Chapter One
Timothy Anderson
Los Angeles Psychiatry
"What was your childhood like Tim? I've heard bits and pieces of how you grew up through your sister, but what were your experiences?" Dr. Thompson asked.
Yeah, I'm seeing a shrink.
Shit just ain't been looking up for me and I had no one else to turn to. I've literally burnt bridges with damn near everybody a few years ago and I haven't figured out how to fix it. Or maybe I was too stubborn to fix it.
Once Mya and Chris won that case, my life seemed to just go down the drain. Money got so damn low, I had to sell my building. I was back living with my mama up until a few months ago. I literally have nobody but my son.
Syren even ditched my ass, but we'll get into that later.
"Um." My hands ran down my pants, cleaning them of the sweat that came from having to discuss my past. "I don't think I went through anything traumatic like my sister, but I stayed in trouble...like a lot. I loved to do the opposite of what everybody told me and it always got me caught up in sh— stuff. That still seems to be the case."
"What type of things did you get caught up in?"
"When I was a kid, I stayed getting kicked out of school. Til this day, I can't tell you how I graduated. When I was 16, I started selling drugs. My dads main source of income was selling and I always looked up to the way people respected him and his street credibility. Even to this day, you can't speak bad on Samuel Anderson without a nigga knocking you down...sorry for cussing, can I cuss? That's how I express myself."
"Sure."
I nodded. "Well, I wanted to be like my dad, have that same respect and I thought selling drugs was the key."
"How did that work out for you?"
"Horribly." I let out a small laugh. "Got shot, money was good but it wasn't great, wasn't no king pin or nothing like that. Running no empire or nothing. I wish I would've listened to my dad when he told me that life wasn't what I thought it was."
"Seems like you have a lot of regrets."
"Yeah."
"What's your biggest regret?"
"......not doing more with my life."
"What do you think truly stopped you from prospering? Was it fear of things not going your way?"
"No. One thing about me Doc, I'm fearless. If anything, my immaturity is what caused me to not do more. Before losing my dad, damn near my entire family cutting me off, and probably the only woman that cared for me for real, I took nothing serious. I always thought time was on my side but it's not. I hate that this craziness had to happen for me to realize some shit but it is, what it is." I shrugged while pulling the lint from my jogging pants.
Dr. Thompson nodded while writing something down. "Okay, so here's what I want from you Tim." He handed me a pen and piece of paper. "Make a list of three goals that are achievable by the next time we see each other, which is in three weeks."
"Damn."
"Before you panic, it's a fairly simple task. Just from you worrying so quickly about this, shows that you procrastinate."
Taking the paper and pen from him, I groaned while sinking down in the couch. It took me about five minutes before I could start writing.
1. Spend extra time with Noah
2. Spend time with mom
3. Pull my credit report
I stared hard at the paper, thinking that I probably could've came up with something better than what I wrote.
"Okay. I'm going to write down this list and give it back to you. When you come back to me, I need proof that you accomplished all of this. And if you don't get to one of these, I'll need a good explanation why. I know it seems small but breaking cycles doesn't happen over night. You have to take baby steps before taking a big leap." Dr. Thompson said.
"Got you."
"That's all today. I'll see you in three weeks."
Grabbing my things, I headed out to my car. When I climbed inside, I powered my phone back on. First thing I did, was text Syren and told her to have my son ready Friday and to have him packed up for a week. Within minutes she texted back 'okay' and that was that.
For the longest, I've tried to get this woman off my back. Who knew all it took was my sister suing her for 5 million dollars? I sometimes feel bad for her though because the girl can't even get shit in her name or Mya's attorneys is coming after her. I thought Mya would've just brushed it off because she doesn't need the money but she ain't budged yet.
Twenty-minutes later, I was sitting outside of Sinai Grace. For the past two years, I've been coming up here to see Amber. I still haven't found the courage to get out and say anything to her though.
Yeah, I know.
That's a long ass time to be acting like a pussy!
She don't want nothing to do with me. This lady is on a whole different level in life and I'm still stuck in the same spot that I was in when she left me. Shit, maybe worse.
As soon as the clock hit 12:05, she came from out of the employee door. Happy and smiling as if she didn't just work a twelve hour shift. She probably thinks I'm the most disgusting thing walking.
Amber made her way to her car and climbed in. She sat there for a while before pulling off and I just sighed in defeat.
I gotta move on from this.
After wallowing in my feelings for a few, I made my way to my moms. Our relationship is okay. Sometimes I don't know if she deals with me because I'm her son and she loves me or, if she still feels guilty because of what happened to my dad.
I wanted to be pissed at her for forever about that situation but minus the bullshit, she's an amazing mom and all I have left.
"Makayla!" I yelled while walking through the door.
"Don't get popped boy." She said while coming from the kitchen. Kayla's son Sam trailed behind her.
"What up Sammy!" I held out my hand for a five.
"Hey Tim." He said. Little nigga look just like Hoody. Fat like him too.
"Why he not in school?" I asked as we walked to the living room.
"Kayla said he had a fever this morning." Mama responded.
"Where his daddy?"
"Who knows Tim? If my daughter asks me to watch my grandson I'm going to do that. I never ask her a million questions."
"I'm just making sure the nigga not being a deadbeat."
"Mmhm, where you coming from?"
"Therapy."
"How did it go?"
"Good, talked about my childhood for a bit and why I can't seem to get my shit together."
"Did you tell him that you gave me and your dad hell while growing up?"
I let out a laugh. "I did actually."
"Good! I don't need you going to that man acting like you were an Angel."
"I was."
"Sure." She laughed. "I'm glad you're doing this though. I'm ready to see some growth from you Tim. It's been years since all the bad things have happened. It's time you walk in your purpose."
"Yeah...I'm working on getting another place for my shoe store. Brian is letting me work at the restaurant whenever they're short staffed and you know he's opening a second location. I talked to him about me possibly managing that."
"Just my opinion but Brian took your dads idea and ran with it. Would it be a bad thing if he made you a partner in this instead of treating you like the help?"
Shrugging, I leaned back into the couch. "You gotta ask him that question ma. That would be dope though. I knew how much expanding Sam's Kitchen meant to dad. I'd love to help it grow."
"I'll talk to him."
"You ain't gotta do that."
"I do. That business is in my name too and if I want you apart of it, you will be. This is your opportunity to prove that you're trying to do better and finally grow up."
I didn't argue with her.
"Have you talked to Mya?" Mama asked making me roll my eyes.
"You ask me that every time I come over here and the answer is always the same."
"So you're okay with being at odds with her? This all happened two years ago, nobody has moved on?"
"My feelings caused me to do some reckless things. If she never wants to talk to me again, I understand. I do miss having her in my corner but I can't force her to forgive me."
"I hear you."
"How is she?"
My mom made a face, causing my eyebrows to furrow. "She's dealing with a lot but she'll be okay."
"Damn, they don't catch no breaks over there do they?"
"No but Mya kind of brought this on herself."
Is hell freezing over? Did my mom finally realize that her precious Mya is capable of being wrong?!
"What happened?"
"I'm not going into details but Mya went about something the wrong way and it's causing conflict."
I nodded. "Well I hope whatever it is, works out for whoever is involved."
"Me too. Where's my Noah? I miss him."
"In school. I'll have him for a while, we'll come spend the night with you."
"Please do." She smiled.
"You ever think about dating?"
"Oh no. Absolutely not."
"Why though? Dad has been gone for a while."
"I know but still...I wear enough guilt on my shoulders from him being gone. I just can't see myself, putting the thought of him in the back of my mind. That's the only way I'll be able to love someone else."
"I don't think dad would want you to sit around a suffer."
"You sure?"
I thought about it for a while, then burst out laughing. "Never mind."
"Right.....I'm honestly okay. I have my grand babies and other things to keep me preoccupied. It if it does happen when I'm ready for it, I'll gladly accept it."
"Okay."
"What about you? Will I ever get to witness my son tied down to one woman?"
"I think I'm cursed ma. Probably from the way I've done women in my past. I found the perfect girl and fumbled her because I decided to use me grieving as an excuse to be reckless."
"Are you referring to Amber?"
I nodded.
"Yeah, she was an amazing girl." Mama continued. "She really cared about you."
"She did. I've found myself stopping at her job quite often. I wanna talk to her but I just don't know what to say. And it's been so long. She probably ain't gave my ass a second thought."
"If you man up and talk to the girl, you'd find out."
"One day."
"Terrible. Well, you might wanna stop being a creep at her job then if you're never going to talk to her."
"I'm not being a creep, just checking on her."
"If you say so." Mama got up. "How about we go grab lunch? I'm starving."
"Let's go. You paying though, right?"
"Sure Tim, sure."
•at lunch•
Of course my mama would come to my dads restaurant to eat. She's probably here everyday, eating for free.
I was on my third plate, when Brian came and sat next to me. From the look on his face, he was about to preach to me about something. Groaning, I picked up a napkin and wiped my hands, then grabbed my phone, opening Instagram to scroll through and to tune his ass out.
"So you sending mommy over to do your dirty work?"
I looked over at him, confused. "What?"
"She's talking to me about you being a partner with dads company."
"Man that was her idea. Only reason I was cool with it, so that I can keep money in my pockets. You wanna be dad jr. so bad, I'll let this be your thing."
"You know I wouldn't have an issue with sharing anything with you but Tim you still act like a damn kid. You're 35 and just now realizing that it's time to get your shit together. I'm scared to allow you to be apart of this because you might not take it as seriously as I need you to."
"Nigga save the speeches. You can have all this shit. Ima find my own lane without any of y'all help."
"Well good luck with that baby bro." He patted my shoulder then got up and walked away. So fucking annoying.
My focus went back on my phone, then my mom made her way over to me. "How did that go?"
"He thinks I'm too immature to be a partner, but oh well. This ain't my thing though. Thanks for trying to help but I'll figure it out."
"Tim, now please don't go doing anything crazy."
"Im not ma. Im no— what the fuck?"
"Tim!"
"Look." I turned my phone towards her so that she could see.
"Is this true? What the hell did Mya do ma?" I asked but she didn't respond, just grabbed her phone and and hurried outside.
Aw shit.