A/n: okay this is long af but its based on my little situation with my crush so yeah everything is true apart from after the end of the second flashback x
You never thought you were the jealous type but you proven yourself wrong and you hated it, you never felt like this in all the almost 18 years your life but here you are laying in your bed crying your eyes out all because of a stupid Instagram post.
Kyle Spencer was one of your closest friends you both formed a unique bond in the space of two years, complicated sure especially the past few months you were only three months older than him, but now here he was reposting a picture on Instagram of himself and a girl you knew called vicky, she was known to everyone as the girl who gets blackout drunk embarrassing herself at every party.
Kyle befriended her one night at a party vicky already had a boyfriend at the time, Kyle and you were super close then the feeling grew and you had a crush on him, luckily he had a crush on you too, but you didn't want to ruin the friendship you both created.
You would facetime near enough every night even when you were dating your ex at the time only to try and get over kyle but that didn't happen if anything your feelings grew more for the blonde headed boy.
In the summer your dad was away on a business trip for a month or two and luckily you had the keys to his house, Kyle thought it would be a fun idea to watch a movie there so that's what you did.
*flashback*
You unlocked the door to your fathers house Kyle right behind you holding the dvd case with a movie you hadn't seen yet but always wanted to watch, you felt the butterfly's in the pit of your stomach the thought of you and Kyle alone in a house no interruptions made you feel dizzy in the best way possible.
Sure you were really good friends he was one of your best friends and you were to him but lately you had been Flirting back and forth ever since your friend messaged Kyle saying you liked him against your own will but now you were glad because he liked you too but you both agreed not to jump into anything because your friendship meant the world to you both.
So here you were entering the living room setting the dvd player up to watch a movie, Kyle took a look around the place spotting your dad's electric guitar with two strings missing and out of tune, "does your dad play guitar?" Kyle called holding the guitar by the neck taking it into the living room, "uh no actually he got it off our old neighbour when him and my mom were still together he was drunk and yeah he took it but never touched it" you chuckled Kyle knew about why your mom and dad split up and the toxic relationship you had with him hence why he wasn't a huge fan of your father.
"It's a pretty cool guitar I gotta say" he smiled trying to tune it in, "Yeah I loved it as a kid used to try and play it but I would get into trouble" you laughed at the memory of your father scolding you for almost breaking the guitar, "anyway do you want to watch the movie now I think there's some snacks in the kitchen maybe and also I brought these" you smirked fishing into your pocket pulling out two joints.
"You wanna get high?" Kyle asked with a light chuckle, "why not it would be fun plus I'm fun when I'm high" you said Kyle had seen you high multiple times and he would end up on the floor crying with laughter at you, "okay" Kyle chuckled taking the joint from your hand his fingertips touching your hand sending shock waves down your spine.
"Let's watch the movie" you smiled taking the dvd from the sofa and placing it into the dvd player, you lit your joint as the opening credits roll handing your lighter to Kyle who did the same taking a long drag of the smoke before blowing it into the air, you couldn't lie he looked hot with the joint in his hand smoking it.
Your eyes gave Kyle quick glances whenever he wasn't looking you were sitting on one couch Kyle on the other one, you felt the weed hitting your system and you had a stupid grin of your lips, "what?" Kyle asked with the same grin of his face he was clearly high and so were you, "nothing I'm just- I'm just so fucking high" you laughed Kyle ended up with the giggles both not even focused on the movie.
You didn't realise Kyle moved to the couch you were sitting on till you stopped laughing you began to feel nervous he was so close to you yet he wasn't touching you, you craved him so bad but you didn't do anything instead you took the beanie he was wearing off his head and put in on your own, little did you know that taking Kyle's hat off him drove him crazy he thought you looked so adorable in his hat.
"I think it suits me better don't you think" you giggled with red puffy eyes from the weed, "Yeah it does" Kyle smiled taking the hat off your head jokingly, "Hey give it back" you huffed trying to grab the material off him, "it's my hat y/n" he laughed as you tried to take it back off him, but Kyle gave in putting his own beanie back on your head.
You felt those butterfly's again as Kyle's eyes darted from your eyes to your lips, you didn't know what to do when he pressed his lips to yours, his hand held your cheek eventually you responded to the kiss his lips were soft you could taste the weed as he seeked permission for his tongue to dance along with yours.
Your lips parted inviting him in, you wanted more you didn't know how long you were making out for but you didn't want it to stop and neither did he, but it came to an end when you had to pull away for air, you could help but blush like crazy, "that was amazing" Kyle whispered he couldn't believe he mustered up the courage to finally kiss you.
"It was" you smiled bitting your bottom lip something you did when you were nervous, Kyle never moved from your side for the rest of the day his arm around your shoulders pulling you closer, Kyle would kiss you again a few times he wanted to go futher with you but he hadn't done anything like that before whilst you had but he was too shy to make a move.
But the night finally came to an end Kyle had to go back and study so did you, walking down the steps of your father's apartment Kyle took the opportunity to give you one last kiss making you weak at the knees, you didn't want it to end you wished he was yours but your insecurities and doubts were also a huge problem.
You weren't skinny you were chubby, you had the pretty face but you hated your body but Kyle didn't care about that he liked you as a person, your personality was bright, funny, kind and loving despite your heartbreaking past you saw the good side in everything helped others when they needed it Kyle loved that about you.
"I gotta go my buddies here to pick me up" he awkwardly said after he pulled away from the kiss, "Oh yeah I had a great time tonight we should do it again" you smiled as you walked out the building, "we should" Kyle agreed, "well I'll see you later bye y/n"
"Bye kyle"
*flashback over*
You sobbed and sobbed you felt so stupid, he was telling you that him and vicky fell out a few weeks prior because of her boyfriend and now they're together, you didn't blame Kyle she was perfect, pretty face, perfect body, the lot but what you couldn't wrap your head around was why he stopped talking to you, Kyle told you everything but you guessed that maybe she didn't like the friendship you had and was jealous but why.
She didn't know about the kisses and the fact you almost took his virginity the second time you went to your dad's house, you didn't know what to do so you called your best friend who you basically called your cousin Ryan, you waited till he answered the silent tears rolling down your face.
"Hey girl" Ryan's voice beamed down the phone, you couldn't help but sob into the phone "r-ryan can i- I come over please" you hiccuped in-between sobs Ryan's heart broke hearing you so upset it was so unlike you, you hated being upset you always kept your chin up and got on with whatever bad had happened.
"Sure sweetie of course" he replied you thanked him before hanging up and calling a taxi to his place, you packed your bag throwing some sweatpants and t-shirts into the bag and waited on the taxi to arrive you didn't know how you felt, sad, jealous, angry, you were angry at yourself for being so silly to think he actually liked you maybe it was self pitty you didn't know but you wanted it to go away you never cried over a man you didn't love anyone that wasn't your family you didn't want to get too attached to anyone but here you are going to your best friends house because your heart got broken by someone who you weren't even dating to begin with.
You felt like such a child right now, as you entered the cab telling the driver where you were going you plugged in your earphones playing your music, 'Africa by toto' was playing, how kyle loved toto you immediately skipped the track but only to hear your song one that you and Kyle would sing together all the time 'dani california by the red hot chilli peppers' you tried to hold in the tears but you were unable to.
'Was it all a lie?' 'Maybe she's better for him' 'was I just something to take his mind of her?' You head was spinning with the horrible thoughts you didn't realise that you had arrived at your best friends house, you paid the driver thanking him before getting out of the car.
You walked up the pathway to your friends house you didn't bother knocking you were technically Ryan's mums daughter that she never had they were your second family, "is that my gorgeous girl?" You heard Ryan's mum your auntie Mary calling out "Yeah it's me auntie mary" you called back Mary walked out the kitchen and into the hallway spotting you with red puffy eyes she knew you too well and knew you had been crying.
"What the matter?" She asked bringing you in for one of her famous hugs, you just broke down again, your aunt knew you had feelings for Kyle via Ryan's big mouth but she didn't know how much, "it's silly" you brushed it off praying she leaves it at that, "it's not silly now tell me why you are crying?" Mary insisted.
You told Mary everything all she did was console you aswell as Ryan who came into the kitchen five minutes after you had arrived, you felt pathetic crying over a boy it was unlike you, but after a week of crying seeing them post dumb couple things then seeing vickys drunk posts on Instagram making you wonder if Kyle was sane to deal with her when she was drunk.
You decided it was time to get out and forget about everything have a night out with one of your other Friends max, you text him asking if there was a frat party on tonight and luckily there was and it wasn't Kyle's frat house, so you put on your shortest dress you could find a black long sleeve dress that shows your cleavage perfectly, your hair was curled into beachy waved your makeup dark as usual with your black converse.
You looked hot you must admit max sat on your bed as you checked yourself out in the mirror, "you look so good y/n oh my god" he beamed he always loved how you wore what you wanted to not caring about your body shape but in reality you did but tonight you were getting wasted so you don't care at all.
You made it to the party crowds of body's everywhere, you began feeling uncomfortable so you went and did a few shots with max to gain the strength to converse with the other people you barely know until you heard "MAX Y/N" you didn't know who had called you till you turned around and saw her vicky.
She was staggering around the place screaming and shouting you can smell the pure vodka and puke in her breath, "omg y/n I haven't seen you in ages do you know I go out with Kyle Spencer now how weird is that" she slurred shoving her body weight on you for a hug you wanted to scream but you decided to be nice "Yeah I know that is weird" you said with a fake smile Kyle hadn't even spoken to you in a while so you weren't hurt about them anymore you were pissed off at Kyle he hadn't spoken to you in a while and for what.
Vicky left to god knows where leaving you and max alone you clenched the plastic shot cup in your hand crushing it, "Wow you alright" max asked you shook your head angrily "no max I'm not okay" you took some vodka and poured some more shots for yourself you needed something to make this night easier.
About half an hour later you were tipsy dancing around not giving a shit about anything anymore, "y/n" you rolled your eyes seeing vicky infront of you even more drunk that before you thought she would need her stomach pumped in the next hour, "vicky" you mumbled "Kyle told me you kissed a few times and that he said he loved you on your birthday but I said I know y/n and I don't blame him cause your hot like your so pretty" she slurred you were confused on why she was telling you this more importantly why was he telling her that "Oh well thanks vicky but kyle and I are friends well I don't know about that anymore" you sighed you cup of alcohol in hand.
Vicky left you to your own thoughts you needed air so you went outside to get some 'why did he tell her about my birthday?" You thought the memory of that day came flooding back.
*flashback*
You were finally 17 you invited some of your friends over to your house for some drinks, you were still doing your makeup when your friends arrived Kyle came with 3 cds of an artist you both loved you thanked him since he knew how much you wanted them.
Soon enough you were drunk your grandfather came over giving you a beautiful necklace your mom was wasted constantly on the phone to your father till she left to go to his place, no one knew where she went especially your grandad who was angry she left you on your birthday so you were left to calm your grandad down, keep the guests entertained and also argue with your dad to get your mom home.
It was all to much for you to deal with your sat outside of your house with a cigarette still arguing on the phone with you did you didn't notice Kyle was behind you.
"I don't give a fuck dad it's my birthday stop being a selfish fuck and get her to come home she's only at yours because you have booze once it's done she's away she doesn't want you anymore" you shouted down your phone your dad was screaming at you calling you selfish for not letting your mom go out.
"If it was a different time then yeah she can do what she wants but it's my fucking birthday and with all the shit I've been through because of you I think I deserve a good night but no you had to wait till my mom was wasted and ask her to come down she won't fuck you dad your pathetic" you yelled louder Kyle was taken aback he never seen you so angry at anyone but he liked how you told your dad straight.
"You know what dad I don't care fuck you and fuck her as well I'm sick of the both of you you don't care about me you didn't even know it was my birthday" you whispered the last part before hanging up dropping your phone on the ground your arms hugging your knees crying to yourself.
You felt something beside you lifting your head up to meet Kyle's eyes, full of concern and sorrow seeing you so upset on your birthday broke his heart and the fact that nobody cared shattered him, "you okay" he asked you shook your head breaking down in his arms.
"No Kyle I'm not no one cares its my birthday the one day I want to be happy and I can't because my mom and dad are careless and selfish, I just wish I wasn't here anymore I really do kyle" you cried in his arms Kyle had a tears coming out his eyes he hated seeing you like this.
"No body would care if I died and I don't blame them I'm nothing all my life I've been called fat and useless I just can't deal with this anymore I want to stop hurting" you mumbled your tears wetting Kyle's t-shirt but he didn't care.
"Hey y/n look at me" he pulled you away from his grasp your eyes meeting his tear soaked one's, "Don't you ever say that you hear me because I need you, you not fat or useless your perfect you hear me and your dad he's a prick your mom's going through a tough time but I care about you so much y/n you don't even know it I love you" Kyle said it you didn't know what to say.
Before you could say anything else Kyle kissed you again, softly and lovingly like it was the last second on earth he held you like you would break into a million pieces, you pulled away slightly smiling "I love you kyle"
*flashback over*
You sat on the steps outside the frat party sobbing why would he tell her that what else did he tell her about you, you didn't know what to do anymore, you didn't think there was anything to do, you did love Kyle and still do if only you weren't so afraid of ruining the friendship because it's fucked now either way.
You decided to walk to Ryan's house ditching the party, you called Ryan again waiting on his answer, "y/n it's late what's wrong?" Ryan's voice groggy from probably being woken up, "I need your help I seen Kyle's girlfriend" you said making your way over, "did she say anything" ryan asked he already knew you were most likely to go to his like you always do, "Yeah that Kyle said to her that we kissed and that he told me he loved me and I don't know what to do anymore why would he say that" you asked.
"Maybe because he does love you and your too fucking dumb to get into a relationship with him" Ryan said you shook your head, "no Ryan that's not it she's far more prettier than me plus that was months ago almost a year ago" you sighed, "where are you right now" he asked "a few blocks away from Oh fuck his frat house" you groaned "well get some fucking answers from him" Ryan said before hanging up.
Shit shit shit what were you going to do, there was a store infront of you you had your fake Id so you bought some booze to drink walking to Ryan's, finally you were drunk, and some reason at Kyle's place.
You knew he would be the only one home since you saw everyone in the frat house in that party, you knocked on the door the vodka in hand you tried to keep your body up but your were staggering.
Eventually the door opened revealing Kyle in his pyjamas, "y/n? What are you doing here" he asked confused on why your here "Oh so I'm like a stranger now to you Kyle" you slurred Kyle pulled you into the house for your own safety, "where were you" he asked getting you some water but you drank the vodka Instead.
"I was at the same frat party as vicky" you slurred, "and she told me that your her boyfriend now I heard it from her not you because you haven't spoken to me in weeks Kyle what the fuck" you mumbled Kyle felt guilty for not talking to you.
"I'm sorry y/n I've been meaning to tell you it's just I forgot" he tried to excuse you shook your head in disagreement "you were quick enough to tell her about the times we kissed and that you told me you loved me on my birthday" you sniggered.
"She told you that?" He asked you nodded "how else would she know Kyle what the fuck vicky I feel so so fucking stupid opening my heart to you I feel stupid for loving you " you began to cry again Kyle wrapped his arms around you as you crying into his chest unable to do anything else.
Kyle felt so guilty he loved you how could he not but vicky was there and he needed to get over you, "I wish we weren't friends anymore or we can ruin the friendship if we are great friends it wouldn't be ruined" you mumbled Kyle's hand held your jaw lifting your head up for you to look at him.
"I do love you y/n" he stated pulling you closer till your lips were moulded together again it felt euphoric but hebwas taken, "Kyle no your with vicky i- I need to go" you said making your way to the door, "just please stay" Kyle begged you knew you were nowhere near fit to be put alone so you had to stay with Kyle.
He took you to his room gave you a pair of his pyjamas, "kyle" you whispered you back to him in the bed, "what?" He whispered back "if you really mean what you said on my birthday you need to do something about it, it's your shot to call" you said before falling asleep.