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◢◤◢◤◢◤ Circuit 25 ◢◤◢◤◢◤
The mid-afternoon sun encroaches on the window spot of Theo's ridiculously large bedroom, and I find myself grinning whenever the strands of his gray irises catch in the light or whenever my eyes study the artwork filling his bedroom walls. Some are abstractly painted with bright colors and others are faceless but in neutral hues.
I am in awe of Theo's taste in art, and I can only imagine the stories behind each piece, each one as special and meaningful as the next.
"This is what I imagined your room to look like," I tell him as I turn my body to face him, my hands buried in my back pocket as he watches me from across the room.
As if aware of my gaze, he immediately looked away.
"I like the paintings. You did 'em?"
"Y-yeah, just some practice pieces."
"They don't look like practice pieces to me," I said. "You should sell some. You'd make a helluva fortune."
"I don't think anyone would pay that much for them," Theo humbly responds and stashes what appears to be some of his dirty clothes in a hamper beside his desk.
"I would," I shrugged, continuing my ramble. "It's pleasing to the eye, although I don't think your artwork belongs to the dirty wall we have back home in Chicago. Probably would keep it as a keepsake, y'know?"
Theo just silently watches my reaction every time my attention is turned toward the tiny little knickknacks on his shelves. There are also figurines and collectibles of Marvel characters I know I shouldn't consider touching in case I want to leave this place without debt in my pocket.
I back away and face him with a sheepish grin. "Don't mind me, I must look like a child in an ice cream museum."
"It's okay..." He softly smiles. "Do you like Marvels and DC?"
I eye him warily, knowing the weight behind the controversial question. "I feel like this a test. Why? Will this indicate our future relationship?"
"Oh, n-no!" He exclaimed, worrisome. "Just curious."
"Mhm... Well, I'm a Wanda kinda girl if that helps. And you?" There is a hint of passion in his eyes when I ask. "Who fancies your heart?"
"I like... Dr. Strange."
"Well that's not romantic at all." I chuckled.
Across his king-sized bed is a giant television screen mounted on the wall with two snake plants on either side and a game console. On the entertainment table is a bunch of books stacked on top of each other and colorful comic covers. Theo appears to be a bit of a homebody, content with the comforts of his own living space rather than the hustle of the outside world.
And I like that about him. We would balance each other out perfectly.
"Your room suits you."
Theo takes a step back to admire his set-up, now satisfied that his room looks just the way he likes it, although he probably wishes I hadn't seen the mess under his bed, or the random empty water bottles lying on the carpet floor beside his desk. His attention turns to tidying up those areas, eager to ensure his room is spotless once more. Only when he's confident everything is in order does he give me his undivided attention.
"Sorry about that..." He muttered, "I didn't think you were coming."
"I would tell you beforehand, but it isn't me without all the surprises," I blurted out. "Besides, I don't think you'd have said yes if I asked."
"You don't know that."
Captivated by the beauty of his gaze, I'm drawn in and find myself lost in his presence as I join him on the window ledge. There are a few rogue specks of ash that have engrained in his eyes; like he holds all the asteroids in the galaxy.
But when I really look at him, I especially love the ones on his freshly shaven stubble alone. I reach over and dust off the imaginary particles that are on his jaw just so I can feel each muscle clenching beneath my touch.
Theo says nothing as I do so. He just lets me encroach on his personal space without objecting. He's comfortable; I'm glad he is starting to let his walls down around me. It makes me feel honored and as if I have a huge responsibility to keep up with whatever I'm doing. The significance isn't lost on me, but it is tucked away in a safe part of my brain, not to be disturbed for the time being.
"Did I tell you?" I ask, my words hanging in the air for a moment as Theo sits cross-legged before me, his wide shoulders leaning against the wall near the window while my soft hands trace along the delicate hairs on his legs.
At my voice, Theo gives me all his attention and I rest my chin on my knees as I study his face.
"...What?" Theo licks his lips, his eyes focusing on a certain part of my face. Whatever it might be, I wouldn't be able to guess. It's difficult to figure out what runs through that pretty mind of his.
I blink out of my reverie, looking out of the window towards the gardeners I saw earlier on my way here. They are finishing up their cleaning and disposing of some garbage.
"It's obvious, right?" I muttered, still staring into the distance.
"...What is?"
I turn my head in time to find him eyeing me with a kind of look in his gleaming orbs.
Is he even human to look this perfect?
The acne scars and the small blemishes on his jaw make him even more attractive to me. After all, it's my favorite spot to press my lips on. Just to add to my delusion, I'd like to think my lips have a magic touch to them. This is due to how the scars are slowly fading into a soft, natural glow.
"That I like you," I said, the weight I've been carrying ever since I've laid eyes on him finally being lifted off my chest and instead, replenished with a satisfied feeling once I see the surprised look on Theo's features - cheeks full of warmth and his pretty lips parted.
He breaks eye contact with me and switches his gaze back to the slightly ajar door that he timidly insisted on keeping open for whatever reason he had conjured up in his mind.
"W-why?" is his only reply.
I shrug, keeping my chin tilted to get a glimpse of his priceless reaction. "Why not?"
"Ola..." He mumbled as if he couldn't believe an ounce of my words.
What was so wrong with it? Did I not express myself in the right way? Did he really not see this coming? From the start, I've been so forward that I like him and I was intending to let him know sooner than later. Keeping things to myself never did me any good.
Was he that oblivious to my growing admiration for him?
"Why do you seem so surprised? I thought it was obvious from the start."
Theo lowers his head as he sighs, "I don't know." He whispered and then raised his head again to look into my hopeful eyes. "It's... It's too... fast, I guess," he runs a hand through his dark hair, clearly in deep thought. "Why do you... feel that way?"
"It's not too fast," I responded, seeing Theo's expression change. "It's almost been a month since we met, hasn't it? I don't think that's short to get to know someone."
"But, still... I don't know anything about you."
Something stirs in my chest and I quickly drown it with a lighter atmosphere.
"My heart just moves at a different pace, you know?" I force out a grin, not liking the sudden wrinkle between his brows. "When I saw you I just knew that I'd like you."
"But... Why?" He asks. I don't know if Theo is as innocent as he seems or if he's asking me why a girl would fall head over heels for someone like him. As if that was even a question that needed answering.
My jaw twitched at his quick retort.
"Because I just do..." My tone intensified, hoping he'd just accept my feelings and not make me explain why.
It was making me frustrated.
Does everything need an explanation? I had never been so adept at this 1 at serious talks and romantic confessions. I feel mixed emotions now that I have finally done it. One of anxiety and fear; anxiety that I may not get the message across and fear of being rejected.
I don't think I have ever feared rejection until now.
Until I met Theo Lauder.
"Do you want to hear the whole explanation?" I said as a mere suggestion, not that I was actually willing to. "I mean I can write you a whole list of reasons although I don't think that would be convenient for either of us." As I said this, I didn't fail to notice the blush on Theo's cheeks as he tries to remain unfazed.
"No..." He shies away from me. "You don't need to do that for me."
"It seems like you don't believe me," I mumbled, my mind bubbling with playfulness but my tone remaining serious.
Theo rises from his previous position but I quickly grab a hold of his hand. His slight distaste causes me to keep him at arm's length. Seeing his hesitation, I twine our hands together and pull him back down to sit beside me. His body tenses when we are face to face and our noses are inches from colliding.
Theo shuts his eyes, inhales a long breath, and releases a steady one through his nostrils. "I don't know what to believe."
I snatch the throw pillow off my lap and reposition myself between his legs. Theo's stricken eyes meet my determined ones.
I advance on his lap, a sly smile on my lips. I dare him to break away from my gaze, and I am rewarded with a shiver that courses through his body. "Then shall I prove it to you?"
His hands felt warm and comforting on my waist as he hesitantly spoke, his gaze lingering anxiously behind me. "Ola, not now..."
I remain rooted between the crevices of his taut inner thighs and snake my arms around his neck. "I'm comfortable where I'm."
Frowning, Theo panics, "I'm n-not." He mutters to himself, but I knew he wanted this as much as I did. "We're going to get caught. They can hear us from down the hall. My parents—"
I tilt my head and trace his trembling lips with my thumb.
"Hm, don't tempt me," I breathe against his lips inches from mine. "I could show them how much I really adore their son. You would like that, right? Being shown off to the world. I'll give you flowers every day, write you love letters, attend your practices, and make you feel good at the same time. It would be a privilege to be with you every day. Don't you agree?"
Theo remains quiet, his gaze fixed on my face. His frown deepens and before he can open his mouth, I interrupt.
"And no, I don't expect you to return the same infatuation because our agreement is not based on that. But I'll prove it to you, Theo. I'll prove to you that I'm serious. I'll do whatever it takes for you to accept me."
Ola edges closer to me as another smile breaks through. I bite down on my lip and look away, trying to control my stupid, unnecessary thoughts, and fuck, why can't I just stop?
Whenever a girl gets too close, I am only reminded of the past— of Elle. When all this time I thought I was doing perfectly fine without ever needing anyone by my side. I promised myself I would never let anyone get close to me the way I let her. This was why she did everything to mess it all up and ruin my trust.
I can't let myself have that again.
It would be unfair that every time I look at another girl, I would be reminded of how Elle betrayed me behind my back. While she was messing around with my teammates behind my back and making me look like a fool in front of everyone.
The humiliation and hurt I felt that day when I found out.
Everyone gathered around the cabin that we had planned on staying at during our summer break. It was the last week before junior year. Our friend group, some from the Cheerleading and Soccer teams all huddled up in the large living space after spending all afternoon out at the lake.
Some guys on the soccer team had suggested playing a game of Truth or Dare. After a moment of bickering about whether or not it was entertaining, Kade finally convinced us.
So far, everyone seemed to be having a blast and having a good time as they poured themselves a cup of alcohol. However, the only two who decided to stay sober for the sake of every one were Skye and me.
Before the game started, I was in a separate room upstairs helping Elle with her sunburns. I was stressing out the whole day that if she hadn't gotten too excited about jumping into the water first, this wouldn't have happened. But, alas, the small concern turned into an argument between us and now, she was locking herself in the bathroom, throwing a tantrum, and yelling behind the door about how this trip is turning to "shit" and how "suffocating" I was making her feel by always sticking to her side like a "shadow".
The words weren't very pleasant to hear, but like the previous times she'd lost control of her words, I didn't think much of it. I left the room to give her space.
"Where's Elle?" Skye asks as I approach the open kitchen and pull out the stool beside her.
She hands me a Capri sun and I take it after mumbling a 'thank you'.
"Upstairs, changing."
"I heard the commotion," her face contorted. "I thought you got beat up or something."
"She is angry at me," I tell her. "But no, she didn't. She won't hurt me, Skye."
"Hmm... I don't know..." Skye thinks deeply, never failing to show her displeasure towards my girlfriend. I still don't know why my friends can't see how sweet Elle is when she's just being herself. All they see are terrible things. Never the good. They never see how happy she's made me these past few years of not just being her best friend, but also her boyfriend.
I think I'm the luckiest boy in the world.
To have someone who has the same goals as me accepts me for who I am, loves and cares for me, and most importantly, someone who cherishes my family.
I could see myself marrying my first and only love. I see myself having a family with Elle and growing old together. And I can't wait to finally call her my wife. My love for her is immeasurable and I'm willing to go through all the hardships if it means being with her.
"When will you guys finally accept her?" My tone drops, turning defensive. "She's my girlfriend and sooner or later, we're going to take the next step whether you like it or not." I hadn't realized how hostile my expression had become until Skye nervously eyed me.
"T... I wasn't—" She takes a moment to gather her thoughts. "I didn't mean to offend you, T, I swear. I'm just worried about you and seeing how she acts around other people when you're not around—"
"Worried about me?" I snapped, unable to contain my emotions when it came to the topic of the girl I love. "As my friend, you all don't seem to respect my decision or my relationship!"
Skye flinched at my harsh tone.
"T—"
"Man, what the hell?" Kade rushes into the kitchen to find us both in a confrontation. My eyes are burning when I noticed him glaring at me; however, it fades when Skye hugs him for comfort. My heart shatters and I look down at my feet to find my hands trembling in anger.
Then, I look up and repent. "Oh, gosh..." I murmured, regretfully. "Skye, I'm so sorry—"
Not a minute later, Russell strolls in with a vape in hand. He stops in his tracks and pulls on his hood, analyzing the situation.
"The fuck's going on in here?" He looks at his sister before his eyes fall on me, now crouching in front of the refrigerator with nothing but guilt in my eyes.
"It's nothing..." Skye's small voice croaks against Kade's chest.
"Doesn't seem like nothing," Russell repeats as his red, hazy eyes skim my features. Goodness, when is he never high?
It's silent for a moment, the only commotion coming from the living room and the sounds of furniture screeching off the wooden floor echoing the walls. My gaze is fixed on the stairs, waiting for Elle to come down and take me away from this awkward situation.
"We'll talk later, man," Kade announces before exiting the kitchen and heading back into their respective bedrooms down the hall, leaving me alone with Russell who still hasn't moved a muscle.
He stares down at me, his eyes blank. Then, as if he could sense my internal crisis, he waves a handheld device consisting of a battery attached to a cartridge filled with a substance I can only assume is cannabis, into the air.
I sigh at his action. "What the hell is that?"
"A pen," he exclaims without a care in the world as his long hair falls over his hooded eyes that are struggling to stay open under the warm chandelier. "Want a hit?"
"Seriously?"
"It might help," he shrugs, a boyish grin on his face. "For the time being, at least."
And without another word, I leave the kitchen and begin my journey up the stairs, stopping when I find our bedroom door stretched widely. Relief washes over me at the thought of Elle finally coming to her senses.
But as I neared the door, my face twisted into curiosity, then confusion, followed by something unimaginable. At first, I thought I was only hearing things. However, the closer I got, the louder the voices were and the clearer it was. When I find torn pieces of clothing on the carpet that I don't recognize to be mine but are too familiar, tears sting from my eyes.
To my right, the bathroom door is left ajar and my vision is obscured by moisture.
"Ugh, fuck! Harder!" My girlfriend's scream burns my ears as it mixes with the sound of an animalistic growl filling the space we were only supposed to share.
"Yes, fuck, right there!"
"You like it rough, huh?"
"Oh God, yes!"
My knees tremble and I collapse against the wall. My eyes shut, tears unwilling to release as my body freezes with shock. But even when I covered my ears with my hands, the sounds were still embedded in my brain like an endless cassette.
And once I rushed out of the room, once again that night, I realized a lot of things - harsh but true. I made a promise to myself because the world had been so unkind to me when I've done everything to be decent, honest, and real.
I still ask myself why it had to be me - why I had to be the one to sacrifice, and to be hurt, blindly, because I cared, and I loved only to be betrayed by the only feelings I knew; love and trust.
Just for it to let me down in the most horrible way.
She let me down.
There's no one else to blame but myself. Perhaps the reason Elle had to find another man was that I couldn't give her what she wanted, yet. The promise of waiting until marriage only applied to me and maybe that was the problem.
I wanted to save myself for only one girl, just for her to look for it in someone else. I would be lying if I said I wasn't bitterly thinking about it, but I'm glad she made me realize what a shitty compromise it was. That no one was ever willing to wait until marriage and wait to fall in love to give up their virginity.
Perhaps it wasn't as important as I made it to be.
Ola gently cups the sides of my face with her hands, her touch so light it feels like I'm imagining it. I wonder how it's possible, how someone can seem like an angel but have the touch of a sinner.
"Don't think about it too much," she told me. "I'm not asking anything of you, Theo. I just want to keep doing what I've been doing."
"And what is that?"
"Like admiring what's mine." She blurts, in a lame attempt to try and claim her stake on me.
I don't like the sound of it, but the erratic reaction of my hormones says otherwise.
"I'm not yours."
A challenging grin lights up her face. "You will be soon."
"N—"
My mom's screeching voice echoes throughout the hall as she calls out to us. I panic and jolt up, causing the girl on my lap to fall on her ass with a thud and a muffled groan.
Oh, man.
"Are you guys in there?" Mom pushes through the door, not even bothering to knock as her eyes find Ola lying on the carpet with a pained expression. "What happened?" Mom slapped my arm in an attempt to scold me.
Mumbling a quick 'sorry', I bend down on my knees and attempt to help Ola. However, my mom is already pushing me away as if we weren't in my room.
"Seriously?" Mom scowls in my direction. "I leave you with her and she ends up hurt?" She asks with an apologetic look. "Dear, did you hurt yourself? Do you need to see the doctor?"
Ola smiles reassuringly, "I'm all right. Just tripped myself on the way out."
"I'm relieved," said Mom. "Would you stay over for lunch? Food is almost ready and I was just about to call you over."
"That won't be necessary. I really don't want to overstay my welcome."
"Oh, no, of course not!" Mom shakes her head with a smile. "Unfortunately, my husband won't be joining us this afternoon. He's away on a business trip to London and he won't be back for a few days." Mom informs me as I watch the beam in her eyes glisten when her attention falls on me. As if she finds this whole thing amusing.
I'm sure it must be because the girl couldn't stop smiling on our way down the stairs as Mom finally left us behind to prepare lunch.
When we turn behind the dark wall, Ola stops in her tracks to pull me in towards her. My back clashes against the wall as she presses a kiss on the crook of my neck.
"Fuck, Theo, you should be punished for what you did back there," her warm breath hits me all at once, sending shivers throughout my body. "Should I just suck you dry right here? Would Laura mind if I skipped lunch for the actual meal?" She taunts me, her hips grazing my groin. "Though I don't think that'd be enough to satisfy me. I'm gonna need at least you inside of m—"
"...Tony?" A small voice catches both of our attention, our heads snapping in response to find Thea standing on top of the stairs with her thumb in her mouth. "Mom said food is ready."
Surprisingly, Ola is the first to latch off me as I stay slack against the wall behind me, my mouth agape.
Thea's eyes innocently switch between Ola and me before she cracks a friendly smile at the older girl. "Do you want to join us?" Thea asks her. "We can share the Churros you brought."
Ola seems taken aback but eventually leaves me behind to approach Thea. "I— sure," Ola smiles, taking her hand in hers. She bats an eye over her shoulder before finally descending the stairs. "I was hungry anyway."
I look down at the tent in my pants and frustratedly rake a hand over my face, muttering a curse under my breath, "I'm going to die young." I head back to my room and this time, I make sure to lock the door before going into the bathroom and turning the shower to the lowest temperature setting.
I strip off my clothing and notice my phone vibrating against the bathroom sink. I pick it up and see something I wish I didn't, along with a short, but provocative text from Ola.
It's her in nothing but lace lingerie, on what seems like her bed. She's on her back and I can only imagine she has a giant mirror on the ceiling to be able to capture herself in this risqué position. The picture doesn't show her face, but the entirety of her curves and the shape of her breasts are a sight to see. Her overly thick thighs are slightly spread apart but what caught my attention is the hand that is buried between her legs.
Think of me only when you want to feel good ;)
The thought of Ola sending me an obscene image of herself while any of my family members can see makes my head spin.
How reckless can this girl be?
Shit. Does she have other photographs of herself that no one knows about?
The flutter in my chest at the idea is indescribable; one full of shivers and bliss.
And as if my hands had a mind of their own, my fingers wrapped around the base of my length in a stroking motion. I clamp down on my jaw in desperation as I relive the distant memories of my mouth wrapped around the swollen tips of her sable nipples. I am reminded of the soft sighs coming out of her mouth, her teeth gritting in pleasure while my fingers penetrated deep inside her tight, and thermic walls until she could no longer take it.
"Enough," she had begged me then. But I could only imagine what it would've led to if I hadn't stopped and we were lost in each other's touch. Skin to skin. Mouth to mouth— god, I wanted to taste her lips so desperately then, but I knew it was one of the rules she put up for both of us.
No kissing.
Still, I couldn't help but think that one broken rule would have been worth it. Would have made more sense than anything else.
That girl never fails to amaze me. Out of everything she could think of, she chose one that was even less intimate than sex itself. She had chosen the one rule that was so easy to break. And she was okay with sex even if there are no feelings involved?
As soon as my arousal had come and the muscles tightened in my lower half, my eyelids flutter shut and the only image that appeared in my head is of her outstretched body.
Oh, I'm doomed.
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