Misguided Ghosts (a Severus Snape love story)

Chapter 15: Blah

CHAPTER 15

Ester's POV

"You son of a bitch!" I yelled angrily, barging into Snape's office early the next morning.

He looked up from a pile of tests he was grading in surprise as I thrust the note into his face. Snape scanned the note he wrote dully, looking rather bored. "I was getting bored. It was the same routine every day."

"So you sent me a note?!" I screamed, my eyes stinging with tears threatening to spill over. "What? Were you too scared to tell me in person? You're a coward, Snape."

He didn't even flinch at my harsh words as he sat there, staring up at me with such contempt. Something inside me broke. That was how he looked at the rest of his students. But not me. In class he would always soften slightly when he looked at my way.

"It was going to happen inevitably, miss Kingsley. You were just too stupid to see it." Snape drawled, leaning back in his chair casually.

The first tear slipped from the corner of my eye then. I quickly brushed it away. I would not give that douche bag the satisfaction of seeing me in pain like this. I do think he saw it though. If only for a split second.

"I am NOT stupid." I growled, my fists balling up at my sides. "You're just a giant prick who is too scared to let anyone get close to you. Just like Lily!"

He flinched then at the name and my eyes widened in shock. "You aren't over her, are you?"

"I am." He drawled, keeping his eyes glued to the doorway, as if he was planning to make a break for it.

"No, you aren't! Why else would you have been so withdrawn the night you told me?" I yelled, a second teardrop tumbling down my face. I didn't wipe it away this time.

"That isn't the reason!" He shouted back, suddenly angry. I didn't flinch. I wasn't afraid of Snape. I wasn't afraid of anything anymore.

"Then what is?" I demanded, stomping my foot to the ground in exasperation.

Snape stood up then, unrolling his left sleeve to reveal what looked like a tattoo of a skull with a snake coming out of it's mouth. It slither wildly. I could almost hear it hissing in spite. "That's a dark mark, isn't it?" I asked, my voice shaking frantically as I spoke.

He pulled the sleeve of his robes back down and nodded. "Yes."

"So it was true!" I accused, anger boiling up in the pit of my stomach. "You were just getting close to me to get me to you-know-who."

Snape stepped closer then, reaching out to try and comfort me, and I could see his emotional mask getting heavy. I stepped back. "Don't touch me. Not ever again. Is it true? It's true isn't it. Were you only using me to take me to you-know-who?"

"...yes." He muttered, avoiding my gaze.

"Liar!" I cried, my voice cracking.

And then I left, running full speed from his office. Tears blurred my vision as I ran, causing me to nearly knock poor Neville down as I ran into him in the main hall. He grabbed my arm tight to stop me, looking down at me with concern in his eyes. He could tell something was wrong the moment he saw me round the corner.

"Ester, what is it?" He asked.

I tried to speak, but all I could do was hug him tightly and sob into his chest. He patted my back lightly, holding me close. And I was truly thankful he was there. It was nice to just have a shoulder to cry on for once instead of just putting on a brave face every day. It was mentally exhausting.

After a few minutes though, I pulled back, wiping away the last of the tears. "I-I'm sorry. Snape just dumped me last night and- and I found out some things this morning."

He nodded, giving me a small smile. "It's alright."

And I threw my arms around him again. "Thank you." I sniffled.

"Ah, who needs him. He was a prick." Neville suggested, trying to make me feel better. But it only made me feel a lot worse.

"Ester?" Snape suddenly asked in disbelief from behind me.

I felt Neville step in front of me protectively. "Excuse me, but Ester here isn't particularly keen on speaking with the likes of you right now."

"Stay out of this, Longbottom." He growled, venom lacing his tone.

I quickly pushed past Neville to meet Snape's spiteful gaze. "What do you want, Snape." I demanded. "Haven't you hurt me enough for one day?"

"I just wanted to say that i'm--" he began before I cut him off.

"What, that you're sorry? Oh please. Your a death eater. Death eaters don't feel remorse. All they care about is blood purity and wiping out the enemy." I spat, tears rolling down my cheeks. I could feel my hair and eyes turning a dark, angry blood red.

"I know." He drawled.

I felt Neville's hand grip my shoulder. "Come on, Essy. Lets get out of here."

I nodded, rubbing at my tear stained cheeks. "Good idea."

"Wait, Ester. I really am sorry that it has to be this way." Snape called after us as my friend steered me away.

I ignored him, feeling like I would completely break down if I said anything more.

"Hold on." I said suddenly, just as we were going to round the corner. I could still see Snape watching out of the edge of my eye.

Neville stopped, turning to face me. "What?"

"Do you mind if we try something? Something just to piss him off?" I implied, giving him a half hearted smile.

He grinned. "What do you have in mind?"

Without hesitating, I leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't long. About five seconds. But I think it was enough to really kill Snape if he truly did still want me. I doubted that he did, but it was worth a shot.

Neville instantly responded to my lips on his, moving to the silent rhythm. I felt no spark, though. Not like I did with Severus. With him, there was always fireworks erupting up in my chest at the slightest touch. With Neville, it was just blah. I mean, it was cute and I was glad he seemed to be enjoying it due to his little crush, but I felt nothing special. All I felt was guilty for putting him on like this.

And I felt guilty because I felt like I was betraying Severus.