I wasn't going back home, I was going back to England. I knew I was going to be home sick as soon as I was to land, this was Déjà vu, a repeat of Italy. But I was also a strong believer that things happen for a reason - Zak and I might have fallen out and I would then be stuck with him until it was time to go. Who was I kidding? There's no such thing as being 'stuck with Zak Bagans' he's not a burden. I left him with a good memory, the two of us laying side by side, it would have been more than cruel to watch him beg me to stay so I left as early as I could. No note, no goodbye letter; goodbye seems so permanent, I didn't want that and I certainly wouldn't accept that we'd never see each other again. 05:08 am, the airport wasn't barren but it was occupied by people like me; on their own, oppressive at the thought of leaving. We looked like ghosts, haunted by the voice announcing flight cancellations over the intercom. I looked up at the boards - 22 minutes until my flight, in my mind I was testing how long it would take for me to call a taxi, tell Zak how much I loved him and hold onto him for as long as I could before my 22 minutes were up.
13 minutes left. My day dreaming was speeding things up, my foot tapped my bag with anticipation and anxiety, my stomach twisted and fluttered as the time shortened. 7 minutes now, just enough time to make a phone call. Zak was the only person in my mental phone book but calling him would be saying goodbye. I tapped his number into my phone without realising, just before I pressed the button to dial, my phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hello my lovely girl, it's your mum" It had been so long since I'd heard her voice. My eyes started to sting, again. "Mum! How are you?"
"I'm doing fab. Your little boy has missed you!" then I remembered Leighton. I battled the tears and the crackly voice "Awww! I've missed him so much. Won't be long before I see him again. Thank you for taking care of him by the way"
"He's been no bother" she sniffed and laughed at herself for crying. "Flight number 796 will be landing shortly" The intercom announced.
"How long's your flight going to be?"
"Well my plane is here now mum, I've got another to catch after this so I'll speak to you as soon as I've landed in England. I love you" I hung up and braced myself. No turning back.
Zak -
"What do you mean she didn't leave a note?"
"She didn't leave a note, is what I mean!"
"Not even a text?"
"Billy, there's nothing!"
"Zak you need to call her or... or go find her at the airport or something!"
"But what if she's already gone?"
"And what if she hasn't? She's catching a second plane right?" He waited for a response "Zak?"
"I have time..." I thought about it, 'what is there to lose if I go now?' I hung up, grabbing my keys I raced out the door. "Zak what about-?"
"Not now, Jocelyn, I've got more important things going on!" The only thing I didn't consider was what I was going to do when I found her, say goodbye? Stop her from boarding the plane to England? Both of them would harm us in some way. I could only see a dismal result of my actions, either way. I was reluctant to let her go. I left my car in an aimless spot in the parking lot "Excuse me sir, you can't leave that-" A traffic warden started.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'll be 5 minutes" Inside the airport it was teeming with holidaymakers, I just needed to speak to somebody. "Zak Bagans?!" I turned on the spot to find a group of girls returning from a bachelorette party, whipping out pens and notepads. "Not right now, girls, please" I left them there, stunned. In the far corner was a Help desk. "Excuse me, when was the last flight to New York?"
"Three and a half hours ago, sir"
"Shit!" The woman glanced back at me in horror. "Okay, thanks" I slumped down the side of the desk, holding my face in my hands, I felt as if all hope was lost.
Georgia -
I had already boarded the second plane, this was my final chance, I was officially leaving the States. "Could all passengers please be seated-" the announcement was made, no going back. As I looked beside me I saw couples, families and people genuinely looking forward to arriving at their destination; I was alone on this one, no matter how much I sulked, there was nothing anyone could do about my situation. "First time going to England?" a husky voice came from the side of me, I angled myself to face the stranger. "No, I'm from England, you?" The man smiled, his body was aged but his eyes had a young story behind them. "This would be my 13th trip" he pulled out his wallet from his jacket pocket, inside was a photograph "I'm going to see my family, my wife" he pointed to the faces in the picture, his face lit up as he told me all about her. "How long are you staying?"
"Oh" the man chortled to himself "Oh this should be my last flight. I've got everything I own packed in my little case. I've said my goodbyes to this land" The man's hands trembled and his hands could barely hold the photograph. "So what's a young lady like you doing on the early flight to England... by herself?" He squinted and inspected me "Wait, wait... don't tell me... You came here in search of love?" his Southern accent was strong and coarse.
"You got me" I laughed to mask the fact that he'd hit a nerve, he'd summed me up. It was obvious how much this meant to me especially when a stranger could diagnose my sadness. "You wan' find out what happens?" the weary, gray stranger leaned in to mumble in my ear as he reached into the same pocket. "Wouldn't you?" I laughed at the idiocy of the question. In his hand was a package wrapped in velvet cloth. "My trusty companion" he hushed. Between the folds of fabric was a deck of cards; tarot cards. They were timeworn, disarrayed and untidy; like the man whom possessed them. The feeble, old hands passed the deck into mine "Shuffle, but make sure you shuffle 'em good" so I did. "Stop!" he placed his hand on mine "Now, pick four cards but have a question in mind. Think wisely" There were multiple questions that I wanted answers to, but a certain one in particular.
I closed my eyes and allowed my subconscious to decide for me. Guardedly, I turned them over and peeked at the four cards in my hand. "The empress, nine of pentacles, two of cups and... the tower..." the stranger's face stilled - he gave no clues.
"It's bad isn't it?" I prepped myself.
"You want the whole thing or just a summary?"
I sucked the air in and mumbled quickly "Just the nice bits" I knew that my behaviour was an over reaction but my reaction to the answer would be worse. "Sweetie, there's nothing to worry about-" My eyes widened before he continued 'Sweetie?' only Zak called me that. "-these are all really good cards. I'll keep it brief" he pulled out one card and pointed at the picture "The tower is the card of surprise, shock, and with the other cards this means a good shock" his eyes softened and to me, he was no longer a stranger; he was like a mentor. "These two cards both symbolize beautiful home and gardens or..." he paused and smiled "The empress-" he continued "-is the card of fertility and growth".
I could sense a hint in there somewhere but among the others, this wasn't my major concern. "Don't look so confused" he patted my knee and beamed with laughter. "And the answer to your question..." he slipped the last card into my palm and spoke softly "First cut is the deepest, don't worry, things are on the up".
This 'answer' could have been very general and for all he knew, I could've been asking about paying bills. He insisted I keep the cards and when I agreed, he turned away to face the window of the plane and fell to sleep.
Zak -
Staying home only made things worse, I could still smell her perfume; it was attached to my clothing, my bed sheets, my car, my skin. I needed distracting from my bruised heart - things were dark without her. "Put the radio on" I told to myself "music will clear your thoughts". The first station was offering love advice so I skipped "She's like the wind" and I skipped "Baby come back!" and I skipped "Won't you stay with me" No matter how many times I changed the station, there was a reminder of Georgia; she was everywhere. My mind had wandered and was no longer under the possession of Zak Bagans, I felt like had physically been taken over but this time it wasn't demonic. The ringing of my cell phone was the trigger I needed to snap out of it, I'd missed twelve calls from Billy!
"Shit, dude! Why haven't you been answering my calls?" He panted down the phone.
"Yeah, sorry about that Bill. I haven't been thinking straight-"
"Hey, Zak, meet us at Starbucks, let's talk there" he hung up. As much as I needed the guys to console me, their cheer and comfort wasn't enough. The parking lot to Starbucks looked like the 'feel sorry for Zak' charity as Aaron, Billy and Jay stood there with cookies, coffee, packets of calories and sympathetic smiles across their faces in an attempt to make me feel better. "Here he is!" Aaron, arms wide open, greeted me with his usual goofy approach. "Alright guys" I unwillingly encouraged a smile and a happy tone. Billy just raised his coffee cup and Jay said nothing. All three of them had arrived in the GAC van so instead of facing the crowds of customers, we hid in the depths of our equipment in the back of the van. "Y'know looking at the ground all day is not gonna solve anything" Jay tried.
"How could this have happened? She'd been here a week! A week!" I huffed.
"Dude, these things we can't control, shit happens and to the best people" Aaron also tried.
"But someone has fucked up! She was here a week!"
"Well... it must have been someone closer to us than the immigration office..."
"Jay, what're you saying?" I looked up and stared Jay in the eyes.
"I mean, perhaps it was the one sorting out the information for her to stay..."
"Was it you?" I sat up but Jay didn't answer. "Jay! Was it you?" he jumped back in his seat, spilling his coffee. "Awww man... the coffee-" Aaron whined.
"Fuck the coffee! Someone answer me!"
"It was Nick!" it finally reoccurred to Billy, he gazed at the van door as he tried to recall his memory. "Nick? What do you mean Nick?"
"Nick was the one sorting her details out. He... he had the visa application in his car-" Billy stopped himself just as he realised. All four of us were silent. "Nick purposely restricted the stay-date, he's the one who didn't want Georgia here in the first place!" as Billy continued, my throat tightened with temper and pure hatred. I didn't linger to hear the rest of it, I had business to sort out with Nick Groff.
Georgia -
Birmingham international airport, I was back in England. The country had a foreign atmosphere, as if I'd never been here before; the accents around me were ones I had heard before but couldn't compare to the sound of the person I loved. My mother greeted me with hugs and tears "Mum, stop" I laughed and wiped the falling tears "Your makeup is going to run"
"Oh forget about that, I've missed you!". On the journey home, my legs started to feel weak and my body was queasy and unsettled "Perhaps it's jet lag, Sweetie" I wished for people to call me anything but that.
"Perhaps" I nodded but I knew jet lag and this was completely different.
"I forgot to tell you, I've got a surprise but you'll have to wait until we get home" She was always full of surprises and always so spontaneous. The car turned left into a familiar little lane; horses grazed in the paddocks on each side of the road, new born foals clung to their mother's sides and small Shetlands chased each other through the sea of green grass. The farmhouse crawled closer into sight and so did my fond memories. "Do you mind if I drop you off here? There's a lot to do and you'll understand as soon as you see what's on the kitchen table..."
"Go mum, I'll be fine"
"Love you" she waved through the car window "Georgia!"
"Yes?"
"You might be needing these" my house keys dangled out the window. My first step into the front door, I'd stayed in countless B&Bs, hotels and lodges since my foot last left this house; I felt as if the Georgia that had left was a different Georgia to the one returning. The place had evidently been tidied but it was so quiet, and desolate therefore I tried to comfort myself by switching on the TV and turning the volume up. That's when I remembered "The kitchen table!" I pushed my way passed the Vegas scented suitcases into the kitchen. At the top of a pile of mail was an orange envelope, it was small and narrow. I peeled it open and pulled out the contents; two tickets to Rome, Italy, departing in two days. I closed my eyes and grinned to myself - how did she know this was what I needed? There was just one thing I needed to sort out, I wasn't going to allow this sickness to ruin my get-away vacation so I arranged an appointment with my doctor first thing in the morning.
"Up next, Zak and the gang are in for a treat as they head to Romania in this Halloween special, on Really" The TV announced. Then I remembered, I rushed into the living room just to hear his voice "...You may better know him as... Dracula!" watching him on that screen made my heart pound in my chest, I felt overwhelmed like a love-sick teenager; but that's all I could be, I was now only allowed to crush on the one I once laid beside and held in my arms. I didn't have time to reminisce, I was leaving for Italy in just under two days.
Zak -
"Nick, answer the door!" I thumped my fist against the front door to his house, he was inside, I could see him. "Please, Nick, it's important" the door clicked and peeked open slightly. Nick peered his head around the corner but kept the door open a fraction. "Zak, I can't, I've got family to-"
"I only want to speak to you, come outside" I stepped back with open arms, I was no threat, I wasn't challenging him. He shut the door behind him, glancing left to right, he walked with me. "Hey, man, what's up?" he innocently questioned.
"Look, I'm gonna keep this short" by controlling my breathing, my frustration and rage was temporarily under control "I just wanna know why you had Georgia sent home" I hadn't finished my sentence and he was rolling his eyes and sighing. There were no excuses or lies, he came out straight "She shouldn't be with us. We're a risk factor, Zak. If she had stayed any longer then I think she would have discovered the darker side to you-"
"What darker side?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about... think Poveglia island, Zak!" he shouted beneath a whisper. "I'm talking about your oppression, possession, the fucking demons, man!" his voice cracked, he was choking up.
"I know the risks! I know that relationships are a bad mix with our occupation, I get that but she is a strong woman and I know she'd handle me in them moments". It was like I couldn't get through to him, he smirked and shook his head like I was delusional but he was the one not willing to open his eyes to the possibility. "Okay, let's talk about dinner that night, you blanked her like she was a piece of shit-"
"I don't wanna have this conversation with you, you're a fucking joke, man" he turned to walk away.
"Hey, Nick!..." he turned back around "... forget coming with us, forget investigating with us, just... just find your own ghost hunting crew, I don't need this shit"
"Hey, hey, Zak? You're just dropping me? What about the show? I'm the co-producer-"
"Good luck for the future, Nick, I wish you the best" I climbed into my car and backed off the drive. He stood there, staring in utter disbelief "Wait! Zak, let's just talk!" As I distanced myself, I could hear less of him, I could only see him cursing and kicking the ground.