A/N Hehe yep another warning tho... this one is a little different *grinning like a maniac* You'll see what I mean *wink*
After my four hour nap yesterday, I wasn't able to get any more sleep. I stayed up all night and all day. It was just like before, when I couldn't physically rest. But at least I was able to eat this time. That was one less torture I was putting myself through.
Kaybree was still plagued with worry, but Miranda and I were able to get a little bit of food and water in her, mostly breaking the numbness she'd been stuck in. We even convinced her to go on walks with us around the hospital every couple hours. We'd switch off walking around with her, talking to her and trying to get her mind off things. Miranda was better at it than I was. It was hard to come up with things to say when we were both struggling through this. Waiting. Wondering. Worrying...
Rico was actually a big help. I knew he was missing a lot of classes to be here, but I was glad he was. Guilt even twinged at my heart when I realized how much time we hadn't spent together since Sav had come around. Having the extra time to just hang out with him almost felt nostalgic. I promised myself I wouldn't brush him off so much anymore.
As the day faded into evening, the sun setting quickly and basking the waiting room in a warm glow, everyone started shifting. My parents, who had tried to come as often as they could, left to grab some food and go home. Though reluctantly, Rico asked to go back to his apartment to shower and grab a few things, which I urged him earnestly to do. After all, we didn't want him stinking as bad as I did the first time all of this happened.
And, of course, Miranda stayed. Because she was Miranda.
As she and Kaybree quietly talked, her phone chimed, drawing my attention. I watched as she pulled it out of her purse and read a notification on the screen. Her eyes flicked up to me and she threw on a smile. I raised my brows curiously but then dropped them upon realizing that was a Sav move.
"I think it's time for another walk," Miranda told both Kaybree and me.
Kaybree was in a fairly good mood—at least as good of a mood in this situation—and so she stood.
I rose as well, my legs stiff from sitting for so long. I started to lead Kaybree out of the waiting room and into the hall but Miranda grabbed my arm. "Oh, no, Kason. I can go."
"But you went last time."
"I know." She shot me a sweet smile. "But I can go again. I don't mind."
"It's really no problem. I probably need to move anyway."
But she was insistent. "I have a few girl things I want to talk to Kaybree about. Would you let me?"
I had a feeling that there was some other reason she wanted to go, but I couldn't identify it. But, of course, if she wanted to, I wasn't going to stop her. "Okay." I smiled at my sister. "Have fun."
She sent me a small, closed lip smile and nodded. Miranda gave me a grateful glance, mouthing "thank you" before they headed out into the hall, arm and arm, to go for their walk. I could hear Miranda suggesting they grab dinner from the cafeteria as they turned the corner.
Sitting back down, I let out a slow breath. The waiting room was now completely empty except for me. The light leaking in through the windows was slowly dimming as the sun hid behind the skyscrapers outside, and I knew it would soon be completely dark out. It brought me back to all those nights and all those fears from before. All the fears now.
For a moment, I laid my head back against the wall, letting my eyes flutter closed. All the terror, all the worry, all the anxiety flooded my veins, like an invisible dam that'd been holding the blunt of those feelings back had been broken. It was like with people around, it was a bit easier to ignore them. With Miranda's easy smile, Rico's quick jokes, and my sister's need for someone to be strong, the feelings were easier to hide away. Easier to pretend they weren't as debilitating as they were.
But in the silence, the dimming light, all alone... there was no reason to hide it all. I had little strength to hide it anyway.
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and rubbing my face. My jaw worked, clenching and unclenching, as I felt everything at once. My breathing turned shallow as I tried to process this sudden overwhelming fear.
Trying to keep my breaths even, I whispered, "God, give me the strength to work through this. The strength to carry on. The strength to get over this fear."
It didn't go away completely. Not yet. I had a feeling it wouldn't until I knew Abby was completely healthy and safe. But praying the simple prayer made that same calm as before work its way into the room.
I could do this. We'd get through this. God would help me through this. I had hope. At least, I was trying to.
The sun eventually set, leaving only the fluorescent hospital lights to brighten the room. Miranda and Kaybree must have sat in the cafeteria to eat because they still weren't back yet. And neither was Rico but there was no surprise there. In high school when we'd take showers in the locker room after our baseball games, he was always the last one to leave.
In the silence, with nothing else to do, my thoughts once again drifted back to Sav. Like I'd done several times since she had left, I pulled out my phone and clicked on her contact. I stared at her name and a picture I'd taken with her at her parents' house that I'd set as her contact photo. I couldn't help but smile upon seeing her bright grin and sparkling eyes, her familiar red hair that was a little on the wild side, though perfect for her personality.
Gosh, I missed her. What I would give to see her beautiful face in person again. At this point, I didn't even care if things were awkward. I just wanted to see her.
God must have heard my wish.
"Kason?"
I snapped my gaze up, wondering if I was going crazy or if the voice I'd just heard had really just spoken. But no. I wasn't crazy. Because there, standing where the waiting room met the hall, was Sav.
I bolted to my feet. "Sav?" I took a step forward but paused. I didn't know if I should approach her just yet. All I wanted to do was run to her, but I wasn't sure if I could. If that was okay. "What..." I swallowed. "What are you doing here?"
She tentatively stepped into the room, rubbing her hands on her backpack straps nervously. "Miranda texted me and told me what was going on and..." She stared at me with her lips slightly parted, unable to finish.
And then she just barely smiled a breathless, relieved smile.
I couldn't stop myself. I ran to her and slammed her into a hug. As I buried my nose into her hair, her arms wrapped around me just as tight as mine were wrapped around her. All I could say was, "You're here."
"I'm here."
I couldn't believe it.
We stood in a tight embrace forever. But I didn't care how much time we were wasting or how it might seem. She was really here and she was letting me hug her. It was just what I needed right now. She made things so much easier. Maybe things would be awkward for a while and maybe it might take a moment to get some of the remaining tension out, but just her being here proved that things would work out. That nothing could tear us apart.
Slowly, after what felt like forever, she gently pulled out of my arms, though I noticed how she kept fistfuls of my sweatshirt in her hands at my waist. Peering up at me with troubled brown eyes, she muttered, "Can we talk?"
I nodded.
We walked over to two seats deeper into the waiting room, sitting side by side. She pulled her legs up into the chair and folded her hands together. "How's Abby? Any news?"
I let out a weary breath. "She's stable but still struggling. There hasn't been much change in the last twenty four hours."
"That's... Well, at least she's stable, right?"
"Right." I tried to look at it optimistically like she was, but it was hard.
"Has Kaybree been taking it okay?"
"As good as she can be. It was a little rough in the beginning, for both of us, but Miranda and Rico have magic mood healing powers. And of course I've been doing as much as I can to help her, though it's kind of hard when I can barely help yourself sometimes."
Her eyebrows scrunched together and she reached out, taking my hand and lacing our fingers. "Kason, I..." She had to restart, her gaze turning pained. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you through this. I feel like such a jerk. I should have been here."
"No, it's okay. Your dad needed you. How's he doing anyway?"
"A little better... Enough that I should have come back."
I paused before I responded, "I gave you very little reason to come back..."
She closed her eyes and bowed her head, her voice barely a whisper when she replied, "I'm an idiot."
I shook my head though I knew she couldn't see me. "No, you're the dork. Idiot is my reserved title."
She chuckled slightly, though emotions heavily laced her voice. "Not this time apparently. I was stupid. I should have given you a moment to explain before I just ran off. I shouldn't have reacted so brashly. I-I shouldn't have brushed you off when you tried to... to..." Her voice faded, but her eyes said a thousand words as her gaze fluttered to mine, nearly taking my breath away. "I'm so sorry," she whispered at the end.
"Don't be. You didn't do or say anything that wasn't deserved. The whole situation was my fault. I should have just cut ties with Mora completely and not let her kiss me. I shouldn't have tried to patch things together so abruptly when you obviously just wanted some space. I didn't react well, either. So I'm sorry, too."
The corners of her lips tilted up. "So we're okay?"
"I hope so."
She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and I quickly reciprocated the action by hugging her around the waist. "Me too."
I couldn't help myself as I pulled her closer, surprising myself when I whispered in her ear, saying, "I missed you."
"I definitely missed you more."
"No way."
Her shoulders shook with a quiet laugh. "Agree to disagree, then."
The hug ended all too soon as she retracted back into her seat, smiling at me. "So. What have you been doing as I ran away from conflict?"
I chuckled. "Mostly just wallowing in self pity."
She snorted. "Oh, that sounds like an intriguing story."
"Yeah." With a huff, I added, "There's a lot that happened, actually. In short, I talked to Dilan again."
She raised her eyebrows in alarm. "You didn't kill him, did you?"
"I'm not imprisoned, am I?"
She shook her head, shoving me teasingly. "Alright, smart alec. But what happened?"
I sighed. "I won't get into all the details but Kaybree and I kind of argued and then Abigail stopped breathing and I had a slight mental breakdown. But Kaybree and I are okay now so at least that's one thing that's better."
She rested her chin on my shoulder. "Two. Because we're better, too."
I suppressed the urge to rest my forehead against hers. "Right... And then something else kind of happened the other day, too."
"Oh, yeah?" she murmured curiously.
I nodded, momentarily distracted by the way a piece of her hair was tangled with her lashes. I forced myself not to reach up and smooth it out, continuing what I was saying. "Yeah, um... Something happened to me."
"Are you okay?"
I smiled slightly at her concern. "Yeah."
"Then what happened?"
"Jesus happened."
She sat still and silent for a moment before it all clicked. "Wait... You're serious?"
I smiled and nodded. "It's been... interesting trying to figure out what I'm doing but yeah. I'm serious." I shrugged. "You make a lot of sense and it's hard for me to really believe anything else now that I've heard the truth."
I couldn't tell if she was about to laugh or cry. "You're-you're serious?" she asked again.
Chuckling, I flicked her earlobe. "I don't think your ears are working right."
Sav smacked my hand away, though she couldn't hold back her elated chuckle. "Ah, Kason! I'm so happy for you!" Before I realized what was happening, she rammed me with another hug.
I laughed, embracing her back. "Wow, three hugs in one day."
She quickly pulled back like she thought I didn't like it. I smiled and nudged her shoulder teasingly, making her roll her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm happy that my best friend found the Savior. I guess I'll just keep my hands to myself from now on." She sat back in her seat and crossed her arms defiantly.
"Nooooo," I whined jokingly. I rested my head on her shoulder and peered up at her, trying my hardest to channel puppy dog eyes. "Your hugs are the best."
She grinned down at me, shaking her head slightly, though her eyes sparkled brilliantly. Seeing her beautiful smile and gleaming gaze made everything feel so much brighter. I felt so much more hope around her. Just by being herself, she made me see the world in a completely different light. In the light of Jesus.
Slowly, her smile faded but her gaze stayed locked with mine. I pulled my temple away from her shoulder but stayed close, like her gaze was a magnet. She blinked slowly, her lips parting like they always seemed to do when we were this close to each other.
Without thinking about it, I reached out and ran my thumb along her cheek bone. I almost expected her to jump away, like when I'd been at her dorm and things had gotten intense, but to my surprise her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into my touch.
"Kason," she breathed. "I... I need to explain."
As her eyes peeled open, I slowly furrowed my brows, whispering, "What do you mean?"
She leaned forward, almost like she couldn't stop herself, and rested her forehead against mine. My breath caught and I had to force myself to listen as she continued, breathlessly. "I was scared. I was terrified. That's why... That's why I left. I'd been trying to convince myself that I didn't feel anything for you. That we were just close friends and nothing else. Because I'd never felt that toward anyone before and I'd finally found someone that actually wanted to be my best friend. I didn't want to... to mess things up. But then I saw Mora kissing you and... I freaked out. I..." She swallowed, finally letting it all rush out in a breath. "I was jealous and upset and-and terrified."
I pulled away enough so that I could see her whole face, her entire expression. She looked pained and she kept her eyes closed, refusing to meet my gaze. "Sav..."
"No, let me finish," she said a little shakily. "I was so scared that I was going to lose you. So I thought maybe... I don't know what I was thinking. My mind was spinning and I needed time to process that I might have been losing you, the one person who'd taken a chance on me, who told me they cared about me, who I cared about more than I would dare to admit to myself. And by trying to come up with a way to not lose you, I pushed you away and nearly lost you anyway."
Finally, she opened her eyes and her beautiful gaze met mine. Her breathing became rushed, nearly matching mine, as she finished with, "I don't care what happens next, as long as we're still together, friends or otherwise. So if you don't like me anymore, I completely understand. But I don't want to run away again. I don't want to lie to you or myself anymore. I like you, Kason. And no matter what, I'm not leaving again. No matter your answer, I'm not leaving."
I stared at her, nearly in shock. She'd been gone but then shown up so unexpectedly, being exactly what I needed when I needed her. She came and we'd fixed things and now she was here, telling me the one thing that I'd been wanting her to say for so long. It all felt surreal. I had no idea how to respond.
So I didn't. I just leaned in and kissed her.
She sat frozen for a moment, seemingly surprised but when I reached up and cupped the back of her head, she realized what was happening and kissed me back, tentatively at first but then deeply once she got used to it. Her hand found my chest and held my shirt in her fist, pulling me closer. My fingertips found her hair and tangled at the base.
Though the kiss was a little clumsy, with the chair's arm rest in between us, it was like nothing I'd ever experienced. This was way different than kissing Mora. This was... this was perfect.
Sav pulled away first though it was only to catch her breath which was shallow and ragged. Though there was a sliver of space in between us, it wasn't enough to separate my fingers from her hair or her grasp from my shirt.
As we both breathed, I wondered if she could feel my heart beating out of my chest or hear the way I couldn't breathe in all the way or if she could tell my head was spinning from exhilaration. Because all my senses were going crazy from the past few moments.
"I'm guessing..." Sav started. "Does that mean you still like me?"
A chuckle bubbled from my mouth before I could stop it. "I thought I made that pretty clear."
Her lips stretched into a wide grin. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't playing tricks on me."
"Now when have I ever done that?" I asked before drawing her in again for another kiss.
This one didn't last long because a strange squealing caught my attention. We both leaned back at the same time and snapped our gazes to the entrance of the waiting room.
I couldn't help but laugh upon seeing Miranda and Kaybree standing there, Miranda practically bouncing from excitement. "Finally!" she screamed as she rushed in.
She hugged Sav first but then pulled me in as well. Then even Kaybree was squished in as Miranda's excited laughter encompassed us all.
When she finally let us go, she perked up even more. "Ah! I have to text Rico! He's going to flip!" She ran to the other side of the waiting room where her purse sat.
Kaybree's eyes were sparkling as she reached out and squeezed my hand. I squeezed it back before she went and joined Miranda, giving Sav and I some space.
When I turned back to Sav, she almost looked bashful, an expression I had rarely ever seen on her face. "I didn't realize they would be back so soon."
"What?" I teased, taking both of her hands and lacing our fingers. "You don't want people to know that we like each other?"
She shook her head, rolling her eyes even as a smile threatened her face. "No. I just think it's awkward when people see you kiss someone. Especially when it's-" But she cut herself off.
I raised my brows at her as she looked away. "When it's what?"
"When it's nothing. It's just always awkward."
Tilting my head at her, I didn't let it drop. When she scoffed around a grin and rolled her eyes again, something clicked. "Wait, was that your first-"
"Don't say it," she cringed. "I don't want to talk about it."
I laughed unabashed. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sav. I didn't have my first kiss until I was... eighteen, I think? And considering that you're a Christian, it would make sense that you would wait until you were a bit older. A bit more sure." I smiled down at her and leaned forward, resting my forehead against hers like she'd done earlier and like I'd wanted to do before that. Now I could. And it made my chest flutter excitedly.
She hummed contently at my touch. "I guess you're right. Did..." She hesitated, lowering her voice to a whisper. "Did I do okay?"
I couldn't help but chuckle softly, running my fingertips along her temple. "You did amazing, dork."
Chuckling, she replied, "Idiot."
A/N *beaming so wide my cheeks hurt* ... *deep breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GUYS IT HAPPENED, IT'S HAPPENING!!! *brain malfunctioning* YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOODNESS IT TOOK THEM LONG ENOUGH DIDN'T IT?!?!?!?!?! Ugh, they're absolutely so adorable, I can't get over it!! Like literally *fangirl screaming* Okay, story time!!!!!! So when I first introduced Sav I ADORED Sav and Kason's friendship, to the point where I almost wrote it where they didn't end up getting together romantically, but just had a very cute, sweet, strong platonic friendship. And GUYS while that would have been great THIS SCENE CHANGED MY MIND GOODNESS GRACIOUS!! I've been wanting to write this scene for like MONTHS and I finally got to start it at like 9:30-10 at night when I was at a hotel for a volleyball tournament and THEN I WAS INTERRUPTED BECAUSE I HAD TO GO TO BED but then I finished it in the car and was having a VERY hard time not screaming my head off and smiling until my cheeks exploded. Like GUYS THIS CHAPTER FULFILLED ALL MY GOALS AND DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS AND- *dies* ... ANYWAY, sorry for this VERY long author's note, but it was necessary for this amazing chapter XD LEAVE DEM THOUGHTS BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE DEM!!!!! ----->