you ever had somebody say that they was down for you?
they made it feel so real like they really down for you
they clown on you every time they turn around on you
they not loyal, they happy, they lookin down on you
៚ • one
៚ • bronx, ny
៚ • 11:45pm
៚ • samaria grant
"What do you mean Bryson's not feeling it?" I asked Jalani.
It was my lunch period and I was talking to my best friend Jaliya when Jalani came up out of nowhere.
"He won't tell me what happened. Just that he's not feeling it and he looked real sad. You gotta talk to him." He said and I rolled my eyes.
"How much you wanna bet it has something to do with Azealia?" I said and he bit his lip.
"Can you just talk to him? Please. We can't have him in his feelings for this practice." Jalani pleaded and I sighed before opening messages in my phone.
me- wya?
It took almost 5 minutes for him to respond.
bryson⭐️- music room, Kyra doesn't have a class
"This is just like Bryson," I said packing up my things.
"Do what you gotta do," Jaliya shrugged.
"All I know is that if he try and skip his practice I'm beating his ass." I laughed at her response.
"Bye Jaliya and Jalani. Gotta go mend a broken heart again," I hugged them both before heading out the lunchroom and down the hall.
Hey baby you forgot your Ray Bans
And my sheets still orange from your spray tan
It was more than soft porn for the K-man
She remember my Sprinter, said "I was in the grape van"
I was listening to no more parties in la as I went down the hall. This wasn't unlike Bryson.
He has a habit of getting into relationships with people that aren't technically the best for him. And then they go to shit and he gets so deep in his feelings. And I comfort him and in a few days he's either back with them or onto the next girl.
He doesn't listen to me whenever I tell him to take a break. So I've become numb to him being in his feelings and then dating another girl.
This time is was Azealia Grant.
Pretty girl, perfect vocalist in choir. I thought for a split second they would last.
He talked about how much he liked her and how she was different. And they went on dates. It has lasted- well it lasted for a cool 3-ish months.
They had their bad moments but overall I thought this would really be the change for him.
Clearly the fuck not because here we are.
When I arrived at the door to the music room I peeked in.
Kyra, our music teacher, who vowed to go by her first name unlike the other teachers(because it makes her feel old to be called by her last) was at her desk typing on her computer.
She turned her head to the door and smiled. I smiled back before walking further in.
"I'm here for Bryson's lil self," I said and she lightly laughed before putting up a thumbs up. Bryson was zoned out sitting at one of the keyboards. He had his head down and bookbag on the floor.
His outfit for today?
Grey sweater, grey sweats, new balance. It was a chill fit.
When I walked over I sat on the floor next to the seat and he turned his head to look at me.
"Hi bunny." He said not looking at me. I love that little nickname he calls me when we're by ourselves sometimes. Adapted from his favorite animal.
"Hi Bryson. What happened?" I asked and he sighed before putting his head up. He moved over on the seat and motioned for me to sit next to him.
"I was chilling, listening to sideline story."
"Why do you remember the exact song?"
"Because it was a very traumatic moment for me," he said with a straight face but I couldn't help but laugh a little. He didn't find it funny.
"Sorry, continue," I said pursing my lips together.
"And I saw Azealia talking to some boy. Now if she was simply just having a regular conversation you know, I would've been fine. But nah she was giggling and touching his chest and all that," he shuddered.
"And she was dead about to kiss him when she spotted me and pushed the boy away. I was just stuck and stared at her. She walked over to me and tried to start explaining what she was doing. But I couldn't hear anything because I was took shocked. So I saw her mouth moving and there was just this emptiness in my brain. Until I just turned around and walked away. And now I'm here."
"This is yourrrrr, third time being cheated on? Maybe you're the problem," I said in a joking way hoping to lighten the mood a bit. I only earned a small smile for him before his face went straight again.
"Some people are just really evil. You don't cheat on someone you supposedly love."
"She told me she loved me first. And I said it back. But thinking on it...I don't think I really did love her...or maybe I'm going insane. I don't know I hate feelings."
"Then why do you keep on doing this to yourself?" I asked tilting my head to him. He look to me confused for a second.
"Do what?"
"Give your all in relationships when you end up like this." You could hear the slight disgust in my voice. Because I don't understand why he keeps doing it when it makes him feel such a terrible way.
"All or nothing," he smiled and I just sighed.
"I don't think I'll ever understand you."
"You understand me more than anyone so I don't know what you're talking about." He said resting his hand on my leg. I smiled at his words You understand me more than anyone.
"I mean I don't understand you and your ideas of relationships."
"That's because we both have different perspectives. But that doesn't mean one is right and the other is wrong. We just think different. I think it makes us a good match." He said and I nodded in response. I didn't really know how to reply to that so I switched the subject.
"So about Azealia...you talked to her since?"
"Nah, I blocked her. Don't need an explanation from her. It's dead."
"You're not angry about it?"
"The situation doesn't make me mad. It just makes me- I don't know the word. Like I'm sad and shrugging it off. I'm not fuming or nun. I don't know."
"How's that gonna affect your practice today?"
"I'll charge all those feelings to my practice and just hope that she doesn't come to watch."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Samaria and Bryson, I have a class coming in about 3 minutes so I'm gonna need you guys to leave," Kyra said and we nodded in response.
"Regardless Bryson, Azealia isn't the end all. You'll find someone who treats you better, the way you deserve. And then she'll be at your games and supporting you and then you'll be in love foreal foreal." I said and he smiled as he stood up from the seat and grabbed our bags.
"I can only hope."
Really don't understand how he keeps his head up after shit like this and still believe in finding love after mess like this. Maybe if I understood I wouldn't have such a problem finding love too. Even though I'm not actively looking for it.
"Bye Kyra!" I said as we walked across the room.
"Yeah thanks for letting me stay here."
"No worries, you two have a good rest of your day," she smiled as we exited the classroom.
"Anyways enough about me and my constant relationship struggles."
"Tuh, at least you're aware," I snickered and he nudged my arm.
"I'm gonna ignore that comment. But anyways how has-" but just as he was about to continue the bell rang for the next period.
"Fuck, I gotta get to class. After my practice, your place, we're watching BAPS and eating food and talking. We haven't done that in a minute and I miss staying at your house."
"Aye aye captain," I said as we walked our separate ways to class.
★・・・・・・★
3pm
"Look at this cheating ass bitch," I mumbled to Jaliya as we walked into the McDonald's to pick up our food to eat before the game.
Azealia was sitting with 3 other girls in our school.
When she spotted me, her eyes widened before she turned back to her group of friends.
I minded my business and waited for our food.
"Nah she's really a dub. How you cheat the day your man has practice?" Jaliya added.
"That shit gotta have been premeditated, like you're real life a bad girlfriend. No other explanation." I replied and then I heard a throat clear and turned to see Azealia behind us.
I didn't care if she heard us. I would say the same thing to her face.
"Yes?" I asked with a blank expression.
"Is there something you wanna say?"
"Yes actually. You're very weird for cheating on my friend on the day he has practice. Seek medical help bro." I said turning away from her.
"Look you don't understand! I didn't exactly cheat on him. Well I did. But it was just out of love. I didn't mean for things to end up like this." What????
"You mean you didn't mean to get caught? Look Azealia, I thought you were actually a really nice person up until this. I don't have anything else to say to you." It went quiet and I heard her footsteps retreating.
"Ain't shit sweet," Jaliya said and I turned to her smiling and we both laughed.
When we got our food we sat down and I was munching as a result of my intense hunger... even though I had lunch and breakfast.
"Samaria you're scaring the hoes right now," Jaliya said and I looked up from my burger. I slowly put it down.
"You got a lil sum above your lip," she pursed her lips together pointing at the spot. When I decided to take a rest from eating like a gremlin, I relaxed.
"Bryson's coming over tonight to chill and stuff. If he starts talking about Azealia I'm gonna lose it."
"I thought Azealia was dead?"
"It's Bryson, so I don't expect much."
"Well what're you gonna watch?" She asked taking a few fries and dipping them in ketchup.
"He said we're watch B.A.P.S. Love that movie deoooownnnnn."
"You know what Samaria, I think he's the one scaring the hoes actually. You guys are nearly always together and hanging out."
"Duh because we've known each other since the 6th grade. And he's not scaring anyone, I don't have any hoes to scare. Highschool boys are not the move."
"Not my man my man my man though," Jaliya smiled and I did too. Her and her longtime boyfriend, Westin, had been together since sophomore year and have been loyal to each other longtime.
"Y'all are so cute, I love seeing my girl happy." I meant that genuinely. Love seeing my people happy. Especially the one girl I've been rocking with since middle school years.
"And I love seeing you happy. Don't need no niggas for happiness, word." She said and I gave a small smile.
I loved how I had gotten this mark of "not needing a bf" which I adore. I like people understanding that I'm my own person and that I don't necessarily need a significant other.
However, it kind of hurt that I couldn't gain more happiness in that part of life because of my longtime reputation from beliefs and habits.
But I shook it off.
Samaria Grant at peace with her lack of love life...
Because it's hard to complain about things like that when every other part of your life seems to be- almost perfect. And I don't really have a problem with that part of my life anyways. Just Life 4 U.
━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━
you've made it to the end of the first chapter!
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