AMY
Danny Ric🦘🤍
Thinking about you today❤️
Tucking my shirt into my trousers, I waltzed downstairs to meet my mom and dad, already dressed in their black clothes as they chatted over a cup of coffee.
My mom greeted me whilst my dad's eyes remained fixated out of the window and at the glorious morning here in my home town. The sun was really shining for my nan, greeting her with open arms into heaven.
Although I wasn't particularly religious and I didn't really believe that we went to heaven when we die, I had to believe in something. The thought of my nan being gone was too heavy on my heart, I needed a temporary fix to help me navigate the situation.
Rachel let herself into the house, moving through the front door as she tucked her jacket underneath her arm.
"Pam, Steve, the funeral directors are here." Rachel stated as she looked over at my parents.
My mom approached my dad as he remained with his back to the room, wrapping her arms around his torso and leaning over to speak into his ear.
"It's time, my love." She stated as my dad finally turned around, wiping the stray tear which escaped his eye.
As I exited our house, the horse drawn carriage awaited outside. Black feathers were placed over the horses heads as they bowed at our appearance. The coffin was placed in the back of the carriage, cascaded with purple flower arrangements; my nan's favourite colour.
Rachel pulled her arm around me as I slowly walked, barely moving my legs as I simply didn't want them to take me anywhere. All I wanted was to run back inside and lock myself away. That way I could pretend that my nan was still down the road.
My dad cried hysterically next to us as my mom kept him in check, assisting him into the posh vehicle behind. Rachel extended her arm to guide me with them, which I kindly accepted as the only source of comfort I may be receiving today.
Rich and Penelope appeared holding Delilah in their arms. She beamed brightly as she had no concept of what was happening, but Penelope wanted her to be able to be there for her great nan's final send off.
Soon enough, they accompanied us in the vehicle as we slowly started to pull away down the streets of our home town.
Many people who knew my nan stood outside their houses, dressed in all black, bowing their heads to the carriage as it pulled her casket down every street possible.
I placed my hand across onto my dads arm as he finally looked up from his hands as he wept consistently into his palms.
"You've done her proud." I said to him in a soft voice as he smiled back at me, laughing for a short second as he tried to regain composure through each choke of his tears.
It wasn't long until we pulled up towards the crematorium. A large crowd of people congregated outside the small chapel as they awaited our arrival, watching intently as each funeral director did their job immaculately and removed my nan's coffin from the back of the carriage and onto their shoulders.
As a family, we walked behind the tomb, making small steps as we awaited further instruction from the priest. I looked out into the sea of people to locate my nan's sister, Alma. She was tearful and blushed as we made eye contact.
Walking over to her, I placed my hand across her arm to comfort her cries. Looking at her was just like looking at my nan. I didn't know whether I found this comforting or distressing, but I cried nonetheless.
"Alma, would you like to walk with us?" I asked her as she kindly accepted, using her wheeled walking frame to assist her towards her nephew and his family.
Before we went in, my dad noticed my grandad stood with a carer towards the front of the pack. They hadn't managed to dress him in formal attire but a black jumper and joggers would suffice for today's events.
"He's quite confused today, Mr Fox." The carer announced by the side of him as we built up the courage to greet him.
Nobody had even considered what a huge life altering moment this was for him. He'd been married to my nan for over six decades and in the blink of an eye, his whole world was shattered into a million pieces.
"Steve, please." My dad smiled at the friendly carer as she smiled back, obviously feeling oddly out of place attending a funeral for a woman she's never even before met. "Dad, are you alright?"
"Who are you?" My grandad queried before the carer decided to hold him back, getting in between father and son.
"Steve, let's just get the funeral done before we stress him out too much." She advised as we kindly accepted, for once we put nan first and thought that her send off was more appropriate to focus on right now.
The music started as the coffin entered the building. Rachel linked her arm with mine as she stayed to the front with me. Family only. Because that's what she was to us, family.
"Mavis was a devoted wife, mother, sister and grandmother. She was also lucky enough to see the birth of her first great grandchild, Delilah." As the priest spoke, Delilah bounced on Penelope's lap, the spectators taking a brief moment to look in her direction as she smiled.
I couldn't help but feel an ounce of envy at the fact that Penelope had the opportunity for her daughter to meet my nan; why did this have to be ripped from me when I was so close to the end goal?
"She waited on hand and foot for her husband for so many glorious years. Her smile was described as one which could light up a room and her laughter was contagious. Mavis was always helping where she could, often supporting the local church and Sunday schools with activities such as fundraisers and carol services." The priest continued to sing her accomplishments towards the many people who had decided to attend today.
"And to read us a message, Mavis' granddaughter, Amy." I was welcomed to the stage as the others watched intently. Luckily, I'd managed to sneak some mediation on the way here, not wanting to risk a panic attack of colossal size at a funeral.
I placed my hands either side of the alter as I looked across the sea of people. Each person was dressed in black as they watched the ceremony. Many spectators had tissues in their hands as they looked over at my nan's coffin; a picture of her rested on the top. She was in her early twenties, appearing so happy and youthful.
"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."
*********************************************
DANIEL
"I hope Amy's alright." I randomly said as I sat in a group with Lando, Max and Michael. We were all sat on the floor, playing Monopoly around the small coffee table which hosted in the middle of Max's hotel room.
"What time is it in London?" Lando asked as he counted up his fake money.
"Only an hour behind, so 6pm." I nodded across from him, checking my notifications for the billionth time this hour. "Mate, text Rachel and ask if she's okay." I fired over at Michael causing the other two to prick their ears up.
"Why should I do that?" Michael nervously shuffled in the position he was sat on the ground. "I don't talk to Rach outside of her being here."
"Are you sure? You look hot." Max commented as he went to lean over and place his hand across Michael's forehead, only for my Australian acquaintance to smack his hand away. "That fucking hurt."
"Good." Michael coldly stated as he continued the game from where we had left off.
After another half an hour of gameplay, the door knocked. As we looked across to each other, none of us wanting to move as two sessions of practice had killed us, I took one for the team and stumbled to my feet.
Cracking my back before reaching the door, I extended my arm as I grabbed the handle and pulled the door towards me, exposing a familiar face to all.
Hannah.
Sky Sports Hannah, holding a bottle of rosé in her left hand.
I coughed slightly and pulled the door open wider, exposing the other drivers, and my personal trainer, to the lady who stood in a tight fitting black dress.
"I didn't realise that you had company." She giggled as she pulled away from the seductive position she had greeted me in, handing the bottle of alcohol over in my direction as she spoke. "I thought that you could use a drink."
"I didn't drive that badly, did I?" I laughed with her as I welcome her into Max's room.
She slowly walked over and watched as I placed the bottle down onto the side and shuffled back down onto the ground to remain the board game with the guys.
"Am I intruding?" She asked as she nervously fidgeted her fingers in front of her. "I can always go."
"No, stay." Lando smiled over as he made room for her. I glared over at my teammate who winked over at me, knowing full well that he was causing chaos just by inviting her to stay.
"I haven't played Monopoly in years." She smiled as she picked out one of the last remaining characters to place onto the board. "You might have to advise me, Dan."
I looked startled as she directed her question at me and no one else. She bit down on her lip and arranged her breasts to poke through the cleavage gap even more than she had previously, leaning over to take the dice from my side of the board as she flashed her breasts over in my direction.
"It's getting late boys, we have a hard days work ahead of us tomorrow." Michael abruptly stood to his feet, brushing his arm across the board to collect any item which lay upon it.
"You're no fun!" Lando whined as I stood up to my feet, brushing off the awkward interaction that happened between Hannah and I.
"Now you're free, what do you say about opening that bottle of wine and heading back to your room?" Hannah asked as her hands traced over my torso.
Her touch alone resulted in my body flinching away, stepping backwards so I didn't have to feel her fingertips touching my stomach through my soft cotton t-shirt.
"Hannah, I'm not sure that's a good idea." I informed her as the others watched on, still packing away the evidence of board game night.
"Why?" She placed a hand onto her hip as she tilted her head to the side. "You weren't exactly saying no last time."
"Hannah, I'm back with my ex-girlfriend." I informed her before shaking my head. "I mean ex-fiancé. I'm back with her." I tried to clarify as Hannah looked across to me with disappointment slowly creeping onto her face.
"You're joking, right? Does she know about us?" She asked as I nodded and placed my hands into my pockets.
"Yeah, I told her." I informed the brunette opposite as she shuffled slightly again, her chest slowly rising as she caught her breath. "I don't want things to be awkward between us, I'll be seeing you a lot around the paddock."
"Right, sure." She shrugged and back away entirely, beginning to head for the door that she had only just arrived in. "I'll see you around, Riccy." She clicked her lips before exiting, shutting the door promptly behind her.
"That was fucking awkward." Max said as he placed the lid onto the board game's box.
"I'm going to go and see if she's alright." Lando winked before running after her and swiftly making his way out of the room.
"He's going to sleep with her, isn't he?" I asked as my eyes longed over towards the door.
"Without a doubt." Michael muttered as he placed the bottle of wine into the fridge, replacing it with a glass of his freshly made green smoothie.
As we tidied up and prepared to call it a day, my phone started to ring. I ran over to my device and answered it immediately when I saw the caller ID.
Amy.
***********************************************
AMY
As I stood in a room with all of my nan's relatives and past friends, I could start to feel myself becoming slightly overwhelmed.
My eyes scanned the area to locate someone other to talk to, rather than the church pianist from my nan's Sunday school days. Honestly, this man could talk for England and I still wouldn't understand what he was saying.
Also, if someone else wanted to compare me too my nan one more time today, I think I would explode into oblivion.
Pushing the doors open, I stepped outside of the main hall to get some fresh air, only to be met with my dad smoking a cigarette outside.
"I'm so jealous you get to smoke that right now." I told my dad as I took a seat on the step and looked out at the gorgeous view adjacent.
One thing my nan wanted was to have her wake at the lake side residence a few miles down the road from her home. This beautiful old house hosted a plethora of events and her funeral was one of them. The most stunning landscape swirled around the home and the lake was as far as the eye could see, twinkling in the sun as the waves lapped up the sides.
"How are you doing, sweetheart?" My dad asked whilst unbuttoning his jacket and taking a seat down next to me on the floor.
"I was upset at the actual funeral but now I just want to punch everyone in that room." I rolled my eyes and leaned forward to gain some fresh air.
"Why do you think that I'm out here?" My dad's rhetoric question caused me to laugh lightly as he placed the cigarette between his lips and inhaled the smoke, quickly exhaling it from his mouth and nostrils. "She would've hated all of this attention."
"She planned it, dad." I giggled and turned around to face him. "Maybe she secretly loved it."
"Maybe." My dad nodded and flicked the cigarette onto the ground, hitting his foot over the item to extinguish the flame. "She would be ever so proud of you, you know? That poem was beautiful."
"I knew that it was her favourite." I mumbled as I stared into the sunset, stroking my hand over my stomach in the motion.
"I should probably head back inside. I can't wait to get away from all these freeloaders. I swear most of them have come for a day out and a sandwich." My dad laughed as he stood up to his feet and walked back inside.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment as the cool breeze picked up pieces of my hair and lapped them around the air. It was silent for a while, something I appreciated during days like this. During days where I felt tested beyond belief.
"I haven't had chance to talk to you yet." An all too familiar voice echoed from behind me, startling me as I turned around.
His suit fitted his physique perfectly as he let his top button be undone for his shirt to sit across his torso. A gold chain accompanied the top of his skin as his jewellery piece glistened in the sun.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, turning around to get up onto my feet, which was a little less graceful now considering I felt exhausted, my stomach hurt and my belly was becoming a little more prominent.
"She was your nan, Ames. You seem to forget I'm close with your family." Charlie said as he extended his arm to help me off the ground.
Thanking him, I allowed him to pull me up, clearly as I was struggling. As I stood up, my outfit bunched around my stomach, exposing the small bump which dared to show.
"So, it's true then." Charlie said as he looked down at my midriff.
My heart stopped for a moment as I regained my confidence, smoothing out any creases which formed on my outfit and finally resting my hand upon my stomach; an action which was becoming natural to me now.
"How did you know?" I asked him and tilted my head.
"You've just been pictured at F1, mate. There's loads of tabloids going around predicting that you're pregnant." He stated as he pursed his lips together.
"Great." I huffed in response and took a deep breath. "How have you been?" I asked, trying to find something else to talk about to eradicate the awkward silence which lingered between us.
"Pretty good." Charlie smiled and placed his hands into his pockets. "I see that you've been good too. Spending some time in Australia..."
"Yeah, it was fun." I smiled slightly and shuffled on the balls of each foot.
"I can't stop thinking about you." Charlie said as quickly as he could, before he could regret the sentence which poured from his mouth.
"Charlie-"
"Don't cut me off, please." He almost begged as he approached me closer, taking my hand in his as he spoke. "It's always been you, Ames. Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted you. And to think that you're having my baby-"
"Woah, let me cut you off now." I said, jabbing my index finger into his chest as I backed away. "She isn't your baby, she's Daniel's."
"She?" Charlie looked hopeful for a moment before focusing on the bigger picture. "How are you so sure?"
"Because, Charlie, I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant and due on 10th February. That means that she was conceived in May. As far as I remember, we didn't sleep together until July." I informed him, waving my finger in the air.
Charlie looked saddened by the news. Again, placing his hands into his pockets and kicking a stone around between his feet.
"I never wanted things to be awkward between us." I told him, my voice sweetly singing into the air.
"They became awkward when he came into the picture." He being Daniel.
"That's not true, Charlie, and you know it." I placed my hands onto my hips and glared over at him. "It became awkward since we slept together."
"Only because you made it that way!" Charlie exclaimed and raised his hand out in my direction. "If you had given me a chance then things would be great right now."
"One, I don't like you in that way Charlie, and I think I've made my point pretty clear." I waved my finger in his face as he stepped closer to me. "Two, I still would've been pregnant with Daniel's baby, so please enlighten me on how that would've been good for you."
"Because I know I'll be a better dad then he will." Charlie stated which caused my mouth to open wide in shock.
"How dare you say that about him!" I shouted, drawing some attention from the other guests who were having a smoke break near us.
Charlie shook his head and placed a cigarette between his lips, swiftly lighting the end and taking his first drag.
"Your daughter is going to be without a father. Daniel is a travelling man; he doesn't stay in the same place for more than five minutes, is that the life you want for your child?" Charlie asked as he exhaled the smoke from his lungs.
"I want happiness for my daughter, Charlie. I know that Daniel will be an amazing dad." I scowled over at him.
"Whatever you say, but don't come crying to me when he messes up again." Charlie half-laughed as he drew another breath, smoking erupting from his lips.
"He's not going too." I softly spoke and folded my arms over my chest.
"You're so sure?" Charlie turned on his heel and raised his eyebrow. "Because he's let you down several times before. May I remind you that you were engaged."
"I know I was Charlie, I don't forget about something that significant." I told him, my tone raising an octave in annoyance.
"You seemed to forget when you were fucking me." Charlie spat over in my direction, his words cutting me like a knife.
"You know what, Charlie." I said before moving backwards again, the inside of the venue calling my name as I was done with this conversation. "When we were having sex, I was picturing Daniel the whole time."
My words cascaded in silk as I walked back inside, soon greeted by Rachel and my mom as they congregated around the bar.
"Just a heads up, Charlie's here." Rachel said as she leaned against the wooden platform.
"I've just spoken to him." I commented and asked the bartender for a glass of water. "I wish I could drink."
"Did it really go that bad?" Rachel asked as she finished off the remainder of her wine, kindly asking the man preparing my water for another glass of Chardonnay.
"Have you fallen out with Charlie?" My mom asked as she overheard our conversation. "What's happened?"
"Mom, I don't think here is the right place to tell you." I told my mom as she bit down on her bottom lip and swivelled around to view me better, removing her hands from the bar.
"Listen here, Amy. You and Charlie have been good friends for years and he's like another son to your father, what has happened?" My mom scowled at me, not raising her voice too much to cause speculation.
Rachel shuffled next to me as she took a massive sip of her wine, dulling the feelings she had as the embarrassment rose inside of me.
"I slept with him." I told my mom in a quiet voice as her eyes widened in complete surprise.
"You slept with Charlie?" She asked.
"You don't need to repeat it, I'm already ashamed enough." I confirmed as I turned back around to face to bar. My mom reciprocated my actions as she also faced the direction for the alcohol bottles placed high on the optics.
"When did this happen?" She asked quietly as she could see the upset etching across my face.
"It happened back in July; look it's not even important now. What is important is that everyone needs to shut up about it because I have bigger priorities to think about right now." I said and placed my hand over my stomach as the feeling of another tight pull and butterflies erupted, filling my tummy.
My mom agreed as she placed her hand across mine, feeling my stomach as she smiled at me.
"I need to speak to Daniel." I told her as she nodded, letting me slide past her and back outside where it was quiet.
As soon as I stepped out into the fresh air, I did a quick scan to identify whether I was alone. I didn't want anyone eavesdropping in on our conversation.
"Hey Ames." Daniel's bright, bubbly voice echoed down the phone, filtrating into my ear to give me comfort. "How did today go?"
"As good as a funeral can, I guess." I laughed under my breath. "She had a lovely service but the wake isn't great."
"It isn't?" Daniel queried as I could hear him rummaging around in the background.
"Everyone here is doing my head in. I'm sick of being asked questions about nan. My dad looks like he's about to burn the place to the ground." I chuckled as I stroked the fabric of my trousers with my available hand. "How did practice go?"
"FP1 went well, surprisingly." Daniel exhaled. "P5."
"P5?!" I screamed in excitement. "I'm so happy for you, I wish I was there too watch."
"Well, you didn't miss much as FP2 I got P10." Daniel confirmed as he chuckled lightly.
"That's still amazing, Dan." Confirmation to him that he was doing well was the most important thing to do right now, especially as he was starting to lose faith in himself.
"I need to tell you something before someone else does," Daniel started to speak as I hummed in response, "Hannah came to our room tonight, she's left with Lando now but she was trying to make a pass at me."
"Hannah? As in the girl you slept with." Daniel confirmed my question as my heart dropped slightly.
"You can ask Max and Michael, I completed ignored her advances." He said with a firm tone.
"Okay. Thank you for telling me." I said as I brushed off the surface of my trousers. "Charlie came today."
"You've spoken to him?" Daniel asked, I could almost imagine his wide eyes becoming even larger at the notion of him.
"More like an argument." I said and clicked my tongue over my teeth. "He thought that our baby was his."
"You're joking, right?" Daniel laughed as his Australian accent seemed to get thicker as he spoke.
"He's an idiot, Dan. But now my mom has found out which means my dad will find out soon enough." I exhaled and grabbed my stomach as some more fluttering could be felt inside. "Your daughter won't stop moving."
"Keep away from him, Ames. I don't want any added stress for you." Daniel said softly as I giggled in response.
"And you stay away from Hannah, I don't want her fondling you again." I even made myself laugh with the choice of words I had used.
"Don't worry. She's currently fondling Lando."