A/N: Fun Fact of the Day: In the Book 'the two towers' Legolas basically tells the rest of the company that he thinks it's really fucking weird that they smoke, and so is the entire concept of smoking.
Also should I like list the names at the start of each chapter or can y'all keep up with my bullshit?
And just to clarify, by ethnic discrimination I mean like black or indigenous people and by racial discrimination I mean humans, elves and so on.
Damn this is long, anyway, I've never dealt with people who are high so idk how accurate this is, but anyway. Also that panini shit was something my friends actually came up with and they were sober.
Mockingbird: we're done here, we decided that everyone does one part of the research and then we meet up two weeks before it's due, present our results to each other and put the presentation together.
Mockingbird: Legolas is doing discrimination against none hetero/allo people, Gimli is doing racial discrimination, Pippin's got sexism, Merry is doing ethnic discrimination, Frodo has ableism, Sam sizism/pretty privilege and I've got discrimination against religious groups.
Mockingbird: that leaves you with discrimination of trans and enby people, if that's okay.
PowerBottom: yeah that's cool, I've got a gender queer friend, I'll ask them about it
YourMom: kinda weird that we are doing a social evolution project on equality and integration of minorities, but we're eight people in a group, we're all guys and probably the only eight people in the class who aren't cishets
PowerBottom: actually that is kinda weird
Mockingbird: btw what was that emergency that you couldn't come, Boromir
PowerBottom: oh just some stuff at home
YourMom: you good
YourMom: nobody's dying or something, right?
PowerBottom: no it's fine
Mockingbird: you sure? it sounded pretty serious
PowerBottom: yes I'm sure, will you just let it go for fucks sake
Mockingbird: ok, no need to get so defensive
ImmortalTwink: change of topic: what are y'all doing tonight?
Mockingbird: merry, pippin, gimli and I are getting stoned
PowerBottom: oh good god
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mockingbird: I AM THE KING OF THE WOLLLLKLD
ImmortalTwink: how high are you
Mockingbird: I think like 1.80 or somthing
ImmortalTwink: for fucks sake
PowerBottom: so how often you deal with this?
ImmortalTwink: like once a month
MaryOnACross: Moth? Where?
YourMom: he said month you idiot
GimmeGimme: let's just vibe okayyyyyy
PowerBottom: alright, where are you?
YourMom: pippins
MaryOnACross: you're pippin
YourMom: oh yeah, right
~~~~~
Legolas Thranduilion created a Chat
Legolas Thranduilion added Boromir Tirith
Legolas disabled last name Function.
Legolas: okay, here's what we're gonna do:
Legolas: we get in our cars and drive to pippins, and park some way off.
Legolas: I'll explain the rest of the plan on the way.
Boromir: right, provided that our parents don't catch us
Legolas: my dads are on a musical date and the others won't snitch, so I'm fine, might actually ask Tauriel to come too, we could use extra help
Legolas: hold on, Imma add her, you'll just have to be quiet.
Legolas: go slowly, don't tip-toe and move close to walls, makes you quieter
Boromir: ok, add your sister while I get down, I have a longer way anyway
Legolas: k
Legolas added Tauriel
Tauriel: the fuck?
Legolas: the four of them are high again, we need your help
Tauriel: again?
Tauriel: wait, we?
Legolas: Boromir is helping us, you might have seen him, stupidly tall, pretty muscular, shoulder length hair, always tired but does sports, I think y'all have PE together
Boromir: that was scarily accurate
Legolas: you made it?
Boromir: duh, so we have PE together?
Tauriel: yeah I'm the red head who punched a guy for commenting on my ass
Boromir: oh yeah, I remember that, he was a dick
Tauriel: no kidding, should have punched him there
Tauriel: also are you texting while driving
Boromir: Siri is typing
Boromir: now what's the plan?
Legolas: We park someway off, you and I go grab Aragorn and Gimli and hoist them to the car, we'll have to be quick tho, I've done this so many times, they realise what's happening even tho they're stoned
Legolas: then we have to go back and get the short ones while one of you babysits the other two
Legolas: I'd rather not let them destroy Dads car
Boromir: I thought your dads are on a date?
Legolas: they are, we have two cars, one belongs to Ada, one to Dad
Boromir: so let me get this straight, we're using the MAYORS car to basically kidnap four minors who are completely high, so it's both us and them doing illegal shit?
Legolas: that's about right, except since they're at pippins we'll just drag him straight inside
Boromir: won't Merry and Pippin run off while we get the other two to the car?
Legolas: carry Ara bridle style, I do the same with carrot-top, they'll think we're taking them on dates
Boromir: the fuck?
Tauriel: it works
Tauriel: besides, you'd make a cute couple
Legolas: which one of us are you talking to
Tauriel: yes
Boromir: what, no! We're not like that, I don't even like Aragorn
Boromir: fuck that came out wrong
Boromir: I do like him just not like that
Legolas: right
Tauriel: you're one to talk
Legolas: the hell is that supposed to mean
Tauriel: you're into the dwarf
Legolas: a) no I'm not b) and what if I was
Tauriel: a) yeah you are, I'm your sister and I know you better than anyone, except maybe Aragorn b) I'm happy for you, or would be if you two finally got your shit together and went on a date
Legolas: I literally can't stand him
Taurial: no, you used to not stand him, now you do
Legolas: bullshit
Tauriel: it is not, first off, you think he's hot, he's pretty muscular, has long hair and a tattoo, all of which are things I know you find attractive
Tauriel: secondly, you ignore people you don't like or that you're mad at, you tease him RELENTLESSLY, you used to ignore him but now y'all talk to each other constantly, you just won't admit that you like each other so you do it in the form of banter.
Tauriel: third, you used to at most make a comment about him being annoying and leave it at that, now you talk about him all the time, 'oh, he's so annoying' 'oh, he said this and that'
Tauriel: I stg, they say women can't handle their emotions
Boromir: you guys know that I'm still here and can see all this, right?
Boromir: that was some Sherlock level shit btw
Tauriel: we know and thanks, but you gotta admit that they have a crush on each other
Boromir: I guess it's possible but idk
Tauriel: never mind, I'll have to get Arwen on this
Legolas: don't you dare
Tauriel: oh I will
Tauriel: not right now tho, she's asleep
Boromir: it's not even eleven pm
Tauriel: just bc none of us have a functioning sleep schedule doesn't mean everyone is as much of a disaster as we are
Legolas:how does she keep her life together?
Legolas: I mean Ara and the twins are raised by the same people so it can't be that
Legolas: and it can't be some girls thing either
Legolas: I mean you're just as tired in the morning as me, if not more so
Tauriel: how am I supposed to know?
Boromir: guys, have you looked into the other chat?
Boromir: oh wait you're not in that one, Legolas add her and hurry up, I'm getting worried
~~~~~
YourMom: we are going to sacrifice all of you the great Panini Overlord muhahahaha
PowerBottom: what the fuck?
MaryOnACross: show some respect to the high priests of the mighty panini
Mockingbird: all hail the great panini overlord and his most loyal servants, the lunch ladies!
PowerBottom: Seriously guys, you need to stop smoking
PowerBottom: especially pot
GimmeGimme: nevaaaaaa
ImmortalTwink added Tauriel
ImmortalTwink: you can see the usual chaos
ImmortalTwink: this is my sister everyone
Mockingbird: who
PowerBottom: the redhead from PE who punched Viktor
Mockingbird: that was so badassssss
YourMom: we should spare her from the sacrifice
GimmeGimme: yas queen
ImmortalTwink: disaster
PowerBottom: what he said
PowerBottom: I agree tho, that was awesome
Tauriel: why thank you
MaryOnACross: she needs a name
Tauriel: do not!
YourMom changed Tauriels name to GinnyWeasly.
GinnyWeasly: I warned you
YourMom: no you didn't, you warned Merry
GinnyWeasly: book Ginny or movie Ginny?
GimmeGimme: what's the difference
GinnyWeasly: book Ginny is great, movie Ginny is a fucking insult!
GinnyWeasly: how can you not know that
YourMom: then it's book Ginny
GinnyWeasly: ..fine
Mockingbird: Thou shalt be spared from the sacrifice to the mighty panini for thy badasserie
PowerBottom: I am going to fall into a coma
≈≈≈≈≈≈
Legolas: are you almost there?
Boromir: almost
Legolas: good, I'm waiting by the garden port, we grab them and secure them in the car.
Legolas: You stay and watch them I'll get Merry and Tauriel gets pippin
Legolas: she's smaller than us so she'll have an easier time getting him into his bedroom through the window
Tauriel: I'd be offended if you weren't right
Boromir: how are you gonna get pip up a wall while he's high?
Tauriel: don't need to
Tauriel: their house only has one floor if you don't count the basement
Boromir: that's handy
Tauriel: it really is, I wish they'd do this at pippins more often.
Tauriel: or if they just stopped, be better for all of us
Boromir: okay I parked half a block away, I'm almost there
Legolas: whatever you do, be quiet until we grab
Boromir: okay I'm here
Legolas: fuck, they bolted, I'll get Gimli, you go catch your crush
Boromir:he's not my- oh forget it
Tauriel: I think I c xonnjl fspihnshvoisgouh9oåj va Bel
Legolas: shit are you okay
Boromir: what happened
Legolas: I stg if someone so much as tried to touch her
Legolas: Tau, your scaring me
Legolas: answer the damn messages
Tauriel: I'm fine, don't worry
Tauriel: this is like one of the safest, quietest neighbourhoods, besides, I was in the car until just now
Legolas: what happened?
Tauriel: your boyfriend came running this way and I tackled him
Tauriel: didn't have time to put my phone away
Boromir: I think I went in the same direction as Aragorn
Boromir: I'm on Bagshot-Row
Legolas: I think the other Hobbits live there, Ara might have gone to Sam or Frodo
Boromir: he's passed out on someones front porch, I kid you not
Boromir: *picture of Aragorn sleeping half-upright on Frodos and Bilbos porch, drooling and with his shirt half off*
Tauriel: this is comedy gold!
Tauriel: the dwarf passed out too, btw
Legolas: is he okay?
Tauriel: yes mister not-in-love
Legolas: fuck you
Tauriel: brother dear, even though we're not related and it technically wouldn't be incest: absolutely not
Legolas: I hate you so much
Boromir: this is very entertaining
Boromir: I'm almost by the car, Aragorn is sleeping like the dead
Boromir: May or may not have made sure he isn't
Legolas: gay
Boromir: you're one to talk
Boromir: have you seen Merry and Pippin.
Legolas: yeah I'm following them
Legolas: my name on Snapchat is LegolasT, I'll turn my location on, come find me when you've got rid of Ara
Legolas: still can't believe you don't have SnapChat, how are we even family
Tauriel: for the basillionth time, I don't have it, because I don't need it
Legolas: basillion isn't a number
Tauriel: shut up
Boromir: right, I got the sleepy head into the car, I'm coming to you
Legolas: finally, it's getting hard not to be seen
Boromir: I think I see them
Boromir: yeah definitely see them, right around the corner from where they're standing
Legolas: I'm behind the bins, I go after merry, you after pippin, if the other ones hobbit happens to run to us, we catch them regardless
Tauriel: on my signal:
Tauriel: now!
Boromir: fucking shit
Tauriel: what happened
Boromir: I got him, and I also got a bite mark on my hand
Boromir: the little shit drew blood!
Tauriel: holy shit, okay, I have disinfection spray in the trunk and some bandages too
Tauriel: if you notice anything at all off about it, go to the doctor
Boromir: do you need to scare the shit outta me?
Tauriel: I've read so many horror stories about getting bitten by a person in a fight and it getting infected really badly because FUN FACT humanoids have more bacteria in the mouth then in their asshole, I googled it
Boromir: what the fuck?
Boromir: okay, I've heard that too, but there is no way that's accurate
Tauriel: I'm serious, infection wise, human bites are some of the most dangerous out there
Boromir: I'll disinfect it when I get back there and put a bandaid on it but stop freaking me out
Legolas: how the hell is he that agile? I mean his legs are so short
Tauriel: got him?
Legolas: yeah, got the little demon
Boromir: I'm back at the garden, which is pippins window
Tauriel: two over from the back door, should be open, if not, it's unlocked
Boromir: got it
Legolas: sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with them anymore
Tauriel: that is a good question
Tauriel: when are you guys gonna get done with the thing
Legolas: what, the project? we only got it this week
Tauriel: no, dingus, the thing
Tauriel: the AB plan
Legolas: oh that
Legolas: we don't know yet, have to go with the vibe u know
Tauriel: makes sense, maybe they'll figure it out
Legolas: I doubt it
Tauriel: me too
Tauriel: speaking of, where is Boromir, he should be back by now
Legolas: he should, what the fuck
'a few moments later'
Tauriel: seriously where is he, if he doesn't show some sign of life soon Imma go look for him
Legolas: bet, at least the stoners are asleep now, so we don't have to worry about them.
Tauriel: I swear, the next time just turn off your phone and pretend you didn't see the messages.
Tauriel: Ada and dad will be home in an hour at the latest, if they get there and we aren't in bed we're fucked
Legolas: no shit sherlock
Boromir: I'm fine guys sorry for keeping you waiting
Boromir: the window was closed so when I pushed it open I knocked down a glass and Mister and Misses Took woke up.
Boromir: they were really nice to me actually, pretty mad at Pippin, but nice to me
Boromir: I obviously had to explain the whole thing, but I did say that this was the first time it happened to save him some trouble
Boromir: she gave me some disinfection spray for the damn bite, and even gave me a box of cookies to share with you guys
Legolas: damn, that was nice of her
Tauriel: what kind
Boromir: homemade chocolate chip
Boromir: why?
Tauriel: good
Tauriel: I'm on my period, I want chocolate
(totally not the author projecting, my cramps are so bad, please send help)
Boromir: I am so happy I'm not a woman, for more than one reason
Tauriel: congrats, you have several brain cells working together, that's pretty rare around here
Boromir: uh, I just backread, what thing?
Legolas: nothing, just something our art teacher wants us to do for y'alls next sports event
Boromir: cool, what is it? that sounded kinda weird
Legolas: we're not supposed to tell
Boromir: but she knows?
Boromir: or are y'all in the same class
Legolas: her and Ara don't count
Legolas: if I say, I'll tell no one, then that means no one except these two
~~~~~~~
Merida: that was such a bad excuse
blondMerida: he bought it
~~~~~~~
*next morning in the group chat*
Frodosynthesis: why the fuck is there an absolutely incoherent conversation, and a photo of Aragorn passed out on MY front porch from last night on here
GinnyWeasly: haha omg, I didn't even realise Boromir sent it in here too lmao
Momfriend: I was about to ask the same but without the swear
ImmortalTwink: those imbeciles were high again
Momfriend: what do you mean again?
Momfriend: by the way, it's really nice to meet you, Tauriel, I'm Sam
GinnyWeasly: nice to meet you too
GinnyWeasly: introductions everyone, Tauriel, she/her, I'm Legolas' sister
GinnyWeasly: I do archery and knife throwing and doom scroll on redit daily
ImmortalTwink: well, some of you only kinda know me so for Tau, it's Legolas here
ImmortalTwink: I'd put he/him on a form but I honestly don't care, I do archery with Tau and I love nature walks and hiking while listening to absolutely brutal true crime but can't watch horror movies for shit
Momfriend: I'm Sam, he/they but just he/him is fine too if that's easier. I really like gardening and cooking
Frodosynthesis: I'm Frodo, he/him, Sams boyfriend and I'm really introverted so don't expect much from me in here, I'll read tho
Mockingbird: It's Aragorn, he/him, I'm currently really hungover, I love horses and my nickname is because I'm the dad friend
Mockingbird: I still don't get it
GinnyWeasly: it's a song by Eminem, he wrote it for his kids
MaryOnACross: daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird, Imma give you the world
MaryOnACross: ring a bell?
MaryOnACross: anyway I'm Merry, short for Meriadoc, he/him, and Pip and I are a package deal
MaryOnACross: before you ask, we're cousins
YourMom: other half of the package here! he/him but they/them is fine too, idm
YourMom: I'm the one with the Scottish accent who likes food and jokes, so does Merry
GimmiGimmi: Gimli, he/him, I think my cousin Kili might have mentioned ya, I love horror movies, take that ya piss taking pointy-ear, and I'll be going to trade school as a black smith
GinnyWeasly: g disaster
ImmortalTwink: kindly shut up
GinnyWeasly: love you too bro
Mockingbird: where is Boromir btw, I called him earlier to ask what happened last night and he didn't answer his phone either
ImmortalTwink: I'm sure he's fine, probably just sleeping in
YourMom: that was a really good reaction tho