[The scene opens to inside Stolas's mansion. A young Octavia's frightened voice can be heard from offscreen.]
Octavia (Young): (offscreen) Mummy! Daddyyyy!
[Stolas is roused from his sleep. He turns to Stella who has most of the blanket.]
Stolas: *sleepily* Mmph. Via's calling us, Stella.
Stella: *sleepily, annoyed* You get up.
[Stolas sighs and gets out of bed. He enters Octavia's room, where she is hiding beneath her blankets.]
Stolas: Via? What troubles you, my owlet?
Octavia (Young): *sobbing* Daddy! Daddy!
[Young Octavia climbs down from her bed and runs into her father's arms. Stolas hoists her up to comfort her.]
Octavia (Young): *sobbing* I had a dream! A really bad dream!
[Stolas yawns and wipes away Octavia's tear, correcting her.]
Stolas: A nightmare.
Octavia (Young): *sobbing* I was looking all over the palace, and... I couldn't find you anywhere! You weren't there!
Stolas: *rubs Octavia on the back comfortingly* There there, Via, it's okay. You're okay.
[Stolas summons his to him telekinetically as he walks Octavia back to bed.]
Stolas: When you're scared, and you don't know where I am, you must remember...
[Stolas's grimoire floats over to him. He telekinetically flips it open.]
Stolas: No matter what happens to me, I will never be far away... from my special little starfire.
[Stolas begins singing to little Octavia.]
[His lullaby finished, Stolas leaves as his young daughter settles to sleep, content. Cut to several years later, where a teenage Octavia is jolted awake by smashing objects and her parents screaming at each other, far less content.]
Stella: (offscreen) I can't believe you slept with an imp , in OUR FUCKING BED!
[Octavia, annoyed at being disturbed, gives a long groan.]
Stolas: (offscreen) It was unexpected! I didn't have time to go to a motel!
Stella: (offscreen) A motel?! Like a fucking PLEBEIAN?!
[Octavia grabs her phone and puts in earbuds, playing "my world is on fire" to tune out the screaming as she strides down the halls of the Goetia estate, stepping over the smashed remains of a plant thrown in her path. In the kitchen, Stella continues screaming at Stolas.]
Stella: You want to fuck this one, TOO?!
[Stella grabs an imp servant and violently tosses him in Stolas' direction.]
Stolas: No! Of course not!
Stella: You are a goddamn embarrassment! I'm not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, IMP-SUCKING FACE!!
[Stella storms out of the room, shouting angrily the entire time, and smashing more potted plants. Stolas sighs in exhausted exasperation before he notices his daughter has entered the kitchen.]
Stolas: Good mooorning, Octavia! Did you sleep well, my owlet?
Octavia: Was that a serious question?
[Stolas opens the refrigerator to retrieve a massive chunk of zebra meat.]
Stolas: Mm-hmm... What's that you're listening to?
Octavia: This song is called "My World is Burning Down Around Me". (beat) It's by Fuck You Dad.
[Stolas looks down, thinking the name of the band his daughter mentioned is a hurtful remark.]
Octavia: It's a band.
Stolas: *bemusedly* Ohhhh! How charming...
[Stolas grabs the zebra meat and feeds it to a massive potted plant situated in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pets it. Sated, it falls dormant, closing its three eyes.]
Octavia: So, you two done screaming for the day? *sips her coffee*
Stolas: Umm...
[Stella lets out another scream of anger and another potted plant is heard shattering in the distance.]
Stolas: You know what I haven't done in a long, loooong time? I haven't taken you to your favorite place in all of hell! Why don't we go to loo loo land ?
Octavia: I'm not five anymore.
Stolas: You always were so happy when I took you to Loo Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us?
Octavia: I'd... rather kill myself.
Stolas: There we go! Anything but staying in this house. Now, I'll arrange our security.
[Stolas picks up a phone carried on a platter by his now bruised and battered servant.]
Octavia: Security for a theme park?
Stolas: We are rich, and we're hot. People want our money and our bodies!
[Octavia grabs a box of cereal on the table and begins shoveling handfuls into her mouth.]
Octavia: *under her breath* Our money, maybe.
Stolas: Speak for yourself, princess. Now... I'm calling the only man who can f*** me!
Octavia: *drops the handful of cereal, disgusted* What...?
Stolas: *immediately backpedaling* Who can protect me! Us! Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know.
[Octavia groans and pulls her beanie down over her eyes.]
[the scene cuts to Blitzo playing with dolls]
Blitzo: *impersonating * "Oh, Blitzo! You're such a good boss!" *impersonating * "Yeah, I really want you, sir." *impersonating Millie* "Me, too!" *As himself* Let's three-way!
Y/N: Sir there's some one eyed bitch outside blowing things up.
[Y/N looked at Blitz in disappointment]
Blitzo: DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO KNOCK!?
[They are interrupted by the phone ringing]
Blitzo: *angrily* WHAT?!
Stolas: *lustfully* Why, hello, my big-dicked Blitzy.
[Both Blitzo and Octavia spit out their coffee in sheer surprise. Blitzo slams his "BOSS BITCH" mug onto his desk.]
Blitzo: What--
Octavia: the--
Y/N: FUCK--
Octavia: Dad?!
Stolas: Language, everyone! *into the phone* I have a special request~
Blitzo: Aw... Look, I just had a chemical peel. So, you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass.
Stolas: It's for my daughter.
Blitzo: Ah. Well, make sure she washes it.
Stolas: *taken aback* No! No, no-no-no. I'm taking my daughter to Loo Loo Land, and I was hoping you brave little Imps would accompany us!
Blitzo: We're assassins, not bodyguards, 'kay? Don't invite us to shit unless someone's gonna die.
Stolas: I'll pay you~
Blitzo: Pay me what?
Stolas: Moneyyyy~
Blitzo: Done!
[Blitzo hangs up and accidentally slams his phone down on the desk hard enough to smash it to pieces. After a brief annoyed glance at it, he pulls out a megaphone.]
Blitzo: M n' M, get in here! We're goin' to Loo Loo Land!
[Moxxie opens the door to respond.]
Moxxie: Loo Loo Land?
[Millie excitedly smashes her head straight through the office door's glass.]
Millie: *excitedly* Loo Loo Land?!
Y/N: What's a Loo Loo Land?
Loona: (offscreen) SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
[the scene cuts to them arriving at Loo Loo Land]
Blitzo: Now, remember: this is work and work only. Me and my crew are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?
Octavia: *disgustedly* Hey... Dad... Do we have to--?
Blitzo: Okay, yeah. Hold on right there, sweetie. [turns to Stolas] If you try fuckin' my little ass in that park, I swear to--
Stolas: You are so cute when you are serious!
Octavia: I'm literally gonna be sick.
Moxxie: Oh, crumbs! I knew today would be a lot! What do you need? Anti-acids? Ibuprofen? Morphine?
Octavia: That was figurative, old man.
Moxxie: Oh, right.
[Moxxie throws the morphine into a baby carriage where a baby imp happily reaches for the morphine]
Moxxie: *under his breath* But, she said it was literal.
Millie: *excitedly* Wooooow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot! It hasn't changed a bit. Ohhh! LOOK! It's Big Woobly!
[Millie points to a hideously malfunctioned dinosaur, opening its mouth and letting out a demonic shriek]
Moxxie: That is... deeply upsetting.
Millie: Oh, come on! It's fun! You've never been here?
Moxxie: No. Theme parks always disturbed me, especially the mascots.
[Loo Loo appears out of nowhere, scaring Moxxie.]
Loo Loo: Well, hey there!
Moxxie: *jumps back in terror* AAAAAH!!
Loo Loo: I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If y'all get hurt here, just try and sue us!
Stolas: *gasps* Look! Via! It's Loo Loo!
Octavia: I have a question.
Loo Loo: Well, ask away, little girlie! A-hyuk a-hyuk a-hyuk!
Octavia: Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of far more popular ?
Loo Loo: *beat* No?
Octavia: This place reeks of insecure corporate shame.
[Stolas chuckles nervously as he leads Octavia away.]
Stolas: Why don't we go check out the rides?
Loo Loo: That chick's creepy, huh?
Blitzo: Eh, wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes.
Loo Loo: *to Millie and Moxxie* What's that mean?
Moxxie: Don't talk to me! I know you're a pervert under there!
[Moxxie leaves, leading Millie off with him. Loo Loo hangs his body dejectedly.]
Loo Loo: Yeah...
[Y/N looked around excitingly]
Y/N: This place....is absolutely FUCKING AMAZING. C'mon LETS GO ON ONE OF THE RIDES!!!
[Y/N picked up Millie and Moxxie and ran off with them]
Blitz: Don't worry! I'll take the first watch!
Millie: Oh! We just have to go to my favorite one! *she points the one called The Lawsuit*
Moxxie: *terrified* Oh, crumbs!
[cut to Moxxie vomiting in a trash can while Y/N laughs at him]
[In another part of the park, Blitz is seen guarding Stolas while a group of imps stalks them]
Stolas: *strokes Blitzo's horn* You know, it's quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy.
Blitzo: Save it, bitch. I'm working.
Octavia: You both need to get a room.
Blitzo: Hey, I am not a day-hooker!
[A woman walking nearby with her baby glares at Blitzo before continuing on in a huff.]
Blitzo: What? I just said I'm not one, prude! [*Flips her off*
Stolas: *gasps* Oh! Look, Via!
[Stolas points excitedly at the circus tent. A demon mother is struggling to pull her crying son into the tent.]
Stolas: You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!
Octavia: *panicked* Oh, no...
[cut to a flashback of a young Octavia terrified, watching Robo-Fizzarolli. A younger Blitzo is seen in the background tending to a food cart, dressed and painted as a clown, scowling.]
[Cut back to the present.]
Blitzo & Octavia: I hate that fucking clown.
[Pan to Stolas, who has been captured and hoisted aloft by the crew of imps from earlier. Stolas' arms are bound and his head is covered by a cloth sack, and the imps are pointing various weapons at him. One has stolen Stolas' wallet.]
Stolas: *unconcerned* Oh, Blitzy~ I need my bodyguard, please!
[One imp jumps, to try and skewer Stolas with a pitchfork. Blitzo quickly brings his rifle to bear, shooting the imp in the torso, splattering Stolas's head with blood. The other imps quickly scatter.]
[pan to inside the tent, Blitz carries Stolas inside with the bag still on his head. Octavia annoyingly rips it off his head]
Robo Fizz: *glitching and sparking* Hey-hey-hey-hey-heyyyy, Implings! It's me, the ! Shipped from factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo Loo Land, spelled with Os, to avoid lawsuits! H-H-H-H-H-Hit it!
[Stage lights turn on and point at Robo Fizz as he begins to dance and sing a song .]
Carnie Imp: Hello, hello! Step right up and win a thing!
Millie: *gasps excitedly* Oh, look, A THING!
Y/N: What is that thing?
[The "thing" in question is some sort of purple stuffed penguin creature with Imp horns, wearing pink overalls. The stuffed animal is labeled with a tag that says "THING?"]
Moxxie: Oh, you like that thing?
Millie: YEEEEESSS! I don't really know what that thing is but I want that thing!
Moxxie: *smugly* Ahhh... Finally, something I can handle.
[Moxxie takes out some money and hands it to the carnie.]
Moxxie: Okay! One game, puh-lease!
[The carnie Imp rolls his eyes and uses his tail to hand Moxxie a pistol with a cork projectile in the muzzle. Moxxie does not even line up the shot, instead looking to his wife as he effortlessly hits the target right in the bullseye. Unbeknownst to Moxxie, the target barely moves. He makes a "ricochet" noise with his mouth and blows the black powder smoke clear of the gun, pleased with his marksmanship.]
Carnie Demon: Ohhhh! Strike one, little man!
Moxxie: But, I hit it!
Carnie Imp: Hmmm, I don't know what to tell ya, buddy. The target, see? It didn't go down. So, yeah...! No go, bro.
[Moxxie growls in anger, and fishes another bill out of his pocket. He grabs the pistol and fires another cork, hitting the target dead-center. The target does not budge. Moxxie slaps the pistol in annoyance.]
Moxxie: The wrong with this thing?!
Carnie Imp: Oh, man. A real shame, I tell ya. [mockingly cries]
[Moxxie hisses in anger as he slaps another bill on the counter.]
Moxxie: Another!
[cut to Robo-Fizz finishing the song]
Stolas: Ah hohohoho ho ho ho ho ho, how delightful!
[An imp runs up from behind Stolas attempting to assassinate him, as Blitz shoots it]
Stolas: *flirtatiously* Oh, my! What aim you have, Blitzy.
Octavia: *furious* Ugh! I can't do this anymore!
Stolas: *concerned* Wait- Uh-... Octavia!
[Octavia storms off, with Stolas following behind as Blitzo cycles his rifle, and prepares to give chase after his charges.]
Robo Fizz: Mua ha ha ha ha hoho-oh! Is that Blitzo [pronounced as spelled] my sensors spot up the-e-e-ere? I bet the kiddies are still running away from you, huh? [laughs]
Blitzo: The 'o' is silent now!
Robo Fizz: A-A-Awwwww, just like your audience always was when you to-told your lazy jokes here! [laughs]
[Blitzo removes his visors and throws them on the ground as he continues his argument with Robo Fizz.]
Blitzo: Bitch, I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap-ass robo ripoff of an overrated sellout JESTER!
Robo Fizz: *glitching* Oohoohoo! Someone's salty! Real or not, though, people lo-o-ove me! Does anybody love you... *low demonic voice* BLITZ-0?
Blitzo: Yes, my adopted son. And I'm really good with guns now. Dance, bitch!
Blitzo slams a new magazine into his rifle, switches it to full-auto and opens up on Robo Fizz, who cartwheels out of the way of the incoming rounds. Robo Fizz rapidly spins like a wheel rolling up the stair to where Blitzo is. He coils himself around Blitzo like a snake, before using his own momentum to launch Blitzo through the top of the tent.]
Blitzo: Ohhhh, FUCK MEEEEEEE...!
[Outside, rolls a cart of lit torches in by the tent.]
Wally: Torches, I say, I say! Get your inconvenient torches here!
[Blitzo lands on the cart, scattering the torches everywhere, which light the big top on fire.]
Wally: Owww! I say, OWWWW!
[Elsewhere, the carnie Imp at the shooting gallery holds 600 souls of Moxxie's money, with Moxxie himself glaring at him with seething anger.]
Carnie Imp: Wow! Man, you're really starting to make this sad. Y'know, if you suck, you suck! Guess you won't win your honey here a prize...
Y/N: *he sighed and placed a bill on the counter* let me do this for you
[the Carnie Imp hands him the gun, Y/N aiming it at the targets. As he pulls the trigger, a black aura radiates off the cork, burning a hole through all the targets in the way. The Carnie imp, Moxxie, and Millie just stared in shock, Y/N snatching 2 things and handing them to Mox and Millie]
[In the background, Blitzo and Robo Fizz continue to do battle against each other as the fires spread. Blitzo is thrown up into the air by Robo Fizz and comes down through the roof of the shooting gallery, crushing the carnie Imp under him.]
Carnie Imp: OWWWW! Oof! Auuugh!
Moxxie: *surprised* Sir?!
Blitzo: *dazed* Ohhhh...Hey, guys! You should probably go, uh, make sure Stolas is okay. I've... got some unfinished business to take care of.
[Blitz draws his flintlock pistol, cocks it, and fires at the now burning Robo Fizz. The impact of the bullet spins Robo Fizz's head around, but when he spins his head back, he is revealed to be unharmed by the shot, having caught the bullet in his teeth. He then spits the bullet out.]
Blitzo: Oh, what a mouth!
[Blitzo immediately grimaces when he realizes what he just said. Robo Fizz coils himself up into his rolling form again, charging straight at Blitzo. He leaps out of the way as his enemy hit the booth, destroying it in a large explosion. Several pieces of shrapnel and burning prizes shoot in all direction, as the camera follows the severed heads of three of the "things" Moxxie attempted to win. The piece of stuffed animal strikes a young Imp boy in the head, knocking him unconscious the second a photographer takes a picture of the Imp family.]
Father: Goddammit, Nathan! You ruined another bloody photo! Why were you even born?!
[Elsewhere, Stolas is still running after his daughter.]
Stolas: Octavia?
Octavia: (off-screen) Just leave me alone!
Stolas: Octavia!
[Octavia runs into a building called the "Fun House." Inside, Stolas is confronted with a a surreal room of eyes, tubes, spikes, mirrors, and disembodied hands. He goes further into the room, looking around for where his daughter could have gone. A shadow appears behind Stolas, as a random Imp jumps upon his back.]
Stolas: *annoyed* Umm, I think I'm supposed to be bodyguarded right now!
[The Imp covers Stolas' mouth with his shirt sleeve, but is suddenly shot in the head and falls to the ground. Moxxie and Millie appear in the entryway, Millie having just shot the Imp with a pistol.]
Stolas: *wipes imp blood off of sleeve, annoyed* Ugh, that's better. Where is Blitzy? He's my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones.
Millie: He's, uhhhh... busy.
Moxxie: Being a fool.
Stolas: What kind of fool?
Moxxie: The "everything is now on fire" kind.
[Disinterested, Stolas leaves the imps, effortlessly dodging between two swinging pendulums, and heads down a tunnel into an adjoining room. There, he sees Octavia riding in circles in apple-themed rail cars, crying.]
Stolas: Octavia...
[Stolas discards the Loo Loo Land hat, which in response to his emotional state has gone from a goofy grin to a sad frown.]
Stolas: I take it you are... not having fun.
Octavia: *crying* I didn't even want to come here!
Stolas: I'm sorry, sweetie. I... I thought you loved it here.
Octavia: *sniffling* When I was a kid and my parents didn't hate each other... and my dad didn't flirt with some... weird red dickhead the entire time.
Stolas: I'm sorry, Via. I'm sorry for... everything... happening right now. I know it's... a lot. I, uh-- I should have listened.
Octavia: *crying]* I just want to go home... but home doesn't even feel like home anymore... You ruined it.
Stolas: You need to understand... your mother and I... I just-... I felt-... She's always been... I haven't been- Ha-... We weren't in... I'm sorry, I- I- I don't have the words.
Octavia: *crying* Are you gonna run off with him? And leave me behind? Go away where... I can't find you?
Stolas: *emphatically* What? No! No, no, never. I'd never do that. Never. I think it's time to leave this place. You were right. You are too old for it, anyway.
[Stolas carries Via out, as an imp sneaks up behind them, Stolas turns it into stone with one stare. In the background Y/N is seen burning robo-fizz as a dragon comes up from behind him and swallows the robot whole]
Stolas: So, what would you like to do now?
Octavia: Oh, can we go to Stylish Occult? They sell weird taxidermy there.
Stolas: *reluctantly* Hmmm, okayyyyy...
Octavia: *chuckles* Thanks, dad. You're okay, sometimes.
Stolas: Thank you, Via. Thank you.
[A massive explosion rocks the park, sending the employees of I.M.P. hurtling through the air, smoking and screaming. All three land in front of Stolas and Octavia.]
Moxxie: Way to ruin another good thing, sir!
Blitzo: Worth it! That slutty toy clown had. It. Comin'!
Y/N: I have to admit, this was fun!
[Moxxie and Blitzo fall unconscious. A stray animal that looks like grabs Millie by the hair and drags her offscreen.]