"How did it go?" Dixon says as she spoons a bite of cereal into her mouth as Gale sits beside her eating a grilled cheese.
"Good. Real good." I say with as much conviction as I can muster. I fix myself a glass of orange juice and make my way up the stairs, I just wanted to stuff my face into his pillow and smell him again. As if he was laying down right beside me.
I get to the room and take a deep breath before entering the room and closing the door behind me. Take deep breaths as I make my way to his bed and sit down on the side he would always sleep on. I sip the orange juice before sitting it down on the end table with his alarm clock on it. It was eleven a.m., and I knew I would have to go visit him before the day was over and talk to him because even though he wasn't there I knew that he was listening.
I lay down and pull the cover over me hoping that it would keep the shakes away. I turn my head onto the pillow and soak his scent into my nose which was still so strong after six months of him not sleeping in it.
I love you, Harley Walker, with my whole heart.
~.~.~.~.~
"I'm lost," I admit to the man lying on the hospital bed. His face was overgrown with a beard, a lot longer than he would have ever let it get. I would mention to the nurses that they should shave it. "I don't know what to do or even who I am without you anymore."
He still looks like a Greek god, just a little more rugged now, he was still in decent shape, they still had a physical therapist that comes in here and moves his muscles to keep them in walking shape just in case he woke up.
Ben was making sure he was getting the best care even though he hadn't been by to see him.
It did upset me that he hadn't stopped by, but I knew he had his reasons. Killian comes by every Friday and leaves him a note on his bedside table. There was a basket there to hold all of them now and I think even Dixon has started dropping some notes off as well.
Finnic has made himself scarce lately, it does him badly to see him like this, Liz always makes sure to come with him.
"Come back to me."
~.~.~.~.~
I follow the words on the screen to make sure that I am staying up with the beat, even though I know the song by heart now, I was still nervous, shaking like a skeleton.
the song rolls to an end, and I focus my vision on the crowd for the first time since I stood up here. I notice a few familiar faces.
Dixon, Gale, Jared, Finnic, Liz, and even mom and Gander.
Who invited all of them? I had only mentioned it once to Liz. The whole bar cheers and a radiant smile takes over my face whatever I try to do it won't leave. I haven't smiled like this in a long time. A year to be exact.
My book was published, and it was flourishing, my bakery opens up in two weeks. Sara was my help and it had made headlines in Trickett's local newspaper, which isn't hard to do. They pick up on anything new, in this tiny town. They also made a post about my book, and I felt kind of good knowing that all of my old bullies were reading about my success now.
I had three things that I promised to Harley, and I have completed all of them. I was living as he asked me to do, but it didn't feel like living without him, it felt like existing, but it was existing for him.
It had been a year since he was stabbed in the stomach by Vickers.
An entire year without him.
I don't know how I have made it this long.
Every day felt just as awful, time wasn't doing anything to heal these wounds and I knew I would never be whole again; I could just try to be the closest thing to it for my family and friends. I've adopted Dixon. She was my legal daughter now. It seems crazy to even think about it but somehow it gave me purpose. that little girl I gave my jacket to all of those years ago, now had three of her own. She never had to worry about anything anymore.
The only thing missing was ... him.
"You did so good baby!" My mom says as she took me into a hug. "I would have never thought to see you on a stage before." She says as she kisses my cheek with a wet kiss.
"Mom!" I yell and wipe off the kiss. She laughs and it's good to see her happy again.
"You were amazing kiddo," Gander says from next to her and I flash him a warm smile. I'll never forget the hurt that he caused me growing up, but I can acknowledge that he is staying around this time and he is making my mother happy. Happier than I have ever seen her.
"When Liz told me you were doing this, I thought she was messing with me," Finnic says before scooping me up in his arms and spinning me around, my feet dangling from his height. I press my cheek against his chest enjoying having him close to me again. After those first six months of keeping everyone at a distance, it felt so good to have them all close to me again.
"I am so stocked!" Liz screams in my ear and I glance at her as Finnic sits me down. She is drunk. I giggle at her and hug her, trying to soak in her good mood. Liz was always so open with her emotions you could read them all over her face.
"I love you," I say. "But I'm going to beat you for inviting everyone here." She slaps my shoulder playfully.
"No way was I letting everyone miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime performance." She slurs out her words and almost falls over but Finnic catches her and I excuse myself from the happy couple to go see Dixon. She was beaming a lot more than she has been the past year. I'm glad I could at least make her smile for once. We have both been depressed without Harley in our life, we moped around but at least we moped around together. It bonded us for life that was for sure.
"I never knew you could sing like that." She says with sparkles in her life. "I haven't even heard you sing in the shower."
"The only one that knew was your brother," I say with a sad smile. "Not anymore though. I'm glad your here."
She wraps me up in her arms and I chuckle slightly. I was getting bombarded with hugs tonight and I was here for it. So, when we finally let go of each other I looked at Jared and held out my arms.
he starts shaking his head quickly. "Madeline, don't you dare."
I move in closer and closer stalking him like he was my prey. I half expected him to run but he just sighs heavily and holds out his arms.
I jump at the opportunity because like listening to me sing at the bar was a once-in-a-lifetime situation, so was getting a hug from Jared.
"You've come a long way." He whispers on the top of my head, and I hug him tighter.
I let go of him before he makes me cry. Jared had been there through everything and he unlike everyone else knew exactly how bad off I had got.
"Where is mine?" Gale pouts as he throws his arms out waiting on a hug from me. I guess I might as well it looks like nearly everyone else here has stolen one.
I hug him tightly. "Thank you for watching after her when I can't. You're the best."
"It's my job." I smack his shoulder because I knew gale cared for her, after that night we were kidnapped, he has been attached to her hip near it. Too scared to leave her alone for a second. I didn't blame him though because even with Harley in a coma and Vickers dead, we needed to keep a close eye on everything. We were still targets, weak points for The Voiceless.
I don't think we would have a problem with getting Ben to act on something before it got out of hand now though. he had learned his lesson with his heir in a coma, which he may never wake up from.
So instead of being in the background, Jared and Gale had made themself part of the family and then explain who they were to everyone else we would always just say buddies of Harley. No need to get into detail about it. I was never too good of a liar.
I can say they have made this year a little more manageable. My phone rings in my back pocket. I take the device out and excuse myself from everyone as I head to the front door. that way I could hear whoever was calling me. there would be no way I could make out what they were saying with all of this noise.
"Miss Hansel?" A professional man's voice echoes through the lines.
"Yes. Who is this?" The voice doesn't sound familiar.
"It has you listed here as Mr. Walker's emergency contact." He says with a bland voice. Oh god no, don't tell me he's left me. Don't tell me he's gone for good.
"Yes?" I knew my voice was shaking. I was terrified. I couldn't handle this. I know I seemed stronger, but I wasn't that strong. I wasn't strong enough to look at him forever.
"He is awake."
-.-.-.-.-
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