"You're stupid if you don't just make up with her – you seriously think you can do better than Margot Patterson?" Mike asked. I felt my face burn and looked down at the small figurines I had painted over the summer. I started fidgeting with one.
"Mike," Jeff warned, prompting him to stop talking.
"I'm serious! So what if she snuck around with you? You're a dork and she's a goddess," Mike continued. Those stupid tears were welling up again. This sucked.
"Stop it, Mike – Eddie's our friend. He deserves better than that," Dustin snapped. I looked up and smiled weakly at him. He smiled back.
"Better than Margot Patterson? I don't know about that," Mike said.
"It's obvious you don't know about any of that," Dustin quipped, making everyone laugh. Mike flushed and crossed his arm, sinking into his seat angrily. I sighed and looked down at my notes. I really wasn't up for this today.
Margot had worn one of my favorite skirts to school today – part of me wondered if she was wearing those skirts on purpose. She had also been less sad, and a sick part of me was angry about that. I was absolutely miserable, and she was on the up and up.
But of course she was. She was Margot Patterson. She was a demigod. She was too shiny for me. Too shiny for anyone.
I couldn't stop staring at her all day, just like when I had my initial crush on her. Gareth had to nudge me at one point, bringing me out of my stupor. Margot looked over at one point and we locked eyes. I felt my chest burn and my stomach flipped when her eyes softened, and she smiled at me. I looked away quickly and tried my hardest not to stare at her for the rest of the day.
"I'm going to go, guys," I announced, standing from the table.
"Eddie, it's okay, we don't have to talk about it," Gareth said. I shook my head.
"No, it's okay," I replied, pulling my bag over my shoulder. "I need to go and do homework."
I started out of the room, and when they thought I was out of earshot, they started talking.
"Holy shit, he has to be so sad to want to do homework," Dustin said. I shook my head and started down the hallway, staring at my feet.
"Hey," a soft voice greeted. I looked up and felt the color drain from my face when I saw Margot standing in front of me.
"Uh, hi," I replied. She took a step forward and I immediately stepped back. Her face fell and she looked down at her feet. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and make her feel better.
"I've been trying to see you," she said quietly. She looked up and I saw her eyes well up with tears. I looked away from her.
"I know," I said. The tension was palpable between us.
"Eddie, I'm so sorry. I miss you so much," she sobbed. I looked at her and saw the tears running down her face. I needed to leave before I did something stupid.
"I need to leave," I said, trying to walk past her. I saw her reach out to me, but she stopped herself. I stopped and looked at her. I needed to tell her something, anything. "I miss you, too, Go. So much. But I can't do the sneaking around anymore."
She looked up at me, smiling sadly. Her eyes flashed, like she had a thought, but she kept it to herself. Before I knew what was happening, she shot towards me and threw her arms around my neck for a hug. I was frozen in place, not sure what to do.
"I'm going to make it right, Eddie," she whispered. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her neck. I don't think I believed her, but I took in her perfume one more time. I was going to miss it. I dropped her and raced away before I lost even more resolve.
Those stupid tears were back. I missed her so much. It was unfair how much I missed her. It was unfair that she had brought me into her world and showed me what I could have. I was never going to be the same again, and I would always miss her.
I got into my van and slammed the door, taking a deep breath in before punching my steering wheel.
I started the van and began mentally berating myself. Why couldn't I just suck it up? It was Margot Patterson. Every guy in the school wanted her – why would it matter if we were a secret? Shouldn't it be enough to know that I was the one she wanted?
But then I remembered how good it felt to act like a couple in front of Hellfire, and how badly I had wanted to hold her hand at the party. How fun it was to sit together and trade kisses at The Hideout.
I leaned back in my seat. It wasn't enough to be her secret. She was the kind of girl I wanted everyone to know I had been able to win over. The dork could get the beauty.
But I guess that was not the ending to this fairytale.
"God damn it," I muttered as I wiped my eyes again. I parked in front of the trailer and got out, still trudging along.
This was miserable.
---
I took a deep breath as I finished my hair, meticulously smoothing the curls Eddie always complimented. I looked in the mirror, trying to determine if there was anything I needed to change. I had bought a brand-new skirt for today – it was shorter than others he had loved before.
I crossed to my nightstand and sighed – I know what I had to do. I pulled my glasses out and slid them onto my face.
Old Margot was running the show today.
I bounded down the stairs and grabbed my bag, running through everything that I needed to have ready for today. I grabbed a folded poster and started the way to school.
New Margot was throwing a fit internally, panicking about what we were planning. But I kept her buried deep down, refusing to let her ruin anything else with Eddie. I wasn't going to be a coward today. I was going to be someone that actually deserved being with Eddie.
My heart was pounding as I walked into school. People glanced at me, confused at first, but soon smiling. It took everything in me not to rip my dorky glasses off my face. I walked past Gareth and Jeff – they both grinned at me as they noticed my glasses. I thought back to our conversation the other day.
"Hey, guys – can I talk to you really quick?" I asked sheepishly. Gareth raised an eyebrow and looked at Jeff.
"We're Eddie's friends. Not sure you have anything to talk to us about," Jeff said. I felt a pit form in my stomach.
"I know, I just...just five minutes, please?" I begged.
Jeff sighed and Gareth nodded, following me into an empty classroom. I turned to them and swallowed hard as they crossed their arms and glared at me. They were good friends – loyal to Eddie and true to him at all times. They were right to hate me.
"Um, so, uh, thank you for t-talking, I know, uh, you p-probably know about me and Eddie," I started. Gareth grunted in response. I cleared my throat. "I, um, I really want to make it right."
"How, Margot?" Jeff asked, his tone annoyed. "I don't want to speak for anyone, but Eddie's pretty broken up about this."
"I know," I conceded, looking down at my hands. "I have an idea."
After I had told them my plan, they were on board, joking with me and each other. I was thrilled with how much they liked my idea and had successfully gotten them to agree to their one job – get Eddie to the pep rally. They laugh when I told them, insisting that I had given them the toughest job. Eddie hated anything remotely resembling school spirit, and they often skipped the pep rallies and got stoned in Eddie's van.
I took a deep breath and continued down the hallway. Chrissy did a double take when she saw me.
"Oh, my god, I didn't even recognize you!" she exclaimed. I forced a smile. "Is that for who you're asking to the dance?"
She was pointing at the folded poster in my hand, and she tried grabbing it from me. I pulled it out of her reach and shook my head. She groaned.
"Why won't you let me know who you're asking?" she pleaded. I shook my head.
"You'll find out at the pep rally," I replied. I had secretly gotten Chrissy to agree to helping me agree without her knowing – she had gotten too excited to ask Jason and did it one day after school, squealing and throwing her arms around his neck when he said yes.
"Yeah, speaking of – should you really be wearing those? Don't you want to impress whoever you're asking?" she asked, pointing at my glasses. I flushed and pushed them up my nose. Yes, that's exactly why I should be wearing them.
"Just want to try something different," I replied. "I've got to get to class, Chris."
Before she could ask more questions, I turned on my heel and started towards class.
I was anxious all day, too distracted to pay attention to lectures or to take notes. I glanced out the door during fourth period and was surprised to see Gareth waving to get my attention. He was relieved when I finally looked over at him and he gestured for me to come talk to him. I raised my hand to go to the bathroom and grabbed the hall pass.
"What's going on?" I asked quietly once I met him in the hallway. He took a deep breath and set his hands on his hips.
"We have a problem," he said. I felt my stomach drop. "Eddie decided to skip today."