The next morning I was sitting in the hall eating breakfast with the people who were awake. Ned, Catelyn, Sansa, Arya, Benjen, the princess and younger prince, and Rickon. Most of what was said was small talk between Benjen and Ned with the occasional chuckles.
I was stabbing at a piece of fruit boredly when Robb crashed tbrough the doors loudly, smiling at Jon. When he saw me at the tablehe gave Jon a little nudge to the open seat next to me. This made me clench my jaw and violently stab the fruit with the fork again. I could see Jon death glaring Robb as he sat next to me silently, sparing me a single glance. Robb only grinned at him.
"Morning Ceci," Robb says, clearly trying not to laugh. I wanted to be annoyed but his smile was contagious.
"Good morning Robb," I say, my lips curving up a bit.
I see Robb's body jolt once as he kicks Jon under the table, making Jon just stare at the table silently.
"I didn't see you anywhere at the feast last night Ceci," Sansa says politely.
"I wasn't feeling very well," I say, smiling softly, side eyeing Robb when he snickers.
"You know what I found your son doing just before breakfast started? Climbing. I've told that boy a million times. One of these days he'll fall," Catelyn says, turning to her husband.
"The boy still hasn't grown out of that? I suppose he knows these walls like the back of his hand by now," Benjen says taking a bite of his food.
"Aye," Ned says in a tired voice.
The small talk continues for a few minutes until an ear piercing scream breaks out into the air. I'm the first one out of my seat, sprinting to the door and pulling it open. I run outside into the mud, followed closely by Ned and his eldest boys. When I see Brandon Stark laying on the ground, his legs twisted into horrible places I take a step back. Ned quickly picks him up screaming for Maester Luwin.
I can hear the wails of Catelyn beside me and Sansa's sobs fill the air. Jon and Robb stare blankly at the ground where Bran's broken body layed just seconds before. I look up at the tall, silent tower where the young boy fell from for a moment before looking at the bustling servants and guards.
~
I find Catelyn sat next to Bran's bed, holding his hand as silent tears stain her cheeks. The grey sky seeped into the room from outside making her seem older, sadder.
I didn't know she'd realized I was there until she spoke to me softly," he loved climbing," she says, a soul deep sadness corrupting her words," he spent so much time just climbing. I like to watch him sometimes. I held my breath every time his hand or foot moved. I'd think to myself 'this time he'll fall.' He never did."
I walk over and crouch down infront of her," he'll get better my lady."
"You truly believe so?" She asks, a twing of hope in her tone.
"I do," I say, smiling softly and placing my hand on hers gently," I've come to say goodbye."
"You're going with him?" She asks me softly, I nod.
"I am," I respond.
She sighs, giving a sad chuckle," the things we do for love," I furrow my eyebrows but before I can speak she says," if the day comes where I never allow myself to ask that boy for forgiveness, tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I hate myself for treating him the way I do."
I stay quiet in surprise, but I nod nonetheless," I promise."
She gives me a sad smile before leaning down to kiss my forehead," until we meet again sweet child."
I smile softly, standing up and walking out of the room. I walk out to the courtyard and see my horse saddled. Jon appears after awhile with an unreadable expression on his face, walking toward me with a saddle, Robb joins him, saying something to him that I can't hear from my position. I pull on the sinch of the saddle, tightening it around the horses stomach.
"You Starks are hard to kill," Jon says sarcastically.
"My mother?" Robb asks him as Jon swings the saddle off his shoulder.
"She was very kind," he says, flinging it over his horse's back.
"Good, next time I see you you'll be all in black," he says, turning his attention to me as well.
I scoff," if the gods are kind I'll never see the likes of you again," I say with a smirk, making sure the sinch is tight enough.
"It was always my color," Jon says, turning to him, not even looking at me.
"Farewell Snow," Robb says, studying Jon's face.
"And you Stark," Jon answers, trying to compose a smile. Robb moves foreward and they embrace tightly.
Then he turns to me with a small grin," try not to die?"
"No promises," I whisper, hugging him tightly," don't miss me too much Stark," I say with a wide smile.
"I wont," he says giving us both one last sad smile before turning on his heels and walking off.
Jon and I mount our horses. I look around at the cold stone walls once more, taking in every inch of the place that had been my home for my entire life.
"Do you think if maybe... if we leave do you think we'll wish someday that we never did," I ask him.
He doesn't answer for a long moment," i hope not. But it'll always be my home no matter what happens."
~
When the party reaches the main road the North bound men go right. Jon and I stop, saying goodbye to Ned.
"It's a great honor serving in the Night's Watch. The Starks have manned the wall for thousands of years," Ned says to Jon.
I see Benjen stop his horse to look back at us.
"And you are a Stark. You might not have my name, but you have my blood," he finishes. I watch Jon's face, it doesn't change but something in his eyes does, theh seem to spark a little at his father's words.
"Is my mother alive?" Jon asks him softly," does she know about me? Where I am? Where I'm going?" He pauses and looks at him," does she care?"
Ned thinks for a moment," the next time we see eachother, we'll talk about your mother. Hm?" I hear a ting of something in the man's voice as he looks at his son," I promise."
Jon nods and Ned smiles softly to him and turns to me.
"Ned if we never-," I inhale deeply and nod," thank you."
"Every child deserves a parent," he says to me," it was my duty as a decent human being to at least give you that, even if your own parents couldn't. Hold your head high kid, you're a damn Mormont," he says, I nod to the man before me. He grabs his horse's reins and spins it around, galloping away.
~
I sat down next to Jon silently. The fire infront of us crackling in the night. Benjen led a few tied up men toward the fire and made them sit.
"Rapers," the dwarf says in a southern accent. I side eye him for a moment before looking at the men who just sat down," castration or the wall. Most choose the knife."
I warm my hands against the fire silently and Jon stares at the ground. Tyrion smirks softly," not impressed by your new brothers?" Jon looks over at the hefty one," thats the thing about the watch. Discard your old family and get a new one."
I watch Jon's gaze shift to Benjen who stares off into the trees with a blank face," why do you read so much?" He asks the man.
"Look at me and tell me what you see," Tyrion says, not letting his eyes leave his book.
"Is this a trick?" Jon asks him suspiciously.
The small man smirks softly," what you see is a dwarf. If I was born a peasant they would've left me out in the woods to die. Alas, I was born a Lannister of Casterly Rock. Things are expected of me. My father was hand of the king for twenty years."
"Until your brother killed that king," I say.
He smiles half heartedly," Yes, until my brother killed him. Life is full of these little ironies. My sister married the new king, and my repulsive nephew will be king after him. I must do my part for the honor of my house, wouldn't you agree."
"I might if I weren't the daughter of a coward," I say to him.
"But how?" He continues," well my brother has his sword, and I have my mind and a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. Thats why I read so much Jon Snow," he says looking down at his book once more.
We sit in silence for a moment," and you?" He asks Jon," what's your story bastard?"
Jon inhales deeply," ask me nicely and maybe I'll tell you, dwarf," he says.
Tyrion looks up at him with a small smirk," a bastard boy with nothing to inherit, off to join the ancient order of the Night's Watch alongside his valiant brothers in arms and his girlfriend."
I squint my eyes at him, studying him and brushing off his little teasing comment.
"The Night's Watch protects the realm from-" Tyrion cuts him off.
"Ah yes, yes, against grumpkins, and snocks, and all the other monsters your wetnurse warned you about. You're a smart boy, you don't believe that nonsense," Tyrion says.
I see the fat man sitting across from me, glaring at me. I snap my teeth at him a few times, taunting him. He looks away angrily and I smirk.
"Everythings fine with some wine in the belly," he says, tossing a flask of wine to Jon.
He catches it and pops the lid off, taking a drink before handing it to me. I take a long drink from it.
"What about you, bear cub? What do you think about these monsters?" He asks me.
"I think we ought to protect to wall from you if we're protecting it from monsters," I say, trying to chip at his wall just enough so it crumbles.
The small man only laughs," you two are quite enjoyable to be around. You and my sister might agree on the monster part."
"I don't think I'd let myself agree with you sister if she told me we shit out our asses," I tell him.
He lifts his hand up to his mouth dramatically," careful, I could have your head for speaking of the queen in such a way."
"At least I wouldn't die a liar," I say.
"That is very true, very true," he says gently.
~
When the top of the great ice wall came into view I could feel my eyes widen at the sight. The ice seemed to release cold, it danced down the side of the wall in a ghost like manner. Then Castle Black came into view. The castle seemed small next to the ice, though it was clearly huge. There was a lift that stretched to the top in mechanical twisted gears.
When we reached the gate a man clad in black looked down at me. He had large bags under his eyes and a long solemn face," ain't no girls allowed here."
"Gods," Benjen says in an annoyed tone," let us in boy I'm fucking cold."
The man clenched his jaw but signaled to open the gate. The wooden doors creaked open slowly and we galloped in, a few men took our horse's reins and we dismounted. When I look up I could see a great, elder man. His shoulders were broad and he had a great sword at his waist with the pommel of a bear head. He stared at me for a long moment before turning and going out of view. I stared at the ghost of where the man was for a bit before I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"I sent a rider ahead yesterday, your grandfather wants to speak with you. I'll take you," Benjen says softly to me.
I nod, glancing over at Jon who was already staring at me before following Benjen up a few stairs and into a large room. There was a table with maps and scrolls spread across it in messy piles. The room was warm from the fire that crackled in the hearth. I hear a loud squawk from a raven in a cage, it cocks it's head at me and blinks its black bead eyes.
"Mormont," the crow squawks out with a bit of struggle, flapping it's wings.
I didn't even realize Benjen had taken his leave, so when I looked behind me the man was gone," so you're the lucky bastard that was raised by the Starks," a gruff voice sounds.
I turn my head to look at the man I saw earlier. He was studying me intently," aye," was all I said.
"They told me you looked like your mother, the bastards," he says with a think Northern accent," you look like your father when he was your age."
"I'll take that as a compliment I guess," I say, furrowing my eyebrows.
"It was a compliment. That was before he dishonored our house and abandoned his damn child," he says with a bit of anger in his voice.
The raven squawked again, his wings beating against the cage," Corn. Corn."
He walked over to the bird's cage and opened the door, letting it fly out. It flew about the room for a moment before swooping down and landing on my shoulder.
It squawked again," Mormont," it pushed its beak into the side of my head gently," corn!"
The second word it said loudly in my ear. My grandfather took a bit of seed from his pocket and dumped it in my palm. As I raised my hand to the bird he pecked the seed off, his small beak poking my hand gently.
"If he wasn't so damn annoying I'd almost call him smart. He's the only bird I've ever heard of that can say a two syllable word. Only problem is, he never stops saying it once he learns it," the man says, shooting the little bird a glare. He looks up at the old bear and cocks his head to the side.
"He called me 'Mormont' when he landed on me," I say, making the raven look at me.
"Mormont."
The Lord Commander nods, touching his fingers to his beard gently," he called you that when you first walked in as well. Dunno how he knew you were my blood. The fucker probably picked up on the way you hold your head, though I think you hold it a bit low for a Mormont," he says.
"Fucker. Fucker," the bird says. The tone that comes from his throat almost makes it sound like he's agreeing. His pitch black eyes blink once as his head cocks around the room.
"Benjen said you were arriving with Ned Stark's bastard. I assume he's the pretty on you were riding beside?" He asks with a smirk. I give him a look but nod," you want a room next to the boys'? It'd probably be best to sleep next to the one person you know here."
I nod and he sits down at his table, jotting down something on a piece of parchment," I'll see you and pretty boy at supper," is all he says, unrolling an old scroll.
I lift my finger to the feet of the raven and it steps onto it. I walk over to his cage and let him jump onto the perch before closing the cage door and walking out of the Lord Commander's quarters.
When I reach the large courtyard I find Jon sparring a boy about our age. I hear one boy call him Toad at some point. I watch this 'Toad' try to block Jon's swings, but fail horribly, ending up on his back. I can see jon grin a bit at him, making the other boy visibly upset.
"Be nice Jon, these idiots can't even hold a sword properly," I say, smirking at him, he smirks back.
"I doubt you can even lift a sword," Toad says with a sneer.
"Really? Spar me then, lets show everyone who comes out on top eh?" Jon hands me the sword and Toad gets in a lousy stance.
When he charges at me I easily dodge him, wacking him on the back with my sword. He turns around and glares at me before thrusting his sword foreward. I grab his arm and throw him to the ground, putting the tip of the sword against his neck, giving him a smug grin.
"Congratulations," I say," you just died to a bastard and a girl."
Behind me I hear laughter from the other boys that watched the whole thing. Toad got up furiously, walking over to a few boys," it's not funny you morons."
"It was pretty funny," a taller boy says.
I hand Jon his sword," lets go look at the wall," we walk to the lift silently.
I open the cage door, and step in, he follows behind. When the door closes a man starts pushing the crank that brings the cage upward. A small jolt and then the box was moving upward at a steady pace.
We were silent for awhile until I spoke," Would you have still come here if I didn't come too?" I ask him, staring forward.
"Would you?" He asks after awhile.
"No," was all I could say through gritted teeth," but I didn't ask about me."
"Yes."
"Why?" I ask him.
"Because I'm a basta-," I quickly cut him off.
"A real reason."
I feel him stare at me for a long moment, which makes me twitch uncomfortably. I already knew his answer, though I knew he'd never say it out loud. That wasn't the type of person he was. He never said how he felt and you couldn't tell unless he wanted you to. I still wanted him to say it, though. I looked over at him, he was still just staring at me with a blank face. He wouldn't even let me see it. It made me want to punch his stupid, pretty little face even more.
When I felt the lift come to a sudden stop I open the door, stepping out onto the ice. I walk to a ledge, looking out at the Haunted Forest far below me. The wind gusts were freezing, making my cheeks tingle. I feel Jon step up next to me, staring forward as well.
"I'm pledging myself to the Night's Watch because..." he pauses to sigh," Every time I look at you my stomach feels weird and I feel like I can't breathe."
I look over at him for a moment with wide eyes before looking away again," I don't understand why you can't just stay in Winterfell and we can live there like we always have."
He glances at me," I- you scare me. I hate myself for letting my breath catch in my throat when I look at you. I'm a bastard. You're a lady."
I stare forward blankly," well what if I said my heart pounds every time we're together?"
"No it doesn't. You don't feel that way," he says.
"Who are you to tell me what I feel?" I ask," We can still go home. We can-."
He stops me," no."
I clench my jaw and we stand in silence for a long time. The sky was starting to get dark and the torches were being lit.
"Tell my grandfather I decided im not hungry tonight," I tell him blankly, turning and walking to the lift in deadly silence.