I come to a few hours later with Harley snuggled into my neck, his breathing not as heavy as they are when he is sleeping. He is awake, "Did you mean it?"
His voice raspy and almost sounded strained, like he was holding himself as still as he can. "Mean what?" I ask a little confused about what he was referring to. There was a multitude of things that he could be talking about, and I wasn't going to guess at them.
"Mean that you were, here. That you weren't leaving." He takes a deep breath in. "That you were going to stay no matter what." He pushes his lips onto my neck and my breath catches in my throat not allowing me to breath, but it isn't ... scary. Not with Harley it was anything but that. It was exhilarating, breathless, amazing, world altering, demanding, beautiful and raw.
His warm exhales cascading against my skin as he pulls his mouth away from my flesh. I assume he was waiting for a reply, "Yes."
It was a whisper and I felt him tug me into him closer than before resting his chin on the top of my head. "No one has ever cared, like you."
The words break my heart but also fills it with contentment from the realization of our situation. I wasn't going to have to leave Harley behind, I was going to stay with him. I wouldn't have to fight through the nightmares by myself. Wouldn't have to come home to an empty house with one too many locks on it. Wouldn't have to be alone anymore and Harley would finally have someone that cared about his wellbeing not just their own.
"Do you realize that once this is all over, you lose the window to leave, right?" He asks, the question almost muffled by my rough looking curls. "You'll be stuck living a life without a husband, without kids. Eventually I'm going to be Ben, stuck at the clubhouse unless there is something that needs burned down or someone that needs ... killed."
"Separately Together. I understand Harley. I'm not leaving you alone. I'm going to make your life worth living eventually, Harley Walker." His knuckles graze my hip bone making me shiver slightly.
"I think you already have."
~.~.~.~.~
Harley was gone the next morning, all of our whispered promises hanging in the air. I didn't know where this left us at. My brother, his father and The Voiceless men thought we were together, and according if I didn't book it as soon as The Forefathers were taking care of, then I was stuck with this fake relationship, stuck with Harley. Was that enough, would Harley's friendship be enough for me to live a fulfilled life? Harley would always be enough, even if we were stuck in a dungeon together. He would be enough to make me feel like I was whole, safe.
I spend the hour before I have to get to work writing and I finish my first ever book. Excitement filled my veins when I wrote the last word, but the smile quickly disappears when I realize I wasn't ever going to let anyone read it. After the realization all that it felt like I had accomplished was a waste of time.
I walk down the stairs ready for work to find Gale drinking a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. "Harley has instructed me to drive you to work. Something about extra precautions."
"Okay." I say a little glum, from having finished my book and realizing it was just a big waste of time.
"You, okay?" Gale questions, sensing my bad mood.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say quietly.
"Oh no. My sister always said that when a woman says 'fine' that it is the exact opposite." He tsk his tongue in my direction and comes to stand near me. I forgot he grew up in a house full of woman, he must have picked up on a few things in all of them years.
"It's just. I spent a lot of time on something I enjoyed and now that its finished, I don't know. I just feel defeated because it felt like a waste of time." I explain it the best that I could without revealing to him what it was, because I felt like he would make fun of me or think it was stupid. that kind of reaction wasn't in his character, but my insecurities got in my head and stopped me from sharing.
"Well, my advice would be that if it's something you enjoy doing, it's not a waste of time. It's okay to gift yourself time for pleasantries, Maddie." I smile up at him in awe at his insight, he definitely picked up some good advice from all of those women in his family.
"Thanks, Gale. That was just what I needed to hear." I did feel lighter, now, like a burden had been lifted off of my chest Maybe today would be a good day after all. "Let's get going before I'm late."
We were running a little behind, and I didn't want to have to explain why I was late to Mrs. Debra. She had already been lenient with me when I was out that week, for 'the flu'.
"Yes, boss lady." That was what he had took to calling me over the past couple of weeks. I hope it wasn't because he thought I was bossy, and maybe he just took to the name because he is assigned to Harley, and he assumes me, and Harley are together.
If anyone had the closest insight on mine and Harleys relationship it would be Gale because he had stayed many of nights, nights Harley would be in my room or I in his. Slowly the inside relationship was looking increasingly like the outside relationship, but I knew that this was platonic, this was two people being there for each other when they needed them the most.
Finnic was still ignoring my messaged, Liz says he just needs time, so all I had right now was Harley. I knew that that wasn't exactly the healthy kind of friendship to have but it was all we had right now.
I should be scared that I was so willing to give up having an actual relationship to keep up this faux one with Harley was I wasn't.
I was content with it.
Halfway to work my phone started to ring with my mother's name flashing on the screen. I quickly click accept, "Hey, baby." Her voice came through the line gentle, and I could tell by her tone she was wanting something. My mother only used her 'customer service voice' when she was wanting a favor.
"What do you want?" I say in a monotone voice.
"I'm offended I can't just call to tell my favorite daughter I love her." The soft voice gradually faded back into her much raspier voice.
"Not with that fake voice, you can't." She laughs on the other end of the line, finding this conversation amusing. I'm glad me were once again chatting like usual instead of ignoring each other, even if she had been more distant then normal.
"Please keep an open mind." She says and I can already tell that whatever she was about to ask for wasn't going to be good. She knows I already usually have an opened min and for her to have to remind me of that fact means it was something serious.
"Go on." I say ready to get the problem out of the way and over with.
"Well, my birthday is this weekend and I want you and Finnic, Liz, Harley and you to come to eat dinner with me at the house. It's the only thing I want for my birthday." She pleaded and I knew that she was asking for us to come and talk with Gander because why else would it be a problem, she knows we wouldn't mind coming eat dinner with her, if he wasn't there.
"Is he going to be there?" I ask softly. She sighs on the other end and that was enough of an answer for me. "Absolutely not." It wasn't that I was still mad at her or even that I was mad at him, I had a lot going on in my life to even resurface those old wounds again. I already had to many fresh ones wide open.
"Please, for me. For my birthday. I just want everyone together." The 'oh so sweet' voice was back on, and I could practically see her pout through the phone. it was for her birthday, and we did need to spend time together. Maybe I could just ignore him for a couple of hours.
"I'll go if Finnic goes." I agree and I knew he would because apparently her and Finnic had an understanding about gander. As long as he kept distance and didn't overstep his boundaries, he was willing to be in the same vicinity as him.
"he's already agreed. " I grunt and blow out a frustrated breath really not wanting to do this this weekend.
"Okay mom." I say before letting the phone go dead in my hand after saying our goodbyes.
This was just enough thing to add to the list of things that were already stressing me out.
I had to look over my shoulder all day at work because I felt like someone was watching me, or maybe I was paranoid from what happened yesterday. My skin was still itching by Victor's gaze. Even though the number was unknown, I knew that it was hi, it wasn't one of his goons because I could feel it in my bones
Just like I could feel it in my bones that I was paranoid today, someone was watching me, and I was really grateful that Gale had decided to stick around today circling the building every so often and even coming in to order donuts twice.
I was so ready for all of this to be behind me, I didn't even care if I had signed myself over to be put in this situation again, I was just mentally exhausted of having to think about Vickers, having to worry about him lurking around like my own personal stalker. I think about him whenever Harley talks about the new plan of action, I feel his stare at work, and I dream about him at night. He was all consuming and it was beginning to feel almost unhealthy. I needed a breather from always having him inside of my head. Music tends to loosen me up. I prop my headphones into my ears and turn on my regular music as I decorate cake after cake.
My bank account was growing bigger and bigger by the week, and I finished up my culinary classes in two months. I was well on the way to getting that bakery and I was beyond proud of myself. I've already thought about how I was going to decorate and the items I was going to serve there. I would of course hire someone to run it because I wasn't good at dealing with customers.
A hand is placed on my shoulder, and I jump two feet off of the ground before ripping the headphones out of mt ears. The cake I was decorating tilts off of the plate and ruins the decoration I had just completed.
"I'm so sorry." Tom says with his hands in the air. I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerve before giving him an apologetic smile.
"It's okay. What is it?" I ask still clutching my headphones in my hands.
"Need someone to sign for these." He shows me the box of cake boxes. I wonder why he didn't just sign it himself but then I notice that his right hand is in a cast. I had forgot that he had a skating accident a week ago and broke his wrist. I take the pen and sign my name it looks a little scribblier than normal because of my shaky hands.
"I'll let you get back to..." He looks at the tipped over cake. "Fixing that." He grins a sorry smile before walking back outside to return the paper.
I return to the mess that I have made and frown deeply. He was already getting under my skin, I was making a mess, listening to music at work just because I feel like he is staring at me. This has to end soon, or I was going to lose myself to that dark place again. It was going to swallow me up hole and this time it wouldn't spit me out. I would just be stuck there drowning it a pit of memories and nightmares never being able to fully move on. Moving on this time was just temporary because he was behind bars, he wasn't able to hurt me anymore. he was going to try to hurt me now that he was out, he's just waiting on the right moment, and I felt so helpless that it was getting to my head. All I had to do was sist around and wait when I wanted to fight back, I wanted to do something productive.
There really wasn't nothing I could do that wouldn't make matters worse for everyone. So, I would have to just keep waiting until it was too late, and he dug his claws just a little bit needer hoping that he didn't hit a vital organ this time.
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