I never felt fire inside me.
When I felt fire, I felt sick.
My cheeks got warm, my skin boiled. Fire didn't belong in me, it would melt my insides. Yet, I found myself wanting to be warm, to light the way she did, to set heat to the ice with ever soft stroke.
I watched as they looked at her, it was if they were watching a candle dance. Warm, and comforted by her presence she was the fire place in a mountain cabin. The blaze that ended the ice age. She was what people drank after playing in the snow.
I was never like her.
I was never warm.
" She is beautiful." Felix spoke, but it was a statement directed to no one. He spoke it to himself. A man of few words yet in the last three minutes the most I had heard him speak was in admiration for someone who hadn't even known his existence.
Crya hadn't even noticed our gaze, she truly skated like no one was watching.
" Cyra is a newer skater, fresh on the ice. She's in the earlier stages of her professional training-" My words were cut short by the enthusiasm of Ivan.
His eyes lit despite my intentions. " A natural!" Ivan interjected. " To have such raw skill is rarity these days.
"Not here at this rink, all our skaters come from good cloth. You won't find one that isn't brilliant. I only train the best." My Mom bragged , while I had hoped it was nod to my own skill, I knew it was homage to herself. An ode to the talent she spotted.
I rolled my eyes at her comment. Snatching my skates from the seat behind me, I headed down the stairs as they gushed over Cyra Lockheart.
They hadn't even noticed me leave too caught in there own conversation. I knew what was louder then words.
I spoke with the slice of my blades. I kicked off my shoes and began to put on my skates. I knew her routine as well as I knew my own. Having had to sit out the last few practices all I had time to do was watch.
I pushed open the doors to the rink and felt the cool breeze that welcomed me as I entered the ice. With effortless glides I was soon behind Crya who had not noticed my appearance. It took less than a second for me to mimic her movements becoming perfectly synchronized yet, our performance had not been been the same. She had the charisma, but I had the training. She might have melted ice when skates, but I cut it shaped it whatever I told it be.
Sawyer was wrong.
The ice didn't rule me.
I ruled the ice.
We both turned as we landed the axel, at that moment she finally noticed me. Her eyes widen startled by my presence, as well as my proximity. She had never experienced someone figure skating so close to her. While she continued to skate, her moments became restrained fearful of us concluding. I had no fears, because whether people believed it or not I had control. There would be no mistake of collisions, I wouldn't cut her.
She was out of her element not me, she pushed further to create distance, but I was right on her track executing a perfect lutz jump. The anxiety that ran through her as she felt gust of wind that created between us. For a moment she was there, and the next she wasn't.
I hadn't seen her fall, but I felt the absence. In the last few seconds the music intensified and so did. Pushing through the ice as if I had been sculpting myself in it.
It was me alone skating, but I was aware I had been not alone on ice.
I skated, but always I knew when to stop.
I knew when I was cutting close.
I knew control.
A gasp rushed through the audience as I halted my skates harshly against the ice as the song came to an end. I looked down at a distraught Cyra Lockheart as I towered over. She had not recovered from her fall which had happen a few seconds ago. The panic radiated off of her, nervous that I would not noticed her and would have trampled down or worse cut her.
I stood over her not mirroring her distress, easy breathes even as my heart pulled adrenaline. Her eyes were watery, her checks ridden from embarrassment.
I smiled " That was fun."
It was, but not for her. It was obvious as she rejected my hand and got up herself.
" You could of killed me." She whispered jarring, her nostrils glaring as she tried to contain her anger.
" If you don't feel comfortable on the ice then stay off if." I shrugged.
I could have never imagined this expression on Crya Lockheart. Not the fallen curl that sat against her forehead unleashed from the bun that was once so perfectly perfected. Or the tears that threatened to creep down her glowing skin. She was the girl who always had a smile, optimistically kind. She shined so bright it didn't burn, but made people warm.
I sat a blaze in Crya, one that made me smile as she said.
"Fuck you Emerson." Before storming off the ice.
My eyes traveled to my audience, which had grew more than when I remembered. My Dad as well as his team had joined the viewing. A rupture of cheering coming from those who loved the brutality of the ice. Hockey was a contact sport, so the boys loved anything that came close to a jab. Even my own brother seem to radiate with a bit pride, not by the performance but by the fact that I had performed.
Strangely enough, it's like I heard him breathe again.
These past few weeks he had been holding his breathe saving it for whenever he thought he would need to bring me back to life. I felt alive, I was myself. However their were still those who questioned if that was a good thing.
My Dad still wore a worried look. My Mom's lips were clamped tightly shut, disapproving the humiliation of her new prodigy. Yet, she nodded unable to deny me a well done. Especially given the state shock our company was in.
Then there was him.
Parker who didn't participate in approving or disapprove looks, but left the rink entirely following after a embarrassed Cyra.
Ignoring them all I existed the rink, and removed my skates. Exhaustion subtly washed over me.
" Emerson." Mom called with joyous expression, Felix and Ivan closely behind her as they met me in the front row of the rink.
" I must say Emerson, you've impressed us." I hadn't acknowledged them and continued removing my skates.
I could feel the death stare my mom was giving me by not speaking.
"Oh really?" I replied flatly.
"Yes, you're coach was right. You have natural intuition and trust in your body that every skater needs even more so with a partner."
"But you want Cyra." I stated
I knew the answer. Cyra was a great skater, a true natural but she hadn't master the ice. Even more so, Cyra had no experience with paired skating. She was just growing to trust herself on the ice, it would take a while for her to trust another. She was fidgety, anxious, unsure if her own control as well as others.
They thought I was the liability when truly it was her.
I had known it, and maybe it wasn't the kindest to make a spectacle out it. Some lessons are just learned the hard way.
They exchanged a look unsure how to reply after being called out by a moment that clearly showed their wavier interest in me.
" You've proven, you're the right choice." Felix chimed in.
" Yet you haven't." I replied, taking him off guard.
" I don't choose anyone, that has to think of choosing me. Nor do I prove myself to anyone one on my own ice. You came to see Emerson, and now you have. Safe journeys home. It was pleasure meeting you both."
I slang my skates over my shoulder and headed towards the nearest exit leaving my Mom to sort through the mess I left behind.