LOOKING IN YOUR EYES SEEING ALL I NEED
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They had practiced tirelessly for three consecutive days, then rested for four days before plunging back into their rigorous routine. The pattern of their practice was consistent, but Sunghoon couldn't help but notice the shift in Heeseung's demeanor. His once-talkative and open skater had become a silent, distant figure, lost in a world of his own. It was unsettling, like a storm brewing beneath a calm surface. Sunghoon knew something was amiss and waited for Heeseung to confide in him, as he had always done in the past when something troubled him.
As they resumed their practice, Sunghoon couldn't ignore the fact that Heeseung wasn't following his instructions as he usually did. He was confused as to why, and he decided it was time to address the issue.
"Heeseung? What was that?" Sunghoon asked, his tone laced with concern as Heeseung paused, looking at him, and took deep breaths, searching for the right words.
Heeseung chuckled nervously, taking a sip from his water bottle. "Ah, I just wanted to try my own style, Coach, like what I did last month. You know, do something new?"
Sunghoon's worry deepened. "I told you not to. You might get hurt, and those moves are crucial for winning."
"Yeah, I know, Coach, but it wouldn't hurt to see what my capabilities can do, right? You've never doubted me before."
Sunghoon's patience began to wane, and his voice grew firmer. "I never doubted you for anything, and you know that."
Heeseung persisted, a hint of desperation in his voice. "But is it worth trying? If I added a little flair to it? Please?"
Sunghoon's tone took on a sharper edge. "We tried that once, and you nearly got yourself hurt. You know how cautious I am when it comes to your safety on that rink."
But Heeseung's frustration boiled over, his voice rising as he clenched his teeth. "Just have faith in me this time—"
"Heeseung—"
"Why are you trying so hard to make me look like you?!" Heeseung's shout reverberated through the rink, his anger surfacing unexpectedly. His mind churned with unease, the words pouring out like a torrent. "I am not you!"
Sunghoon took a deep breath, fighting to regain his composure. "I'm not molding you to become me. I'm striving to help you become the best version of yourself."
Heeseung's voice trembled with emotion. "Every step and every move I make in that arena, they remind them of you, not me, Sunghoon. I know you're the revered Park Sunghoon, the Ice Knight. I know how people admire you and your grace on the ice. I made a promise, but that promise doesn't mean living in your shadow, replicating and duplicating what you do." Heeseung's words hung heavy in the air, a confession he had never dared to voice before.
Sunghoon's own emotions flared, and he snapped, his voice echoing in the empty rink, heart pounding with frustration. "Every blueprint I've given you has brought you to where you are now! I'm not trying to make you look like me!"
The words hung between them, an impassable chasm of misunderstanding and pent-up emotion. Tears contained in Heeseung's eyes as he realized the magnitude of what he had blurted out, while Sunghoon struggled to contain the turmoil brewing within him.
"Oh, would you look at that — looks like it's lunchtime better have a time out, right?" said Jake trying to ease up the tension between the two. "Come on why don't we head up and grab something to eat."
"Take me home, please?" Sunghoon said softly.
"Coach Sunghoon I—" Heeseung blurted out but Jay stopped him to do so "Give him some time, please,"
A heavy weight settled upon Heeseung, and regret clawed at his conscience like a relentless storm. How could he have allowed his emotions to push him into such a reckless act? In that moment, he wished he could reach back in time and slap some sense into him. Shame wrapped around him like a suffocating shroud, a constant reminder of his thoughtless words and actions. This wasn't what he had intended, not at all.
The turmoil of emotions he felt was undeniably human, but it was inhumane to have expressed them with such bitterness and hostility. How could he ever face Sunghoon after what he had done? The tension between them after their afternoon practice had reached a breaking point, resulting in the cancellation of their training. Heeseung returned home, the weight of regret crushing his spirit as he lay on his bed. His gaze fixed on the framed picture of himself and Sunghoon hanging near the window, overlooking the ice lake. Tomorrow loomed as another day of competition, but with the rift that had formed between them, Heeseung couldn't help but wonder what it would be like for tomorrow.
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Sunghoon sat alone that night, perched on the porch of his house, gazing out into the dimly lit night. His eyes traced the surface of the lake, which threatened to freeze once more in the cold. Thoughts of what he had said to Heeseung consumed his mind, and with each passing moment, he couldn't help but feel the weight of his own selfishness bearing down on him.
He had been so single-mindedly focused on molding Heeseung into the number one skater, the very best among them all, that he hadn't stopped to consider how trapped Heeseung might have felt in his shadow. It was a revelation that struck him like a lightning bolt, a painful realization of the cage he had unintentionally built around his young skater. He had taken Heeseung's potential and used it to his advantage, without understanding the toll it had taken on the budding skater.
In the quiet of the night, Sunghoon contemplated the days and weeks that had passed, recognizing the confinement he had inadvertently imposed. He had never allowed Heeseung the space to discover his own individuality and uniqueness, forgetting that figure skating was meant to be a journey of self-discovery and passion. It was a form of art, after all, one that thrived on each skater's distinct expression and identity. Maybe because of how he felt during those past few months or years of not being able to skate made it feel like he was the one competing through it all, the promise that Heeseung made linger in his mind. "I could be your legs; we could be a dream." It was both against the world – not him or Heeseung against through it all.
He heard a knocking at the door as he turned to see it was his dad, going outside and sitting right next to him. "Are you okay, coach?"
Coach. . . He pursed his lips. He was never in good terms with his Father it was always distant between them but right now in the demeaning silence of the night he wanted some company. "Yeah, I'm - fine, busy day. . ." There was a pause again, but it was only seconds before his father spoke again. "You trained that kid well; better than every coach I'd known."
"Are you trying to flatter me with your compliments Dad?" said Sunghoon.
"Maybe, but I truly mean what I say..." he took a deep breath. "Your mother and I always believed that you'd be so much more – so much more than what you are now and now look at you, using the knowledge of your talent to train others that's the most incredible thing. . ." he paused. "I – I wanted to apologies. . ."
That made Sunghoon look at him for so long – he waited for that word, for so long he waited for things to get better with his dad to have that bond again, to have that single act that he truly cared, he gripped the hold of his wheelchair as he listened. "I apologies for the words that I had thrown at you, those words that haunted you and haunted me for these past few years or months or so... You must have felt so invalidated – and as a father I never wanted that, I know that I see that. . . For letting you feel so alone, I'm sorry – I'm so sorry. . . Would you ever forgive me?"
Sunghoon's felt a single tear on his cheek because that is what all he needed after the overwhelming feeling for the past few months – he didn't know what to do, his father looked at him with a soft gaze his eyes swollen and red and Sunghoon couldn't help but to chuckle and smile, as he raised a fist bump which made his dad chuckle as well fist bumping him like they did way back then. "Look at your eyes being all red." said Sunghoon in a teasing manner.
"Hey, not red as yours!" his dad teased back, "What are you guys? Laughing at?" his little sister came in with her eyes rubbing, holding a pillow. Sunghoon's father picked her up and spoke. "Oh, look who's up! Back to bed for you little girl you got school tomorrow and coach good luck on your endeavors." he saluted.
Sunghoon saluted back, smiling and waving at his younger sister.
How peaceful the night was and so were his thoughts, at once he was at peace.
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Before Heeseung could perform he looked at the sidelines looking for Sunghoon, he had to apologize for his words, he thought about what he was going to say to him practicing it like it was life and death situation for him, staring at the mirror finding the words to say.
"Coach, I'm so sorry, I should have never said that. . . Nah, too direct."
"Coach please forgive me I never wanted to hurt you, what am I supposed to do? Was it too dramatic?"
"Coach Sunghoon. . . I beg you please don't disown me. . ."
"Coach what will you do to me? Please forgive me!"
He sighed, giving up and laying on his bed, staring at his ring as he brought it to his lips with his eyes closed. "Sunghoon,"
Returning to the rink, Heeseung performed with a newfound determination. He had decided to honor his coach's teachings while infusing his own style and unique moves into the routine. It was a delicate balance, a way to pay homage to his mentor while also leaving his own mark on the performance. He understood that Sunghoon had been right in his own way, and he couldn't dismiss the wisdom of his coach's words that had struck him so deeply.
As he gracefully moved through the routine, a fusion of his coach's guidance and his personal touch, Heeseung could feel a sense of unity between them. He wanted to remember his coach as the guiding force in his journey, a mentor whose words had pushed him to discover his true potential.
With the final bow, Heeseung heard the enthusiastic cheers of the audience, and though he appreciated their support, a feeling of melancholy lingered within him. He couldn't shake the disheartening emotions that had taken root.
Turning away from the rink, Heeseung felt a chill run down his spine. His coach was beside him, holding a cold bottle of water. His eyes widened, and without a moment's hesitation, he enveloped Sunghoon in a tight, heartfelt hug, tighter than any hug he had ever given before. The words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to pour out, but before he could speak, the announcer's voice rang out, revealing the names of the winners. Heeseung had secured the 2nd place.
"Go on, go on... We'll talk later," Sunghoon whispered, gently pushing him back towards the rink. Heeseung bowed in gratitude, his eyes filled with a mix of relief and appreciation. He rushed back to the center of the rink, a genuine smile gracing his face as he basked in the warmth of the audience's applause, knowing that his coach was right there with him.
Heeseung quickly rushed towards Sunghoon and pushed him where only the two of them could talk. "Sunghoon, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I said those words the other day, gosh if I could have a dollar for every moment, I said sorry to you, you could be rich by now, I was overthinking things about everything from the day we met to what has happened! I – I don't know how to feel! I can't lose you, Sunghoon."
"Who said you're losing me?" he smirked, "and you talk too much when you try to apologize. . ." he chortled, which made Heeseung grin. He felt so relieved that he wanted to kiss his hand, and that was a weird thought, but he would, if he could. "I'm sorry too. . . I should have considered how you felt, I guess I just didn't want my skater to feel disappointed about me being his coach."
"Never, never you are a disappointment, I admire you coach, I look up to you. . ." I like you.
"Well then, it's time to win the Grand Prix Finals, right? You know I would never give up on you. I am after all your greatest fan."
Heeseung managed to laugh, disheveling his soft hair.
"Let's go to the Grand Prix Finals," said Heeseung.
"So be it, I'd got your back."