I blink my eyes open, no idea how long I had slept for again, but it didn't feel like very long. It took me a second before all the events of yesterday hit me. Overwhelming sadness flooded me, my parents...tears pricked my eyes.
"Hey hey, it's okay baby" Roman coos, interrupting my thoughts. Oh yeah, I had my walls down. I put them back up and he frowns at me
"Put them back down" he says, narrowing his eyes at me.
"No." I answer coldly. "What time is it?"
"10am" he says, I nod. I don't remember anything after I was running in the woods up until I woke up before, but I feel different. I felt different when we had sex but I was too distracted to notice. I have a pretty good idea of what happened
"I broke the barrier spell?" I ask him and he nods
'Tami? How do you feel?'
'I feel...I don't know. Stronger, but weird, it's like a weird buzzing. It's hard to control, we need to get it under control' I don't respond. Well my brand new dad will come crawling out of the depths of hell to find me here soon enough, so I'll count on that.
I feel Roman watching me, his walls are still down and I can sense his confusion and worry. I don't need to bring him down with my inner turmoil, so I still keep my walls up.
I'm sitting up in bed, but I have no idea where to go from here. Well, looks like I accomplished enough for today. Mated, marked, almost got out of bed. Job well done, Amara. A bitter smirk forms on my lips at my own joke.
I can't even experience the joy of finding my actual mate. My mate that I love. No wonder the Goddess has forsaken me, I bring death and destruction everywhere I go. I should have rejected Roman, spared him from me. Tamisra growls at me
'Enough with the self pity, Amara.' she says but I ignore her, maybe she was right but I need a hot second to accept the fucking atomic bomb that was dropped on me. I groan and throw my head back into my pillow. It's better to just go back to sleep. Yes, that's what I'll do. I snuggle back into my mate's arms and close my eyes.
"Amara..." Roman says, touching my cheek and I jump at the sparks, still not used to them
"Hmmm"
"I understand you need some time to let everything sink in but we need to talk. What do you remember from yesterday?" he says softly
"Well, an atomic bomb was dropped on my life and then me and Tamisra decided to go on a nice leisurely run" I say, my voice laced with sarcasm and I instantly feel guilty when I feel his hurt through the bond
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to take it out on you. I just...don't want to talk about it" I say instantly
"I understand but baby, your power was out of control. If you lose control again...I just need you to be upfront with me about what you're feeling so I can help you if you start losing control" he says quietly "please let your walls down."
"Fine. Can I please go back to sleep?" I say, turning and laying on his chest. He sighs heavily but puts his arms around me. I just need to avoid this for just a little longer. Just a little longer, and then I'll face it.
~~~~~~~~~~
I wake up to Roman shaking me, I groan. Please please please let me go back to the land of nothingness!
"Come on, Mara. Time to get up. Let's face this head on, we have a lot to talk about" he says and I reach behind me and blindly slap him
"No no no" I whine, now throwing a pillow over my head while I feel his annoyance hit me through the bond. Well fuck you too! I push my own annoyance at him.
'Up, Amara. Come on. Woman up, this isn't something you can run away from' Tamisra says, also annoyed with me. I get up and head for the showers, I smell of sex, sweat, and earth. I wrinkle my nose, hopefully one of the omegas will change the sheets today.
As usual, Roman follows me to the bathroom. Goddess why couldn't you just give me a week to enjoy my actual mate bond before ruining my life?