Mirabel was fast asleep in a small cocoon of soft blankets and cold pillows, a pleasant silence emanating throughout the small space of the Nursery.
Well, all except for one small sound.
Right next to her lay little Antonio, where small noises of distress could be heard from his curled up frame.
The noises grew ever so slightly - the young boy trapped in a cage of his own mind, his tiny arms wrapped around a small pillow as his mind continued to torment him.
"Antonio… are you oka-" Mirabel flinched as a sudden "NO!" pierced the air in the small room as the young boy bolted up, eyes wide with fear.
Antonio gasped in quick succession, holding a knitted animal pillow close to his chest. His little fingers dug into the worn fabric as he stared ahead.
"Hey, Toñito, hey…" Mirabel yawned, blinking the remaining haze of sleep away. She reached for her glasses and gently massaged his arm. "Are you alright?"
He turned to her and blinked a few times, willing to rid the nightmare away before his brown eyes softened and focused on her own. Antonio took a couple more shaky breaths before he let the tiger pillow he was holding go and crawled into his elder prima's lap, snuggling close into her.
Before she could ask again, Antonio's small hands wrapped around her arm and hand, holding on a little too tight for comfort. His small face pressed into her nightie and Mirabel felt his body shake, followed by something warm wetting her upper stomach. She heard the sounds of muffled choking. Sobs.
"Don't go," he pleaded, his voice muffled. "D-don't leave me alone."
Mirabel was struck speechless. Where did this come from? And why was it coming from little Antonio of all people? "Whoa, whoa, I'm not going anywhere." She tried to free her arm from Antonio's embrace but he held on tight.
"Please…" he whimpered quietly, little hands gripping tighter around her arm. "Don't go away. I still need you, prima."
Giving up, she adjusted her body to better support his weight and enveloped him with her free arm, bringing his shaking body closer against the gentle thrumming of her heart.
"I'm here, Antonio, I'm here," she whispered into his curls, shushing and rubbing his back. "It's okay, it's alright. I'm right here."
"Can you take a deep breath for me? Like this: In," she took a breath. "Uno, dos, tres..." she held the breath for a bit before exhaling, "out; four, five, six."
Antonio took a couple deep - yet shaking - breaths.
"You're doing great. Let's do this a few more times, okay?" She brushed over his hair and waited until she received a tiny nod in response.
"In..." she inhaled deeply, chest expanding, letting Antonio do the same. "Uno, dos, tres..." Mirabel tapped Antonio's arm to count each second.
Uno.
Dos.
Tres.
"Out..." she exhaled and repeated the motion, Antonio copying.
Four.
Five.
Six.
They repeated the breathing exercises together until Antonio's shaking eventually subsided and his panicked breathing evened. He took one last deep breath before sitting back up as he hesitantly let go of Mirabel's arm, pulling himself back.
"There you go..." Mirabel brushed a couple tears away and pulled him close, holding him tight. "You're safe. It was just a bad dream."
Antonio shook his head and curled into her chest once more, a slow slide of tears maintaining visibility despite the darkness of the room. "It wasn't just a bad dream," his faint voice protested.
Wasn't just a bad dream?
With that, Mirabel hummed and pursed her lips as he mulled over his words. She looked down at him. "Now, what do you mean by that?"
Antonio didn't respond and instead turned his head away, trying to wriggle away from the inevitable conversation but Mirabel remained persistent.
"Antonio…" she murmured gently but sternly, mimicking that of her Abuela's demeanor.
A few seconds of silence greeted her before Antonio sighed in defeat and turned around, pressing his back against her. He stared down at his hands. "It's not that easy. I can't say it was just a bad dream cause… cause it might come true." Antonio whispered sharply.
Out of the corner of her eye, Mirabel saw her cousin picking at his fingernails, a bad habit she'd noticed in him occurred every now and then. During dinner the night before, after Abuela had addressed the family to express concern surrounding Antonio's upcoming gift ceremony and what to expect, Mirabel had noticed her young cousin picking at his nails from underneath the table. All eyes were on him and while there were collective agreements and warm words about what would typically transpire, she just knew that something else was up.
"Well…" she began softly, pulling his hands away and into her own. He turned back around towards her. "What do you mean by that?" She smirked playfully. "After all, nightmares are just big and mean old dreams," she said, playfully frowning and growling as she described them. Antonio giggled and Mirabel quickly tapped his nose. "They just want to trick you into thinking they're real."
Antonio nodded slowly, his head continuing to bob in sleepiness. Mirabel chuckled softly and was getting up to tuck him back into bed before he shot up again and shook his head, facing her with wide eyes.
"N-no, not… not this one," Antonio said reluctantly. "I-it was different." He curled into himself as his tiny frame began to shake once more. "I was all alone."
Mirabel shook her head and interlocked her fingers with Antonio's. "But you won't be alone. You have me and the rest of your familia with you."
"But that was the thing!" Antonio cried out, clutching Mirabel's hand. "Nobody was there!" He picked up the tiger-face pillow and held it close, tracing the button eyes (well, button eye) and soft thread whiskers.
He shrugged a bit. "I mean… yeah, you were there, b-but after I touched the door…"
He stopped, sniffling and shook once more.
Mirabel"s brows furrowed and she tilted her head to the side. "What do you-"
"It was horrible!" Antonio cried out as his arms wrapped around his small body in an attempted self-comforting hug. "Everyone was gone. Abuela, Mami, Papí, Milo, Lola-" he shook his head a few quick times as if to free himself from the remainder of the terrible dream.
He turned to Mirabel, eyes wet but wide with fear. "Even you weren't there!" he whispered sharply before burying himself into Mirabel's embrace. "I was all alone."
Mirabel felt the sting of an all-too familiar fear. Being one of the two Madrigal offspring without a gift unfortunately came with their own set of shared concerns. Little Antonio was just four going on five in a couple of months, where he would hopefully receive a gift of his own and serve his community for years to come.
By contrast, Mirabel was fifteen but without a gift of her own. Despite the lack of a clear answer as to why this was, it wasn't easy to forget the lack of importance she was deemed to have as a result by her Abuela and community.
But... what could she say? Was there even something she could say to assuage her primito's fears? Surely her family wouldn't truly leave little Antonio by himself… but what would happen if history were doomed to repeat itself, and Antonio were to have his door fade away too?
She didn't know.
No, now's not the time to think about that.
"Hey…" she began gently once more, taking a breath. She rubbed small, comforting circles on his back. "You've got nothing to worry about," she said, pushing her own anxiety away. She paused and took his tiny hand into her own. Curious eyes peered up at her.
"How could I- or anyone- ever leave this amazing person right here? The only one that I'd call my very best friend."
Antonio sniffed. "R-really? I'm your best friend?"
Mirabel nodded and pulled him into her lap, holding him close. "Of course. And I'd never, ever leave someone that special to me." She cracked a small smile and chuckled softly. "I almost pity whoever's dumb enough to consider leaving a family where this," she placed a comforting hand over his, "absolutely incredible, considerate... loving person is every day."
Antonio shrugged but Mirabel could see him fighting a smile. "Y-yeah, I guess they would be pretty dumb to leave."
Mirabel smiled. "You'd be right. But do you see what I'm talking about?"
"I... I think so." Antonio ruminated over her words for a little bit before he cracked a small smile. "You mean... that I won't be alone? Even if I don't get a gift?"
She nodded and pulled him closer into a hug. "Take it from me when I say that you, Antonio Madrigal, are a gift all on your own. Without you, I wouldn't have the world's best roomie to hang out with."
Antonio nodded quickly and leaned over to grab his tiger-face pillow and held it to his chest. "And-and who would you have to talk about animals to? Definitely not anyone else. They're not as fun." He leaned over and held his index finger to his lips. "But don't tell Camilo I said that," he whispered. "He gets some of them wrong, but I don't want to hurt his feelings."
Mirabel giggled and placed a small kiss on his forehead. "Okay, that's a deal."
Antonio studied his beloved tiger pillow for a couple of seconds before he looked up at Mirabel. "W-well… if I'm your best friend, then... you'd have to be mine!" Antonio beamed, staring up at her with a huge grin.
Mirabel's eyebrow twitched. "Toñito, I'm not sure about that. I mean... don't you prefer your siblings or Luisa or even Isa, just the tiniest bit?"
Antonio shook his head and beamed brighter. "No, silly! Yeah, I know you're one of the best! Y-you're smart and nice and pretty and and-" he stopped, holding out his tiger pillow. "And you make free pillows! I don't know anyone who wouldn't love someone like that."
Mirabel didn't think it was possible to love her primo anymore than she already did, but here she was, crushing him in a bear hug and peppering his face with kisses while he giggled and squealed with delight.
In their shared joy, a few clackity-clacks rattled from the floorboards and caught their attention. They carried a small clock, with the small hour hand on 4, while the taller minute hand rested in between the 6 and 7.
"Yes, yes, Casita. We're going to bed." Mirabel wheezed between breaths. "Thank you," she called out as Casita carried the clock away, responding with the squeak squeak of a closet door. (You're welcome, Mirabel.)
Antonio yawned and rubbed his eye, wrapping his arms around her neck. "I'm sleepy…"
Mirabel chuckled softly and kissed his forehead once more before placing him down onto the bed, pulling the covers up and over him. She grabbed his pillow and placed it under his arm. She sneaked beneath the covers herself as Antonio snuggled into the crook of her shoulder, his snoring soft and peaceful. Just before sleep took her too, a faint pressure on her arm jostled her up and she turned on her side.
Before she knew it, Antonio threw his arms around her, the side of his head pressed against her cheek.
"Hey, Mira…" Antonio whispered. "I love you."
Mirabel smiled in response, brushing the curls on the top of his head. "I love you too. And Antonio…" she waited until his eyes met hers, and took his hand into her own.
She rubbed the back of his hand gently. "Just remember this anytime your nightmares try to say otherwise: Gift or no gift, I will always be here for you, mi hombrecito."
His eyes shined as he held out a pinky. "You promise?"
She nodded and curled her own pinky finger around his. "I promise."
Antonio smiled widely and moved to hold her hand but quickly yawned, his eyelids dropping as he snuggled into her, falling into a peaceful sleep.