CHAPTER 10
Ester's POV
Ever since Severus and I kissed under the mistletoe that afternoon a few weeks ago, I felt like he has been avoiding me a lot. Whenever I asked if he wanted to hang out, he would usually decline and make up an excuse about how he was behind on some tests in need of grading or that he had to reorganize his potions cabinet. And I have to admit, I was getting really mad at him. Snape wasn't being fair at all. If he didn't want to hang out with me anymore, he should have just said it to my face and I would have been completely understanding. He shouldn't be running away from me like some scared little kid.
It was the day before the second challenge when I worked up the courage to ask him to talk about it for the hundredth time that week. I also needed Snape's help with something too, so I had an excuse to go visit him when he declined the offer to hang out earlier that day.
I rapped on the door to his office with the back of my knuckle. No answer. I knocked again, this time a bit louder in case he didn't hear me. Only silence. Slowly, I pushed open the large wood door a crack and poked my head inside. It was very dark out due to the fact that it was ten o'clock at night, so I had to squint to see. The classroom was vacant. I frowned. Odd, Snape was usually here until curfew when he would head to his living quarters.
I slowly stepped inside, deciding I would wait for him until he got back from wherever he had stalked off to. I'm sure he would be back any minute now.
I dropped my bag loudly to the floor, causing a loud thunk to echo off the cold stone floor, and sat down in one of the desks. I kicked my feet up onto the table in a lazy fashion as usual in an attempt to making myself more comfortable. I shivered. This was the one thing I hated about the dungeon classrooms. They were always so cold and stuffy. I wondered how Severus was able to spend his days down here without catching his death.
Suddenly, the large double doors swung open, followed by the swift tapping of footsteps as they entered the room. I knew I only had moments to hide. I dove for the open potions closet behind me and soundlessly slid the door shut behind me, only leaving it open a crack so I could see. Two dark figures waltzed their way up to the front of the room, their backs facing me.
The one with really long, whitish blond hair spoke first, urgency lacing his tone. "Severus, as a friend giving advise--"
I have no friends." Snape remarked sharply, cutting the man off.
I heard the man sigh loudly. "Fine; as a colleague giving advise, I highly advise that you succumb to our master's wishes. The girl gives us a great advantage as someone on the inside."
I frowned in confusion. What on earth were they talking about? Who was the girl they were talking about? By master did they mean Professor Dumbledoor? I pressed my ear up closer to the door, now very interested in the conversation.
Snape groaned, pinching the bridge of his hooked nose in exasperation. "You know I can't do that, Lucius. I won't put her in danger like that. Never."
"Don't tell me," the strange Lucius man questioned. "that you are actually falling for that- that mud blood, Severus."
My eyes widened, quickly welling up with guilty tears. I had no idea that was why he disliked the kiss. God, I was such an idiot. Snape was in love another woman and I was getting in the way of that. I felt absolutely terrible.
He sighed, staring dejectedly out the open window to his left. "Yes... Falling hard. And don't call her that. Never again. I hate that name."
"Then you know what you have to do. If you truly love her, you must hand her over to our cause. You must! It is essential. And I believe you understand what will happen if you refuse us." He warned, concern for his friend etched deep in his melancholy voice.
Snape let out a large cry of anger and frustration, slamming his fist down onto a desktop next to him. It shuddered violently at his blow. "I KNOW! Don't you think I remember what will happen?"
"I don't doubt you." He said coolly.
It was a few long moments before Snape next spoke. His voice sounded hollow and lifeless; like a zombie's. "I apologize, Lucius. I will... think on it."
I smirked the tiniest bit. I could always tell when Snape was lying. He may be very good at it with everyone else, but with me, the potions master was as transparent as a plate of glass. It was like his defense mechanism against the outside world and with me, he shut down.
Lucius nodded, his silky hair falling in his face as his head bobbed up and down. "I think it would be best if I departed now. I'll see you soon, Severus."
With that, the two exited the room again, allowing me to come out of hiding. I decided it was time to make myself scarce before anyone else came in. I didn't like eavesdropping or hiding like I did something bad. It was an invasion of personal business and I felt just plain nosy afterwards.
I quickly made my way out the door, heading straight back towards Gryffindor tower. About halfway up the moving staircases though, I stopped dead in my tracks. I had forgotten my bag back in the potions classroom like the complete dunderhead I was.
Cursing to myself under my breath, I quickly turned on my heel and dashed back down to the dungeon. When I knocked, someone was in the room again, thankfully.
"Enter." Snape drawled, his voice still a bit hollow from his conversation with the Lucius prat.
I hesitantly opened the door, causing the rusted hinges to emit a large groan.
"Hey, Sev." I said in the cheeriest tone I could muster at the moment. "I think I might have left my bag in here earlier today. Have you seen it?"
He nodded solemnly, pointing over to the desk I was previously sitting in. I quickly scooped it up off the ground and turned back to him, smiling. "Oh good, I was getting worried. Most of my supplies are in here."
He nodded again, not even bothering to look my way. He bit his lower lip and stared blankly out the window. I frowned in concern.
"Severus? What is it? What's bothering you?" I asked, coming up to his desk where he sat.
He finally turned to face me. "Nothing. What do you want?"
I shook my head. "You just seemed distracted. I was wondering if you were alright."
"I'm fine." He snapped, getting irritated all of the sudden.
I shrugged. "Okay, jeez. I was just concerned is all."
Snape scowled. "If you don't need anything else, I suggest you leave."
That's when I suddenly remembered why I came to visit Severus in the first place. I smiled. "Oh, I almost forgot. I have a favor to ask you. Do you have any potion that would allow me to breath underwater? I sort of need it for tomorrow at the second challenge."
Snape smirked, finally getting back to his usual self. I relaxed just a bit. I didn't like seeing Snape so upset over whatever was happening with the woman he loved. Even if I was just the tiniest bit jealous. I know, that was terrible. But after our kiss, I guess some hidden, conflicting feelings for Snape I never realized I had just unraveled themselves.
"So you finally figured out the eggs secret." He drawled, a flash of amusement crossing in his features.
"I actually have known for awhile, but I never got around to asking you for help."
He nodded, his eyes flickering over to the tiny, cramped closet where I had previously hidden only a few minutes before. "I think I might have the proper ingredients in my cabinet."
He briskly made his way over and started picking out multiple small vials of fluid and herbs. I followed him, only to have the ingredients thrust into my arms along with a large, heavy cauldron, sparkling clean and ready to use. I dumped them down on the nearest desk in a jumbled pile with a sharp thunk.
Then we got to work, preparing and mixing the different fluids into the pot over an open flame. The whole preparation time took about fifteen to twenty minutes or so, but it had to boil all night for the potion to have the full effect. It also had to be mixed thoroughly every half hour so we took shifts so we could each get some sleep. Snape had insisted that he could do it on his own and that I should just go back to my dorm, but I refused. It wasn't fair if I made Snape lose sleep over this project when it was really mine. I had a responsibility to help and I would stay no matter how much he pestered and pleaded for me to leave.
"No way. This is my project and I should be supervising it." I said firmly.
He groaned in exasperation and slumped down into his chair. "Fine. But don't come crying to me tomorrow when you're too exhausted to compete."
I dragged up a chair next to him and grinned. "You're such a worry wart, Sev."
An amused smirk crossed his lips as he eyes the bubbling, slime green potion warily. "I know."
We sat in silence for awhile after that, only exchanging a few words between each other at a time. The rest of the night was spent struggling not to doze off and trying to find a halfway decent position on these god damned, rickety desk chairs.
Eventually, I think I did fall asleep for an hour or two because the next thing I remembered was waking up with an awful strain in my neck and back. I cringed, glancing up at the clock warily. It was almost one o'clock in the morning by now. I assumed that the potions master had been stirring for me while I was noddinging off.
I opened my mouth to say something to him when I eyed Snape's empty chair. I silently shifted in my seat to look around the room. Shortly after I found him pacing by the door, the same look of frustrating desperation etched into his deep frown lines from when he was talking to Lucius before. Deep purple bags had just recently formed under his eyes. He chewed his bloody lip anxiously. I frowned in concern. His crush must be in some deep trouble for him to be this worried. I hoped she would be alright.
That's when I got a funny idea. I grinned evilly as I silently got up from the chair and closed my eyes tight, trying to concentrate hard. I felt my whole body turning the color of the stone walls and floor. I opened my eyes and looked down. I was now the color of the background; only a faint silhouette against the dim candlelight. I slowly inched closer to Snape's position, being extra careful to keep my back pressed tightly against the wall.
In a matter of seconds, I was right behind him. "Boo!" I shouted.
He instantly jumped back in shock and surprise, a hand placed over his chest.
"Show yourself." He demanded, raising his wand.
I burst out laughing really hard as I willed myself to change my appearance back to normal. A look of disbelief and annoyance flashed in Snape's eyes as he realized it was me. This only made me howl even louder with laughter, clutching my gut as I tried to calm myself.
"I-I'm sorry. I saw you there and I just got the idea. But d-d-did you see your face?! Oh my god!" I stuttered, trying hard to stifle my giggling fit as I spoke.
He smirked slightly in amusement and stuffed his wand back into his pocket. "How did you do that?"
"Oh, the camouflage thingy?" I said, finally calming down. "I've been working on that with the help of Hermione. I plan to use it to hide from predators on the second challenge tomorrow. I wanted to try turning into one of the mermaids, but I couldn't manage. I need a bit more training."
"Ingenious." He said blandly. "How long can you hold it for?"
I shrugged. "I haven't really timed myself. As long as I concentrate, I'm guessing."
He nodded. "Could you show me again?"
In response, I shut my eyes again and felt myself turning a dark slate grey like the desk top I was leaning on.
"I can hardly see you except for your clothes." Snape drawled, eyeing me in fascination.
I grinned, pleased that he had pointed that out. "I have this black bathing suit i can use for tomorrow so I can blend in with the water better."
Suddenly, the sharp hiss of a cat echoed through the room, interrupting our conversation. We turned to find Mrs. Norris standing in the doorway with her hackles held high as she spotted me, malice in evident in her orange glowing eyes. I frowned. Cats never did appeal to me and I felt the same way about them. Petty creatures is what they were. They didn't care about anyone but themselves.
"What is it Mrs. Norris? Have you found a student out of bed?" Filch called out from down the corridor. His footsteps echoed loudly, alerting us that he was almost here.
Without Severus even having to tell me, I backed up and camouflaged back into the color of the wall and hid behind one of the desks. Just in time too, because Filch had just entered the classroom with a nasty, rotten-toothed sneer on his thin lips. I cringed at the sight of it. This man was more unkempt and disheveled than Snape was by a landslide.
"Where are they?" He demanded, his eyes darting around the room anxiously.
"Who are you talking about, Filch?" He snapped, pretending to look annoyed by the sudden disruption.
"The student! The student out of bed!" He exclaimed, throwing up his arms in disgust.
Severus sneered in disgust. "No one's out of bed, Filch. If someone was waltzing around the dungeons at this time of night, I would have heard them out here long before you."
"But I heard them! It came from your room! Mrs. Norris told me herself." He insisted as he began poking his nose around the room. He looked into the closet. Under the desks. Even in some of the cabinets too small for me to fit in. I swear, that man was obsessed with catching children out of bed.
Snape rolled his eyes. "For the last time, you bumbling idiot, there are no students out of bed. Now leave me at once. I have very important business to attend to and I don't need you getting in the way of that."
With one last quick glance around the room, he let out a large sigh and trudged out of the room grumbling to himself. Mrs. Norris let out a soft mew and left as well, disappearing around the corner probably to patrol the rest of the castle.
After a few moments and I was sure Filch wouldn't come back, I came out of hiding and changed back to my normal self. I let out a small sigh of relief. "Jeez, that was close. I swear, he almost bumped into me, like, twice when he was searching around."
He nodded solemnly. "You should probably get to your dorm. I have no doubt that Filch will be back soon."
"But I can just camouflage again if he comes back." I excused, not wanting to leave just yet.
He smirked in amusement. "Don't make me take points off from Gryffindor."
I rolled my eyes and gave him a half hearted smile. "You can't do that this year. We aren't competing for the house cup."
"Then I can give you a detention." Severus said, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.
I sighed in defeat, seeing no way out of it. "Fine. Just give the potion to me tomorrow before the second event begins."
"I'll see you then." He drawled in his usual bored tone.
With that, I gathered my things and stepped out into the hallway, ready to make my way back to Gryffindor tower.
But about halfway down the hall, I stopped and turned back. Even if i was developing the teensiest feelings for Severus and I was just a bit jealous, I still wanted him to know I was there for him in whatever was happening. I poked my head silently through the door. He was pacing again and I wondered if he often did that when upset.
"Oh, and Severus?" I said quietly.
His head shot up in surprise at the sound of my voice. "Yes?"
I gave him a small smile. "If something's bothering you, you can tell me. I can keep a secret."
He nodded sullenly, his voice sounding as hollow as ever. "Thank you, Ester. But there's no need. I'm fine."
"I know you are." I whispered. "I just wanted to make sure you knew."
He nodded, and for the last time that night, I ducked out the door and left. I could still hear him pacing in the silence from where I walked up the dungeon stairs. I hoped he would take up my offer to talk soon. It wasn't healthy to bottle everything up inside. I learned that the hard way.
As soon as I got back to my dorm, I changed into my nightgown and collapsed quietly into bed, careful not to wake up my roommates; two girls by the name of Fay Dunbar and Katy Bell. I hadn't even realized how tired I was until my head hit the pillow and I instantaneously fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. I guess when I'm with Snape, things just slip away. I hoped that whoever his crush was, he would get up the nerve to ask her out and that they would be happy together. He deserved it after all the bullshit he's had to put up with in the last few months.
*****
"Ester, get up. Someone's waiting to speak with you outside. He says it's urgent." The impatient voice of Katie Bell cried, nudging me awake.
I groaned and rolled over, stuffing my face into the soft pillow. "Five more minutes..." I muttered under my breath.
"No, now. It's professor Snape and he says it's very important." She demanded, nudging me harder.
I slowly sat up in bed and glanced over at the clock. It was a little past five thirty in the morning. The sun hasn't even risen yet. I groaned again. "Fine. Just let me get dressed real quick."
Katie shook her head in annoyance. "No time. Go, before he hexes both for disobeying him."
I smirked a bit to myself at how everyone was so afraid of him. Underneath that cold exterior, he was really just like anyone else. "He would get sacked if he did that."
"Well, he didn't with poor Victor Krum." She said, swooning over the thought of him.
I rolled my eyes in disgust then. "That was in self defense. Victor attacked first."
She scowled down at me in annoyance. "Whatever. Now hurry it up before he gets impatient."
I nodded and clambered my way out of bed to quickly put on some shoes. Then I made my way down to the fat lady's portrait where I stepped out of the Gryffindor common room. I found Snape pacing outside again, chewing his lip nervously. He didn't notice me yet.
"You know, if you keep biting on your lip like that, you'll end up swallowing it." I said, smirking slightly in amusement.
His head jerked up from where he was staring down at the marble floor. Our eyes met and he looked worse than he did earlier this evening. The bags under his eyes had gotten deeper and darker. His bottom lip was also slightly bloody from biting down on it so much. My smile quickly faded to be replaced with a look of concern. I came up to him and grabbed his clammy hands in mine, holding to them tightly. "What is it, Sev? What's the matter?"
"I-I-I'm, uh- th-there's something that i need you t-to know." Snape stammered, looking as pale as a sheet.
"Severus Snape, are you nervous?" I asked sarcastically, trying hard to suppress a laugh.
His eyes widened in alarm as he bit his lip again. "What? That's completely a-absurd."
I let a small laugh escape my lips. "Okay, whatever you say. So what's the matter, really?"
He sucked in a deep breath and composed himself, still an edge of unease in his tone. "I need to tell you something and I don't think it can wait until morning."
A sinking feeling began to churn in the pit of my stomach. Oh no. I knew he was going to tell me that there was someone else. I just knew it. "Go on." I whispered.
"I feel that if I don't say something, I might lose my sanity. So, I'm just going to blurt it out, alright?" He said, obviously stalling.
"Just get on with it, Sev. I'm tired." I exclaimed, impatiently.
He nodded, avoiding my gaze to stare at the sleeping fat lady's portrait. "But first you have to promise this won't ruin anything between us. Please."
I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I promise."
"Okay, good..." He sighed.
I cocked an eyebrow at Snape and tapped my foot, waiting for whatever he had to say. I got grumpy when I was tired. "Well?"
"I want to tell you how I really feel for once. I-i'm sick of bottling it up and lying all the time. I'm done lying to you and myself." He explained, his eyes glued to the fat lady's snoring figure behind me, as if it were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "I felt dead inside before I met you. Every day, I wished I was dead. Every single day god damned day, Ester. I had hardly any reason to keep going at all. Sometimes, I would just sit and think to myself, is it really worth it to keep suffering like this?
"And that's when you came along. When I saw you there in Dumbledoor's office and when you actually stood up to me the way you did, I actually felt, for the first time in years, just a little less dead inside."
I frowned in confusion. "W-what are you trying to say, Sev?"
He finally looked at me and I felt my stomach take a nasty drop. "What I'm trying to say is, I love you, Ester."
I blinked in shock. "But- but what about at Christmas? I-I-I saw you looked so disgusted, like you didn't like the kiss."
He frowned. "No, I liked the kiss more than anything. I was just angry with myself because I thought it might hurt our friendship. So I was scared when you wanted to talk. I thought you were going to hate me or something ridiculous like that. And I'm sorry for that. It was completely unfair of me to keep avoiding you."
I opened my mouth, about to speak again when I heard the soft mew of a cat coming from the stairwell. Mrs. Norris was coming up.
"I should go." I whispered.
He nodded sullenly. "Yes. I think that would be best."
Then, before either of us were fully aware of what we were doing, I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. He instantly responded by pushing me up against the wall, running his hands down the contours of my body, his lips not leaving mine for a second as he did so. I let out a soft, low moan of pleasure as his tongue traced my bottom lip. I gladly opened up my mouth to let him in. Severus's arms wrapped around my waist tightly and pulled me into him.
"Sev," I gasped between tender kisses. "I have to go. Someone will see us."
He barely heard me as his hands began to lift up the skirt of my flimsy night gown. "Come on now," he said sensually. "Just a minute more."
I moaned out again in pleasure as he began to kiss my neck. I leaned into him more if that was even possible. He continued pull up my nightgown until my thighs were exposed to the chilly night air. My hands grabbed his to stop him.
"I have to go." I repeated.
He pulled back this time, both of us hearing another pair of feet making their way up the stairs followed by the soft glow of torchlight. "Where are they mrs. Norris? We'll get 'em this time." Filch cooed to his mangy cat.
I gave Severus one last lingering kiss and made my way back inside, waving goodbye as I shut the open portrait behind me.