I zip up my last suitcase filled with the rest of my clothes. I look around my room. A feeling of heaviness comes over me, and a small tear falls from my eye. If these blue walls could talk, they could write a book.
Four years of memories were made in this room. Four years filled with highs and lows. Mostly lows, but it is bittersweet. One chapter is ending, and a new one is beginning. It's time for me to move on. I came here to get better, and that is what I did. Now it is time for me to leave home again.
I grab my suitcases and close the door behind me. My flight to New Jersey leaves in four hours. A week ago today, I told my parents I had accepted the job and was moving back. They were speechless.
My dad was furious, especially when I told him I had no idea what type of business Scott had. He told me I was making a mistake, and I was foolish to be running head-on into something I knew nothing about. He said he does not think I am ready to return to Jersey yet. I could not be mad at him; I knew I was taking a risk. I also knew I would regret it if I didn't.
My mom wasn't mad or happy; she was sad. Her youngest was leaving her again, but she knew that Scott would not put me in a situation I could not handle. My mom has loved Scott ever since we were in elementary school.
Whenever he was at my house, he was always in the kitchen talking with my parents. Some people think that would be annoying because he was supposed to be hanging out with me, but that's who Scott is. He can get along with anyone's parents, just as I do. It is one of the many things we have in common.
I walk through the TSA checkpoint and grab my carry-on bag. The airport is busy today as many families are hurrying around to get to their gates. A young couple behind me was praying they would make it to their gate on time. The boyfriend tries to calm the girlfriend down as they rush past me. That is why I always come to the airport at least two hours before. You never know how long security will take.
I get a breakfast burrito from one of the little food shops and then grab a seat near the floor-to-ceiling windows. I love watching the planes taxi in and out and take off. I saw my blue and white airplane make its way to the gate. I look around at the clear sunny sky and all the skinny green palm trees. I will miss the feeling this atmosphere gives me. The warmth it offers.
I look at the time on my phone. In thirty minutes, I will be on my way to New Jersey. No turning back now.
To my surprise, my flight is not crowded. It is one in the afternoon, and I will land at Newark International Airport at three fifteen. I will probably get there around three because the flights are always faster than they predicted.
I ensured I had a window seat, as I always did when flying. The old married couple I am sitting next to start a conversation with me. They tell me they are going to visit their daughter's family. They show me pictures of them, as older people usually do. They look like a close-knit family.
After asking the flight attendant for a water bottle, I put my headphones on, getting lost in the clouds with my thoughts. I said my goodbyes to my friends last night. Samantha cried, but at the same time, she was happy for me. She told me now she has a reason to visit New Jersey whenever she wants to. I laughed at her. She is crazy, but I would not put it past her to show up unannounced. She is the type of person who would do something like that, and I would not mind it.
My friends thought I was crazy for taking such a leap without having a backup plan. I convinced them I would be okay and Scott would watch out for me. I assured them he would pick me up from the airport and take me to the apartment he had secured for me.
To my surprise, Scott paid my first and last month's rent, so all I had to pay was the eight hundred dollar security deposit. He told me not to worry about paying him back, which shocked me. A few years ago, he would have never said those words.
It is a luxury one-bedroom apartment in the same building he lives in, in Jersey City. I almost died when he told me the rent was 2,500 dollars a month, I could get a nice place in Clearwater for a lot less. I was expecting it, though, since living in the city is always more expensive.
With only three thousand dollars in my savings account, Samantha wondered how I would get around the city, knowing I hate public transportation. I told her Scott owned two cars and would let me use one whenever needed. Just until I could afford to make payments for my car. He said I would mainly be using his blacked-out Mercedes Benz to drive him around, so I could use the same one whenever I needed to. I had no problem with that, as my last car was a 2008 Toyota Camry. It was a thirteen-year-old beat-up car, but it got me from point A to point B. My family was not wealthy by any means, but we were blessed with not having to struggle.
I went to Pete's one last time last night to say goodbye to Natalie. She was shocked when I told her. She wanted to ensure I knew what I was doing going back and that I was one hundred percent sure of my choice. She knew what New Jersey meant to me and was happy I had the chance to return, but she also knew the trouble that would come with it.
I told her I had a week to think about my decision and prepared myself the whole time with how to deal with any issues that would arise. I told her I got a hold of my therapist to talk to her about it and how she helped me with a lot of mental preparation. She felt better knowing I sought counseling before I left. She gave me one last sprite, on her, for the road. I will miss her a lot more than she knows.
I'm excited to see Scott again, but a part of me is scared to be back in Jersey. What if my dad is right? I could be making a huge mistake. I did leave for a reason. What if I am not ready to be back here? What if I fall back into my old habits?
My stomach starts hurting, so I ask the dark-haired male attendant for a ginger ale. I crack it open and lay back in my seat. I turn my attention to the fluffy white clouds passing me by outside my window. One more hour and my life is about to change.
"How could you?" a voice asks.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" I ask the old lady next to me.
She shakes her head. The plane hits turbulence and violently shakes. I tightly grab hold of my armrest.
"It's your fault!" the same voice says.
I look at her again. "What's my fault?"
She looks at me with tears in her wrinkled brown eyes, "Ethan!"
My heart skips a beat as my breath becomes shaky. Suddenly the clouds outside turn dark, and lightning appears. The seatbelt sign turns on, and the flight attendants run up the aisle disappearing into the crew compartment. Oh my God. This is it. I'm going to die.
"You should have prevented it." The old lady stares into my eyes.
"I-I couldn't. It wasn't my fault! I wasn't there!" I manage to yell at her, fighting for air.
"It is your fault!" she says again.
I stare straight in front of me, squeezing my eyes shut. Please, God, do not let me die.
"Wake up!" a deep voice pierces in my ear.
I startle awake. My eyes search around me, and I look out into a clear, sunny sky. What the hell?
"Miss, are you okay? You fell asleep, dear. Halfway through." The sweet lady sitting next to me asks.
I try to calm my raddled brain down. I shake my head. "Yeah. I'm fine. I had a bad dream. That's all." I see her husband grab their bags. "Thank you. I'm okay. I hope you have a good trip." I smile.
She nods and takes her bags. I grab mine, exiting the plane. I look back at the plane, shaking away the weird feeling in my mind. Why the hell was that so intense? I thought I was going to die. What the hell is happening to me? I lift my carry-on over my shoulders and head into the terminal.
Newark International Airport is a whole lot busier than Clearwater International Airport. I forgot what it was like living in a fast-paced environment since I got used to a slow-paced leisurely Florida life. Everyone around me is in a rush to get somewhere.
I hear a baby crying and a mother loudly speaking to her husband to hurry up. I turn to see the overwhelmed mother rocking her baby back and forth while her husband digs through the baby bag. I notice another little girl standing next to them with her face glued to her tablet.
I smile as I see the old couple that was sitting next to me, walk up to them. The little girl ran to the old lady, arms stretched out for a hug. The old lady kneels and hugs the little girl tightly. I notice the mother of the little children is the daughter from the photos the old lady showed me. I quietly wish them a good trip.
I make my way to the baggage claim area to pick up my bags. As I walk toward the carousel, I immediately see Scott waving at me. With a bright smile, I hurry to him, slamming into him with a hug. He smells good. It is not a musky smell but a light and sweet one. Scott is your typical cocky male who looks good and knows it. He was not always like that, well, maybe not as much.
Growing up, he was different. He was preppy but not as egotistic as he is now. He was not as slender or muscular either. That did not happen until a year after we graduated high school. He was more like me, husky. He used to always dress in khaki pants and a nice colored button-up shirt like he is now, but instead of khaki pants, he is wearing black dress pants. Thinking back, the only thing that has changed about him is his appearance.
"Grab your bags so we can get out of here, and I can show you your new apartment," he says joyfully, smiling. "You are going to love it."
I excitedly smile back. "I better for the price of it!" He laughs.
I am being serious, but I trust him. When it comes to his taste in things, he leans heavily toward the expensive side. On the other hand, I don't care about the luxurious things in life. As long as it is in good shape, I can live in it.
We make our way out of the airport and to Scott's Mercedes in the parking garage. We load up my stuff and head out.
Being back in New Jersey, seeing the trees all full and green, and the amount of traffic and construction on the roads brings back many memories and feelings. I am happy to be back home, but at the same time, a pinch of sadness appears in the back of my mind. I pray I made the right choice.