They arrived in Helena in the late afternoon the next day. It had been a cruelling journey. John felt rotten. He had kept himself awake all night on purpose and now his head hurt almost as bad as on the day after he got injured and his shoulder hurt from the awkward position he had been forced to lie in all night.
It hadn't been until they arrived in Salesville that their plan to give him to some carpenter in Helena was revealed to him. He had a fair idea where Helena was. Jeremiah had shown it to him on his map. He had wanted to show him where his father died and told him he would bring him there some day, but John wasn't all that keen on the idea. And now he definitely didn't want to go there. How was Jeremiah going to find him there? How was he going to find out that that's where they were going to bring him?
John had assumed they would give him back to Edwards. All the way back, the doctor kept talking about it as if this was a given. He kept talking about Mrs Edwards, his patient, who was going to be so pleased to see him back in her home. In hindsight John should have noticed that neither the marshal nor the agent from the orphan aid, Mr Harris made a single comment confirming this notion, neither to the doctor nor to him. In fact, they actively ignored him when he tried to engage them in a conversation which John thought was rather rude but understandable. John felt the doctor was just as crazy as Mrs Edwards and would have been much better suited to her than her actual husband. Although he thought, Edwards was fairly strange too.
He didn't like the idea of having to stay with Edwards and his missus again, but he would have been okay with it. He imagined that if Jeremiah wasn't able to get him back right away, he would just come and take him back, as soon as the marshal and the agent were gone back to wherever they had come from. He had been sure he wouldn't have to stay with them for long and had rolled his eyes at Jeremiah when he had made him promise to be good. He did promise though and had no intention to break that promise, 'don't give them any reason to move you about John, and don't run away. I can't get you if I don't know where you are,' Jeremiah had told him.
The placement with the Edwards wasn't legal Mr Harris explained to the doctor who tried to advocate for the woman who came running out onto the already dark streets in hysterics when they passed her house instead of bringing him to her. The placement with the carpenter however was, he said. It was signed by the judge who was also the local chairperson of the aid society.
His patient needed the boy returned to her, the doctor tried to argue against it. Motherhood was the only thing that was going to cure her of her nervous disposition, he claimed. He was very angry with Mr Harris and the marshal who refused to see sense and were indifferent to both the doctor's frustration and the woman's plight. John of course was never even asked what he wanted to happen and was firmly told to be quite when he tried to voice his opinion.
In Salesville, they stayed the night in the sheriff's home, whose wife kept two guest rooms for the few visitors that passed through the valley on their way to the Yellowstone Park but this time of year those rooms were almost always empty. It was late when they arrived. She gave them a small supper and then they went straight to bed. Mr Harris was given a room on his own, while the marshal and John were given the other to share. They had tossed a coin to decide who had to keep the boy with them for the night.
John kept himself awake all night, listening out for any noise that could reveal Jeremiah's arrival and couldn't understand what kept him. The posse had more or less dispersed as soon as they left Walls' ranch. Only a handful was needed to escort them back to Salesville, they claimed when the marshal wanted some more men to accompany them back. A harmless Quaker, they called Jeremiah, but the marshal was not convinced. He lost one of the soldiers he had hired for protection to that harmless Quaker. The other two soldiers rode off with the posse, so that the marshal had to hire two more men to stay with them and escort them all the way to Helena. A rough looking drifter who had nothing better to do, and a local ranch hand who had family in Helena, he'd been meaning to visit. They too did not take the marshal's worries seriously and spent the night in the only saloon in town.
Initially John was made to sleep on a mattress on the floor in front of the marshal's bed but later having tried to sneak away for the third time that night, because he was just unable to lie still, doing nothing but wait, the marshal shackled him to his wrist and made him share his bed. After that sleep was out of the question, it was uncomfortable to say the least, but it also caused him to worry. How was Jeremiah supposed to get him if he was tied to the lawman and what would he say? What if it came to a fight?
John had no idea that while he was lying awake worrying about Jeremiah getting hurt, Jeremiah supported by his old friend, Fletcher, and together with Matunaagd were in the middle of a savage battle that saw the dozen or so men killed that had come to the cabin to kill their family. There could be no survivors Fletcher advised, and Jeremiah agreed. They all had to be well gone before anyone could raise the alarm about the killing or they had no chance to leave the valley alive.
When Jeremiah and Fletcher had gotten to the edge of the clearing it had been pitch-black and far too quiet. For a brief moment, they thought that maybe there had been no need for the panic, but as they quietly approached Jeremiah saw how his humble abode went suddenly up in flames. Against the light of the fire, next he saw the silhouette of a man, jump of the roof of the hen house and run up to the one who had thrown the torch. The man did not even have time to make a sound as he died and collapsed on the floor. Jeremiah needn't have worried Matunaagd knew exactly what to do and how. Vengeance and years of holding onto raw pain made up for his lack of battlefield experience. Before the group of men even had noticed his presence, Matunaagd's tomahawk had struck a man right between his surprised eyes, as he turned back to see where the gurgling noises behind him had come from. The man's pained roar echoed though the clearing, before he collapsed on top of his dying companion's body who bled out from the throat.
The intruders had lit the cabin thinking they could smoke out whoever was inside and kill them as they'd emerged from the burning building. The fools had thought that all it took for them to sneak up on the Indians unnoticed, was to keep quiet and leave their horses and dogs tied up a few hundred yards away. But the forest and his inhabitants let him know, and Matunaagd as always, listened. Had they waited a bit longer, had it been the middle of the night when Matunaagd would have been already fast asleep, they might have even gotten away with it. It was in Matunaagd's nature to always be cautious and alert, but lately he had become more relaxed. He had no reason to suspect he was going to be attacked. In fact, he had never felt so safe in all his life, Jeremiah had that effect on people.
After killing the two men, all hell broke loose. And regardless of Matunaagd's skills he could count himself lucky that Fletcher and Jeremiah on their horses came charging to his aid. He would have been no match against ten armed men, no matter how foolish they were. They killed them all. It was merciless and bloody, but then all killing is.
Jeremiah contemplated to bury the dead, but Fletcher always pragmatic talked him out of it. There was no point. If the men did not come home to their families and employers everyone would know what had happened to them regardless of if they'd find some bodies or not. When Indians were suspected of doing the killing no proof was needed, he told them unapologetically.
In relation to his enemies' bodies, Matunaagd was only interested in taking their scalps, but had never done so before. Ironically, it was Fletcher, who over the years had taken and sold many scalps in the battles against Indians, who showed Matunaagd how to do it. In that sense, Fletcher was just as colour blind as Jeremiah. He was the universal soldier who did what he was told. Had he been told he'd get paid for every scalp of every confedorate soldier he'd killed, while he was fighting in the war alongside Jeremiah, he would have done that too.
They argued about what to do next. Jeremiah just wanted to get going and try to find Numees and Enkoodabooaoo before anyone would come up to investigate. He imagined the fire and smoke could be seen for miles. He had a fair idea where they had gone to find the herbs. He had accompanied Enkoodabooaoo many times over the years.
Matunaagd wanted to wait at the cabin for them. They had only called in on him a day ago, they could not be that far, he argued and were probably the first to see the smoke. He also wanted to take the horses with him. It meant they could change horses whenever their own got tired. It would allow them to get away faster and ride for longer periods of time. They compromised and agreed to wait for an hour. In the end, Matunaagd was right. Numees and Enkoodabooaoo had seen the fire from a distance and did not delay in making their way back to them.
Jeremiah had wished she didn't see him like this, all sweaty and blood all over his hands and clothes. He had hoped he would never have to revisit that part of himself again and knew she liked how he thought about violence per se. This was different though of course, he came to defend his friend, and protect her but still, he'd wished he could hide it from her. He was ashamed even though she was proud of him. Enkoodabooaoo understood. He was tired of killing too.
They came down the mountain and stopped at Walls' ranch having made sure the coast was clear. Matunaagd rode the stallion, and the herd followed him without him having to do anything. Walls had stayed up all night praying for his friends' safe return, but also to keep guard in case the posse came back to his ranch. He tried to convince them to stay and so did his wife. They thought it too dangerous to go on the run. They'd be hunted down like animals, they argued and Jeremiah knew they were right. He could hide them, Walls assured them. Once the snow came, no one would come to the ranch, and come spring it would be much easier to get away.
Jeremiah disagreed and so did his companions. The risk to Walls and his family was far too great. He would have liked Numees to stay though, on accounts of her being pregnant but she was not having a bar of it either. She was wilful that way, and he loved her for that.
They changed clothes and only took the essentials, weapons, bedrolls, food and utensils for cooking. They took two horses each and left the rest with Walls. Jeremiah was glad he had brought down the pelts and buffalo hides when they first came to stay with Walls and they didn't perish in the fire. They would need them to protect them from the elements when they had to camp out overnight. Their plan was to go North. If necessary, as far as Canada, but Jeremiah wanted to check out the ranch of his brother-in-law. He was to meet his brother, Elias and his wife there in spring. He hoped he could get some help there now. Fletcher decided to come along. He had nothing better to do. Jeremiah was glad to have him come along but was surprised that none of his companions objected.
"What about the boy?" Sally cautiously asked.
"I promised, I get him back," Jeremiah said flatly. He knew it didn't really answer her question. He didn't know what to do.
"I'll try get him. I'll find out where they brought him and see if they let me take him back. If they don't, I write to that judge, the marshal talked about," Walls said, "maybe I can get him to turn the decision over," he tried to sound hopeful.
Jeremiah nodded. With winter on the way and no shelter secured, on the run from God knows who, Jeremiah knew he was not able to keep his promise. Maybe later, but not now.
They said their last good byes, and Jeremiah promised to send word as soon as they made it to safety. They left well before day break.
John of course knew nothing about any of this.
While all this was happening, he had kept himself awake wishing and hoping for Jeremiah to appear. All the way to Helena he had been keeping a look out for his friend, and expected him to turn up at any moment. Jeremiah had said he wanted to be his Pa. He was the first person ever to really volunteer for this job and John had started to trust that he meant it. Apart from his Ma, no one had ever wanted him. Jeremiah wanted him, and not for what John would give back to him but for what Jeremiah could give to John. It had made no sense to him, but it had started to feel safe.
By the time they reached Helena however, John was exhausted and felt ill as dog, doubt was starting to darken his thoughts. Maybe Jeremiah did not mean it. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he realised he was better of without him. Maybe Jeremiah realised how much of a hassle he had been. No matter how much he tried to send those thoughts away, the way Enkoodabooaoo had told him to, when he once confided in him that he always thought that some day Jeremiah was going to send him away, like everyone else had because they'd realised, he wasn't worth the trouble.
No matter how hard he tried, those dark thoughts kept coming back and scratched on the surface of his vulnerable little heart with their fleshless fingers, trying to find a way inside.