⚠️ WARNING⚠️
self harm
suicide
・⎯⎯ ⭔ SCARLETT'S POV:
I woke at nine, the cold air hitting my body, me and Lizzie collapsed after last night. She's sleeping soundly on my chest, the skin on skin contact bringing us both comfort. I gently lay my leg over her body, watching as she cuddles closer to me lazily. I don't hear anyone else in the house moving around so i assume everyone's still asleep or in their rooms.
I rub small circles on lizzie's back, watching her smile in her sleep. Basking in the sweetness and peacefulness of the moment, until my phone rings and i can't find it.
Lizzie groans. 'Turn it off.' She complains, smothering a pillow over her ears.
I get off the bed, finding my phone in my trouser pocket.
'Hello?'
'Today? Really?' The producers need me and lizzie in work.
'It's okay, we'll be there in an hour.' I sigh.
'Okay goodbye.' I hang up.
'Liz we've gotta go to work.' I whine as i slump back into bed.
'Are you sure? I can think of more interesting ways to spend our time...' She kisses my neck.
I sigh, 'We don't have time baby.' I chuckle as she pouts.
I kiss her pout away, replacing the childish look with a happy smile.
'Okay let's go get ready. Shower with me?' I ask and she happily gets up.
—
・⎯⎯ ⭔ HANNAH'S POV:
Ashley and MK are already awake when my eyes open, they've got coffee's on the bedside table. I groan and roll over, the sun peaking through the blinds and hitting my eyes directly.
'Morning baby.' MK kisses my cheek. I just lay my arm over her, cuddling into her side.
'You can't go back to sleep! It's almost ten o'clock!' Ashley chuckles. I just huff in response.
'Are you grumpy?' MK chuckles. I shake my head and turn further into her, trying to make everything as dark as possible.
'C'mere my little cuddle bug.' MK lifts me so i'm more on her, my head resting on her collarbones. 'Are my moms still asleep?' I ask, finally speaking.
'Im honestly not sure, we woke up at eight and didn't hear anything. So probably.' Ashley shrugs. I hum in response. I feel a little down today, i don't know why.
'I'm going to the bathroom.' I say as i sit up.
'Okay, we'll stay here.' Ashley smiles comfortingly at me.
I change my pad out, wrapping it up in the new pads wrapper. I might use tampons, i feel as though they'd be more comfortable. I hate the feeling of pads, they just feel so unhygienic.
I wash my hands, brush my teeth and wash my face. I brush my hair too, i debated braiding it but i can't be bothered. I turn off the light and leave.
'You okay baby?' MK asks and i nod. I'm still so exhausted. There's a knock on the door.
'Come in!' Ash shouts. 'Hey, we've got to run to work, han will you be okay here?' Scarlett rushes out and i try hide the frown that forms on my face. I nod. 'Have fun.' I say. 'Thank you' She says. 'I love you.' I say. And with that she leaves, quickly. I prevent the sigh that would show my devastation and lay back down.
'Well that was weird.' MK scoffs. Ash hums. 'Didn't even say goodbye properly.'
'You don't have to stay by the way, i won't go anywhere or anything, if you have work.' I say.
'We're free today, don't worry.' MK lays down behind me, cuddling into me. 'Okay.' I smile. Ashley has frozen on the TV, so i just let myself fall back asleep.
—
・⎯⎯ ⭔ MK'S POV:
'She seems a little off today, don't you think?' Ashley points out. 'Yeah a little, might just be the period.' I shrug, continuing to play with hannah's hair.
'Where was lizzie? Why didn't scarlett come in and say goodbye properly to her child? Id never leave her like that.' Ashley rants.
'Maybe it was urgent?' I really don't have a clue. 'What's so urgent about acting?' Ashley raises a brow. 'Good point. I'm not sure, weird that Lizzie didn't even say bye though.' I scoff, planting delicate kisses on hannah's temple.
'Okay, what should we do today?' Ashley changes the subject. 'We could go to the movies? Or we could go to a zoo?' I suggest.
'Or we could do both?' Ashley smiles and i agree. 'I'll go make some breakfast for han, tidy up downstairs a little bit. I'll let you know when to wake her.' Ashley says as she carefully gets up.
'I'll come with you, she should be okay for a little while.' I reluctantly say. 'You sure? I know you love your hannah time.' Ash smirks.
'I'm sure.' I slide my arm out from underneath hannah and she stirs, i instantly regret what i'm doing. She turns onto her back, head to the side a little. I carefully sit up. 'Phew. Could've been bad.' I chuckle and me and Ashley leave.
'What do you think she'd want to eat?' I ask ash. 'Pancakes.' Ash smiles.
We work around each other well, she makes all three of us pancakes whilst i vacuum and clean the living room and hallways. I check on han after i've cleaned and she's still sound asleep. I hoover the guest rooms and the hallway floor. I don't touch my sisters room.
I head back downstairs. Ash has the table all set and i vacuum the kitchen floor. She places the pancakes and the toppings on the table happily, proud of her work. We have the dining room TV on and we watch the morning news.
'Okay i'll go wake up hannah.' Ash gets up.
—
・⎯⎯ ⭔ HANNAH'S POV:
'Han wake up honeylove.' I hear Ashley whisper. I reach out my arms and she pulls me onto her lap. Cuddling me as i lay with my eyes closed. I yawn and rub my eyes, playing with the ends of Ashley's hair. 'You're cuddly today honey.' Ash chuckles, i just nod in her shoulder.
'We made pancakes, let's go eat.' Ash stands with me still in her arms, i'm still sleepy.
We sit at the table, MK greets me happily.
I let go of ash and go to my chair, adding my toppings to my pancakes.
'So we were thinking we would go to the zoo and the movies today, how does that sound?' Katie asks.
'That sounds fun, i've never been to a zoo before and i really want to watch the new Thor movie.' I smile wide.
'Good! We'll leave at twelveish, okay?' Ashley checks. 'Yeah that sounds okay.' I finish my pancake.
'Ill change now.' I announce as i stand up, placing my dishes in the sink.
—
I change into some black baggy jeans, a cropped white top hugging my torso with a white waterproof jacket on top. I wear my black converse. I do a little makeup, concealer, eyeliner, mascara and blush. Nothing dramatic. I head back downstairs and the twins both compliment me, which i happily return back to them.
We hop in the car and drive to the zoo, picking up some food on the way.
We arrive at the zoo and they give us some bracelets to show we have permission to be there.
We park and climb out, it's a warm day today, so i take off my jacket.
'Look at the peacocks!' Ashley smiles as she snaps a photo. 'They're pretty, they remind me of that barbie movie. The island princess.' I smile as the peacock shows off it's feathers.
We move along to elephants. Watching as they spray water out of their trunk.
We continue moving along to the horses, donkeys and llamas, they gave us food to feed them with.
'That horse looks like my old one.' I point to the connemara.
—
・⎯⎯ ⭔ MK'S POV:
'Pretty! Go feed 'em!' Ashley ushers and hannah runs towards them.
'Hey babies.' She coos as she strokes their nose. 'Oh you're so pretty!' She scrunches her nose as the horse nudges her face gently She gently feeds them. 'Here can you give me a kiss?' Hannah puts some treats in her hands and holds her hand up to her face. 'Kisses.' And the horses nose touches her chin.
'Good girl!' She says happily, she pats the horses neck, running her fingers through the horses white mane. The horse stands next to her as she puts a single braid in its mane, taking it straight out once she had finished. She strokes the horses nose before the horse happily trots off, and hannah waves.
Hannah strokes the other animals, a similar routine until we got through the farm animals. She really is an animal person.
'Woah i've never seen a lion in real life!' She says mesmerised. 'It's so beautiful.' She walks closer to the fence. 'Yes and dangerous so let's not get too close.' Ashley chuckles apprehensively.
'Ash it won't eat me don't worry.' The lion edges closer to her. She doesn't touch it or anything, she just stays stood there.
'You're so pretty!' She says under her breath and the lion licks the glass, revealing all the little spikes on its tongue.
'They're basically just huge cats with sharper teeth and rings over their face.' Han says.
'Pretty much.' Ash smiles. We continue walking and we get to the gift shop, picking up a magnet and Hannah gets a little teddy horse, no one came up to us and Ash asked a woman to take a photo of us all, hannah in the middle as me and Ash crouched next to her by the sign to the zoo, han seemed happier than ever at the moment.
'Okay! How about ice cream and then the movies?' Ash asks after thanking the lady for taking our photo.
'Yes!' Hannah jumps up and down on her tiptoes excitedly. 'What would you like?' Ashley asks the younger girl. 'Double choc chip, please.' She asks politely. 'With a flake?' Ash double checks and hannah nods.
I take Ashley's phone and send the photo of us to myself and evie so i can post it on instagram. While we wait for Ash to return we sit on a bench and hannah posts the photo.
'I love you auntie katie.' Her little voice speaks. 'That was random, i love you too baby.' I chuckle, cupping her face and kissing her nose. 'I know. I just thought you should know. I love auntie ashley too, so don't be mean to her because i only said it to you.' She raises an eyebrow and giggles a little.
'I won't be mean to auntie ashley. Promise.' I place one last kiss on her forehead, between her eyebrows and she smiles at me. She's so beautiful when she smiles, her cheeks flush a pink colour, her little nose pushing up slightly. She leans her head on my arm, snuggling up to me on the bench. I rest my head on hers, tracing little circles on her back.
'Okay i've got our ice creams!' Ashley announces. Hannah smiles and takes hers off of ash.
We sit on the bench a little longer, waiting to finish our ice cream before we start driving again.
'Ew my hands are all gross.' Hannah chuckles. 'C'mere.' Ash says as she pulls some wet wipes out of her bag, she takes hannah's hands and gently wipes them down. 'Thank you.' Hannah smiles gratefully and puts the wipes in the bin.
'Okay off to the cinema!' Ashley smiles and we all buckle ourselves in.
We have a little karaoke session in the car, listening to the radio. Hannah only sang quietly, she's so shy about it, yet could sing songs in front of a whole auditorium. I worry that we put her down a little, making her feel a little intimidated because we're 'famous.' I hope at school she doesn't end up living in elizabeth or scarlett's shadows. That would suck, and i know they'd both feel guilty about it.
''Kay we're here! han don't let go of my hand okay? It's busy.' Ash instructs and han nods. 'Got it.' Hannah smiles and hops out, holding mine and ashley's hand as we walk in.
Hannah picks out some popcorn and M&Ms, a candy bag too. She just has water because she hates fizzy drinks. Ash pays and we go to scan our tickets. The lady let's us through and we go up the stairs.
We got the back row in the corner, hannah said it was her favourite place to watch the movies and she isn't wrong, tucked away, no one needs to climb over you.
'When is it gonna start.' Hannah grumbles impatiently.
Ash pulls her phone out of her pocket.
'In about five minutes.' And han smiles at how little time she'd have to wait. 'Elizabeth is calling do i answer?' Ashley asks and i shake my head. 'Message her instead. She'll only be wondering where we are.' I say and she nods. 'Yeah you were right.' Ashley sighs. 'She's mad at us for taking hannah out without them there.' Ashley scoffs.
'Well they aren't going to do it, she's a kid. She can't be cooped up all day.' I scoff too, surprised at Lizzie's outburst. Ash agrees and powers off her phone, Han far too distracted by the ads.
The lights in the room dim and hannah gets super excited, there's only a few other people in the cinema and they're all quite far away from us.
I gasp as the cinema goes dark. 'You excited?' I ask her and she nods, sitting back in her seat.
—
We finish the movie, a few tears shed at the end scenes but we got over it.
'I love Thor.' Hannah smiles and we stand after watching the credit scene. She picks up her rubbish and grabs Ashley's hand as we walk down the stairs. She puts her trash in the bin and we walk to the first floor, there's paparazzi waiting for us, Ash pulls us into a corner so we can hide our faces a little more.
'Hannah put your coat back on and the hood on your head, and put these on.' Ash hands her some sunglasses.
'Do you want up or do you want to walk?' I ask, knowing she's terrified of the paparazzi. 'Up.' Her small voice says.
'Okay, it'll be okay honey.' I coo as i pick her up, her head instantly hiding in my hair.
We walk outside, there's a little path cleared for us, they don't seem to be too loud but there's still a lot of flashes, i don't understand why us walking out of a cinema is so interesting but okay.
Mary-Kate over here!
Lift your head up kid we can't see you!
Ashley look this way!
Where are her actual parents?!
Whose her father?!
Fuck, there they go again with the dad topic. They're so unbelievably cruel. I walk a little faster as my sister stays behind me and evie, watching the girl in my arms just incase.
We make it to the car and i buckle hannah in, i just crawl in the back with her as it's easier than trying to get into the front. Ash gets in and we start driving home.
'Auntie katie?' Hannah asks quietly. 'Yeah sweetheart?' I ask, brushing some hair behind her ears.
She thinks for a moment before talking again.
'Um... Who is my dad?' She whispers very quietly. As if she's embarrassed by the question. 'It's not my place to say honey...' I stutter, feeling bad for not saying anything. 'Maybe ask your mom?' I suggest.
She furrows her eyebrows in thought, turning away and looking out the window as the scenery passes us by.
—
Hannah fell asleep a little bit ago, we've just got to the house. I carry hannah in and Ashley gets her teddy.
'Where have you been?' Elizabeth asks angrily, not realising the girl I'm carrying is still sleeping. 'Where have you been?' I ask, raising an eyebrow. 'We had to work.' Elizabeth shrugs. 'Yeah and you didn't even say goodbye to hannah.' I scoff.
She goes quiet, scarlett not speaking either.
'Scarlett said bye for the both of us.' Elizabeth shrugs again. 'A very quick, unbothered goodbye.' I whisper, careful not to wake up han.
She's quiet again, so i continue walking upstairs. I lay her down on the bed, kissing her forehead and i leave, to go bicker with my younger sister.
—
・⎯⎯ ⭔ HANNAH'S POV:
I wake in my bed, alone and in the dark, the streetlights peaking through the blinds, the sound of shouting coming from downstairs, I check the time and it's seven thirty.
My phone buzzing like crazy in my pocket, i open it and it's floods of hate comments from my old friend group, dragging me like crazy in the zoo post. What did i even do.
Comments on how i'm a whore, how i should kill myself because no one wants me, calling me every name under the sun.
I let out a shaky breath, trying to control the tears coming out of my eyes. I open the door to see what's going on, i creep to the stairs and it's the twins arguing with lizzie and scarlett.
I creep back to my room, i don't even know why they're arguing. I take off my coat, hanging it up in the closet, changing into my pyjamas.
'No lizzie you can't fucking slate us for giving you help, you can't fucking insult us for helping you with the child you're not even seeing!' Mary-Kate yells as they come closer to the door. I close the door quickly, hiding back under the sheets. I keep scrolling through my comment section, every comment leading to another knife in my back. I just sit and i cry, I don't want to relapse, i don't want to do that. And i'm going to try and stop myself from doing it. I think back to the last time, what happened and what Ashley said.
'I'm sorry that we have to fucking work to be able to sustain everything! We can't just not fucking work MK!' Lizzie shouts back to her older sister.
me
auntie ashley?
auntie ashley 💘
Hannah i didn't know you were awake, are you okay?
I text her one emoji, like she told me to do, whenever i needed help. I just hope she gets the hint.
me
🌷
—
・⎯⎯ ⭔ ASHLEY'S POV:
I was confused as to what she meant, why she just sent one flower, until it clicked that i told her to do that if she needed me.
Lizzie and MK walk back downstairs, still shouting in each others faces. Me and MK just don't think that Scar and Liz are going about leaving hannah alone right, and we told them that and they kicked off. I rush up to hannah's room, hoping she's okay when i get there. She's curled up in her bed. Tear stained cheeks as she watches me come in. I close the door gently behind me and i climb in with her.
'What's wrong baby?' I ask, taking her into my arms as i lay against the headboard, wondering if it's just Lizzie or if it's something else, she holds her phone up, giving it to me. It's on her comment section, and it's all just a fuckton of hate comments.
'How did that happen, i thought you turned your comments on following only?' I say devastated that it's happening again.
'Yeah i did, those comments are from my ex friend group.' She sighs, rubbing her forehead frustratedly.
'Why are they ripping at each others throats?' She asks shakily. 'I honestly don't even know.' I sigh and lay down, letting her seek comfort in me.
'Did you hurt yourself?' I ask nervously and she says no. 'I'm so proud of you, i'm sorry that this is how our perfect day ended.' I apologise sincerely and kiss the top of her head.
'I love you auntie ashley.' She says sweetly.
'I love you too baby, thank you for letting me know you needed me instead of bottling it up.' I stroke her hair and she falls asleep after a little.
There's a knock at the door after about half an hour.
'Who is it?'
'It's MK.'
'Come in.'
MK walks in quietly and sits at the end of the bed, noticing the sleeping girl laid on my chest.
'What's happening?' I ask.
'She's just not talking anymore, hannah has school tomorrow we totally forgot.' MK sighs, rubbing the back of her neck frustratedly.
'It's okay. Go get ready for bed, just relax and we'll deal with it a different day, han needs sleep. Can you grab me my pjs and my toothbrush?' I ask and she nods, bringing back my things a few minutes later. She's all ready for bed, she kisses hannah goodnight and i set an alarm for six o'clock. She lifts hannah off of me so i can change.
'Okay, sweet dreams. Don't overthink this.' I hug MK and she leaves quietly. I hop back into hannah's bed, spooning her as she sleeps.
'Night darling.' I kiss the top of her head and let my sleep take over.