Work. It was usually a good distraction and it helped that things were going well. Korn felt like his efforts were starting to pay off as more people got on board with his idea to pursue international certification. It was easy to talk to people about it because he knew what it meant at every level. A safer working environment, efficiency and reduced costs, better products at a lower overhead—he could pitch his ideas to anyone at a moment's notice.
With more people buying into his vision, everything was up to speed. There was no reason for the C-suite and the board not to pursue the ISO rating. The formal application came with a list of requirements that were funnelled down to Korn as though he wasn't already aware of all of them. it was his job to make sure the factory met them and could prove consistent outputs.
It started a new cycle of work. At least that would keep things interesting. The changes he'd put in place made it easier and everyone agreed. This wasn't about making life harder; it was about making things better. Korn's job was no longer about making changes on the sly. He was charged with working out the timeline and ensuring they were ready by the expected delivery date.
It should have been so exciting. The culmination of everything he'd been working so hard to accomplish. But no matter how busy he was, Mew was never far from his mind. There were so many questions he didn't have the answer to. He couldn't even understand why they were suddenly relevant. They had been managing alright for a while now, was it a good idea to change things around?
But he needed to know.
What did he want? What were Mew's plans and how did they fit with his? Where was their relationship going? And if it was up to him, where did he want it to go? Did he want a long-term and long-distance relationship? Did he have plans to return to Bangkok? How much of that was because of Mew versus what he'd already planned for his life?
The swirl of questions was enough to give Korn a headache but he couldn't get his mind to calm down. Putting aside the work he was doing on the timeline, he pulled out a paper and made a list. All the questions he'd been thinking about and a few that came to mind as he wrote.
Some he answered quickly.
The first thought in his head; the most honest.
But there were times when he had to question himself. Was it true? Was he making things complicated or over-simplifying them? What was in his power to change? What would remain the same if he acted or if he didn't act at all?
It was cold and calculated but it afforded some insights. He couldn't avoid making a decision because it was hard. That's what had put him in the current mess. He couldn't keep fucking with Mew if he wasn't interested in a future with him.
He couldn't expect the problems that had arisen, including the physical and psychic distance between them, to miraculously solve themselves. If he was willing to take responsibility, he didn't deserve any of it. That was a lesson he'd already learnt more than once; he didn't need another iteration.
"We finally found the venue for the reception. The hotel is giving us a great deal so we decided to book a few rooms there for all the pre-wedding stuff," Yihwa told him during their increasingly frequent updates.
He loved her for making sure he was part of the planning. But it only served to make him feel even more impotent. Once again, he asked if there was anything he could do.
"There isn't even anything for me to do. I just smile and listen while everyone else talks about it."
"Then you go ahead and do exactly what you want anyway?" Korn asked knowingly.
"Hey...I don't plan on doing this ever again. If this is my only wedding, I'm going to make sure it looks as close to what I've imagined as I can."
"That's great. Just don't turn into some Bridezilla. We want to celebrate with you, not turn into your disloyal slaves."
"I don't know...if I asked you to make sure you were here for the bachelor and bachelorette parties, would you turn me down?"
"Never."
She already knew he couldn't make it since they'd scheduled their parties for the weekend before the wedding and he'd be hard-pressed to travel to and from Bangkok twice in a row. Her laughter filled the line at his outright lie and Korn couldn't help but follow suit. It was her one special day. He wanted her to have everything she wanted.
He shouldn't have been surprised when he received the formal invitation by courier. The official date was set and the program of events, as well as all the venues had been finalized. All without a peep from him. Nothing had changed concerning the information Yihwa had given him. That was a relief. He'd already asked for time off. Changing it would have been a nightmare.
The beautiful handwritten invitations proved no expense had been spared. It wasn't just Yihwa and Cho's hand in this; their families probably thought was about time they got married. What Korn hadn't expected was the clear 'plus one' attached to his name. He could recognize Yihwa's handwriting and he felt the not-so-subtle pressure of her expectations on him.
Yihwa expected him to go with Mew.
Korn didn't know why his first reaction was a visceral rejection. Just because he'd been at Mew's place for her Sin Sod* didn't automatically mean he wanted to bring Mew to her wedding. With all the history attached, he wasn't sure it was a good idea to bring them together again. But what was the alternative? Could he, in all consciousness, keep Mew away without it sending the wrong message?
Korn realized he wasn't worried about his friends. He was worried about Mew. He didn't want to give him the impression that he wasn't important. They were in this together. He had to find out if Mew felt the same way.
~
Mew had been secretly dreading his next conversation with Korn. After their last weekend together, he'd been careful. Choosing his words carefully and letting Korn lead their conversations. He still didn't know what had upset Korn so much but he'd felt a shift once there was some distance between them. That's why he was shocked when Korn called him and told him about Yihwa's wedding invitation.
"Is there a problem with the plans?" he asked going directly into problem-solving mode while trying to figure out if it was a good idea to offer his help.
"They seem to have everything under control. I have been rendered completely superfluous."
"That's good news, isn't it? Is there something wrong with the invitation?"
"No. Nothing at all. It's just that...Yihwa invited you as well?"
"Oh..."
On some level, Mew had expected it. The way Yihwa had given Korn a hard time when they bumped into each other and her ready acceptance that they were seeing each other again had given him hope that Korn's best friend secretly approved of them. That had been the most hopeful version.
The reality was probably a lot more cautious.
None of that mattered if Korn felt like he was being painted into a box.
"...and you were thinking...?" Mew asked.
"I was hoping you come with me?"
"You want me to be your...?"
"My date to my friend's wedding."
"Okay."
"Okay," Korn said with a deep exhale.
Mew heard the sigh over the phone. It was sad to think he'd been holding his breath. Anticipating the worst. But it was nice to know he wanted Mew there with him enough that he was invested in the simple answer to his question.
"When exactly is it?"
Korn sent Mew a copy of the invitation. It was easy to transfer the details to his calendar but he knew it wouldn't be hard to remember. There was no way to forget that he wasn't just going with Korn, he was going with him to his best friend's wedding as his date. Luckily, he hadn't planned any trips for that weekend.
"Are you sure you're alright with this?" Korn asked after Mew assured him the event was scheduled and he was all set to go. "I know in a way this is unfair to you after the way I acted but I don't want to go alone...and it feels wrong to go without you."
What? Mew didn't know which part of that statement to deal with first.
"It's fine Korn, I would love to be there with you," Mew said trying to be solicitous even though he was still reeling from what Korn had said. "You can spend the night at mine and we can go to the wedding together."
"Sounds like a good plan."
"I have a few of those up my sleeve," Mew said trying for levity but it didn't quite hit the mark.
"I'm just looking forward to spending time with you."
"Me too."
Mew hated to admit he was surprised Korn had asked him to accompany him to Yihwa's wedding. His last interaction with Korn and his friends had been a long time ago. Things had changed since then but he wasn't comfortable with the idea of being around them again. Not when the circumstances surrounding them had also changed drastically.
But was that the problem?
If Mew had been sure of Korn, it wouldn't have mattered. But nothing felt settled. It felt like everything was just piling up on a shaky foundation and it could all topple at the slightest challenge. They were too far apart and the distance only made things worse.
What about Korn and Knock?
As far as Mew knew, they had 'talked'. But what exactly did that mean? What would their interactions be like now that some time had passed since they broke up? What would it mean for Mew to be there? He'd been invited as Korn's 'plus one' but just because he was there as his date didn't mean anything. Was he Korn's boyfriend, friend, or friend with benefits?
Mew wanted to be wanted but he wasn't sure that he liked how it was happening. He didn't want to be a screen or a shield—the first to get hit if shit went flying. Then again was he letting his fears get the better of him? He didn't know how to reassure himself that it would be alright any more. He wasn't sure it would be alright. It felt like it was all coming back to the one thing he knew for sure. When he, Korn and Knock had last been together, Korn had chosen Knock.
Mew was subdued as he and Korn went through the motions; talking quietly about the time they'd spent apart and any interesting points. He found Korn's tenacity fascinating yet Korn always mentioned his dedication as something he admired. It was soft in every sense of the word.
Mew hung up, soothed by the conversation and glad he had Korn in his life—even if it was for only a short time. The weight of his worry heightened the fear of impending loss. Mew was afraid this was the beginning of the end.
~
Seven hundred kilometres away...Korn was staring up at his ceiling feeling relieved. It felt like things were finally beginning.