One week. For a week you had been isolating yourself and thinking about the last weeks. About what you had done to Clara, about what Crane had actually done to you. About your encounter with Batman and Bruce Wayne, about the fact that - thanks to Wayne - you didn't have to work and instead of coming to rest and helping your secret friend Batman, you had poisoned Clara. Because of all that, you just needed time for yourself. Time for your inner peace and to decide what you should finally do.
When your mobile phone rang and your mother's picture flashed up, your heart warmed for the first time in a long time. You had daily contact and wrote a lot to each other, but to hear her was something else. After all, she was the only person you trusted completely and that was also the reason why you hadn't told her anything about all this.
"Y/N, I wish I was calling you for something nice, but it's about your.... father. He knows you live in Gotham. He put one and one together-"
"Mum?! Are you all right? Please tell me you're okay?" that had been your biggest concern. Your mother had raised you alone. Your father was violent, a drug addict and even in prison for some time. You never thought of him as a father, after all, he was never there for you. He didn't care how you were doing, he never wrote on your birthday, and he never paid a penny of child support. Your mother always had to take care of both of you and since you were working yourself, you really didn't know how she managed all that. Alone.
However, it did occur to your father to check on you and your mother from time to time. Tried to play happy family and see himself as a victim. But mostly when he needed money, or even a kidney. You remembered him talking about desperately needing a kidney - it sounded like an attempt to ask you for it, but you had skillfully ignored it. You didn't really keep in touch, but he always knew how to get into your life when he wanted something. You loathed him. Especially for what he did to your mother.
"Y/N, I'm fine, don't worry about me. But please... take care of yourself. You know him, he always finds ways and means to find you..." - these words caused an uneasiness in you. You knew he was violent. If only this man would finally disappear from your life - permanently! But maybe he could NOT find you. Gotham was a big city, you didn't have plenty of friends or contacts - how should he find you?
You talked to your mother for a while, reassuring her not to worry, not to come and see you - she should concentrate on herself and if anything happened, you would contact her. Actually, that phone call was something you really needed. She could always reassure you - even if she didn't know what was really on your mind. But just knowing that she was there for you - even if in Metropolis - was a wonderful feeling.
*
The moonlight illuminated the dark streets of Gotham. The night was cool, with only a few wispy clouds hanging between the skyscrapers. Actually, it was a night like you loved it. It was a special atmosphere and usually the perfect time to go for a walk. You paced restlessly up and down your flat - should you risk it? Should you go for a walk? Or should you stay at home? The thought that your father might be in Gotham nearly drove you mad.
You looked at the screen of your phone and stared at two names: Bruce Wayne and Dr. Jonathan Crane. Maybe one of them would have the time to take a walk with you? On the other hand, it was night. Besides, you were an independent, strong woman who could take care of herself! "God, Y/N. Pull yourself together! It's just a walk, you'll be fine."
So you decided to set out alone into the dark night. You had your phone with you and a key with which you could defend yourself if necessary. "I don't need a man by my side," you grumbled to yourself, put on your jacket and finally went out the door. The cool wind was just what you needed. You needed to clear your head and move around. At some point you found yourself near the Wayne Tower and looked up. The moon was close to the tower. It was a great sight. Even though many people couldn't relate to Gotham, you loved this city. It was your home.
"You shouldn't roam around alone at night, Y/N," a familiar voice sounded behind you, instantly eliciting a smile. "Then why do you do it, Bruce?" you turned and raised an eyebrow. "Did you follow me? It's kind of strange... because I was thinking about writing to you and now... you're standing in front of me," you didn't usually believe in coincidences and it really wasn't one. "You are aware that you are standing in front of my building? Legally speaking, I'm your employer, aren't I?", Bruce joked with a smirk on his lips. It was obvious that he liked you and spoke much more casually whenever he was with you. Any arrogance he liked to feign had also disappeared. He could just be himself: Bruce.
Your eyes widened and your cheek blushed. It was embarrassing! Of course, the likelihood of meeting him here was not so small. "Okay, I should just sink into the ground and disappear," you remarked awkwardly. "Just don't. I am happy to find you here, but at the same time... I'm a little worried. It's really late, dark... you should know the streets of Gotham by now: It's dangerous, Y/N. And Batman can't always be there," his voice sounded clearly worried. "But you're here. So it's my lucky day.", you gave him a warm smile. Bruce was actually exactly what you needed today. A friendly face. "I should hope so!", Bruce joked, taking a little walk with you.
"By the way, Bruce... I wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to take so much time off. I wouldn't know how to cope with all this. I'll make it up to you sometime and somehow, I'll think of something!", you were relieved that it was dark and Bruce couldn't notice your red cheeks despite the bright moon. "I haven't had a chance to really thank you either. For being there... oh and by the way, you have great handwriting. Actually, I should have thanked you long ago. Somehow it all got completely lost...", you babbled to yourself while Bruce just watched you smiling. You were so different from the women he usually met. Most women only had him in mind because of his wealth and power. You, on the other hand, were talking your head off about nothing important.
"You don't have to thank me for that. It's the least I could do after all you've been through.... Speaking of which... how are you doing in that regard? Were you able to take a breath?", Wayne finally stopped and looked at you with concern. He really controlled that look like no one else. Why did he have to give you such a hard time. When you looked into those beautiful eyes, you wanted to tell him the truth. Let him tell Batman. Then you could have a normal life - but that was the problem. You wanted an exciting life, didn't you?
"I have had my peace since the last incident. Maybe Scarecrow has lost his interest in me.... I don't know. Who knows, maybe it's just the calm before the storm," you looked down at your hands and thought about what you had done. That you yourself had acted like Scarecrow. "Let's talk about something else, please," you shook your head and pointed to the turnoff. "I have to go that way, by the way," Bruce noticed immediately that you were uncomfortable with the subject. He would let it go for now - for today. But something was wrong and he wanted to find out. He liked you, he just wanted you to be safe and happy. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "If it gets to be too much... if you need someone to talk to, you know my number. But, Y/N, how about I take you out to dinner. Tomorrow? No bad thoughts. No Scarecrow, no Batman. Just the two of us. What do you say?" Bruce wanted you to get your head free completely. Think about different things, enjoy a good dinner and hopefully have a good time.
For a moment you stared at him, speechless. Bruce Wayne invited you to dinner? Your heart pounded with excitement. A smile came to your lips and your cheeks turned redder - if that was even possible. Bruce was a very interesting man. Handsome, charming, intelligent - you felt really flattered even if your self-doubt immediately gave you a bad feeling. Why would a man like Bruce Wayne be interested in you? Weren't you actually too boring? You weren't special. But that was the problem: you had never realised how beautiful you actually were, that you had a heart of gold, that you were empathetic, loving, helpful and actually a ray of sunshine. Except lately. Your sun was covered by dark clouds. Finally you found the courage and nodded. "Yes, I would be very happy. Tomorrow then? When? Where?", you brushed a strand of hair behind your ear and tried to suppress your joy and excitement a little.
"Around eight? I'll pick you up.", he nodded and finally pointed to the small side street you wanted to go to. "Wouldn't you rather I drove you home or accompanied you? Because I really want to have dinner with you, Y/N. And not get stood up tomorrow," he joked. You, however, shook your head. "Don't worry about it, Bruce. I can take good care of myself. Go on home. It seemed to have been an extremely long day at work. And then I'll see you at eight. Tomorrow. Thank you," you left, but turned back to look at Bruce. He did the same and gave you an irresistible smile.
*
All the time your thoughts were about Bruce and his invitation. Was it a normal dinner or was it a date? What should you wear? How should you wear your hair? All things a woman your age should really be thinking about and not about when your psychiatrist would use you as a test subject again. "Damn it.", it came to you at that second. If Jonathan found out, he would really make you suffer. Or he would find out who you were seeing and make him suffer. You couldn't let that happen. Besides... Was it even okay to think about dating Bruce when part of your heart - for whatever reason - was yearning for Crane. Who would have thought that one day you'd have to think about which man you'd rather date. You smirked a little at the thought, because when you thought back to that time, you had no experience in dating or even relationships. In all that time you had a simple kiss that probably couldn't even be called a "real first kiss" and a date that had been terrible. And now you had to worry about Bruce Wayne and Jonathan Crane.
"Crazy world...", you whispered to yourself and gradually approached your flat. Long walks were always something that did you good to think about all your worries and problems. "Crazy world. You can say that again, Y/N.", your blood froze in your veins when you heard that voice. Your body immediately tensed. That was impossible, you had to be imagining it. Slowly you turned around and there he stood. In front of you. Your father. "What are you doing here?" Was it a hallucination? A nightmare? Your mother had told you he was in Gotham, but there was no way you could run into him in this city. Or was the universe playing another trick on you?
"Y/N, I just wanted to see you. I'm your father. My blood runs through your veins," you immediately shook your head. Still tense. You felt weak and insecure. "I already told you: I don't want to see you. I don't want you in my life. Get away from me or I'll scream for help." He approached you. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you. But... Screamimg? Do you really thing that would help you? I heard about Gotham. When you scream, people only close their eyes and ears," you noticed how diabolical his voice sounded. You knew what he was capable of. But unfortunately he was right with his words. Even if you called for help in Gotham, no one would care. You'd seen it for yourself.
Your heart felt so heavy and cramped. You'd always dreaded this day. He was a bad man. A man who abused your mother, beat her, cheated on her. Who knows how you would have ended up if your mother had not had the strength to break away from him? You knew he was in prison, he took drugs, he was everything you despised. And who knows, maybe he and his absence, his horrible character and violence you didn't feel but saw as a child was the reason for your attraction towards dangerous sitution.
"Get out of my life", a phrase you had said often enough and yet he kept coming back. He wanted something, you were sure of it. Last time it was a kidney, this time it would surely be money. He had never been a father. Sometimes you wondered if he even knew when your birthday was. Had you ever received a card? Did he know when you graduated? What music you liked to listen to? No. Nothing. Your hand went into your jacket pocket to reach for your key and defend yourself if necessary. He came closer and closer to you. Step by step. You should have let Bruce drive you home. How could you refuse this offer? That's what you got for it. "I just want to hug my daughter. Nothing more. I'm your father. You can ignore it all you want, but that's the way it is."
He came closer and closer and grabbed your wrist roughly. "That's no way to greet your father, Y/N," you froze for a moment. Paralysed. You couldn't move your hand, let alone hold him away from you with your key. Your left hand searched in your other jacket pocket for anything that might help you and there it was. You had completely forgotten - the dose fear toxin. For a moment you close your eyes and took a deep breath. You were no longer a child. You shouldn't fear him. Your father should fear you. "But this is.", you sprayed the toxin into his face and stopped breathing for a moment so you wouldn't breathe in the toxin. He let go of your wrist with a surprised look on his face. "What was that?!", a smile appeared on your lips. You watched him and every movement. At first he seemed angry - what could you have sprayed? Pepper Spray? Some kind of deodorant or hair spray? But the anger changed to fear. His body filled up with fear.
"I was afraid long enough of you, 'dad'.", you mocked him. "You will fear me and finally leave me alone forever. Do you understand?!", you pushed him to the ground, heard him scream, say the fear in his eyes. It was dark, he didn't see your face as he was drugged. He saw a dark creature with red eyes. A demon who's there to make him suffer. To torture him. "Scream as loud as you want. No one will help you, you said it yourself.", an evil grin crossed your lips. You looked at him with a satisfied look on your face. This is what you needed. You started a little dance on the street and enjoyed the full moon which seemed to shine brighter than ever before. Your father lay on the ground like an insane. Screaming and shouting about 'demons' who weren't actually there.
After a few moments you decided to call him. "Y/N? It's late. What's wrong?", his voice sounded like he just woke up. You totally forgot about the time but it didn't matter. "I am sorry to bother you, Doctor Crane. But I think I need your help. An insane broke out of Arkham. He's screaming and shooting. Seeing demons and stuff and I'm not sure if he is a danger for himself or others... You know... it is my civic responsibility and duty to call you.", Crane could even hear your smile but didn't know what happened. "Send me the adress. I'll be there as soon as possible." He never got up more fast. Getting into his clothes, waiting for your text message and jumping into his car.
Meanwhile you now and then looked after your father. Talked to him - but words no one would ever want to hear. Things which made him even more worried and scared. You saw tears running down his face and you couldn't imagine anything more perfect at the moment. This is what you needed. But this is what changed you completely. You enjoyed this. Enjoyed the pain. Even more than you did by Clara. Surly, this was personal and he deserved it. But this would have been one thing. The other thing was... you loved the fear. The pain. The tears. This made your blood boil. You felt high. Nothing mattered at this moment. Only your victory. Only your satisfaction.
*
A black car drove by and stopped immediatly when the driver saw you. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?", Jonathan hadn't realized it wasn't an actual patient who escaped Arkham. "No one informed me about an escape." You just took his hands and started dancing again. "Doctor Crane... this is just something you're gonna tell everyone when you refer him to Arkham. I mean... you see how insane he is." He now realized. You let go of his hands and let him observe the man who was still crying about the things he had seen. "You used my toxin on him...", he sounded proud but still confused. "Isn't it beautiful...", you whispered, "All helpless... hopeless. Full of fear." Crane looked a you in disbelief. He was amazed by this version of you but he also was concerned. Something has happened to you and he wanted to know. "Okay. Tell me from the beginning... what has happened? Why him? Did he harass you?", you shook your head and placed your cold hands on his face. "Jonathan... this is my father and he finally got what he deserved. Just let it be that way. Just let me... enjoy this view and this feeling.", you placed a kiss on his lips and gently bit his lower lip when you broke that kiss. "Jonathan, you should celebrate with me."
"Let's dance, my Nightmare Princess.", Crane would let you have this moment. He knew as your psychiatrist he had to dig deeper and find out why you wanted this. But for now he enjoyed this. Had he created this version of you? Or did your innocent face hid it all the time?
He gently placed his hand on your wrist and lifted your hand to his hip. He took your hand in his and started taking the lead for a waltz. You couldn't take your eyes of him. It felt like this moment would last forever. "I just watched a change in you, Y/N... It's like you never had wings... and I am truly amazed..."
************************************
Author's Note:
I'm back with another chapter. It's a longer one again - hopefully not too long.
I had the last scene in my head for weeks now and I am happy how it turned out.
Now I'm just hoping you'll like it as well, haha.
Stay tuned what's gonna happen next! I have a lot on my mind and I didn't want this story to be so long with so many chapters but here we are... I have to bring it to an end someday but ahhhh my ideas are going crazy!
Thank you all for reading, rating and commenting! Means more than you can ever imagine!
xx N
PS: That last sentence from Crane is actually a lyric from "Change" by Deftones but I had to use it!
Gif is not mine - found on tumblr: breakfastonuranus