Warning: Angst, sadness, mention of drug issues, swearing, Spencer crying and reader is brokenhearted. Sorry.
Summary: A few days before the wedding, reader discovers something Spencer had been hiding from her. And she doesn't feel like she can trust him again.
Word count: 11,9K
A/N: I'm sorry, but you didn't actually think I had forgotten about Spencer's mistake, did you?
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Spencer's point of view
(Y/N) and I had successfully avoided JJ for an entire week. She had been pretty busy with her profiler course and case rotation. We had been busy freaking out with our wedding. Everything was ready and signed, but somehow our friends and family were making sure to keep up stressed and nervous about every single detail of the big day. Our vacation started in four days, our wedding was in twelve, and I still found it hard to believe (Y/N) actually wanted to marry me. But believe me, I wasn't going to argue with her about it.
- "Just a few more days"- (Y/N) whispered as we held hands in the elevator- "Are you excited about our honeymoon?"
- "I am excited about being married to you, the trip is just a bonus"- she smiled and blushed as the elevator's door opened in the BAU and immediately we were greeted by JJ and Emily's voices as they walked our way.
- "Hotch says he's never seen a rookie profiler analyze and write up cases as well as you."- Prentiss said, clearly to Jennifer.
- "He said that?"- and she acted surprised.
- "Oh shit"- (Y/N) whispered and I held her hand even tighter- "I don't even want her at the wedding anymore."
- "I know, chipmunk."- I started walking faster and dragged (Y/N) with me the second Prentiss and Jennifer showed up by our side.
- "Hey, where have you guys been? I wanted to do brunch this weekend."- JJ said as soon as we bumped into each other in the hall, but I continued walking and simply ignored her, as I heard (Y/N) reply.
- "We had to deal with some stuff about the wedding. Have you seen Garcia?"
- "Uh, she's with Rossi."- Jennifer answered and stayed behind as we ran away from her as fast as possible. No, we weren't being subtle about our anger. But if you asked us back then, we weren't even trying to be.
- "Suddenly, four more days sound like an eternity"- (Y/N) murmured as we left our things at our desks and I simply shook my head.
- "You've got this, chipmunk, trust me. Next Monday we are going to be at home, having coffee on our own."
- "In a week we are going to be picking up your mom and aunt Ethel from the airport"- I chuckled and shook my head- "But I get the point, just a few more days of this."
Yes, we were not acting very maturely, I was aware of that. But we were mad and hurt and neither of us wanted to be the bigger man or woman. You get the point. It didn't help that when we shared the whole story with Frank, Lu, and Mikey, they all supported us. No one should lie to a friend the way JJ lied to us. End of the story.
We had a case
- "I am having a Fellini festival at my house this weekend and I must serve the beautiful food of his country."- Penelope was talking about food with Rossi, but I didn't register much of what was being said around the table. I kept reading the book I had started that morning, doing my best to avoid eye contact with JJ, who sat right across the table from us.
- "Maybe you should show a Disney film and stick with burgers."- Rossi replied and (Y/N) giggled. I held her hand underneath the table and played with her fingers for a minute, enjoying the soothing feeling of her presence.
- "You know, Rossi, you could always give Penelope a cooking lesson."- I heard Morgan suggesting.
- "Oh, my gosh, that would be amazing. That would be like... that would be like the Iron Chef meets the BAU. And we could do it at your house!"- Garcia was way too excited about it already.
- "I don't have a house. I have a mansion."- Rossi corrected her, and (Y/N) chuckled at those words.
- "All right, let's get started."- Hotch's voice made me leave the book on the table and I immediately glued my eyes on the screen ahead of us. Garcia stood up and started presenting the one that was meant to be the last case (Y/N) and I worked on before our wedding. Somehow, it felt exciting. It was also the first case with JJ officially as a profiler, which wasn't exciting at all. It meant she was going to be out in the field with us and that only meant having to talk to her.
- "All right. Mes amis, you are jetting to Durant, Oklahoma, because in the last three days, two women have been found dead after being sexually tortured and then blinded with a sulfuric acid solution. Abby Elcott is our first victim, a 19-year-old art student. She was heading to campus for an advanced drawing class. She'd been missing for two days. The same goes for our second victim, Beth Westerly, 17. She had just finished her coffee shop shift and was on her way to a bar method class."- Pen explained and nearly didn't breathe during her speech.
- "Both low-risk victims."- Emily pointed out.
- "And obviously physically similar."- (Y/N) added, considering both girls were young, tall, thin, and with long blonde hair.
- "How close are the two abduction sites?"- Rossi asked and Penelope showed them on the map on the screen.
- "Five miles apart at bus stops. Abby's cell was found near one, Beth's scarf near the other."
- "Where were the dump sites?"- I asked and she quickly showed me.
- "One in an alley, the other in a field."
- "So he stapled their eyes open, then he blinded them?"- JJ pointed out and turned to me, maybe waiting for my thoughts or reply. She didn't get any. Instead, I focused my eyes on the paper and Morgan quickly started talking.
- "It's about power and control. Maybe he didn't want them to watch while he hurt 'em."
- "Or it could be about shame."- (Y/N) added and I quickly nodded.
- "Yes, ma cherié. Perhaps the unsub has disfigured himself. Blinding the victims leaves them helpless, lost, and totally dependent. Maybe a manifestation of how he sees himself in this world."
I never refer to (Y/N) as "cherié" when we are working. Never. It hasn't slipped in a briefing meeting before, and that day, I did it on purpose. Hotch turned to me and raised an eyebrow just as Emily nodded and continued with my point.
- "It is a form of enucleation, just without the scalpel."
- "Exactly. His face is the last they see before darkness."- (Y/N) added and looked at Emily as Hotch grabbed his notes and stood up.
- "Garcia, come up with a list of jobs that would give the UnSub access to sulfuric acid. The rest of us, wheels up in 30 minutes."
- "We are not being subtle"- (Y/N) whispered as we sat side by side on the couch in the yet. That was our favorite spot when we wanted to be apart from the rest of the team.
- "Do we want to?"
- "No, but I was starting to enjoy not being scolded by Hotch after Ashley's departure"- I held her hand and kissed it.
- "Four more days"- she nodded with a grin and sighed.
- "It'll surely be weird not working for an entire month"
- "Oh, are you guys talking about your honeymoon?"- JJ showed up with Emily and I immediately grabbed a book. If it wasn't work-related, I really didn't want to talk to JJ.
- "Yes."- (Y/N) simply replied and stayed quiet.
- "When do you leave?"- JJ asked her and kept looking at her
- "The day after the wedding."
- "Which is your first stop?"
- "London. I'm gonna make us some tea before we take off."- my fianceé said and stood up, running away from JJ. I focused on the book and didn't move a muscle until I was sure JJ and Emily were no longer around me. I wasn't holding anything against Prentiss, it was JJ the one I blamed, 100% for lying and never comforting (Y/N) or myself during our darkest days.
- "The victimology is very similar. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed teenage girls."- Hotch started analyzing what we knew so far about the case. He sat by our side and went through the photos. (Y/N) and I kept taking notes as the rest of the team talked.
- "We believe they were each abducted near public transportation stops."- JJ said and neither of us looked at her.
- "When was this photo taken?"- Prentiss asked and (Y/N) quickly answered.
- "Beth was caught on a bank surveillance camera three hours before she disappeared. That's a recent photo of Abby."
- "So she wasn't found in the same clothes she was abducted in."- Em showed us another picture in another outfit.
- "Maybe he changed them because hers were burned by the sulfuric acid."- Rossi suggested and I answered.
- "It's possible. Sulfuric acid can turn human flesh into soap."
- "Garcia, any recent similar cases in the surrounding area?"- Hotch asked.
- "Actually, yes. Two months ago, a prostitute and a runaway were both found raped and killed, and they had stab wounds to their eyes."
- "So maybe he practiced on high-risk victims first."- JJ pointed out the obvious, again.
- "And then advanced to chemical enucleation."- Morgan added
- "Isn't that a rare paraphilia?"- JJ asked, and looked at me waiting for an answer. She didn't get it. Instead, Emily replied.
- "Well, the chemical part is. It would exacerbate the pain."
- "Like Ed Kemper"- Rossi said- "He's probably practicing on surrogates before going after the real object of his rage."
- "Dave, you and I will talk to the parents. Morgan and Prentiss, go to the disposal sites. JJ, you (Y/L/N) and Reid to the abduction sites."- Hotch divided chores and I quickly resumed my reading. (Y/N) shared with me her notes and we started talking about a possible geographical profile.
This wasn't going to end well, I knew it. I was too mad at JJ to work with her, and (Y/N) was too mad at her as well to stop me.
(Y/N)'s point of view
Of course, Hotch would pair us with JJ that day. It was clear there was something off and he wanted us to work through our differences. Such a dad move. Spencer drove us in silence, all we ever talked about was the case. JJ tried to make small talk but neither of us replied much. As soon as we got to the first abduction site, Spencer walked fast and took a look around.
- "So, Beth got off the bus here and headed northwest toward class."- Spencer said and looked at me.
- "Yes, she was on time which means she didn't have much time to stop and chat with random people. Our unsub was fast."- I added and followed him.
- "It's amazing no one witnessed her abduction."- JJ said and Spencer's answer was faster than mine.
- "Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything is possible, right?"
- "So that is what this is about."- JJ replied, confirming what was obvious.
- "You know, maybe our unsub is a little bit like Bundy and he feigned an injury in order to get her to help him."- I started talking and didn't let Jeniffer continue with whatever it is that she wanted to say.
- "Spence, (Y/N), if you want to talk about..."- we both turned our backs to her and continued looking around like we had lost anything in those few blocks. We had in fact lost something: our trust in JJ.
- "Chipmunk, maybe he tried another tactic and was like, "Wow, you're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take your photo."
- "That's a very common technique to get a girl's attention, hon. But we have no proof of anything, just speculation."
- "I'll take that as a no."- JJ mumbled and tried to follow us.
- "Either one would disarm her."- Spencer looked at me and I nodded.
- "Charm's quite the killer."- JJ suggested and crossed her arms on her chest. I turned to her and raised an eyebrow.
- "So are tears."- and the look in her eyes was both filled with pain and anger. Good, I wanted her to be mad at me the way I was mad at her.
- "Whatever his ruse was, the unsub most likely used it to get her into his vehicle."- Spencer landed a hand on my shoulder and made me turn to him with a nod.
- "Well, if Abby was last seen at a bus stop a few miles away, then he definitely has means of transportation."- JJ waited for us to reply, but we didn't. Instead, Spencer held my hand and started walking me back to the van.
- "Hopefully, the disposal site will tell us more."
I know I was being mean to my friend, but that friend had lied to me and my future husband right on our faces for months, mocking our pain. I didn't even want to be in the same car as her that day, less having to pretend everything was ok.
Rossi was talking with the police when we got to the nearest disposal site. Spencer parked and I literally ran out of the van, to put as much distance between me and JJ as possible.
- "Again he's disposing in an area frequented by homeless people."- Rossi explained to us as we walked through a bunch of police force and forensics.
- "It's equidistant to the last two dump sites."- Spencer pointed out. I kneeled down and took a look at the corpse. It was burned with what seemed to be acid around her face.
- "He burned her tongue with the chemical this time."- JJ said, stealing the words from me.
- "So he removed her ability to taste."- Rossi frowned and looked at the victim, trying to understand.
- "Why would he do that?"- one of the cops asked and Spencer immediately started explaining.
- "Historically, this kind of torture was used to prevent someone from revealing a secret."
- "Can you imagine this was normal behavior?"- I asked and kept my eyes on the corps- "The number of people there would be walking around with their mouths burned with acid..."- I could feel JJ's eyes on me as I spoke, but refused to look at her the entire time.
- "Maybe she offended him."- the detective suggested.
- "I wonder what that's like."- Spencer quickly replied. Yes, we were brats. And I still regret nothing.
- "Her lips are extremely chapped."- Rossi's words forced us to re-focus on the case.
- "Probably she was forced to repeatedly participate in some sort of kissing fantasy."- I suggested and JJ decided it was a great moment to start talking again and basically just point out the obvious.
- "And when things go awry, he takes the offending sense away."
- "He tortured her in these clothes, which means the eighties are essential to his delusion."- Spencer ignored her and continued analyzing the victim's outfit.
- "Yes, I would say that's when this rejection occurred and he held on to the clothes all these years."- I added and looked at my fiance as he nodded at me in agreement.
- "And now he's attacking girls who remind him of women from that time."- JJ concluded with an obvious opinion. Spencer just looked at me and said
- "He's fixated on her type and remake them fit his fantasy."
- "But why start now?"- the detective asked. JJ made a pause and looked at us.
- "Something probably triggered it, and instead of dealing with it, he's acting out."
Spencer and I looked at her at the same time. I raised an eyebrow as she stared at me, almost defiant.
- "Great analysis, Jennifer. Thank you for sharing."- I replied as I felt Spencer's hand in mine, crawling me away from the scene.
- "Four days is way too much time."- I argued as I closed the SUV door and sighed. Spencer got behind the wheel and started driving us away from the crime scene in less than a minute.
- "I know, my cheriè. Just focus on the case, we have to solve this and go back home."
- "Can't we just elope, get married in Vegas, and leave for our honeymoon right now?"- I closed my eyes and rested my head on the seat. Spencer held my hand as he drove, and caressed my skin carefully with his long fingers.
- "You deserve way better than just eloping, chipmunk. You deserve the whole world and the perfect wedding."- his words were sweet in contrast with the cruel reality we were dealing with.
- "The only thing I care about is getting married to you. The rest ain't that important, as long as I have you."- I opened my eyes and stared at him. He looked at me for a moment and continued driving. His cheeks were blushed and his eyes were teary. My sweet fiance never took compliments well, and I knew it. Still, I had to tell him how I felt, though it was still somehow nerve-wracking.
Yes, Spencer still made me feel nervous. The butterflies in my stomach were always crazy when I was around him.
- "So, how are we going to deal with JJ these days?"- I asked him and he hummed.
- "We should just try to stay away from her and don't speak to her about anything that's not case related."
- "Easier said than done"- I mumbled.
- "I know, but what other choice do we have?"- I thought about it and sighed.
- "I'm still not sure I want her at the wedding."
- "Me neither, chipmunk. Trust me."
When we arrived at the station, Rossi and JJ were already there. Spencer and I had taken a detour to get iced coffee on our way back. It only took us five more minutes, but I could see on Hotch's face he was already upset with us. That was not what I needed at the moment, but we were already deep into the mess.
Hotch didn't say a word to us, instead, he gathered the police force and asked us to release the profile of the unsub. I could use some work to focus on, instead of my anger. So I stood up in front of the entire police department and started talking.
- "We believe the unsub, or unknown subject, that we're looking for is a white male in his 40s. This is someone who's reacting to rejection by a woman when he was a teenager in the 1980s. He's punishing his victims for their reactions to him by taking away their senses with sulfuric acid."
- "We believe our unsub could possibly work part-time as a janitor or a mechanic, which would give him access to this chemical."- Rossi added as I turned to Spencer and he smiled at me, nodding.
- "And after studying the disposal sites, we think it's likely that he is homeless."- Morgan continued- "Now, how do we typically react toward the homeless? We judge them by their looks and smells. It's that same negative reaction we believe that a woman had toward the unsub at some point in the eighties."
- "The unsub's fixation on this woman is now all-consuming."- Prentiss started explaining- "It's caused him to develop obsessive love disorder. He most likely has tunnel vision and believes that she holds the key to his happiness. He will stalk her in an attempt to win her back."
- "He will do whatever it takes to be near his love interest."- I added -"But her rejection will spiral him into a depression."
- "Which would lead to rape and murder of the surrogates who represent her."- Spencer finally spoke and I nodded at his words immediately- "And it's only a matter of time before this rage and anger cause the unsub to go after her directly."
Police exited the room after a few minutes. Hotch looked at me and nodded in what I figured was the approval of my presentation delivering the profile, and I thought things might actually be a little better. But JJ had other plans. She cornered Spencer in the briefing room and from what I could notice, she had started pushing him to talk about the whole issue. I quickly walked over and looked at her, crossing my arms on my chest, and looking seriously into her eyes.
- "What do you want Jennifer?"- I asked and she widened her eyes, surprised by my tone, I guess.
- "(Y/N), Spence. We gotta talk about this."
- "I told you, we don't want to talk about it."- Spencer answered and kept gathering some papers from the table. I started helping so he could finish quickly and get the fuck out of there.
- "I get it, ok? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily."
- "Listen, we have a lot going on, all right?"- Spencer didn't even look at her, he kept his eyes on the files and folders as he tried to leave the room with me, but JJ stopped him.
- "You know what I think it is?"- her voice was suddenly defiant. Spencer stood in front of her and raised an eyebrow waiting for her speech.
- "What?"
- "You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro-expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception."- she said to my soon-to-be husband- "And you are mad 'cos Hotch trusted me with the secret instead of you"- she added, staring at me. I opened my mouth to start cursing her, my hands shaking with anger. But Spencer stopped me. He held my hand and stood in front of me, basically shielding me from JJ's bullshit.
- "You think it's about my profiling skills? That you just hurt our ego?"- and that bitch simply shrugged- "Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you."
- "Spence..."- she tried to explain, but I took a step closer to her and held onto my boyfriend's hand tight.
- "You really don't know us if you think what you hurt is as mundane as our pride. I don't care if Hotch wants you to know all his secrets. Under any other circumstances, I would have been happy for you. But not now, not like this, not after you laughed at us."
- "Laughed?! (Y/N), when did I laugh at you?"- JJ was mad and hurt, her voice was shaky as she tried to defend herself.
- "We came to your house for 10 weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell us the truth."- Spencer spat each word as JJ stared at us making her best to keep her shit together.
- "I couldn't!"
- "You couldn't? Or you wouldn't?"- I questioned her and she looked at me with tears in her eyes.
- "No, I couldn't, (Y/N)."
- "What if I started taking Dilaudid again? Would you have let me?"- Spencer questioned her and the thought of him getting back into drugs slapped me all of a sudden. Yes, I had considered that option, but Reid never gave me any sign he might actually fall back into old habits.
- "You didn't."
- "Yeah, but I thought about it."- Spencer held my hand tight and started walking out of the room with me.
- "Spence!"- JJ begged, as tears started falling down her eyes. But my boyfriend didn't even flinch. He looked at her and shrugged, annoyed, and started walking away again.
- "I'm so sorry"- JJ whispered, looking at me.
- "It's too late for that, alright?"- I answered, shaking my head, and followed Spencer on his way out of the station.
- "Spence, (Y/N)"- I heard Prentiss calling our names and I turned to look at her. She was puzzled and probably feeling guilty. But we held nothing against her. It was all JJ. She was our problem.
- "We are gonna get in trouble with Hotch after that"- I said as I sat on the front steps of the station. Spencer stood in front of me, arms crossed on his chest as he continued walking back and forth.
- "I'm sorry, chipmunk."
- "Why are you apologizing for?"
- "I think I might have pushed it a little too far against JJ"- I shook my head and sighed. I wanted to ask but I was afraid of the answer. But I figured I had to do it just as a band-aid. Quick and painless.
- "You didn't actually think about taking Dilaudid again, right?"- my question was meant to be an affirmation, but it sounded so insecure and shaky, that I embarrassed myself. I looked at my hands as I asked and waited for Spencer's answer. He sighed and looked at me, walking to me and kneeling in front of me.
- "Of course not, chipmunk. I would never do that to you."- I sighed relieved and smiled at him, feeling his lips on mine as his hands cupped my face carefully.
- "Thank god. I don't think I could ever go through that again."- I admitted as he rubbed his lips against mine. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the sensation and the warmth of his touch- "I just love you too much. It would kill me to see you in so much pain one more time."
- "Don't worry, ma cherie. That's never gonna happen."- he whispered and kissed me again. This time embracing me with a passion and love he didn't usually share during working hours. His tongue parted my lips and explored my mouth sweetly, tasting every inch. I let out a soft moan, and that just encouraged him. His hands moved from my cheeks to my waist, pulling me against his body, making me feel loved and cared for. And by the way, he was holding me so tight, anyone would say Spencer was afraid I was going to escape.
- "Come on, cool off"- I managed to whisper, still feeling him rubbing his lips against mine- "We are still at work. And already in trouble with our boss, I am afraid."
- "I'm so sorry"- he mumbled and sighed, kissing my lips one more time before moving from me and starting to pace in front of me.
- "We should try to solve this case so we can go home and... share rooms again."- I said and winked, trying to cheer him up.
- "Are you really going to marry me?"- Spencer asked all of a sudden. I raised an eyebrow as I stared at his sweet chocolate eyes, staring at me, waiting for an honest answer. Where did all that insecurity come from?
- "Not only will I marry you, I am also going to be with you until death do us part."
Spencer's point of view
I didn't only feel like scum, but I was also terrified. Why did I have to mention Dilaudid in front of (Y/N)? Why was I so emotional and careless to say the one word that could bring this whole relationship to an end? I just wanted to hurt JJ, I know. But I was irresponsible. I was stupid. And the worst part was knowing I had no time to think about it. I had to solve a case first and pretend everything was ok later. I didn't want (Y/N) to worry or see through me, read my insecurities and my truth.
I did what I did best, I hid at work and dragged (Y/N) along with me, to keep her from thinking about me and Dilaudid ever again. We started talking about the case, went through all the information we had, and decided we might have made a mistake in our profile. We might have overlooked one detail that could change the unsub we were looking for dramatically.
- "I don't wanna go in there after the scene we made"- my girlfriend whispered as soon as we stepped into the police station. The team was gathered in a meeting room and I knew she wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of my outburst. But we had to work.
- "I'm here chipmunk. Nothing is gonna happen. You know that right?"- I whispered and cut her a warm smile, trying to reassure her I was going to protect her. I would, I wanted to. I needed to know I was able to keep her safe from any harm. She nodded as my thumbs carefully caressed her cheeks for a moment. I knew that wasn't the correct behavior, but honestly, I didn't care anymore. Nothing was ever going to stop me from protecting (Y/N).
We walked into the meeting room as if nothing had happened earlier and I simply started talking.
- "I don't think we're dealing with a typical homeless person."- and just like that, the entire team looked at me- "He's good with chemicals, and owns a car. I think the only mistake in our profile was assuming there was something wrong with his physical composition, reducing him to some sort of stereotype."
- "You think it's only his mental state?"- Rossi questioned.
- "I think this guy might be smart enough to use his disability to his advantage so he comes across as harmless."
- "And then, when he's alone and the victim rejects him, he goes off."- (Y/N) added, crossing her arms on her chest, trying not to show how uncomfortable she felt.
- "What if he doesn't live on the street? What if he's in a halfway house?"- JJ asked and I kept my eyes on Hotch. He just grabbed his phone and dialed.
- "Garcia, I need a list of halfway houses and mental health centers in the unsub's comfort zone."
- "Ok. Five are being sent to your phones."- we all heard Penelope announcing.
- "Which of those were around in the eighties, Garcia?"- (Y/N) asked.
- "There are two in your area, munchkin."
- "Morgan and Prentiss, take the first."- Hotch announced- "Dave and I will take the second."
- "What about us?"- JJ asked the obvious question and I unconsciously landed a hand on (Y/N)'s back, trying to comfort her.
- "Stay here and check ViCAP for similar M. O.s and signatures."- everyone stepped out of the room, including (Y/N), who walked to the desk where she had left all the folders. And just as I started following her, Hotch called me.
- "Reid."- I knew what this was about, and I was glad he was talking to me and not with her. She really didn't have to be scolded this time- "If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me."
I hesitated for a second, trying not to look him in the eyes 'cos it was still something very hard for me to deal with. I was mad at my friend, not at my boss. And no matter how close Aaron was with us, he wasn't technically my friend. He was closer to a father figure than anything else.
- "I can't. I didn't come to your house crying for ten weeks."- that was the only explanation I could give him, 'cos it was my truth.
The following morning we had a missing girl and still no suspect. (Y/N) hadn't mentioned Dilaudid again and I was praying for the word to simply vanish from her vocabulary. I had made my best to keep her focused on the case and on the wedding. But it was challenging at the moment, 'cos Hotch had decided to pair me with Rossi and leave her on the station with JJ. And no matter how much I begged him, he didn't change his mind.
- "So kids spill out of the motel toward the cars. If Tammy walked this way, how could she disappear without anyone seeing her?"- Rossi said as we walked out of one of the rooms and analyzed the whole perimeter.
- "Someone would have heard her scream."- I answered, taking a look around, trying to picture the entire place filled with teenagers.
- "That's if she screamed. Unlike the last three abduction sites, this one is nowhere near public transportation. Maybe she knew the unsub."
- "Or thought she did."- I ramble and catch a glimpse of empathy in Rossi's eyes- "What if Tammy was the target all along? That would explain the change in the M. O."
- "So whoever did this knew she was coming here."
- "I'm gonna call Hotch"- I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed. I also wanted to call (Y/N) and ask her if she was ok alone at the police station with JJ. But I couldn't. After I hung up with Hotch, Rossi grabbed my arm and stopped me.
- "Kid, after Prentiss came back things have been hard on the entire team, not just you."- suddenly I knew exactly where that was going, and I didn't appreciate it one bit.
- "Rossi, thank you, but I don't wanna talk about this right now."
- "I'm just trying to tell you you are not the only one who feels betrayed. But you can't just be mad at JJ for doing her job."
- "Her job? So her job was to lie to us, even when she saw us at our lowest for weeks?"- I was doing my best not to raise my voice, but I knew I was failing at that task. I really was running low on patience that day and I didn't want to continue talking about the same subject.
- "This was bigger than just sharing information, kid."- Rossi stood in front of me and looked straight into my eyes, something I wanted to avoid by all means- "This was about keeping Prentiss alive, and Hotch knew that."
- "But that secret nearly killed us."- I argued back and looked down at my shoes- "(Y/N) was in deep grief, and for a minute I thought I was going to lose my sanity. This hit us hard, and JJ saw us, she was there, and she didn't do anything."
- "Only because she couldn't! Not because she didn't care about you."
- "I don't even care about me anymore, it's the hurt on (Y/N) that bothers me the most. I don't ever wanna see her crying like she did when we thought Emily was dead."- I started walking back to the car.
- "You can't keep her from pain, Reid. That's just life. But as her husband you can support her and love her through the rough times."- Rossi followed me and got into the SUV- "And maybe helping her forgive JJ and leaving this whole deal behind might be the right thing to do."
I looked at David knowing there was nothing I could ever say that might help him understand how I felt. So I decided not to argue with him anymore and just leave the whole deal alone. I simply nodded and grabbed my phone as it hummed, letting me know I had a new text.
- "I've got a cupcake with your name on it"- I read and smiled.
- "I know the feeling, Reid"- Rossi said after a few minutes of driving in silence- "How it feels like when your blood boils in anger when you see someone hurting the woman you love."- I looked out of the window and sighed. I really didn't want to continue with the lecture.
Lucky for me, Morgan called and told us there was a suspect. We finally got a name. And two garages he worked on. In two hours, we had the unsub at the station, and Prentiss and Morgan were on their way with the police to get the latest victim, luckily alive. It was her own uncle who kidnapped and tortured her. Rossi was right, it was someone she knew.
By the end of the day, we were on the jet, on our way back home. (Y/N) was asleep on the couch by my side, and I entertained myself with a few books before we landed. Anything to keep me from thinking, or from talking with JJ.
- "So, the surgeon said he believes he can restore feeling to Tammy's hands."- Emily whispered as she sat in front of me suddenly. I kept my eyes on the book and simply replied.
- "Good. We got there in time."
- "I heard Mr. Bradstone wants to watch the tape."- she continued talking, not getting the hint I wasn't in the mood for a conversation. I still felt guilty about it though. There she was, alive and well, and I still didn't feel like having a conversation with her despite the fact I had missed her for over ten weeks.
- "People have an innate curiosity to see things in order to confirm them."- I replied and turned the page of my book.
- "Oh, that explains why I'm going to Rossi's tomorrow night. I want to see if he really can cook. You guys coming?"- she sounded so happy, so excited to spend time with us. So alive, if that makes any logical sense.
- "I don't know. I'm not so sure we can make it. We still have some things about the wedding we have to take care of"- I lied between my teeth knowing she would see through my deceit in a second.
- "Look, Reid, I know you're mad at us because we didn't tell you what really happened, and I understand that. But I promise you, we had no choice."- she made a long pause and I felt her eyes on me, so I looked at her for a second, feeling my heart tighten into my chest. I wasn't mad at her, I was glad she was there, alive and trying to preach to me. It was hard not to smile at her.
- "You mourned the loss of a friend. I mourned the loss of 6."- I opened my mouth, but not a word came out of it. (Y/N) moved on her seat and I turned to her, afraid we might have woken her up. But no, she was still out.
- "This whole thing gave me an ulcer. Please don't give me another one. Are you gonna go to Rossi's tomorrow?"
- "We'll see."- I whispered, knowing she had a point. I was still mad at JJ, but I knew I had to leave it behind for the sake of our mental health, and the team.
- "Also, I need to throw a bachelorette party for your future wife, so please don't let her be mad at me any longer. I miss her."- Prentiss whispered as she stood up and walked away. I looked at (Y/N) and sighed. All I wanted was to see her happy. Would forgiving JJ help her smile again?
Wednesday night I drove us to Rossi's after a long talk. We didn't want to be the ones causing trouble in the team, though I knew it was going to take more than just a cooking class for us. We were mad at JJ and a part of the trust had been broken. But (Y/N) had made a point after we discussed it.
- "We've been through a lot in the last six years. I don't wanna let this argument get the best of us. And arguing with JJ is exhausting."
I agreed with her only because I wanted to see her happy. I was still upset with the whole deal, but if she was ready to put it behind us, then so it should be.
Still, it was weird driving over to Rossi's after everything we had done that week. I knew we hadn't been nice or even mature dealing with the whole deal, and clearly, we were going to have to work on an apology for the team in the close future.
- "Reids! You made it!"- Morgan opened the front door and smiled at us - "Come in, we were just getting started."- I closed the door behind our back and walked to the kitchen, where Rossi held a pan with what seemed to be onion and pancetta.
- "We can still turn around and leave"- I whispered and felt (Y/N)'s hand squeezing mine.
- "Let's just endure it and when we are back home, maybe I will reward you, daddy."- she murmured in my ear and giggled.
- "Hands where I can see them"- Morgan teased and (Y/N) giggled.
- "Sorry we are late"- I waved and took a look at the team. JJ turned to us and smiled shyly, almost scared we were going to snap at her... as we had done for the last week. I cut her an awkward smile and stood by the kitchen aisle, next to (Y/N).
- "Are we drinking already?"- she asked as Rossi put two glasses of red wine in front of us.
- "He hasn't let us even sip it!"- Garcia complained immediately.
- "Yes, when do we get to drink the wine?"- Emily asked.
- "Almost there"- Rossi answered, still fully focused on the pan- "Ok, we start at the beginning. You eat what you cook, I'll supervise, but we're gonna do this all together, just like a family."
- "Ok now?"- JJ asked raising her glass of wine
- "Now."- Rossi grabbed his glass and raised it. We all followed him, saying cheers.
- "Do we all really have to cook?"- Emily asked leaving her glass on the table a few seconds later.
- "Yes, we do."- David replied and raised an eyebrow.
- "Come on, zombie Prentiss, you don't even have to chop the onion!"- (Y/N) argued, making me chuckle at the nickname.
- "Did you just call me a zombie?"- Emily widened her eyes.
- "Weren't you dead a few days ago?"- (Y/N) replied with an adorable smile.
- "You are so lucky I love you, (Y/N)."- Prentiss added and hugged my girlfriend carefully.
- "Rumor says around the BAU that you wanted to throw me a bachelorette party."- Emily's face lightened up with those words.
- "I do! We do! Are you serious?! Can we all?"- I looked at Garcia and JJ and the two of them seemed to be both excited and nervous about the answer.
- "Of course, you can! I was counting on it! You and Lu are my only girlfriends ever!! You are basically my entire bridesmaid's squad!"
- "Did you hear that, pretty boy? Your lady is going out with her friends"- Morgan sipped his wine and looked at me raising an eyebrow- "That means we have to schedule your bachelor party as well."
- "And don't forget to invite Mikey and Frank!"- (Y/N) added looking at our friend.-"They would go bonkers if they miss a stripper party."
- "Are you gonna let him go?"- Morgan asked her, almost shocked.
- "Why wouldn't I? He is not gonna cheat with a stripper, most likely, he will try not to even touch one because of the number of germs they might have."- I shook my head and sipped my glass of wine as everybody around us laughed. My girlfriend was right, one more time.
- "Alright kids, let's cook!"- Rossi commanded and guided us to the stove. (Y/N) turned to me and smiled. She seemed happy, and that was all that mattered at that minute to me.
(Y/N)'s point of view
Around ten, after we cooked and enjoyed dinner, Rossi invited us out to his patio for a drink. I was excited to have a glass of his favorite scotch, 'cos damn! that thing was good!
- "If Spencer asks, can you tell him I went out for a second to pick something from the car?"- I asked Penelope, who was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend was currently helping Rossi with the booze, and I didn't want him to get worried.
It was a cold night and I had forgotten to bring my jacket inside the house. I wasn't even sure I had brought one along, but I knew I had some of Spencer's in the trunk of the car 'cos I has planned to have them dry clean before our honeymoon.
I opened the trunk and went through some of the bags we had there. I knew I had to take a minute of my day to clean the back of that car, but days were crazy at that point in life, and I didn't have enough time. I just grabbed one of Spencer's jackets (one of my favorites) and put it on. I knew he wasn't going to get mad at me 'cos he loved to see me in his clothes. Besides, I loved wearing anything of his, 'cos it felt like he was hugging me the entire time.
I rushed back inside the house and closed the door behind my back. I could hear our friend's laughter from the backyard and made my way over quickly, chilling. I put my hands inside the pockets as I walked faster, seeing Spencer waiting for me, standing next to my seat, holding a glass of scotch.
But in a second, I stopped. I felt something inside the pocket. My hand grabbed a small bottle. I took it and simply looked at it as my entire world crumbled in a second. It was Dilaudid. A whole bottle of that shit, hidden in my boyfriend's jacket.
I held it, as tears filled my eyes. I felt my breath leave my lungs, as everything I thought was real turned into a bunch of lies. Spencer had Dilaudid this entire time. I was about to marry a liar, and clearly, a drug addict.
- "(Y/N)?"- he called out my name as he stared at me from the other side of the room. I kept my eyes glued to the bottle for a few minutes before I turned to him. He was pale, in shock and petrified I knew his secret.
- "(Y/N), wait!"- I heard him beg as I turned around and ran out of Rossi's. I ran as fast as I could until I made it to the car and started it.
- "(Y/N)! Please stop!! Let me explain!!"- Spencer yelled and tapped on the window of the car before I started the engine and drove away as fast as I could, leaving him screaming behind.
No, I didn't want his explanations, I didn't want to hear anything from him. I wanted to get away from that fucking liar as fast as possible.
He got drugs. He was using again. All that shit he kept saying about him never lying to me was nothing but bullshit. My hands were shaking as I drove with no destination. I didn't want to go back to our apartment. I didn't want to go anywhere he could find me. I wanted to disappear and get away from Spencer Reid.
I had never felt like that before. Not even once. I guess I had never felt betrayed by him before.
I tried to find my cell phone or my purse, but as I rushed out, I left them at Rossi's. It was a good thing in a way, at least Spencer wasn't going to call me. So I just drove and cried for a good hour, trying to put as much distance as possible between us. I didn't even have the keys to our apartment, but I didn't want to go there. I didn't want to go anywhere, I just wanted to disappear. I didn't have a wallet or my ID either. Not even my badge... but at that minute all I could think of was Spencer using Dilaudid and fooling me about it. Since when? Where was he using? After I slept? During cases?
And why did he relapse? It just wasn't fair! Was it because of Emily's dead? Maybe what he had said to JJ that week wasn't a lie and he had gotten drugs to avoid thinking about Prentiss and simply numb himself.
How couldn't he just trust me? Tell me he was feeling weak? I would have helped him, I would have given my life for him! How could he just betray me like that? He claimed to love me more than anyone else on earth, but how was he doing such a thing behind my back?
- "I hate you!!"- I yelled, sobbing as I hit the wheel.
I drove over two hours without a destination. In silence. I swear I couldn't even think straight. I couldn't hold a thought in my head. I mostly just sobbed and cursed. I knew I wasn't going to go home that night, and I couldn't just crush Penelope's or Prentiss'. Spencer would definitely look for me at Frank's, Lu's, and Mikey's. So I turned to the one person I didn't want to be with during those circumstances, most of all because I didn't want to explain anything and she was going to ask too many questions.
- "Baby, what are you doing here so late?"- mom opened the front door and stared at me in shock. My chin just quivered and I started crying again- "Oh my god! What happened? Are you hurt?"- she opened her arms and held me tight.
- "Can I stay here tonight?"
- "Of course, baby! Come on inside! You are shaking! Let me make you some tea."
- "Can you make it a scotch?"- mom didn't argue, she just nodded as she closed the door behind our back.
- "What happened?"- I followed her to the kitchen and sat at the aisle, watching her pouring a glass of scotch for me and one for her.
- "Spencer and I had an argument and I don't wanna see him right now."
- "Why? Oh my god! Did he cheat? 'Cos if he did, I'm gonna kill him!"- I shook my head as I stared at mom's face turning red with anger in a second.
- "No, but he lied and I found out the hard way. It's... I don't wanna talk about it, mom."- Sofia just walked to me and hugged me. I had to bite my lips not to continue crying.
- "My baby, and a week before the wedding. There isn't a worse time for an argument than this."
The wedding. I had forgotten. But I couldn't think of that at that minute. I was too upset to collect my thoughts and be rational. I just wanted to drink and forget at that minute.
Of course, I wasn't going to be able to do either of those things, 'cos the bell rang, and then someone knocked at the door frantically. I knew I had hidden the car in the garage, if Spencer was there looking for me, he couldn't know I was in fact in the house.
- "That's him. I am not here"- I said to my mom and grabbed my glass, running upstairs. Mom sighed and walked to the door. I hid upstairs and closed my eyes, in a futile effort to turn invisible, I think.
- "Spencer! What happened? You scared me! Is there something wrong? Is my daughter ok?"
- "Sofia, I am sorry to bother you so late at night, but... have you seen (Y/N)?"
- "No, I haven't seen her in days. Why? What happened? Is everything ok?"- I have to give kudos to my mom, she is an excellent actress. I was sure she was fooling Spencer.
- "We... we just had a small argument and she ran off. I am worried 'cos she left her cell phone and her keys and I don't know where she is."
- "I am so sorry to hear that Spencer, but if it was a small argument, I am sure she will reconsider and come back home very soon."
- "If she comes over, would you please tell her to come home? I need to talk to her and explain how things happened. I don't want her to make any rushed decision."- Spencer begged, and my heart kept breaking with every word. A part of me wanted to hold him, and an even bigger part of me wanted to smack the shit out of him. Fucking liar.
- "I will if I see her. But you know, Spencer, my daughter doesn't usually turn to me for help. Did you try at Frank's, Lu or Mikey's? Maybe they have seen her."- mom's voice was smooth and confident. Best performance of her life.
- "I did... now they are mad at me too."- Spencer mumbled- "Well... if you know anything..."
- "I will definitely call you."
- "Thank you, Sofia."
Mom closed the door and I finished what was left in my glass in one shot. After a few minutes, when I heard him closing his car door, I stood up and walked downstairs.
- "He seemed honestly concerned, honey. He wasn't pretending."
- "I know"- I whispered as I walked into the kitchen and poured myself another drink- "I'm not saying he is a bad person, I'm saying he fucked up way too much for me to just simply forgive him. I don't even wanna see him right now."
- "But if he didn't cheat, what did he do?"
I opened y mouth and no word came out. Did I want to tell my mom the truth about Spencer?
- "He still lied about something very serious, mom. Please don't ask me all the details now."
- "Fine, I'm not gonna push you. But you know you can trust me, right peanut?"- mom held my hand and I nodded. I knew we didn't have the best relationship, but I knew she loved me.
- "Thank you."
- "Now let's try to get some sleep, you still need to go to work tomorrow and deal with this mess."
I groaned at the thought of getting up early and going to work, mostly 'cos it meant being with Spencer and seeing the rest of the team. I was sure they had a lot of questions too.
My room was a time capsule. Mom always kept my and my brother's rooms clean and almost ready for us to come back. I didn't want to deal with that sign of her denial at the minute, I had too much on my plate by then. I sat on my bed and looked at the posters on the wall. That was the last place I pictured myself a week before my wedding. That was another thing I didn't want to think about: The wedding. How could I marry a man I didn't trust anymore?
I lay on my old bed and stared at the ceiling. There were still some glow-in-the-dark star stickers up there. I remembered the day we got them at the mall, and Mikey helped me put them on the ceiling, 'cos he was way taller than me at the time (and still is).
- "Hello?"- thinking about Mikey made me want to talk to him- "Nugget?"
- "Yeah, hey."
- "What happened? Doc showed up here a while ago, asking if I had seen you..."
- "We fought."- I whispered.
- "Figured."- my friend sighed as I just laid on my bed, in silence- "So you are at your mom's."
- "Yeah, calling from my old room, old telephone... if things go wrong I can always choke myself with the cord."
- "Loving your positivity, girl. What happened?"- I sighed and thought about my words before I answered, I knew I could trust Mikey, I just... I don't know. It hurt too much to think about what had just happened, I guess.
- "He lied."
- "Did he cheat?"- I chuckled thinking that would, of course, be the worst scenario for everybody.
- "Not technically. But he did lie about... remember when I helped him detox a million years ago?"
- "Yeah..."- Mikey made a pause and gasped- "He started using again?!"- I don't know why I nodded if he couldn't see me- "Did you see him getting high? Was he violent?"
- "No. I found a bottle of Dilaudid in his jacket."
- "Shit."
- "Yeah."- I took a deep breath and made the biggest effort to keep my tears back. I didn't want to cry "in front" of Mikey or of anyone as a matter of fact.
- "I'm gonna kill him."
- "Not if I kill him first. And as far as I remember, I'm the one carrying a gun."- I could feel my friend's hesitation through the line. Was I serious or was I kidding? Not even I knew.
- "Nugget... did he give you any explanation? Did he even try to justify his actions?"
- "I refused to talk to him. I was too mad. He didn't tell me felt that bad. He never hinted he might start using again, and just a few days ago he denied getting drugs or even thinking about using again. There is nothing to explain. He is a drug addict and a liar. And I don't wanna know what he has to say."
- "I can't believe he is doing this to you. He loves you so much."
- "Well, apparently, he loves that fucking needles more than he loves me."- I didn't want to believe my own words, but honestly, at that point, they seemed to be true.
- "Wanna come over tomorrow? Frank and Lu could come too, we can talk this through, try to..."
- "Thanks. I am not really sure I wanna see anyone right now."
- "That's why I said tomorrow, nugget. Not today."- I kept my eyes glued to the ceiling for a moment, not saying a word. Mikey sighed again and probably rolled in bed.
- "Remember when we got those glow-in-the-dark star stickers for my ceiling?"
- "Yeah, we were twelve or something. Why do you ask?"
- "You and Frank made fun of me and Lu and said these things were gonna fall in an hour, and they are still there."
- "So? I will start trusting industrial glue from now on."
- "They lasted more than my relationship with Reid."
- "Don't say that, (Y/N). Don't. Not until he explains what actually happened."
- "What? Are you on his side now? Did he melt you with his useless explanations when he stopped by your place?"
- "No. I'm just saying don't make any decision just yet. Not until you talk to him."
- "I don't wanna talk to him."
- "You are mad today, but tomorrow you'll see things much clearer."
- "I'm not so sure about that, Mikey. I'll talk to you tomorrow and I'll let you know."
- "If you don't call me in the morning, I'm gonna stop by your work at lunch."
- "You haven't done such a thing ever since I started working at the BAU. Why should I believe you?"
- "I dunno. To surprise you?"
- "Good night Mikey."
- "Don't make any rushed decision, nugget. Spencer loves you."
- "So what if he does? He lied, got drugs, and didn't tell me how he felt. What kind of love is that?"
- "He is only human, (Y/N). You can't ask him to be perfect. He is gonna fuck up, but he can redeem himself, can he?"
Honestly, I didn't know if he could. You see, lying is one thing, but lying and using drugs after promising me you were never going to do it again, that's a completely different thing.
- "Good night Mikey."
Spencer's point of view
The second I saw (Y/N) walk into the house with that damn jacket, I knew what was gonna happen. It all hit me quite fast. My mistake. The fact I had actually forgotten I had gotten that shit was my first and biggest mistake. Why didn't I get rid of it when I could? How could I forget I had it around? Hidden. I should have known I couldn't hide anything from her. Why did I even try?
- "(Y/N)?"- the look in her eyes was brokenhearted as she stared at me from the other side of the room. Not a single word left her lips. She was struggling not to cry, and I was starting to panic.
- "(Y/N), wait!"- I begged and started walking toward her as she turned her back to me and basically scaped out of the house.
- "(Y/N)! Please stop!! Let me explain!!"- I ran after her and watched her get into her car. Her eyes were filled with tears as she started the engine and drove away from me, leaving me alone, with all my explanations.
- "Spencer? What the hell happened?"- Penelope showed up as I started sobbing, my lips quivering as I made my best not to cry, 'cos I honestly didn't want to give our friends any kind of explanation about what had just happened.
- "I need to go."- I mumbled and turned back into the house to get our things.
- "Spencer!"- Garcia yelled and followed me closely.- "What the hell happened? Why did (Y/N) run away so fast?"
- "Kid?"- Morgan was waiting at the door, but I didn't reply to him either. I just gathered all of our things, turned to Rossi, and nodded.
- "I'm sorry, but I have to go. Thank you for everything, David."
- "Reid."- Hotch stopped me and walked me to the door.- "Is (Y/N) ok?"
- "I... I don't know."
- "Is everything ok between you two?"
- "I honestly don't know."- I didn't want to answer any of those questions, but after such a scene, it felt necessary, I guess- "I'm sorry about all this. I have to go"- Hotch didn't say another word, he just nodded as I ran out of the house, desperately searching for a cab.
- "Shit, shit, shit"- I walked down the street, carrying (Y/N)'s purse, looking for a taxi. I wanted to call her, ask where she was, stop her angst, and tell her I hadn't used a drop of drug ever since she helped me rehab four years ago.
She wasn't going to talk to me after this, I knew her. She was going to close emotionally, and honestly, so would I after that massive fuck up. I knew I had broken her heart. I had ruined her trust. And I didn't know how to fix that. Just a few days ago she had told me she knew she wouldn't be able to deal with me using drugs again, and now she just found drugs in my pocket. Why am I so stupid?! How could I let this happen? Why did I have to be so stupid to get that fucking bottle of Dilaudid?
A cab finally appeared and I basically jumped into the back seat.
- "Where to, chief?'"
- "1333 Connecticut Ave."
I gave the driver Frank's address, which was closest (technically) but also was the one person (Y/N) would turn to first in case of trouble. But... she knew I knew that which meant she wasn't going to go there first. I groaned and held my head with both hands as I tried to think clearly. I could do it for a case, I could do it with any other problem in life. But when it came to (Y/N), I just couldn't do it.
I was desperate. I felt I was running out of oxygen. I wish I didn't know her so well because I had clear how screwed I was. Of all the things on earth I could ask (Y/N) for forgiveness, I knew drugs were a topic she would never be merciful with. She hated me, of that I was sure. I hated myself so at least we agreed on something.
- "Here we are"- the driver announced, but I was already halfway out of the cab, I threw him a twenty and ran to Frank's door. I pushed his apartment ring so many times, I was afraid I had broken it.
- "What the fuck?!"
- "Frank! Sorry! It's Spencer!"
- "Doc! Come on up!"- he opened the door for me and I ran the four floors to his door. Halfway up I realized it was obvious (Y/N) wasn't there: Frank opened the door. He would have never done it if he knew what I had done.
- "Is everything ok? Is (Y/N) ok? Where is she?"- Frank stood by the opened door and looked at me with terror in his eyes. I don't know what I looked like, running frantically inside his apartment and searching around for my fiance.
- "I am looking for her! Have you seen her? Is she here?"- I tried to breathe, but it was honestly getting harder every second. Frank closed the door confused and walked to me, holding both my shoulders and staring at me.
- "What the fuck are you talking about, doc? Where is (Y/N)?"
- "I don't know where she is. We... we had a fight and she ran away."- my friend frowned and stayed still for a second, processing all the information.
- "What? You two had an argument? Why? What did you do?"- it was very sweet of him to assume I had done wrong. He was also very right.
- "She... we... I had..."
- "Frank?"- I heard a female voice coming from his room and my heart skipped a beat. I let him go and ran over, opening the door just to find... a naked girl in his bed.
- "(Y/N)!! Shit! Sorry!"- the poor girl covered herself and screamed as I quickly turned around, bumping into Frank- "I'm sorry I didn't know you had a friend over."
- "What the fuck are you doing, Reid?! Where is (Y/N)? What the fuck did you do to her?"- Frank shouted in my face as I tried to focus.
- "She is mad at me and won't let me explain anything. She just ran off after..."- I looked at his closed bedroom door but still felt uncomfortable talking about that issue so close to a stranger. So I walked back to the living room knowing Frank would follow me.
- "A few years ago I was abducted and my captor forced me to use Dilaudid. After that, I was hooked for a few months until (Y/N) helped me detox. I've been going to NA meetings every month ever since and I haven't relapsed. But..."
I paused and looked at him, he didn't look surprised at all, he only looked mad.
- "Did she ever tell you?"
- "What the fuck did you do Spencer?"- his voice was closer to a growl at that minute, and his eyes were still deep in anger.
- "Nothing!! I swear!! She thinks I relapsed 'cos she found a bottle of Dilaudid in my jacket! But I didn't!! I could never do that to her!"
- "Then why did you have it?! Did it magically appear in your pocket?!"- Frank lost it again and yelled at me. I flinched and couldn't even open my mouth to reply.
I know anyone could think Frank's reaction was out of proportion. But it wasn't. You see, (Y/N) was his best friend on earth and he loved her like a little sister. And I had hurt his little sister. If you ask me, I was fucked.
- "Look, I know I ruined things with her, but for a small fragment of time after Prentiss's death, I thought I needed it. I didn't! I never used it! I should have gotten rid of it!"
- "You shouldn't have fucking got it in the first time, Spencer!!"- Frank really looked like he was about to smack me.
- "I know! I know! And now she thinks I'm probably using it again! And she will want to cancel the wedding and dump me! And it's all my fault!"- Frank shook his head and walked to the kitchen.
I followed him waiting for his yells. Maybe he could punch me. I was even looking forward to it, I deserved all the pain he was willing to make me feel. I could take anything, except (Y/N)'s rejection.
But no. Instead, he got me a beer and one from himself. He opened it, sat by the aisle, and moved a chair for me.
- "You are an asshole."
- "I know! But I don't have time for a beer and some advice! I need to find her!"
- "Dude, you won't find her tonight. And trust me, you don't wanna talk to her right now. You need to wait until her anger soothes a little... if that's even possible considering how deep into shit you are right now."
I stared at him and grabbed the beer, sipping it and almost drinking half of it. Frank raised an eyebrow and sighed.
- "Neither Mikey nor Lu had called me yet, which means she is not there either."
- "I don't care, I'm going anyway."- I don't know why I acted like a brat, but in my defense, I was desperate and I wasn't thinking straight.
- "Doc, you fucked it up. You have to plan your apology instead of running around town like a headless chicken!"
- "She is gonna cancel the wedding!"- I yelled and jumped from the chair, feeling the walls closing in.
- "If you talk to her tonight she might!"- Frank lit a cigarette and nodded- "Think Spencer! You've known her for so long, use all your (Y/N) intel to figure out how to fix this instead of acting with your guts!"
- "I don't have time to think! She is gonna... I just need to hold her."- I bit my lips as I paced across that kitchen, feeling impotent and useless- "I know I have a wealth of knowledge about her I could be applying to find her and apologize effectively. But right now, I can't focus on anything for longer than three seconds at a time, which makes me the dumbest person in this room."
- "Jeez, thanks"- Frank chuckled and stood up to wrap an arm around my shoulders, as I inevitably broke down in tears.
- "I love her so much it hurts. And I need to find her so I can explain to her I would never do anything that might hurt her,"
- "Doc, getting that bottle hurt her. She is out there thinking you picked drugs over her."
Yes, I knew it was stupid of me to say "I would never hurt her" when I had just done that exact thing. But trust me, I wasn't myself that night.
I sobbed against Frank's shoulder as he hugged me in silence for a few minutes.
- "47.450"- I whispered as wiped off my tears with my jacket and started walking around the kitchen again.
- "What are you talking about Doc?"
- "47.450 is the number of hours I've spent with her ever since I met her. One hour without her and I feel I'm losing my mind. Please help me."- he stared at me not knowing what to say- "Help me find her."