Saturday 3rd April, 1977
I'd been moping again, and the marauders did not like it. They still didn't know the exact reason why, except Remus of course, but I knew James had suspicions it was about my 'friend' that I'd told him about.
The point was, the marauders were not happy with my mood, so they'd taken the job of making me feel better into their own hands. Without my permission, I might add.
"Come on, Y/n, a party will be fun," James persuaded.
I sighed. "I don't feel like a party."
"What a ridiculous thing to say," Sirius said. "Everyone feels like a party.
"Well actually-"
"Moony are you on our side or not?" Sirius hissed.
Remus just rolled his eyes and held up his hands in defeat while the other three focused back on me. I could tell from their eagerness that they wouldn't take no from an answer, no matter how much I tried to fight it. They were too desperate for me to be happy and desperate for a party. Two birds with one stone in their eyes.
A night of hell in mine.
Nevertheless, I decided to agree anyway, because I had been moping around lately and secretly hoped that maybe a party would make me feel better. Plus there would be alcohol, so if nothing else went well at least I had that.
"Fine, you can throw me a stupid party," I grumbled.
The marauders cheered, Peter and James doing a celebratory dance with one another as Sirius jumped into Remus's arms excitedly. I rolled me eyes but was pleased by the reaction, glad I was making someone happy.
I spent the rest of the day with Lily, Marlene, and Mary in their dorm, the girls a real help in lifting my mood. Marlene and Mary seemed to know exactly why I was upset, like they could sense it or something, and they did their best to cheer me up, which was significantly better than the marauders efforts.
"So the marauders are throwing you a party?" Mary asked.
I nodded mournfully.
"Pretty good idea," Marlene commented. I sent her an incredulous look. "What? It is! It'll take your mind off whoever you're sad about and ensure you'll have some fun! Maybe you'll even meet someone."
I grumbled at the logic in her words and threw a pillow at her. I just didn't have the motivation or effort to go to the party, and as the thought that maybe I just wouldn't go entered my mind the girls decided to help me get ready for it, so there was no escaping.
We all got ready, and when we went downstairs to the Gryffindor Common Room we found it had been decorated for the event, with balloons, food, and most importantly, alcohol. I mustered up a smile for the marauders and other Gryffindors that were there and started socialising.
The marauders had gone full out, inviting people from other houses too, and I spotted Dorcas enter and waved her over.
"Thank god you were here," Dorcas said. "I was afraid I'd be alone for the party."
"Lucky for you I'm here then," I said. "Though I doubt you would have minded if I wasn't here since Marlene is."
Dorcas's head swivelled around. "She is? Where?"
I laughed at her reaction and pointed to where Marlene was talking to Mary and Lily. Dorcas followed my gaze longingly.
"Would you like me to introduce you to her?" I asked.
Dorcas's eyes widened and she shook her head, then nodded it, then shook it again. "I don't know! I want to talk to her, but what if I mess everything up?"
"Don't worry, you won't," I assured her, already steering her to where Marlene was.
Dorcas sent me an alarmed look. "You're introducing me to her now?"
"When else?"
"When I've had time to prepare! Oh god, she's right there. What do I say? How do I act? What do I-"
"Marlene, hi," I said when we arrived in front of the blonde girl. My hand rested comfortingly on Dorcas's shoulder and I gave it a little squeeze. "This is Dorcas, she's my friend."
Marlene brightened and she held out her hand for Dorcas to shake. "Nice to meet to you Dorcas."
Dorcas gave a hesitant smile and shook Marlene's hand, seemingly shocked that she was actually touching Marlene McKinnon. I smiled when Marlene started talking about Wizards Chess, a topic Dorcas was very passionate about, and knew they'd be fine.
I left them for the drinks table, the real reason I'd agreed tonight. If I was forced to endure a party, I might as well do it while getting drunk.
And that is exactly what I did.
I danced, I drank, I talked to friends, I drank, I ate, and I drank. The alcohol was supposed to make me feel better, and while I did feel lighter and airier than usual, I fiddled with the necklace on my neck that he gave me for Christmas, unable to take it off, and as my fingers brushed my initials my thoughts strayed to him.
Regulus Black. The forbidden topic.
I tried thinking about other things, like how cute Sirius and Remus were cuddled up on the couch right now, or how exciting it was to see Marlene and Dorcas still talking to one another, or the way Lily had started looking at James almost as much as he looked at her, yet all of these things suddenly weighed me down instead of making me feel happy like they normally did.
Because they all had their person, and I missed mine.
Making a decision, I left the party, going completely unnoticed as I walked through the halls of Hogwarts, only stumbling a little bit. I was a woman on a mission and nothing if not determined. I slowed down when I got to the seventh floor, hoping against hope that the door would be there.
I turned the corner apprehensively and broke out into a smile when I found the door waiting for me. I didn't know what was different, why it was showing, but I was glad it was there. I opened the door, expecting to find it empty, but instead Regulus was there.
Oh.
That's why it was there; because he was there.
Regulus's eyes widened when he saw me, and I could only imagine mine were doing the same. What was he doing here? Did he miss me too? I knew that I was the one who broke up with him, but so far he'd seemed so unaffected around people, like nothing bad had happened while I was sobbing my eyes out every hour or so, but he was here. Did that mean he was hurting as much as me?
"Regulus," I breathed, taking a step towards the boy.
He took one back in response and I recoiled back, remembering we were no longer together and allowed to touch one another. The reminder hurt. Everything hurt.
"Why are you here?" Regulus asked, his voice harsh.
I blinked, unused to the cruel tone after all this time. "Because I miss you."
Regulus scoffed. "You're the one who broke up with me, remember?"
I frowned. "That doesn't mean I don't miss you. I broke up with you because you being engaged was hurting me too much, and you refused to try and do something about it so we broke up."
"Try and do something about it? Seriously? Why would you say something... are you drunk?"
The sudden question caught me off guard. "Yes."
"So that's why you said it," Regulus mumbled, "because you don't have a filter."
"I miss you Regulus," I said, taking a step forward. "Do you- do you miss me too?"
Regulus looked at me, his expression unreadable, before he took a step forward as well and grasped onto one of my hands.
"Everyday," he rasped. "I miss you everyday."
Tears pricked my eyes as I surged forward, tightly wrapping my arms around Regulus's neck. I missed him so much. Maybe I had been overreacting and being with him while he was engaged to Selena Rowle wasn't so bad. Maybe we could get through this without Regulus having to confront his parents. Maybe we still had a chance.
"We should get together again," I said, my voice muffled from where my head was pressed against Regulus's shoulder.
Regulus let out a painful sigh. "You're drunk."
I pulled back. "So?"
Regulus smiled and shook his head, pulling me back into the embrace instead of answering. I didn't mind one bit.
"I smelt you in my Amortentia," I confessed.
I felt Regulus go stiff against me and pulled back to look at him. He just stared at me, throat bobbing, before he gently stroked my cheek with his hand. I buried myself back into his embraced and sighed in contentment. After a while though, I started to get tired and leaned more of my weight against Regulus.
"Tired?" he asked in a whisper.
I nodded my head, "but I don't want to leave."
Regulus had already pulled away and stared at me with an undecipherable expression. "That's okay, we can go to sleep here."
I brightened, and we laid down on the pillows together, covering ourselves with a blanket. I smiled as I placed my head into the crook of Regulus's neck, my hands pressed against his chest as his arms wrapped around me.
I fell asleep with Regulus and woke up alone, all traces of the boy gone.
I guess I deserved that.
A/N:
okay that one actually hurt.
like the end. rip to u guys ig.
listening to Lana Del Ray rn because she is a goddess 😌