to his living room "You never catch a break though, you go from babysitting me to babysitting Nikki."
"It's not so bad, I like being about you both... well, most of the time."
"You can compare us and see who you prefer being with the most, then share your findings with Nikki. Might help in your quest to get him to open his fucking eyes and get his head out his ass."
"You're implying you're going to win."
"I'd say I'm fairly confident about it, I guess I'll have to see."
"I guess so." I sighed as Vin puts an arm around my waist and gently kissed the side of my head. He knew although I wasn't really acting like it, I was hurt by Nikki today, and he didn't need to know everything to know that.
We knew each other too well. Vince saw how much I love Nikki and how much I hated what was happening to him. I wanted what was best for the bassist however it was easier said than done given Nikki rarely accepted any help or even support offered to him.
I'd never give up on him though because I was happy sharing his weight of addiction if it meant he'd one day see the truth and that all drugs were was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Who knew how long that would take but I had faith in Nikki that one day, maybe soon, he'd come to his senses and be the man he was before heroin and the man I first fell in love with.
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