A/N - shorter chapter today 🫶🏾
TW - upsetting scenes this chapter (again)🧍🏾♀️
~~~
"Trouble", you need to let him go, "you good?".
I was nowhere near good, hadn't been since I'd left Marco's a week ago. My mind had been at war with itself, constantly debating whether to do what my cousin had told me, or allow myself to be happy for once...even if it put Cairo at risk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he got hurt.
Yet I couldn't stay away.
"I'm okay", I tried to force a smile, pulling out my wallet, "can I have a black coffee please?". He nodded, eyes narrowing slightly as he eyed me up and down.
"Haven't seen you for a week", he commented, trying to hide the annoyance in his tone, "everything okay?". My psychotic father has connections all over the place, and your life is being threatened because you like me.
"Fine", I nodded, glancing up at him, "just had a lot on my plate this week". The atmosphere had changed between us, we'd gone from multiple kisses and him coming over to whatever this was...and it was down to nobody but myself.
"Well, you know if you need an extra pair of hands I'm a phone call away", he told me, handing me my coffee and giving me my total, "whenever Zane, I mean it". I needed to get out of here before I did something stupid like bursting into tears or jumping over the counter and kissing him.
It was selfish, leading him on, and I had to think about him- not me...never me.
"Thank you", I said quietly, gripping my drink and clearing my throat, "I'll uh- I'll catch you later". I didn't even stick around to hear what he'd had to say; if I'd have stayed a second longer I was scared I would've begged him to see that I wasn't okay, that I couldn't do this...that I needed help.
~
Three years ago
School was one of, if not the only escape I had from home, from him. And while I loved that escape, knowing my brothers were also safe and away from him, it was only temporary- a few hours a day.
Whenever we weren't in school, or it was the weekend, we were at risk constantly; I was at risk of a beating at any given moment.
Although I took the brunt of my father's temper the most, and by choice, there were times when my brothers- the younger ones, fell victim too.
Which is exactly what was happening right now.
I'd had to stay in school a little later to catch up on some work; I was just grateful that Reed and Delilah picked up my siblings on a daily basis and dropped them home. They knew what went on in our house, they weren't stupid, but I'd told them time and time again, there wasn't anything they could do- I'd pleaded with them to just leave it be...and they still tried to help as much as possible.
I was fifteen, I could take care of them as long as we stayed out of Santiago's way as much as possible- and I found confiding in the parents of my brother's friend a little embarrassing.
I'd taken the twenty minute walk home in twelve minutes, praying that he wasn't home and they were safe; Prescott may have been twelve but I knew he had enough sense to get them all into a room and barricade it if needs be.
Something I shouldn't have to say, but was our reality anyway.
I came home to complete silence.
Most people probably loved that, but it made me feel sick. I left my bag at the door, as well as my shoes, going straight to the stairs and checking which doors were closed.
Mine and Prescott's.
The others were all open a little, so I didn't bother checking in them; I tried to open my brothers first and it revealed was an empty bedroom, door neither locked or barricaded. I pulled down on my handle next, it didn't budge.
"Leave us alone!", came Prescott's voice and I physically winced, hearing him whisper to the others, "get into the corner".
"Hey, no- it's me", I told them, hand already gripping the handle tightly, "let me in".
"Zane?", one of the twins said, sounding pretty far away from the door.
"It's me, I promise", I pressed my forehead against the door and sighed, trying to swallow the lump in my throat, "Prescott? Open the door". I was met by silence for a couple of seconds before the sound of something being pushed filled my ears, then the click of a lock. I slid inside and shut it behind me, locking it and shoving the small bedside table back to where it was; not having the heart to tell them that wouldn't have been much help if the door wasn't locked.
"Zane", I faced them, my eyes settling on the twins and Chase first; I scanned them up and down quickly for any obvious injuries- none.
And then I looked at Caleb.
"What the fuck did he do to you?", I rushed over, tipping his chin up and inspecting his face as he sat on my bed deadly still, "Caleb, tell me".
"You swore!", Xavier gasped and I clenched my jaw, I didn't like to swear in front of them but my rage had overtaken everything else.
"I got a D in my English test", he mumbled, wincing when Prescott pushed the cloth to the cut on his forehead a little too hard, "I was showing Scott it and he came in and saw".
"And...", I tipped his chin up further and froze when I saw the forming bruises around his neck, "did he-,". I don't even know why I asked.
Maybe to pray that he'd deny it, but I knew.
He'd tried to fucking strangle him because he failed a stupid test.
"I'm gonna kill him", I stood, shoving the bedside table out of the way and unlocking the door, until a hand latched onto my upper arm and I stopped.
"Please don't go down there Zane", Prescott pleaded, eyes wide and full of panic, "he's really mad and I don't want you to get hurt".
"He strangled him Scott", I never called my brother by his preferred nickname and it shocked the pair of us, "he strangled him".
"I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner", all anger I had was replaced with guilt when he started to cry, "I didn't know and- and I didn't hear anything, I'm sorry it wasn't me instead and-,".
I cut him off by pulling him into a hug, his face buried in my stomach as he shook with silent cries; I just held him while trying to give my brothers reassuring looks over the top of his head.
He was twelve.
He was twelve and Caleb was ten and Chase was eight and the twins were barely six, yet this was our reality.
"Don't cry Scott", Xavier came over and hugged one of Prescott's legs, Alexander soon followed and hugged the other.
"Yeah, don't cry", he added, "are you sad Zane?". I wasn't sad, or angry, or anything...I was just tired. Not physically tired, but mentally. I just wanted it all to stop.
"I'm okay", I ruffled Alexander's hair, then kissed Prescott on the top of his head, "I promise it's gonna get better soon yeah? We won't always feel like this".
"I hope so", Prescott mumbled against my chest and I sighed- me fucking too.
~
I got back from The Steam Room a little before seven, with nothing but unwanted memories, anxiety and unease filling my body. The fact that the house was somewhat quiet when I stepped through the door eased a little tension; not like it used to when he was under this roof. Kicking off my shoes and staring at my sleep deprived state in the mirror by the door I sighed, hoping for a fucking miracle at this point.
"You're back!", Xavier rushed over and hugged me tightly, he didn't realise how much such a simple greeting meant to me.
"I'm back", I managed a smile and ruffled his hair, "been behaving?".
"Mhm", he pulled apart and nodded proudly, "oh- but I accidentally knocked a glass over, I promise it wasn't on purpose or-,".
"Hey, it's fine. Thanks for telling me", I began to lead the way back towards the kitchen where he'd come from, "were you okay?".
"It was kinda loud", he admitted, "Xan got my headphones though".
"Good", I smiled, glancing over at three of my four remaining brothers, "where's Chase?".
"Library room", they all replied, not turning away from the tv.
"Go sit down yeah? I'll be back", I told Xavier, leaving them to it and heading off in search of my brother.
His isolation was alarming me again, and once more I found myself feeling useless, outside looking in at Chase's struggles. And while I'd had meetings with his teachers, and he was seeing the counsellor weekly, I still felt like I could be doing more.
I found Chase asleep on the floor in between two bookshelves. Glasses crooked and barely perched on his face, hearing aids still in, and a book hugged against his chest.
Typical.
Trying not to disturb him I looped an arm under his legs, another by his neck, and held him against my chest as I carried him upstairs and to his bedroom.
"Zane?", he mumbled sleepily when I lowered him onto the bed, "Zane?".
"Right here", I smiled, taking off his glasses gently, "you okay?".
"Tired", he yawned right on cue, gazing up at me, "did I fall asleep?".
"Yeah you did", I chuckled, "you wanna take these out?". His cheeks reddened slightly and he shook his head, I just nodded and tried to force a smile.
"Sorry", he pulled his duvet over himself and sunk back into his pillow.
"None of that", I pushed his hair out of his face and changed positions so I was sitting on the side of his bed that he wasn't lying on, my back leaning on his headboard, "do you think we can talk for a sec?".
"Yeah", he agreed, turning on his side and facing me, "about school?".
"About school", I confirmed with a nod, "how was your day today?".
"Okay", he shrugged, "kinda".
"Talk to me", I shuffled down a little so my head was on the pillow too, "anything, you know that".
"Me and Felix ate lunch together, and had a class too", he smiled before it disappeared, "I skipped two classes, I'm sorry".
"It's okay", I ruffled his hair, "do you wanna tell me why?".
"The teachers pick on people to answer questions", he fiddled with the blanket, refusing to look at me, "I didn't wanna risk it". I didn't even know how to help Chase with how he was feeling, how he coped at school- and for the hundredth time this week, I felt useless.
"Why didn't you call me?", I asked with a small frown, "you know you can call me whenever Chase".
"I don't wanna ruin whatever you're doing", staring at the ceiling and wishing I wasn't here?, "I know you said I can call, but I don't like it".
"All five of you are my priority", I said quietly, "I don't want you to feel guilty for needing me, or wanting me to pick you up- you five always come first".
"Do you come first for anyone?", his question threw me off, my eyebrows scrunched into a frown and I clenched my jaw, giving him a firm shake of the head, "what about Cairo?". The last thing I wanted to think about right now was Cairo.
"What about him?", I asked, my gaze unmoving from the ceiling.
"He likes you", he replied, "he's your friend".
"Yeah, he's a good friend", and I was putting him at risk.
"He hasn't been here for a while", Chase sighed, "we like him".
"I like him too", too much, "maybe you can see him soon, yeah?".
"Yeah", he agreed, "I'm ready to take my hearing aids out". A smile tugged at my lips as I faced him briefly, watching as he placed them on his bedside table and dropped back into the pillow with a content sigh; him being more comfortable made me happy.
"I'm proud of you", I signed as I spoke, "so proud".
"Thank you", he replied with his hands, giving me a small smile, "I'm tired".
"Sleep", I chuckled, "I love you".
"Love you too", Marco was right...they were the reason I was still here.
~~
"This is the dump you wanna turn into a club?", Enzo had called me early Saturday morning claiming he needed to meet me urgently, so after asking Prescott to watch the boys for a while and praying it wasn't bad news for the whole car journey, I'd ended up at this run-down building downtown.
"Have a little faith, Zaney", he ruffled my hair and glanced around, hands on hips, "it's gonna be beautiful".
"Are you sure there aren't rats living here?", I scrunched up my face in distaste, the thought alone making me shiver. Enzo just laughed, kicking something that was near his foot and sighing contentedly as if he was on fucking holiday or something.
"You trust me right?", he asked, standing opposite me with an amused expression.
"Trust is a stretch", I muttered and he grinned, "go on".
"You've got a lot on your plate- way more than I'll ever be able to imagine, so I want to do as much of this as possible", he said seriously, "you've got a lot of shit going on man, so let me worry about this yeah?". Hearing someone acknowledge just how much shit I had going on, someone who I wasn't putting in harm's way, took away the smallest amount of stress.
"Thank you", I told him sincerely and he nodded, patting my shoulder.
"It'll all be worth it in the end yeah?", he grinned, it'll work out". I was starting to believe that less and less- it was only a matter of time before everything went to shit...
~~~
A/N - I promise next chapter's a bit more lighthearted...
Until next timeee❤️❤️