"You know Lev's father didn't like me," Mikhail smiled, his arm around Xiomara. "He thought we were more than friends and he hated me at first. Used to call me...not so nice words. But it all worked out in the end." He stood stretching.
Xiomara raised her brow. "...he came around?"
Mikhail chuckled. "Oh no. He died. He died a horrible horrible death. Think...meat grinder."
Xiomara's nose crinkled at the thought but she shrugged. "So is this your way of asking to meet the parents?"
Mikhail smiled and shook his head. "No. Lev's birthday is coming up. We usually have a little something but since he's...away I was wondering if you'd celebrate with me."
Xiomara blinked. "Celebrate his birthday without him?"
Mikhail shrugged, pouring himself a drink. "It's the best way. He's a brat on his birthday. He'll be 32 this year."
Xiomara did some quick math. "Then you came here to the states when you were teenagers?"
Mikhail nodded. "We were about 15 years old. Katya was 6. She was ours. We raised her but she was Lev's baby sister. We were all she knew though, so she called us Papa." He smiled. "Anyway I was going to light a candle, throw a cake together," he shrugged.
"Why don't you call him?" Xiomara urged.
Mikhail waved her off. "No, no it's fine I don't—"
"Can I call him?"
At her insistence he sighed, and dialed the number. The king rang 9 times. Mikhail's eye twitched.
"The asshole is in his cell 20 hours a day what could he be doing to not pick up his damn phone?" He grumbled.
"Huh?" Lev answered. "M busy."
Mikhail gritted his teeth. "Hey you asshole, where do you get off—"
"I hear it's your birthday today?"
"That the munchkin?" Lev grunted, lighting a cigarette.
"Who else would it be?"
Lev swallowed. "It's my birthday. So what?"
Mikhail narrowed his eyes in irritation. Every time he went in he had such a bad attitude.
"So...happy birthday. I would ask if you have a stick up your ask but considering..." she drawled.
"Hey, hey now, I'm a top no matter where I am, little one. This must've been your idea."
She smiled.
"Don't have any more."
"Any more what?"
Lev blew out a plume of smoke. "Ideas."
Xiomara's eye twitched in synchrony with Mikhail.
"Since you're clearly on your period or something well you go. Happy birthday, Lev,"
"Hey, before I go." Lev called. "I get the feeling one of you two might need me. I want him to beg."
Mikhail pulled the phone out of Xiomara's hands. "What the hell are you on about now?"
Lev blew out another plume of smoke and Mikhail swallowed his remark about him leaving that shit in prison.
"You're gonna need me to come out early," Lev said. "And I will. If you come beg me."
"Like hell I'm begging you for anything," Mikhail gritted.
Lev chuckled. "Come on sweetheart, you begged me for her. All you gotta do is get on your hands and knees and earnestly beg, and I'll come right home to you, da?"
Mikhail glanced down at their sparkling wood floors. "You heard something?"
"Da. Someone here knows our girl. Feel it. Like she's telling me that's him Papa."
Mikhail frowned. "Wait...what are you saying?"
Lev said nothing for a moment. "Don't let Xiomara out of your sight. Something is brewing. When it's time to come get me, just be prepared to get on your knees. Yes?"
"Are you indisposed?" He whispered.
"Aren't I always?"
Mikhail sighed. "Don't you have any shame?"
He chuckled. "Don't you know the answer to that?"
"How many are watching you?" Mikhail crossed the rokm, looking for something to write with.
"Katya's was 7."
"Fuck. Cops?"
"I don't eat pork."
"Is Jean in on it?"
"...that I don't know. Can't get heads or tails."
Mikhail paced. "Will you be okay? Should I get the lawyer start getting you out?"
Lev smiled. "I'm having fun, love. I'll be fine."
Mikhail frowned. "I love you, Lev. Promise you'll be safe."
He grunted. "I will. Do t call me for something stupid like a birthday again."
Mikhail stared down at the phone. Lev typically loved his birthday, it was a day that was all about him, which, according to him, should be every day. He had 7 men watching him, but no guards that he knew of.
He sagged in his leather chair with a sigh. It was never simple. It was always something.
Xiomara's hands rested on his shoulders. "Everything okay? I'd think an egomaniac like Lev would love the idea of a birthday."
"...normally he would. It's a warning. He'll be out of communication for a while. We're not to call unless it's an emergency."
Her hands moved, massaging his shoulders, as she sighed resting her chin on his head. "What am I gonna do with boys?"
Mikhail tapped his fingers impatiently on the coffee table. "I figured it out."
She raised her brow. "About Lev?"
"About you."
She paused, before laughing nervously. "What do you mean?"
He swallowed roughly, the scent of her shampoo filling his nose. "I kept wondering why lev was so okay with you being here. Why you're so okay with being here, knowing we're dangerous."
Xiomara shifted "I care about you."
Mikhail leaned back. "No...it's because you don't care about us. I mean...I think we fascinate you, but we're not..."
He sighed. "It's not wrong, Xiomara. Really. I understand. It's like you just go along for the ride. When it's too bumpy you jump off. And he knew that. He let you stay...because he already knew you never planned to."
Xiomara said nothing for a moment. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"Would you care if I did?" He smiled ruefully.
She shrugged. "I...wouldn't prefer it. But I would be okay. Don't force yourself."
Mikhail clenched his jaw. Xiomara had no really attachments to anything and anyone. She reflected the people she was around, like a little mirror. Another reason Lev liked her.
"I know you have feelings for me, Mikhail. I...I like you too. You and Lev. But if you want me to go—"
Mikhail sighed. "I don't want to. If you loved me, or even him, it may have been different. But there's no need to put yourself in jeopardy for people who don't mean that much to you."
Xiomara sat next to him and sighed, taking his hand. "Mikhail...I don't even mean that much to myself. The kind of attachment you what? I don't even have it to life. I have been alone in this world for a long time."
She smiled gently, patting his hand. "I worry for you. You and Lev."
Mikhail closed his eyes. "Shouldn't you be more upset?"
She sighed, crossing the room, pulling out his cigars. The ones he only really smoked when he was stressed. She put it in his mouth, lighting it up for him. He sighed, inhaling.
"Upset? About what?" She asked nonchalantly.
His brow knitted. "I fell for you. Almost instantly. And you...you just enjoy not being alone."
"It's true. It's my one true fear. You have a choice. I can not be alone with you and Lev. Or I can be alone with someone else. I'll defer to your preference."
Mikhail scoffed. "How did I end up with two cold hearted people?"
She smiled. "You've got so much heart, Mikhail. So much love it overflows. It's why empty people keep flocking to you. For part of that love."
Mikhail nodded to her with his cigar. "So...where would you go now?"
She wrapped her arms around her bare arms and shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe I'll move. Maybe I'll stay in town. Maybe I'll go to Paris. I'm young and unattached. I'll go where the wind takes me."
Mikhail frowned and closed his eyes.
"Or I could stay here. I'll do your books. Help you plan a welcome party—"
"How have you been making money?" He asked.
She smiled, sitting across from him. "I do accountant remotely."
He scoffed. "That's what you're always doing on your phone?"
"...what else would I be doing? I'm not a person with friends or family or social media."
His brows knitted. "...you never had an iota of trust in us did you?"
She cocked her head. "Should I have?"
Mikhail sighed and took a drag. "No. It's better you kept yourself safe. I wonder if he knew."
Xiomara glanced away. People always got hurt this way. Eventually, after a few weeks, months, or a few years, they woke up, and realized...she wasn't really attached to them. If they'd died, she'd be mildly disappointed, but would quickly get over it. Xiomara thought for all their criminal activity and filthy language, maybe they wouldn't mind.
How wrong she was. Mikhail's dark brows furrowed in dismay—in sadness, something like agony in his eyes as he realized his affection was accepted but not quite reciprocated. Then again, she never felt too bad. Because people only fell in love with themselves. She reflected them and they loved it. But not her. And like a mirror, she had no real personality.
Nothing discernible. She just reflected what was near. And when there was nothing to be reflected she was nothing. Silent.
She licked her lips. It wasn't that she didn't care. She did. Just...not as much as people assumed she did. As much as she should.
"Was the story about your family a lie?" Mikhail asked gently.
She shook her head. "No. My adopted family tried to leave me in a house fire. But...I ended up being the only one who survived."
Mikhail opened his eyes. She flinched back at the sudden intense eye contact.
"Did you?" He murmured.
"Did I what?"
"Survive? Did you really survive?"
Xiomara looked down before smiling sadly, and giving him a little snort, a sound of defeat mixed with a quiet desperation. She rubbed the back of her neck, like the answer made her nervous to think about, even though they both know.
"In the ways that matter to most people...yeah."
"Do you even wanna be alive?" He asked, glancing away, as if the eye contact was too much now.
"I mean...I don't feel strongly either way. But I don't like pain."
He scoffed. "I did some research. On you. After your family died...you cut off your phone service. Didn't go to school. Were you going to kill yourself?"
"Is there a reason you're asking me that?"
"Because I want to know." He persisted.
She looked down. "...No."
He narrowed his eyes and said nothing for a long time. The two sat, him in silence and her mirroring her silence.
"So if the Xiomara I know...is just a reflection of me..who are you?"
She smiled and shrugged. "I'm not anyone really. I don't mean it to be hurtful. I lay awake at night sometimes because I worry I don't have a real personality. I don't think I have a favorite color. I say blue, but it's just because that's what people say, but I don't get happy at the color blue. But...that's just what it is."
Mikhail nodded. "Well then...I'll find the real you, and I'll love her."
He stubbed out his cigar.
Xiomara blinked as he stood, kissing her head. "Good night."
She stared in the dark and for a moment when she thought of the color blue, she thought of Lev's eyes.
"What the hell kind of development is this," she whispered to herself, putting her arm over her eyes, leaning back in her chair.