He can't bear to look at the test. Doesn't want it to be true. But it is true. Very, very much true. The positive test is clear enough.
He's pregnant with James or Jeremy's kid.
Fuck....
They've not been seeing one another for very long (at least in a way that's more than friends, because they've been friends for years now), and it really hasn't even been that long since his split from Mindy either. And now he's fucking pregnant.
Fucking shit....
It's not like they can't afford this child, because they very much can. They're in no way strapped for cash. But they're not exactly young men. Him being early forties, and both James and Jeremy in their early fifties. That's not exactly the age bracket they'd have ever considered having kids at.
Not to mention their busy work schedules with Top Gear....
And really, even though he knows that he is still very much capable of becoming pregnant, it's not something that he really fancied doing. He may be an omega, and very much built for this (even more so being that he's one of the lucky ones with both sets of genitalia), but pregnancy terrifies him. Which is precisely why Mindy was the one to carry both Izzy and Willow, and not him.
There's also the fact that he, James, and Jeremy had no intentions of ever having kids together. Or at least any more kids in his and Jeremy's case. James gave the impression of just not wanting any (of his own) at all, and being completely fine with being a stepfather to his and Jeremy's older kids.
And both Richard and Jeremy were completely fine with that arrangement. The three of them didn't need to have kids together. The arrangement they had was fine, and Jeremy's kids, Emily, Finlo, and Katya, and Richard's kids, Isabella and Willow all love James (Izzy in particular practically adores him), and that had always been enough for James.
But now.... Now he's pregnant, and he's got to somehow break the news to his alpha and beta.
He is really not looking forward to that at all. But it must be done.
He's not sure he's looking forward to their reactions to the news.... He's quite worried about James's reaction in particular, even though he knows very well that he's probably just being a little too paranoid.
Their reactions to the news won't be terrible, he's sure of it. But there's still that nagging fear in the back of his mind that they'll react badly to the news, and unfortunately that fear is very much overpowering everything else.
A knock at the bathroom door and James calling out, asking him if he's okay and what's taking him so long in there pulls him out of his thoughts.
Cleaning himself up a little, he wraps the test up in some toilet paper, and hides it away at the bottom of the cupboards under the sink. He'll figure out some other time to break the news to them. He's not ready to tell them just yet.
He just hopes that they don't end up finding the test themselves....
"Are you alright?" James asks, as soon as Richard opens the door.
No.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Richard lies.
James doesn't look too convinced, but thankfully he doesn't comment on it. "Well, hurry up, will you?" He asks. "Jezza is already waiting out by the car."
Right. They've got to head to the studio to do a bit of filming....
"Yes, yes, I'm coming." He says.
In all honesty, he doesn't quite feel up to going out to the studio to do some filming today. Not after his discovery, but he really has no other choice but to go. If he chooses not to go, no doubt James and Jeremy, and possibly even Andy, will demand to know what's wrong. Well, they won't necessarily demand to know what's wrong, but they will question what's wrong.
So to avoid any unwanted questions, he's got no choice but to go out to the studio. He just hopes he doesn't end up being sick while at the studio. No doubt there'll be questions asked if he becomes unwell, and he's not quite ready to answer them. Or for anyone to assume things....
"Well, hurry up, man." James says, pushing him along slightly through their bedroom and downstairs. "Jezza is getting impatient."
And to prove James's point, there's the sound of a car horn coming from outside, and the unmistakable shouting of Jeremy Clarkson, yelling for them to hurry up.
Richard isn't the least bit surprised that Jeremy is getting impatient. The guy never seems to have much patience (and to be fair, neither does he), and Richard will fully admit that he might've been taking a little too long in getting ready.
And much like Jeremy is rather impatient in waiting for them, almost constantly tooting the horn and yelling out for them to hurry up, James seems to be getting a little impatient himself as Richard stops to get his shoes on and get a quick drink from in the kitchen. Richard thinks that they must be running rather late if James is beginning to get impatient with him. Usually James has a lot more patience compared to him and Jeremy.
But Richard just had to take a pregnancy test. Because he'd been feeling a little under the weather over the last couple weeks, and after not getting at all better, he needed to know if his suspicions were true, and that he's pregnant.
Sure, he probably should've chosen a better time to take the test instead of before they had to go off to the studio, but he wasn't thinking clearly, and he just needed to know the results, no matter how good or bad.
Unfortunately, the results aren't as he was hoping, and he is very much pregnant.
And he has no fucking clue what he's supposed to do now....
Yes, he needs to tell James and Jeremy, he knows that, but... he's scared. Scared to tell his mates the news.
He will absolutely tell them. Of course he'll tell them, but... he'll have to figure out the right time to tell them, and it'll have to be before they manage to figure it out themselves. Or he starts to show. It's just a good thing his stomach is still relatively flat right now, but no doubt that won't last. Especially considering his size, and the size of James and Jeremy, and depending on who's child he's pregnant with, it quite possibly will be a big baby. Fan-fucking-tastic....
He is not looking forward to that if they end up deciding to keep the baby. Which in all honesty, they probably will once he's told them. Not because they're against abortion - because they're not, and Richard has no qualms with having one if the three of them decide not to keep the baby - but more because they probably will decide to go through with it.
Even though he's afraid that James and Jeremy's reaction to the news is going to be a bad one (even though he's fully aware he's more than likely just being far too paranoid), he's almost positive that they'll decide to keep the child. And Jeremy has a bit of a soft spot for children, the old softie, so no doubt he'd very much be on board.
But he's still very much paranoid that James and Jeremy will be pissed about this....
"What the hell took you so long?" Jeremy asks, as soon as both James and Richard finally make their way outside to the car and get in. "We were supposed to leave almost an hour ago!"
"Ask him." James says, pointing at Richard, who just wraps his arms around himself, and shakes his head, not wanting to talk about it.
It causes Jeremy to look at James in confusion, who just shrugs. And somehow, thankfully, Jeremy doesn't question it. Though Richard can very much guess that Jeremy is definitely curious about what the fuck is wrong, and he (and James) may even try to get him to talk later. For now though, he surprisingly doesn't even try to find out. Which is a rather... un-Jeremy Clarkson thing to do.
But Richard supposes that maybe Jeremy is just more preoccupied with the fact that they're running late to the studio, and that perhaps Andy is getting a little annoyed with them for running late. It wouldn't surprise Richard if Andy had called Jeremy demanding to know where the fuck they are, and what's taking so long. And they really should've gotten a move on about an hour ago, if not earlier, like they were supposed to, considering they're just over an hour's drive from the studio....
Yeah, Andy's going to be pissed.
Unfortunately for Andy Wilman, one of their closest friends and the producer of Top Gear, he's not going to get much of an answer to whatever the fuck is taking them so long to get down to the studio. Especially not when neither James nor Jeremy really have an answer because Richard won't tell them what's up.
And Richard will tell them, of course he will. Just... he doesn't know when or how to break the news to them. He's not ready yet, and weirdly, he feels as though he needs to go talk to Mindy about it, for reasons he cannot understand.
He still remains good friends with his ex-wife and former alpha. She's the mother of his two daughters after all. But, he's not entirely sure why he has an odd need to talk about this with her before he's even told James and Jeremy. Maybe he just needs her advice on how to deal with all of this? He doesn't know... but she knows just as much, if not more than James and Jeremy, of how much pregnancy terrifies him, and how he had zero desire of ever becoming pregnant. And he had managed exactly that. Until now, at nearly 44 years old....
"Let's just head to the studio." Jeremy sighs, starting up the car, and backing out of the driveway. "Wilman's already annoyed with us enough as it is. And he's going to be even more annoyed with us for being nearly an hour late."
There's no argument as Jeremy drives off down the road towards the studio. Nor is there any talking, just absolute silence. Which isn't really usual for the three of them, but there's something brewing, and Richard can almost guarantee that James and Jeremy are beginning to feel that something's a little off with him. Which is made even more clear from the way James keeps glancing at him in the backseat through the rearview mirror every so often, concern very much evident in his blue eyes.
And he can't quite tell, but he assumes that Jeremy is too, but is concentrating more on the road so they don't end up crashing.
He'd tell James to stop, but he knows that would just make the beta even more concerned that there's something up, so he just ignores it, as he turns to stare out the window. His mind beginning to drift off elsewhere, landing on thoughts he doesn't particularly want to think about, because he knows very well that he's just being paranoid about what James and Jeremy's reaction to the news will be.
But even so. Even though he knows he's just being paranoid, he can't stop the thoughts and the fear that James and Jeremy are going to hate him and be mad at him for getting pregnant...