Sky woke up to Iris wailing loudly in the crib. He got out of bed and ran up to the crib, to find Iris sniffling with a red face. Sky took her in his arms and walked out to the balcony. He then rocked her gently as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear. She quieted down after a while and looked at her father with swollen eyes. Sky smiled at her and continued to rock her while looking at the sea in front of him.
That's when the memory of what happened last night came back rushing. He remembered feeling the loneliness he had felt every night for the past two years again. But what he saw next left him in a trance. P'Pai's lone figure on that deserted beach made him forget all his thoughts. Their eyes locked. The next thing he knew, they stood there staring into each other's eyes for who knows how long. There were a million misunderstandings between them, a million questions unanswered. But neither wanted to break the silence that was only interrupted by the crashing of waves and howling winds.
But the trance was broken eventually. Sky heard his phone ring and looked back inside the room. When he turned to look at the beach again, P'Pai was already gone. Sky did not want to think about anything else at that moment. So he went back to his room, switched his phone off and went to sleep with the fleeting feeling that he wasn't lonely for now.
But now he remembered his situation and what P'Pai's arrival would entail. He quickly called Kom while holding Iris up with one arm. "How may I help you sir?",
Sky watched as P'payu helped Rain down the staircase of the dining hall. They must have had a pretty rough night, Sky thought smirking. The crowd of tourists was bustling in the hall, all enjoying their breakfast. Sky waved at Rain and P'Payu to come over. They began having breakfast once all of them settled down.
"So, what are your plans for today?", Sky asked curiously. "I'm not sure, maybe we'll relax at the beach for a while", Rain said while giving P'Payu a doubtful look. "We can do whatever you want", P'Payu smiled as he interlaced his fingers with Rains. "What about you Sky? Are you gonna hang out with us?", asked Rain. Sky just shook his head, "I've got a lot of work. You guys enjoy though, you can use the spa and other rooms whenever you want. I promise I'll be back by dinner, let's have something fancy?", he hurriedly added the last line when he saw Rain had started pouting about him not hanging out with them.
"At least leave Iris with us. I swear we'll take good care of her. Please?", Rain continued to pout as he stuffed toast in his mouth. "She'll start crying if I'm not around her for a long time. You won't be able to handle that Rain. Just enjoy your stay", said Sky. The conversation flowed for a while. Sky seemed calm and composed, but he kept looking around the hall every once in a while.
According to Kom, P'Pai had some business in Phuket and he chose to stay in this particular resort out of so many options. What a coincidence, Sky thought sarcastically. He didn't want to encounter Phi at all. He was strung up all through their conversation.
Sky finally took a breath of relief when he got out of the resort and drove to work. He threw himself into work and took care of Iris all day. He tried to ignore it all day, but he could feel a strange kind of apprehension about what was to come. He knew P'Pai's arrival in his life again would lead to more pain and misery. He looked fine on the outside in front of his friends and colleagues, but he knew all too well how fragile his state was. He wouldn't be able to deal with more pain.
Sky came back to the resort for dinner. And he was on time as promised. He found Rain giggling hysterically as he looked at the waiters arranging platters full of fancy carp and meat at the table. P'Payu was shaking his head as he looked at Rain jump up and down. Sky was happy to see his friend so excited. He barely got to see his friend anymore. They had been together since kindergarten but now they saw each other once or twice a year. He missed his friend a lot, so today he called Kom after the morning meeting and asked him to go all out on food and wine.
He walked up to the couple and smiled, "I expected Rain to eat all the food before I even arrived". "Don't worry I'll eat it all now", said Rain with an innocent smile on his face. After all these years, he still doesn't get my sarcasm, Sky thought rolling his eyes at Rain. They all sat down and began eating while conversing about how Rain was going to handle his new job.
Sky was concerned about how his silly and naive friend would handle the corporate world, "Rain you need to be careful about what you say and how you behave with your superiors and..", Sky was trying to advise Rain as P'Payu also nodded agreeing with whatever Sky was saying when he felt someone come and take a seat beside him and place their arm at the back of his seat. All of them turned to look at the newcomer. Sky's anxiety shot up when he saw it was P'Pai.
"Let Rain learn from his mistakes Sky. No need to scare him just yet. I'm pretty sure he will do well by himself without our help", he said as if all of them were the best of mates and there was no bad blood between them. Sky shut his mouth completely not daring to utter a word, he wanted to get out of there. But he knew he couldn't, he needed to stand his ground and appear as unaffected as P'Pai did by all this. Rain glared at P'Pai as P'Payu gave him a disapproving look.
"Just look at your friend Rain. He managed to graduate while handling such a huge business and is now so happy and satisfied with his life. You should learn from him", he said with the fakest smile Sky had ever seen. Sky knew it was all mockery and sarcasm. It hurt but he kept his quiet. Nobody said anything about it though and the conversation kept flowing. P'Pai kept mocking him with random comments now and then and so, Sky stuck to sipping his wine.
Sky stumbled down the corridor in a daze. The alcohol in his system blurred his sight and intensified his emotions. It hurt, not physically but on the inside. He just wanted to curl up somewhere and hide till all of this was over. He somehow managed to unlock the door to his room and walked in.
Prapai went after Sky. He knew that Sky was drunk. He shouldn't care about it, they both hated each other, didn't they? He tried hurting Sky every chance he got at the table just now right? but he still went. He couldn't understand why. He found that the door to Sky's suite was unlocked and so he walked in without knocking. What he saw next brought back memories from the past. Taking care of Sky when he was sick, running to Sky's dorm room when he had nightmares, holding him till he fell back asleep...
Sky was curled in a ball, hugging his knees close to his chest. His body shook with little tremors now and then. His face was scrunched up in pure agony like he was seeing the worst of his demons in his nightmare. Tears streamed down his eyes and soaked the pillow he was lying upon. Prapai's legs propelled him towards Sky on their own accord.
He climbed the bed and placed his hand on Sky's shoulder gingerly. He wanted to walk out of this room and walk away. He didn't want to feel all those feelings that made him weak against Sky. That made him want to forget everything Sky did to him. That made him want to beg on his knees, asking Sky to come back to him. Prapai began to pull away.
That's when a small whisper left Sky's trembling lips, "P-Phi", then he began gasping for air, and his body continued to spasm. All of Prapai's defences fell. He rushed towards Sky and pulled him into his arms. He leaned against the headboard of the bed and placed Sky's head on his chest and embraced Sky's back with one arm tightly while he caressed his cheek with the other. He then began rubbing slow circles on Sky's back as he whispered in Sky's ear, "Shush, it's alright. It will be okay. I will make it okay. Calm down... Shush".
The room was darkly lit but he could still make out the silhouettes of broken vases and a flipped table. Prapai knew Sky was drinking too much back at the table. He wanted to stop him but quickly realized that he didn't have any right to. Sky probably was too drunk to notice that Prapai had followed him back to his room.
The glass doors to the balcony overlooking the sea were wide open. A cold wind rushed into the room stirring the white curtains that hung across the windows and the door to the balcony. Sky wasn't shivering as violently now, but small tremors still ran through his body. Prapai was a little startled when Sky wrapped his arms around Prapai's waist tightly and pressed his face and nose closer to Prapai's exposed chest.
Prapai could feel Sky breathing deeply as if he was scenting him. He curled up closer against Prapai if that was even possible as their bodies were already flush against each other. The tears stopped and his breathing calmed slowly. The tremors also subsided after a while. Prapai just held him tight. This closeness felt right. Better than any touch or emotion he had felt in the past two years.
'What kind of nightmare was it that got Sky shivering so violently? Thinking back now, he never got to know the reason for these nightmares even back then. He wanted to know about them. He wanted to protect Sky against them', Prapai was shocked by his train of thought. He wasn't supposed to think these thoughts. Sky didn't want him anymore. Sky could do it with anyone, he didn't need Prapai. And Prapai hated Sky, didn't he? "How many nights have you suffered from these nightmares Sky? Who held you when you were trembling like this? Do you have someone new again? But today you were all alone Sky. And who's gonna rock you the way I do? Who's gonna love you like I do?", Prapai whispered as he felt warm tears staining his cheeks, the ache in his heart becoming unbearable...