The last day of my exams has finally dawned on me and I wish I could say that it is a relief but isn't. The boys have given me until the end of my exams to give them an answer. I tried going through my exams without thinking about the ultimatum that was laid so gracefully in front of me.
They have both come to pick me up. Who would've thought, these two in the same car? Thick as thieves and two peas in a pod.
Oh Africa, you have super powers.
They step out of the car together like old friends. Under different circumstances this would have been a sight for sore eyes but I just want to be swallowed by the earth.
"So y'all are really serious about this tag team thing? Brothers in arms huh?" I make sure that my tone is thickly smeared with sarcasm.
"Can you be serious for once?" Keletso admonishes me like I'm a child and his counterpart just stares at me with the same sentiment.
"What a sight..." I throw my head back as I let out a laugh.
"Where do you want to go?" Keletso asks me.
"Y'all are serious about this?" I ask them.
"We wouldn't be here if we weren't." Sandile has finally found his voice.
"I think it's childish," I say and I mean it. "Well... since you've asked, I'm in the mood to celebrate!" I clap my hands once.
"I don't have time for this." Keletso eyes his watch.
"Suit yourself. I want to go celebrate. Last day of school is a big deal to me and you two are spoiling my mood and I will take my time. The day has only just begun, I'll let you know about my decision at 12 am so there's no rush." I grin at both of them.
"Let's give her what she wants, It's the least we can do after putting so much pressure on her." Sandile sounds very sure of himself still but I'm glad he's on my side. Keletso is clearly exasperated.
"Come on Keletso, you're the one who said I should have more fun." I use his own words against him and I'm rewarded with a smirk.
We hop into Keletso's car and sit in the back. I think I love seeing this tag team. The bromance between them is a bit cute If I must say so myself.
We crash from one party to the next. I meet some of my classmates in a few of those parties. I drink like a fish and without a care in the world for any criticism from the boys. They are the ones that put me in this situation after all.
Really?
I pay no mind to my subconscious either. I don't need her judgement. I just want to get drunk. I want to forget about everything. I want to forget about the pain. I want to forget about the loneliness. The lies I've been feeding everyone. I just want to forget about my disappointed dad, my estranged sister and my mother. My mother... my mother...
My mother died because of me...
She was trying to save me...
The panic starts flooding in. My lungs feel like walls closing in on my heart but at the same time, they are pulling apart. Everything becomes a blur and I don't know what I'm holding onto.
Five minutes turns into five hours inside of a panic attack. After what seems like forever, I'm sitting on a bar stool feeling very cold and bit dizzy. There's a glass of water in front of me and the boys are sitting on either side of me.
"Can we stop this charade?" Mr cool, calm and collected speaks first.
"Yeah you've had your fun." Sandile is much more gentle with his words and I just want to be in his arms right now.
"Who are you choosing?" Keletso asks the million dollar question.
Who am I choosing?
Why should I choose?
Couldn't they just be one person?
I really wish Sphe was here right now. I can't do this.
I decide to beg for the council of my subconscious. I'm expecting her "I told you so" look, but she surprises me.
Choose yourself!
My subconscious is standing firmly and proud, showing me that she's got me.
"I'm not choosing anyone..." I'm not as confident as my subconscious and this annoys her.
You're choosing yourself. She reminds me, still in her confident stance.
I sit upright and I square up my shoulders. "I'm choosing myself," I say .
They try to protest but I stop them.
"Please call Sphe. I want to go home."
***
end of part one
***
NB; This is the final chapter of the first part of the story. I wanted to make it another story but I just decided to continue with it right here. I don't know when I'll come back to it, but I definitely will. In the mean time y'all can read The mother, the boy, the rain. and as always happy reading.