⚘ Perfection. ⚘
Eat, sleep, dance.
Then repeat,
Eat, sleep, dance.
That's how the last couple of days have been going. I feel like a robot in the day, and an overworked man in the night. I have been focusing so hard on this dance, focusing on making it perfect, to the point where I might lose myself if I hear the song one more time.
Yet, I listen as it plays. I spin my body around in a circle, and freeze. I stand still, deeply breathing. I start to take a few steps away. Until I feel myself getting harshly grabbed, and I'm suddenly pulled into another's body.
His eyes meet mine, and I feel his hot breath. Our bodies are almost touching, but he looks at me with nothing in his eyes. There is not a single emotion. If there even was, it would be hatred.
He stares at me, and I stare at him. My breath hitches, and his grip on my shirt tightens. His eyes soften. The look of hatred is gone, and it's replaced with something else. His eyes move down on my face, to my lips.
"Alright!" Chan says happily, clapping his hands together.
He pulls away. Minho yanks himself away from me, separating us almost immediately. I feel my breath coming back, and I bend down to grab my knees as I pant. God.
"That's perfect, oh my god it's perfect." Chan speaks eagerly, his excitement very clearly shining through his words. "It was the best choice I ever made to put you guys together."
"Really?" I chuckle.
But no, not really.
Our dance has been perfect. Our performance is perfect, and everybody is amazed. But behind closed doors, when it's just us in the studio, it's the complete opposite from perfect.
We almost got in a fist fight the other day. I missed a cue, and he snapped. I understand being under pressure from everything, I understand not liking me— but you never snap at me. Never put your hands on me, Lee Minho.
Even he knew it. He left immediately, not another word. He didn't speak to me at all the next day. I guess that's his way of apologizing. Lame excuse.
"Hey," I hear Felix's voice. His hand falls on my back. "You okay? You need water?" He asks softly, his hand caressing my back in the most gentle way it could.
I slow my panting, shaking my head. I take a deep breath, standing up. "No, I'm okay." I say, putting a hand on his shoulder.
He looks at me. I can see in his eyes that he doesn't believe me. "I'm not sure.. I'm going to get you water. Is that it though? You seem—"
"I'm okay, Felix. I just danced for hours straight, I'm just a little tired. Okay?" I say softly. "And water would actually be great, so thank you." I smile.
He doesn't seem convinced, but he nods. "Okay." He says. "I'll be right back.."
I smile, and he does too. He starts to walk away to the mini-fridge. I take a deep breath, and turn around. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what I feel.
"Hey."
The voice startles me. I turn around to meet Seungmin. My eyes look over him, and his matching set of sweats. My eyes also go to Chan, who is smiling like a geek as he works on something on his tablet.
"Hyunjin?"
My eyes go back to Seungmin, who is standing in front of me a bit shyly. I raise my brows, and smile at him. "Seungmin." I say. "How are you?"
He starts to smile just a little bit. He readjusts himself, a hand going into his pocket. "I'm okay. I just got out of practice. I stayed a bit longer after the evaluation— to work on my moves. How are.. how are you?" He stutters a little bit.
I chuckle. "I'm good. I just—"
"Here's your water." Felix comes up behind me, a hand going around my waist.
I move my gaze from Seungmin to Felix, taking the water he gave me with a smile. "Thank you." I say. "I was just talking to Seungmin."
I turn back to look at Seungmin, but he looks different now. His shy stance is now straight and tense, and his eyes are focused on something other than my face.
I follow his gaze, to meet the hand at my waist. I furrow my brows. Why is he looking at that? It takes a minute, but I realize what this means, and raise my head to look to Felix. He thinks we are a couple, and he doesn't like it. He doesn't like me with a man. This is bad.
However when my gaze meets Felix, he doesn't look happy. He looks worried. Over god knows what. Maybe he realized as well. I slowly look to Seungmin, but it's worse now. I watch his eyes, and it all starts to click. Jealously.
Seungmin is jealous, and Felix is worried. This is getting really awkward. It's been silent for too long. This is really bad. I look to Felix, but he isn't looking at me. He isn't even looking at Seungmin.
I follow his eyes to.. Minho. He's looking at Minho. Minho is looking at me. He is glaring. I feel the hand on my waist slowly start to fall, and Felix takes a step away.
Wait...
Minho?
"So." Seungmin pipes up, making me look to him. He is looking at me. "There is like this party Chan is talking about taking us to, and he wanted me to come over and ask you if.. well.. you'd be interested in going? Everybody else should be going.."
A party?
Oh my god this is all too much.
"What kind of party?" I furrow my brows. I try to forget whatever the hell went down a few seconds ago. I'm trying so hard to not look over at Minho this very second.
"A party." Seungmin says. "Like, a basic party. There is going to be alcohol, and music. However, it's going to be a bit fancier. Like.. a celebrity party. It's surprising we even got the invite." He chuckles.
"Sounds fun." Felix says, smiling and chuckling. He looks up at me. "I'm in if you are?"
I look down to him. I make a sound as I debate for a second, before I just shrug. I wasn't even debating, I already know my answer. "Yeah, sure. It wouldn't hurt to have fun."
"Yeah!" Felix cheers.
I chuckle.
I spend the rest of my break time talking with the two of them. I don't know what happened earlier, and it isn't brought up again. Seungmin and Felix seem fine, so I don't even think about it.
It's when everybody is leaving the studio I start to think about it. Why did Felix pull away when Minho glared? Was he scared?
I mean that has to be it. Minho doesn't like me, and especially doesn't like me being with the other members. That has to be it. He was scared, and pulled away out of fear. It's bullshit that it happened, but it's understandable in some ways.
I don't move. I'm a bit tired to move, if I'm being honest. I lay on the couch, just staring at the ceiling. I'm lost in my own thoughts. Why why why?
"Hwang."
I snap up at the sound of another person's voice. I thought I was alone. I sit up straight, my legs lifting a bit from when I jumped. I meet eyes with Minho, and start to relax.
It's just Minho.. but what is Minho doing?
I look at him curiously, but he stays where he is. He scoffs. "Are you just going to sit there and stare at me? Come on, get up. We have shit to do." He says, a growl in his voice.
I furrow my brows. What is he talking about?
"What?" I ask.
He sighs. "Did Chan not tell you? Did you not listen? We have work to do."
I stand up, starting to walk over to him. "No, I wasn't told anything. Can you explain?" I cross my arms as I stare at him. I tilt my head.
He squints his eyes. "We're sloppy on the combination move." He says. "Chan wants us to perfect it, because it's the only thing off about our performance."
Ah yes. That move. I sigh.
"But we fought about that move. We shouldn't do it again.." I say.
There is this one move in the dance that we can't handle. It's so awkward when it comes up. We have to be face to face, grab the others neck, and make it look like we are strangling each other— until we both fall to the floor.
This move is the biggest part of our dance. Each duo has a different story, and ours ends with us both dying in the end. We drove ourselves so far apart, that it drives us crazy being together again. So, it ends with us killing each other. We want to live without the other, but it kills us both in the end.
It's deep. Way too deep for me and Minho.
He starts to walk away from me. "You're right, but we need to get it done." He pauses, and turns to me. "And I don't care how much you want to actually strangle me, don't do it again." He warns, before playing the music.
I chuckle, remembering last practice. I got so angry at his constant nagging of how I wasn't doing something properly that I snapped. It was my one chance to do something. Plus, I feel after how he tried to fight me, it was time I get even.
I shake it off though, and begin to move to the music. We follow the choreography. It's kind of awkward doing it alone, just the two of us, but it's what we have to do. After the three minutes and four seconds pass, I run up to Minho.
He runs to me, and we both pause. I breathe heavily and he breathes heavily. He stares into my eyes and I stare into his. I feel my body starting to freeze up, but I try to ignore it as I lunge at him.
I wrap my hand around his neck, and he wraps his around mine. I feel the rush of butterflies fly through me as he does so. I shiver, and try to ignore it. It's a different feeling to have his hand around my neck. I gasp. I feel his grip tighten, and that's when my stomach starts to swirl.
I'm trying not to react so obviously. However, I think I'm failing. His eyes fall on me, and the go down to my shaky legs. They slowly move back up, and I can see a little smile forming on his face.
It comes about time where one of us needs to fall, but neither Minho or I move. I stay completely still, letting his hand around my neck keep me in place. Our eyes stay connected, and I feel the world just starting to stop.
His eyes show something. It's not hatred, and it's not anger. He should be angry. I missed the move, he missed the move— but he isn't. He stays in place, staring into my eyes.
His hot breath is on my face and it's driving me insane. His hand is around my neck and it's making me hot. His eyes are lowering to my lips, and that's when another small gasp escapes my lips.
It isn't until an add starts playing. It isn't until an add starts playing, that he pulls away. The look in his eyes vanish and it's turns to panic. He pulls away from me, stepping back.
My legs go numb. I fall to the floor. I didn't expect too, I didn't want too. He watches as I do. My body hits the wood and I wince. I try to steady my shaky breathing. I'm trying to steady it as I look up to him.
A million questions flow through my mind. But I only get one out. "Why did you pull a—.." I pause, realizing what I was about to ask. I remain silent for a second more before something else comes out. "What was that?" I ask, looking up at him from the floor.
"The move is fine." He spits, backing away. He starts to walk over to the couches where his bag is. He picks it up before turning to me again. "We don't need to practice anymore. The performance is tomorrow, get it right by then."
Thats all he says before he walks to the door, leaving the studio. He leaves me sitting on the floor. I take a deep breath to calm down. It doesn't work. I scream.
"Fuck!" I yell out.
I fall back flat on the floor, just letting myself go.