I wait outside the room, leaning on the wall and close my eyes for a moment. It was really hard for both of us. I thought i could bare with him since these months he barely makes time for me, but the truth is he try to avoid me meeting his parents cuz he already knows about what will happen when I meet them.
I take my time and wipe my tears before knocking on his door, I slowly pulled the door knob and enter his room.
I forced smile and try to act like nothing happened, "hoon I'm here!!" I said and show the food I bought with me. He look up with quickly wipe his tears, it broke my heart seeing him like this.
"Let's eat first!! The food will get cold" I said after serving the food, I sit on the other side and wait for him to eat. He smile and take a bite from my food, he force his smile and hold his tears back. "I buy you a cake, let's lit up the candle once you're done eating.." I clear my throat.
I can't even act as if I'm okay, the words keep replaying on my mind. It hurt so much like my chest gonna burst out.
"it's so delicious love." he said and finish the food at once, I'm surprised that he can force himself to eat until can finish the food. "Wow you eat a lot!! now let's lit the candle!" I clap happily and take out the cake. After I'm done lit up the candle, sunghoon did nothing except he just look down not saying anything.
"you hear everything right?" he said as his face darken, his eyes red and hot tears running down his face.
"you're there when father said about the-" before he can continue I cut him off, " forget about that, there's no time for that. Today supposed to be your day, but someone ruined it. let's forget about that and enjoy the moment.." my voice crack as I force myself to smile when the tears falling out from my eyes.
"happy birthday to you.. h-happy birthday to you.. happy birthday to sunghoo-" I can't finished the song and burst into tears, cupping my face with my own hands and cried out. Sunghoon get up from his seat and walk toward me , bending down to me.
"Why it's need to be like this?" I said between the sob, "I'm sorry.." he said, trying to reach for my hands.
I get up from my seat before taking my things, "I need time.. please let me take a few days off " I said and wipe my tears, he hold my hands pleading me from go. "sorry.. please love don't make me like this.. I discussed with my parents " he burst to tears. "no sunghoon, your parents doesn't like me. I can't be the perfect girl they want like heewon." I told him and slowly pushed his hands away from me and get out from the room.
I walk back to home with sadness, I look like crazy person. Why can't I be enough?
This is what I afraid of when I'm in love with him, he came from wealthy family and I came from poor family. They probably choose someone who's wealthy too instead of choosing people like me.
It's hurt..
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't think of anything.
When I arrived at home I get straight to my room, ignoring jungwon who's calling me from the back. "I don't want anyone to come here today, don't let anyone in " I said and lock the door. I end up bursting to tears when the memories flashing back.
I fell asleep without knowing I found myself on the bed when I wake up, jungwon probably bring me to bed,he must have found another key . I don't know what to say to him when he ask about this. Excuse won't do, he will get suspicious about it. My body feel so ache as I get up from the bed and get out from the room.
It's 5pm in the evening, there's no one in living room. I only found myself staring at outside view from our homes, it's gonna get dark soon. I look at the table and see the food that supposed I eat. Jungwon must've gone out with his friends. He make me a porridge that already get cold, " I thought he don't know to cook" I chuckled and sit on the chair before eating the food.
After a moment I cleaned up to refresh myself, I want to clear my mind.
I get myself dress to go out to take fresh air. Walking at the park with this cold breeze sending shiver through my body, I take a sit at near bench around her and stare at the lake Infront of me. It was really cold since it will get darken soon, I watch other people walk pass by me.
I watch the girl walk happily with her boyfriend.
I watch that grandma walk toward her husband bringing sweet potato on her hands.
I watch the girl walking back to her home with her dog while listening to song.
I watch the man leaving his girl alone, crying and comforting herself.
And I watch myself with her heart tear apart because of the news she heard today.
What will happen if I give up and let sunghoon marry someone else, can I even fight them? Will they even give me a chance? I never be the perfect girl they want like heewon did. I enjoy every moment when I'm with him, I'm happy when I'm with him. What happened if I let him go.
"what I'm supposed to do now?" I scoff, clear my throat and wipe my tears. "what I'm supposed to say to him? " I said to myself asking the same question over and over again. Now it's getting late, I get up from the bench and my way to my apartment back.
As soon as I enter, closing the door behind me and my eyes land on jungwon who's watching the television. I stop at living room to see what he's watching as he already look at me anxiously, "what's wrong with you?" I ask and turn my gaze towards the tv. There is it, they work so fast.
"BREAKING NEWS! PARK SUNGHOON THE SON OF PARK FOUNDER IS GETTING MARRIED TO LEE HEEWON THE DAUGHTER OF LEE FOUNDATION! WITHOUT KNOWING THEY ALREADY BEEN DATING FOR TWO YEARS AND NOW IS READY TO BUILT A NEW JOURNEY OF TWO OF THEM! THEY ARE REPORTED GONNA GET MARRIED AT NIGHT OF NEW YEAR! LET ALL OF US CONGRATS THEM TOGETHER!" the news reader said.
Lie
Lie
They lie
All of that is a lie
They make up the stories..
Lie !
They lie!
My hands that supposed to calm turn into fist as I want to let it go to something, as soon as I was about to punch the door jungwon quickly stop me and calm me down. "noona! Calm down!" He caught of guard when he sees me like this. "they lie.." I said with my teary eyes, I feel so angry, frustrated, sad , and betrayal.
"what happened to both of you? Why are you suddenly comeback and cry? I thought you surprised him today?" he ask holding both of my shoulder. I avoid his eyes and let go of from his grip roughly before going to my room, slamming the door behind me.
I'm so tired of crying, I sit at the edge of the bed as my knees close to my chest. Hugging myself alone, "what happened after this?!" I sob. "this is fvck up," I cursed under my breath. How much I want to tell the world that it a lie but I had nothing, I made no power against them.
It was a long night for me, I had to think what to do. I need to make up my mind. It's all messed up, I don't know what to do anymore. My head hurt so much.
_
_
_
Few weeks later~
Few weeks passed, I haven't contacting anyone when everyone is calling me. I ignore all the messages from him, sunghoon called me non stop. He tried to come here but I didn't open the door, jungwon also had been ignoring sunghoon whenever he came here.
Today I decided to go to office even though I'm not ready yet but I need to. I get ready with my office suit and step out from the room. My eyes met jungwon as he look at me worriedly, "you're going to work? really? will you be okay?" He ask.
"I will be okay" I said and take a sit to eat the breakfast he make. After a few minutes eating I wash the dishes and get ready to leave, while wearing my shoes jungwon watch me until I say something. "lock the door , don't let anyone come in.. if someone comes ignore them" I said.
"I will, bye! have a great day and good luck!" he wave at me as I do the same and leave the house.
Everyone got their eyes on me when I stepped in the building as them start to whispering to each other while some trying to approach me and some other is glaring at me. I sigh heavily, turning blind eye and walk quickly to avoid any questions with them.
As soon as I arrived at my place Yuri are the most who's worried for me, "haewon!! you okay? how are you doing? where have you gone? do you know how worried I am?" She ask and take a look all over me. I weakly smile and try to assure her that everything is okay.
"yes I'm okay, don't worry. now I want to work, I must've been make you all busy I'm sorry. " I said trying to act as if I'm okay, yuri just stare at me with her sad face "come on yuri, I'm okay.. where's my work" I said and she just sigh while bringing the file to my table.
I tried my best to not think about my problem and focus on the work, while I'm focusing on the work, I check back at the document as much as I want to avoid meeting him today but I can't. I sigh heavily and walk toward his room.
I knock a few times and get reply from him. As soon as I step into the room I avoid meeting his eyes and hand the file to him to sign, " Mr Park I need your sign." I said . He get up from his seat and rush to me while I stay in my place staring at random places, I didn't smile, I didn't laugh all I do is shutting my mouth .
"haewon! you came? I missed you, where have you been ? I wanna talk to you! I miss you so much!!" he said with his cracked voice, "let go, please be professional " I said coldly. "why are you being like this? This is not you" he plead almost on his knees begging me to look at him.
I bit my lips and let out a big sigh and bend down to his level, I look at him while he do the same. He's not in a good state, I bet he must've been skipping his meal. He look so miserable, his eyes is puffy, his body temperature is high when he hold my hands.
"haewon.. I'm sorry.. I really did" he please holding my hands, my ego can't never beat love at all. " I always wondering if you will come of not i- I miss you so much.. I can't think of anything.. you- you must be so s- sad.. I.. I'm sorry " he burst to cry . My eyes can't hold anymore, I give up.
I didn't waste anytime and pulled him into my embrace, he hug me back when he had the chance and keep apologizing. He rest his head on my shoulder and continue sobbing as I quietly cry in his embrace.
I miss him so much, I miss his scent, I miss his touch, I miss his hug, I miss everything about him. "I'm here.. so stop apologize" I caressed his back, " I'm sorry haewon.." he sob.
After a few minutes I pull away and bring him to couch, he look so pale I can't lie. "sunghoon look at me.." I called him, he look down not doing anything. " sunghoon please.." I called him again. He finally look at me with red eyes, "have you eaten?" I ask. He shake his head as a no, "do you want something?" I ask. "maybe porridge?" He replied with his crack voice.
I nods and was about to leave to get his food but he pull my hands making me sit back down on the couch.
"don't leave.." his tiny voice called me.