Gaeun felt like shit.
Her legs were being crushed under Minha's weight while her waist was sore from the heaviness of Wook's arm and the damned binding beads he wore. They had dug into her side and bruised her, leaving purple marks on her skin.
She climbed over him, trying not to disturb his sleep, and descended from the bed. Her feet hit the floor and her knees gave out, making her fall with a loud thud.
Wook jolted up and patted the space next to him, obviously searching for her. "Minha, where's—what are you doing?" He asked, stumbling out from under the covers and helping Gaeun up, "Why didn't you wake me?"
"You looked like you were sleeping well," she said, allowing him to hold her upright.
She had only experienced complete power loss once in her life and that was immediately after she had cast out Jooyong. It was nerve-wracking to find that she was completely defenceless. Had it not been for her grandparents, she would have tumbled down the stairs and died from a broken neck.
Not that she didn't want to die sometimes. But there had to be a better way to go than a snapped neck.
"Hey," Wook combed his fingers through her hair and tied it in a tidy knot, "You are the most beautiful person I have ever since, even when we were kids. You aren't plain looking and you don't look like a frog."
....What?
She stared at him for a count of four and jerked her arm out of his grasp. "I need to wash," she said, trying not to show her embarrassment for moving so sluggishly.
"I will carry you!"
"What, no—"
Wook picked her up as if she weighed nothing. He'd never done that before. Every time he had carried her in his arms, Gaeun had felt his legs wobble. Maybe it was her lack of strength that made it easy for him. Or maybe his training was paying off.
"How do you feel?" Wook asked as he carefully manoeuvred down the stairs with Minha bumping against his legs.
Gaeun shifted and adjusted her arms around his neck. "Tired," she said, "I..."
The silence reminded her all at once that her family was gone because it was never this quiet in the house. She waited, breathing as softly as she could, for her grumbling grandfather to emerge out of his office or to find her grandmother complaining about her backache while gardening outside.
They reached the bathing area without running into anyone and Gaeun toyed with the idea of drowning herself in the large wooden tub. Noticing how still she had gone, Wook lowered her onto a bench and shooed off Minha. "I'll heat the water," he said, "But don't stay inside too long. Your body can't take extreme temperatures in this state."
She frowned while he struck the flints to light the firewood under the bathing tub. Why was he being like this? He's taking this too seriously. "You don't need to do that," Gaeun said as he continued to struggle with the flints.
"I can," he mumbled.
"No, I mean our house was quite dependent on magic because of my grandparents. There are flash pellets in that jar over there to light the firewood."
Wook flushed from embarrassment and fumbled for the pellets, squashing three of them between the logs and coughing from the smoke when they began to burn. He stood by the wide tub that came up to his bicep, and dipped his hand in it now and then to check its warmth.
"Your hand," Gaeun noticed when he folded up his sleeves, "It looks better."
He had removed the binding beads and set them aside some time in his sleep. Flexing his arm Wook nodded, "Yeah, it feels much better. The water's warm enough now. Hold onto me while you climb."
Instead of clasping his hand, Gaeun side-eyed him while shimmying out of her outer robes. Wook blinked and turned away, clearing his throat. "I'm still wearing clothes," she said flatly, arching a brow at the way he was fidgeting. "What's with you? You were the one who always complained that it didn't matter because you've seen me naked before."
"No," he dragged the syllables in his whiny tone, "That was before—before...I just realized it's wrong of me to say that."
Wook helped her in, holding onto her waist as she climbed the set of stairs, and then her hand while she dipped into the water. It was beginning to feel strange after a point, especially when he offered to wash her hair while still gripping her hand. "You're supposed to, after a funeral," he told her, not taking no for an answer, "Kim Dojoo said so. And be careful about your wound. Don't let the wrappings dampen."
"Okay, but you need to let go of me—"
"No. I'm never letting go."
"What is wrong with you?"
At the long stretch of silence, Gaeun looked up at him and found him staring at her back. Her thin robe had turned transparent and while she held her hands over her front, the glowing scars on her back were visible.
Gold on ivory, he had said and Gaeun wanted to scoff. "Scars aren't pretty to everyone," she said, sinking in the water, "Fool."
"I know," he replied softly, "I will never ask about them unless you bring them up."
Minha lounged by the firewood until Gaeun finished. Wook lowered his eyes while helping her out and wrapped a large towel around her before bringing her a set of lighter clothes to change into. Once she was done, he picked her up again.
This was already driving Gaeun up the wall. Did she really look so pathetic that he had to treat her like a child? He had even offered to feed her if she felt too tired to sit up.
"I can feed myself," she snapped as he reheated the food over the stove. Where had he learned to do that, she wondered. "You're worrying over nothing."
"You're not nothing," Wook shot back immediately.
He left her in the front hall, sitting by the table and holding back tears while he brought her lunch. This sudden change in him was overwhelming. Gaeun wanted it to be real. She wanted to rejoice that her fake husband had loved her just as she had loved him. But Wook would tire of taking care of her soon. His niceness never lasted long when it came to her.
He set down a tray in front of her and huffed as if he was dealing with a kid. "Here," he nudged the food towards her, "I made you tea as well. Since you're so adamant that you can eat by yourself, I won't force you to—no, wait!"
Gaeun hadn't expected the strong prickling sensation in her hand when she touched the ceramic tea glass. She gasped, dropping it to the floor, and shook her hand. "What...what is this," she clutched her wrist tightly when the pain refused to subside.
Wook scrambled for a cold cloth and pressed it over her palm. "You burned it," he scolded her sharply, "Idiot. You've hurt both your hands now. Let me see—at least the skin is still intact."
She frowned as he examined her injury carefully and asked, "That's what a burn feels like?"
"It's mild," he answered without looking up, "Why, have you never—"
"No." The pain was too much for Gaeun to bear in this state. She knew the heat of dragon fire. She knew what a charred corpse looked like and how burnt flesh smelled. But this was the first time she understood what it felt like to burn, even if it was as light as this.
While Wook cleaned up the tea, Gaeun rubbed her thumb over the tender skin, flinching lightly. She said slowly, "I burned my brother when I was four. I was told that it scarred his arm but he never let me see. If a mere tea glass burn can hurt so much then it's a wonder brother doesn't hate me."
"I don't believe he ever could," Wook said, "He loves you and your second brother far too much. Besides, you didn't do it intentionally. I mean, I guess—hope you didn't. Because why would you," he fumbled.
Wary of getting used to such treatment, Gaeun poked and prodded at her food and said, "You don't have to be here for the whole day. You need to train."
"And leave you alone?" Wook picked out everything he hated on his plate and placed them on Gaeun's bowl of rice, "I stop paying attention for one minute and you've fallen out of the bed and burned your hand. Besides," he pressed his lips together and roamed his eyes over her, "my training can wait for a while. You need me."
"Yes, and I will need you tomorrow but you won't be with me so I don't want to make this a habit."
"You don't have the strength to push me out of the house. So, tough."
"I don't but Minha does."
Wook slammed his chopsticks on the table, rattling the dishes. "Stop being a brat and eat your damn food," he said sharply, "Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? I've never seen you look so sickly. You can't even walk down the hallway without falling. How can I leave you like this? With a three-legged, half-deaf and blind wolf, no less!"
Minha, who was pacing on the lawn outside, stopped and growled at him before dashing out past the bushes. And Gaeun...
She had recoiled at the way he spoke to her. "Why are you yelling at me?" She asked, pressing her bandaged hand to her eyes. Sure they had had really loud arguments but he had never raised his voice like this. Gaeun let out a soft gasp before she burst into tears.
"What—no, Gaeun—" Wook hastened forward on his knees and wrapped his arms around her. "You yell at me all the time," he complained, combing his fingers through her damp hair, "But I do it once and you cry like this. That's not fair, Gaeun."
"What's not fair," she pushed him weakly with clenched fists, "is you being nice and sweet for ten minutes so that I swoon and let you fuck me—"
"—hey, now, let's not use such language—"
"—or after you've screwed up—why? Do you want a walk down the memory lane?" Pain always made her angry and unfortunately, this was the only battlefield she could take it out on. "The fact remains, Jang Wook, that even you have always, always used me."
He stilled, face contorting with hurt and Gaeun immediately felt the guilt that always came with hurting him. Taking her hand again, Wook fixed the loosened bandage and said, "The first promise that you asked me to make was to never keep any secrets from you. I broke it the moment I said yes without even knowing, Gaeun. I never meant to make you feel this way," he lowered his head slightly before raising his eyes to meet hers, "I am sorry that I made you feel that I was using you—it was never my intention. I...all I can do is apologize."
Gaeun doubted the sincerity in his voice too. By the sun, she wanted to believe him but she didn't know if it was worth the risk.
"At first, I wanted to keep...touching you. I know this sounds wrong," Wook hurriedly said, "and—and what I felt for you in the beginning wasn't very decent either. After our wedding night, I...I looked forward to sleeping next—with you and to the moments when you would allow me to kiss you. But then, you held my hand when we ran from the rain and I never wanted to let go."
When was that, Gaeun frowned in thought. They had been caught in the rain so many times in the past year so which incident was he talking about?
"I listened to you talk in your sleep, watched you protect my mother whom you and I have never met and then...and then you told me I was destined for greatness—ever since we were kids—that you truly believed someone like me could become a mage and that I was no less than anybody in Songrim. And I think it was from that moment on that I began to crave your attention and your heart. I always had but this time it was different. I had you as my lady wife but I didn't have you as my love and that bothered me."
He reached up to tuck a wet strand of her hair back into the knot. "I didn't know how to cope with such a feeling and I ran. I ran only to return, expecting you to treat me the same each time. Gaeun, I can't breathe when you're angry with me. I lose sleep when you are upset. But your smile knocks the wind out of my lungs and your laugh makes the earth spin faster around me." Ears tinged red, Wook placed his hands in his lap and admitted, "This will sound trivial after everything but I know no other way but from these signs that I can never love anybody other than you. All I can do now," he repeated, "is apologize and show you how it is when it's real."
The absolute irrational fool in Gaeun wanted to throw her arms around Wook. She wanted her story to end here, with him. But the scales of her life had a will of their own and they tipped towards whatever suited their fancy.
Minha chose that moment to push the bamboo door open with her head and limp over to Gaeun. Gaeun smiled as the wolf let out a low grumble and settled down beside her. As she caressed the wolf's back, Gaeun said, "I never had any hope when it came to you. Even though I have loved you for over a decade, I never, even in my wildest dreams, imagined that you could love me back. So why would your words be trivial?"
When she shifted, Wook automatically pulled her into his lap without her asking. She put an arm across his chest, on his shoulder, and he leaned his temple against her chin.
"Do you know how many times I sat across from you and wished to just blurt it out so that I be rid of the burden?" She sighed, "'Leave me tomorrow if you wish but do not go without knowing how much I love you. You have owned my heart since we were young and every time you have broken it, I picked up the pieces and nailed them together only to hand it back to you'."
"But I didn't. I just...I couldn't say it, Wook-ah." Gaeun laughed lightly, "How was I to tell you? What words could I have chosen to make you believe that I married you not because I loved you in secret, but because I wanted to save myself? That I survived and kept myself sane because of you so why not use you once more?"
She stretched her legs over his knee and Wook held her closer. Tilting his chin so that he was looking at her, Gaeun breathed, "You have the entire night sky in your eyes, Jang Wook. And sometimes, I want to climb into your heart and live there just to feel what you feel and see the world the way you do. I have loved you foolishly, ridiculously, with every breath I have ever taken.
"You love me as I love you but that does not fix everything. It is not so simple. I cannot spend the rest of my life waiting for you to betray me."
"I would never—"
"Your master is the Shadow Assassin who murdered my family," she cut him off, "And you committed high treason to hide the soul shifter who killed so many of Lord Park's men—the man who practically raised you. If Yifan and I were to fight her, you'd take up arms against me."
Wook fell quiet. He traced the gold veins glowing on her arms. He didn't know that her limbs blackened and her nails sharpened like an animal's when she used her power. He'd lose all affection for her once he saw how ugly she got, with scales and blood-red eyes as Jooyong took over her body. He would never hold her like this again—
"I made a deal with Jooyong."
"You what!?" Gaeun reacted before her brain had even understood the words Wook had uttered. She took his face in her hands and demanded, "Say that again, Wook. I think I heard you wrong. You—"
He placed his palms over hers and repeated, "I made a deal with the Vermillion Dragon."
She stared at him, horrified. Without a second thought, she bolted to her feet, startling him and Minha. Her bones weighed her down and her muscles ached and she had only made it to the front gates when she heard Wook order Minha to block her path.
"Where are you going?" He demanded, obstructing her path along with the wolf.
"To the lake."
"In your state? No." Wook picked her up with ease and didn't even flinch when she tried to swing her fists at him. The punches pained her more than him. The cut on her palm stung furiously. "Why?" He asked, carrying her back to the front porch.
"To feed myself and this cursed dragon to whatever lives there—put me down!"
"Keep moving like that and you'll hit your head somewhere and crack it open." She stopped instantly, not wanting to experience more pain. "You are not feeding yourself to anyone, Gaeun," Wook said, "Will you at least listen to what I have to say?"
When she nodded, he set her back down on the wooden platform and took a seat close to her. "I told him I will help him out with something and in return he will come back to you by tomorrow."
"Help him out with what?" Gaeun asked, slipping into panic, "When did this happen?"
"We were sleeping and I dreamt—"
"What?"
Wook raised his hands to calm her down, "I cannot believe I'm saying this but I'm glad you are weak right now because you would've probably thrown something at me for what I'm going to tell you. My coat—you stored your magic in it and gave it to me when I was going to Danhyangok," he pulled up his sleeve to show her his right arm, "I accidentally absorbed it in my sleep."
Gaeun touched his wrist in a daze. His skin, which had turned a dangerous shade of red, seemed normal. If he had absorbed her magic to fix himself then...
She swallowed and looked at him, "My memories. You felt everything."
"Your consciousness that guarded the spell took me to Jooyong," he told her, "He agreed to return. I did see your memories, Gaeun. I'm sorry. I didn't do it on purpose—"
"I don't care that you saw my memories," Gaeun countered, "I know you'd never violate my mind like that on purpose. What's happened has happened but, Wook, I need to know the deal between you and Jooyong." She placed her hand over his chest and anxiously asked, "Did he hurt you? Did he put a binding mark on you? What did he say he'd offer? Tell me the exact—"
Wook smiled and intertwined their fingers. "Don't worry," he said quietly, "I will handle it."
Gaeun smacked his hand away. "You trip over the threshold at home every time even though it's been so many years," she huffed and stood up, "How will you handle a deal with a cursed god? You little fool."
"Yes, but I am a fool only for you. Where are you going?" He followed her around the house again, "What do you mean 'cursed'?"
"I didn't mean it literally—are you going to turn into my shadow today!?" Gaeun stumbled a little, feeling unbelievingly dizzy and exhausted. She shrugged off Wook's offer to help and made her way up to her room. "I'm not angry at you for going through my memories, Wook," she said over her shoulder while climbing up the stairs, "It's not like you asked for it."
It worried her. And it embarrassed her. Gaeun had no clue what Wook had seen. Or felt. Something knotted in her chest when she imagined him seeing her with Ren. It tightened uncomfortably when she realized that he knew what she felt for him as well.
"Where are you going?" Wook asked again, still at her heels.
"To see Kim Dojoo," she slipped on her topcoat and adjusted it over her rose-coloured robes, "I need to speak with her about the burial. And the grave she's been hiding from me."
Wook froze. He hadn't known that Gaeun had heard him speak to Maidservant Kim about it. It was easy for her to eavesdrop sometimes. The main house was small after all. Gaeun had no ill intentions. She hadn't planned on storming back home and screaming at the stewardess. She just...owed everyone an apology. In her hurt and pain, Gaeun had said a lot of insensitive things to Kim Dojoo and all of the Jang family staff.
Wook was gentle with his approach this time. "It can wait," he said, catching up to her at the entrance while she put her sandals on, "Not today, Gaeun. Go back inside."
"I can't," she said, "I found my family lying dead here a few hours ago. I can't stand the stench of death anymore."
"Then I'll carry you."
"No—"
"Gaeun-unnie?"
The door had slid open before Gaeun could process Choyeon's voice. Her hands flew to her face hiding the glowing scars but it was already too late. Choyeon and Danggu had already spotted the marks that crept up her face and her neck. They stared stricken with horror until Yifan nudged them out of the way and Wook stood in front of Gaeun to cover her.
"I told you not to react like that, cousin," Yifan scolded Choyeon before walking in uninvited. "How do you feel?" He asked Gaeun and brushed past her without waiting for an answer. "A response from Second Prince Jaehoon. He will be here at the earliest. The Crown Prince is yet to be informed. He is overseas at the moment, dealing with the unrest in Ryoma."
Gaeun frowned, "What happened to the treaty? Ryoma's baron personally signed it during the Summer Synod."
"We weren't there to safeguard it," he answered shortly, "Are we all going to gawk at scarface over there or can we sit?"
"I could have you hanged for that," Gaeun mumbled under her breath and yet Yifan managed to hear it, judging by the unimpressed snort she heard from the parlour.
Choyeon and Danggu didn't know where to look. Or at least Choyeon didn't. She seemed too ashamed to talk to Wook and didn't want to disrespect Gaeun by fixating on her scars. "We...we brought you acorn jelly, unnie," Choyeon stammered and nudged Danggu to hold up a cloth bag, "A-and we, um, we wanted to see how you were—"
The young lady gasped loudly when Minha trotted in. She shoved Wook aside and rushed to the wolf who growled low in delight. "What happened to her?" Choyeon asked, distraught from the wounds Minha had.
Wook raised a brow and said instead, "I thought you were scared of these wolves."
"I was never a coward like you boys," she shot back and Wook and Danggu jerked in surprise, "My mother is scarier than any wolf or lion on this earth."
"I'll say..." Danggu murmured before he beamed happily, "Let's not leave Lord Wang by himself. Come on!"
♕♕
The gathering had been grossly awkward for Wook's liking. He never minded Danggu, of course, no matter how inappropriate his jolly disposition was in a house that was in mourning. But Wook had never been in the same room as Wang Yifan like this and he had, just hours ago, snapped viciously at Choyeon for her silence.
Needleless to say, he still appreciated it when Choyeon quietened Danggu's ramblings with a touch of her hand. There were only so many times Wook could appreciate a detailed description of a cloud his friend had seen while fishing.
"The yin-yang jade," Choyeon said to Wook and Gaeun who sat side by side on the other end of the table, "Mother said we cannot keep it anymore so I brought it over for you. Perhaps you and Jang Wook can—"
Gaeun smiled kindly at her, though her brows pinched together, "Choyeon, the jade may be rare and precious for you in Daeho but in Yeol, it is something common that parents give to younger children so that they can track them while coming and going from school and otherwise. It doesn't really have a romantic notion in my culture."
"O-oh."
Yifan, sitting between the four of them, picked up his teacup and looked away. "Maybe we should split it," he said offishly, "That way, I'll know where you are from now."
Whatever comment Gaeun wanted to make died on her tongue while Choyeon reached over to slap her cousin's knee at the impropriety of his suggestion. Wook could only smile while imagining his fist going through the young man's perfect teeth. His fist dug into his thigh when Yifan reached to examine Gaeun's wounded hands and healed them without asking for any explanation.
Wook held himself back, knowing that Gaeun wouldn't appreciate him trying to smack Wang Yifan while screeching 'don't touch my wife' like a madman.
"You're going to be summoned to the palace," Yifan broke the silence, making Danggu jolt and stop staring at the scar on Gaeun's cheek.
"I still have time," Gaeun replied, "Won won't tattle to the King. You know that."
"No, but Jin Mu visited my lady aunt this morning." He glanced at the way Choyeon began to fidget with her fingers in her lap and continued, "She never welcomes him for more than a few minutes. But they conversed for some time. Jinyuwon will side with the Assistant Gwanju when you are called and accused of deceit."
Gaeun rubbed her chin delicately in thought. Wook had seen her like this before. He had been saying the opposite a lot—that he had never seen her make a certain expression or speak in a certain manner before. But now that he had glimpsed her mind, he could recognize how the cogs in her mind were moving. She was scheming and coming up with theories.
"They may accuse me," Gaeun finally said, "but they will never act on it. The king will make a proposal, perhaps, but I can counter them all. He wouldn't want to slight the blood of the Dowager. However, Jin Mu..." She intertwined her fingers and rested her chin over them, "Songrim is suspicious of him and he is aware of it."
Danggu shifted in discomfort.
"He would prefer to handle that before moving onto me. My guess is that he will wait until the duel day to provoke the matter."
"Gaeun—Princess," Danggu corrected himself before asking, "How do you know—"
Gaeun had no time to answer him. She switched to an unfamiliar language—one Wook had heard her speak to Yifan in before—and fired off what sounded like rapid instructions. Wook managed to catch a single word: Danju.
"Unnie," Choyeon interrupted, "What about your powers? Will they not see it as an act of aggression?"
"No," Gaeun answered, "And even if they do, the circumstances of my birth will give them no choice but to act cordial with me."
The young heiress nodded, "Then, unnie, know that I am on your side. I will relay whatever information is exchanged between my mother and the Assistant Gwanju. Anything that I can get my hands on."
"Don't betray your mother like that, Choyeon—"
"I might know why she is joining hands with him," Choyeon said with a shake of her head, "and so I understand my mother's desperation. I wish nothing but for her to get what she wants but there has to be a better way than taking assistance from a despicable man suspected of murdering those weaker than him. And it's not because it's you, unnie. Jin Mu has always been dangerous."
Yifan nodded in approval. Wook, however, fixated on Choyeon in a daze. He, much like the whole of Daeho. had always associated her with spring. Warm and bright as sunshine. Delicate as blossoms. A silly, little girl who was so obsessed with the idea of princes and true love and happy endings. It was so strange to hear her speak out against her mother with such an iron edge in her voice.
Wook forgot so easily that Jin Choyeon was a skilled swordswoman and was nearly unmatched when it came to charms and hexes. Her knowledge of relics, runes, and seals was extraordinary too. Her dainty appearance was an easy disguise to make everyone look over her abilities.
"I plan on moving into Yeol's embassy soon," Yifan said, "So you will be alone, cousin. Don't do anything stupid."
"Nothing my knives won't fix—"
"No!" Yifan and Gaeun exclaimed in unison and burst into reprimands, making her shrink and duck behind Danggu's shoulder. "This is your fault," Yifan pointed at Gaeun, "Every argument and she pulls out knives—"
"Me? You're the one who gave her the daggers—"
Danggu slapped his palms on the table and enthusiastically said, "Well, Young Lady Choyeon and I just wanted to drop these off. We should get going. I'm needed at Songrim. Wook-ah, see us out, will you?"
At the gates, Choyeon began to examine her floral skirt and waved her fingers. All the fur that Minha had left behind on her clothes rose up, gathered into a bundle, and flew away with the breeze.
"Jang Wook," she suddenly said, glancing morosely around the vacant compound, "The Jin family does owe a debt but it is to the Princess of Yeol and not to the Jang family."
"What?"
She glanced down at the tip of her shoes, flushing pink as he stood in front of her. "I know she lied at Jinyuwon, that she was hurt while saving me. But Gaeun-unnie didn't even raise a hand that day. She merely flicked a finger and he went flying. And the flames—they burned white and blue. She was furious but wasn't hurt. Whatever caused the m-miscarriage, it happened within your walls. Keep that in mind the next time you declare that we owe you something."
Danggu's wide eyes were glued to the ground. Even he was struck by the difference in Choyeon's tone. If Wook squinted closer, his friend had a terrible blush smeared across his face too.
"And, one more thing," Choyeon hesitated before pursing her lips, "I apologize. For being unable to dissuade my mother. It is...sometimes—most times, it's difficult to—"
"Jin Choyeon," Wook cut her off gently, "It's alright. Like I said, I'm not bearing any grudges against you. And neither does Gaeun. You know she'd never be angry with you."
It was something the boys had agreed on since they were young. They would never hold Lady Jin's misdoings against Choyeon. Her elder sister's abrupt disappearance had weighed heavy on her. Choyeon, who was only ten years old and untrained, was suddenly an heiress. She had been deprived of her mother's attention and care. When Seo Yul had found her crying uncontrollably by the lake, all three boys had collectively decided to show her the kindness she had been robbed of at home.
Choyeon nodded once, thoroughly relieved. "I'm glad," she sighed, pouting, "Mother had forced me into trying to convince her into leaving you. But I'd never would've married you. I've seen how you treat unnie. It made me want to dig out your entrails and—"
"You listen here—!"
Laughing loudly to break up whatever argument was about to erupt, Danggu looped his arm around Choyeon's, making her stutter and stammer. "Oh, dear, the sun's about to set!" Danggu commented, "I think your cousin has something more to discuss with Gaeun. We must be on our way. I shall walk you home!"
He dragged Choyeon out of the Lee compound as gently as possible while Wook waved his fist threateningly at her, "Yeah, you better not bring her back here!"
The sharp realization that Gaeun was alone with Yifan made him bolt all the way back to the house. They were still talking when he padded down the hallway as quietly as he could. Wook paused a few feet away from the door, hesitant to open it when he heard Yifan plead with a sense of urgency.
"Come away with me," his voice was little above a whisper, "Come away with me and I will hide you. I will carve the path to the cusp of the life you crave and deserve. I will return to you the right which was stolen from you."
Wook's breath hitched. Something spread through his lungs, strangling them until he couldn't breathe. He waited for Gaeun's response.
After a brief pause, he heard her say, "You know I can't." He could tell from her voice that she was smiling albeit sadly.
"Gaeun..."
"Yifan, I want to live here. I want to live with Wook." Pressing a palm to his forehead, Wook felt his senses return and breathed in relief. "Why would you do this? Why would you even offer? After everything—"
"You broke code for me. Every single time. We had orders to abandon or euthanize wounded and dying teammates but you always came back for me. I never expected you to forsake me the one time I needed you the most but, Gaeun, I don't care for you so little that I will hold it against you for the rest of our lives." Yifan paused and admitted with shame, "You were all I had. I know what I said to you but...you were all I had too. The only person who could understand me."
The heaviness of the silence was felt everywhere. Wook leaned his back against the wall. It would be wrong to interfere in their conversation now. But Gaeun didn't share Yifan's sentiments, or if she did, she didn't express them.
"Keep me updated on the Baihu case," she said instead, "I will join once I have recovered."
Yifan didn't answer immediately. When he did, he tried not to sound hurt, "As you wish, Your Grace. We will train together on the embassy grounds after the burial."
Before Wook could stumble and pretend that he had only just walked in, Yifan was out in the hallway. He paused, bowed his head to Wook, and departed. Somewhere outside, Wook heard Minha bark after him.
Gaeun was hunched over the table, clutching her chest while breathing harshly. Her scars radiated and burned golden in a strangled manner. When Wook rushed over to her side with worry, she gasped, "Could you—the windows. Please."
He carried her to the large windows once he had slid them open and set her down on the window sill. "Wait here," he said and returned a few moments later with his white overcoat, draping it over her.
When he sat down next to her, Gaeun instinctively laid her head on his shoulder. "Sorry," she breathed, shivering and sweating at the same time, "I just...I didn't want him to see me this weak."
"You were harsh with him," Wook replied gently, "Despite your differences, he is your partner and your friend."
She curled up closer to him. "It's the shame," she said, "I abandoned him. After everything we've been through together, I chose the coward's way out. I didn't want him to face him after he lost all respect for me."
Wook put an arm around her and hummed in thought, "He always knew where you were and never came after you. Even now, he's looking after you, Gaeun."
"I thought you didn't like him," she laughed lightly.
"I don't. But I...appreciate the way he treats you. And I respect the relationship between you two." It was true. In spite of the jealousy, Wook was in awe of the camaraderie Yifan showed towards Gaeun. He wondered if he could ever treat someone he trusted the same way if they ever abandoned him in his time of need.
"It is how Yifan honours Ren," Gaeun's voice was thick with emotions, "You honour the departed by preserving and protecting what they loved. It's the same with Madam Kim and Lord Park, I suppose."
It was quiet again between them. Wook twirled a strand of Gaeun's hair while she closed her eyes under the moonlight. Minha howled with sorrow in the distance. She was all alone now, without her sisters, without her pack. A few moments later, she emerged out of the bushes and nestled into Gaeun's lap.
"Grandmother hated it whenever one of the wolves walked into the house," Gaeun whispered as she patted Minha's head, "What do we do now, Minha? Granny isn't here to scold you. Neither is the pack leader. Where will we go?"
"She'll come home with us," Wook said as if it was obvious.
"She'll scare everyone," she replied, her attention still on Minha. The wolf had begun to let out low growls that Wook interpreted as crying. Gaeun held her closer, shedding tears of her own. "I can't send you to Yeol, Minha. The magic in the lands will overwhelm you and you won't withstand the heat."
"Gaeun," Wook rested his hand over hers, "Minha will come home with us. It's alright. Everyone will get used to her once they realize she won't harm anybody. Besides," he tried to sound cheerful, "You're—you're the princess. Of the Unified South. What you say goes."
At her amused glance, he blurted rapidly, "But also, how could you not tell me? Do you know how shocked I was? It was so difficult to keep myself from revealing that I didn't know. How could you keep this from me!?"
"I did tell you," she deadpanned, "You called me a liar for the next three years and pulled my braids so I stopped."
Aghast, Wook could only say, "Prince Consort."
"Yes."
"Prince Consort, Gaeun."
"I'm not the Prince Consort. You are."
Wook shuddered at the comment. He buried his face in his hands and muttered, "Oh my god, I could've caused a war. All this time, all the pranks I pulled on you. I could've caused a war between Daeho and Yeol."
"Maybe."
He scowled at her but immediately stopped once he saw the teasing smile she wore. He reached up to touch the scar on her cheek. Gaeun flinched a little but didn't push him away. "I wasn't being obedient in the laboratory," she told him, "and the blade 'slipped' from the archmage's hands."
Rage flared through Wook. He could see the scars littering her body even through her clothes. It was as if her body had been shredded and pieced together over and over again. He had no right to call the result of her torture 'beautiful'. If she hated acknowledging them then who was he to convince her otherwise?
"Wook-ah," Gaeun pulled him out of his thoughts, "Can we go back? I don't think I can spend the night here."
♕♕
Before leaving, Gaeun visited every last corner of the house, reminiscing and narrating little incidents to Wook that she thought she had forgotten. And Wook listened patiently—about her making paper flowers by tearing the constellations charts her grandfather had brought back from Cheonbukwan, about the steward and her sneaking sweets out of the kitchen, about how her grandmother punished her by sending her to bed early when she walked in with muddy boots.
She collapsed outside her grandfather's office and wept and gasped apologies in between while Wook held her. If there was any spell in the world that could transfer pain, Wook wanted to use it and take all of Gaeun's so that he could bear it instead.
Close to midnight, Gaeun's scars dimmed and they slowly began to vanish even though her strength hadn't returned. Wook took it as a positive sign and carried her home on his back.
"You used to wobble whenever you tried to carry me," Gaeun mumbled, resting her chin on his shoulder.
"Accessing my magic strengthened my body," he said in an upbeat tone, "That and my training is paying off."
Kim Dojoo had heard Minha's barks and came running out. Nearly mad with concern, she had taken hold of Gaeun before Wook had even crouched to set her down. "Oh, let me see," the stewardess cried, "My Lady, you've grown so pale. You've lost all colour from your face. Oh, I knew I shouldn't have left you in the Young Master's hands. He refused to let us see you and—"
"I'm alright," Gaeun chuckled at how wrought Kim Dojoo was with worry, "Wook took good care of me, Madam Kim. You can calm down now."
The woman turned her chiding gaze towards Wook who yelped when she suddenly smacked his bicep repeatedly. "She said I took care of her—why are you still hitting me?" He complained in a whiny high-pitch.
When she raised her hand to hit him again, Gaeun clasped it and interrupted. "A word, please?" She said, "The staff must be exhausted and resting right now so I will apologize to them tomorrow."
Kim Dojoo blinked in confusion, "Apologize? What for?"
Gaeun averted her gaze out of embarrassment, "For weeks after that night in Sejukwon, I misbehaved with everyone here and said things that I shouldn't have. You were all only looking after me and—"
The stewardess cut her off with a slap on the arm that startled her. In any other case, Wook would've laughed until he cried at the face Gaeun made. But he ended up stifling a smile.
"That is not something you should apologize for!" Kim Dojoo exclaimed, appalled that Gaeun would even say such a thing, "You were grieving and in shock. None of us knew how to comfort you in any way. And...and Young Master wasn't here either. How could we possibly hold it against you?"
"I know but," Gaeun reached for Wook, hooking her little finger with his, "I was cruel with my words."
Kim Dojoo smiled at her reassuringly, "We are not outsiders, my Lady. Believe me when I say that everybody in this household thinks the world of you and shares every bit of your grief. That...reminds me," she began with uncertainty, "I...well, Servant Rae and I...we..."
"I know about the grave," Gaeun said and Kim Dojoo held her breath and hung her head, waiting for her to reprimand her. But instead, Gaeun thanked her. "I would've regretted it had you not taken such a decision," she said, "I was angry from the pain and what the physician said. Not at the...Anyway," she hesitated to ask, "I'd like to go visit. If you could hand me a lantern and tell me the directions—"
"Gaeun," Wook cut in, "It's late."
She pinched the elbow of his sleeve and said, "Please?" in such a manner that he didn't have the heart to deny her. Assuring Maidservant Kim that they'll be careful and that he remembered the way and instructing her into letting Minha sleep in their room, Wook took the lantern from her hand and led Gaeun out of the back gates.
It wasn't a long walk once they had walked off the paved roads. Wook knew these parts of the forest well, having visited it repeatedly during his childhood to pray to his mother's grave with Kim Dojoo. Once he was grown, he stopped until the stewardess insisted firmly. He didn't know the woman who gave birth to him apart from the stories and the single portrait hanging in the middle of his home. He had preferred wanting to live and grow for the sake of the woman who raised him instead.
Wook passed by the cairn built over his mother's grave and guided Gaeun to the smaller one that lay a few feet away. He felt her clutch his hand tightly when they neared it. Someone had built a small prayer tower over where the ground had been dug. The sky was clear and the wind wasn't as cold as it normally was. Moonlight fell over the white lilies that had been laid near it.
Gaeun sat down on her knees close to the tower. Her fingers grazed the rocks delicately, afraid that the tower might tip over if she was too rough with it. Wook heard her faintly whisper something in a language he didn't understand, one he knew was different from what she had used with Yifan earlier.
For a moment, Wook couldn't fathom the relief he felt over the fact that Gaeun had physically recovered from the miscarriage. He had heard in passing about women who died because of it. Wook could've never lived with himself had something happened to Gaeun.
"I'm sorry I never told you," Gaeun said to him softly, "Yes, we never talked about children before and...it never even crossed my mind. But you didn't love me back then so I assumed that you'd be secretly relieved too—that you wouldn't have to share something so...precious with someone you didn't love. You are a good man, Jang Wook, and this marriage was a lie. I didn't want to hurt you or make you feel trapped."
He knelt down beside her, reached for her hand, and kissed her fingers. Wook had always dreamt of having children of his own. He had dreamt of raising them with the love and affection that Kim Dojoo had passed down to him. He wanted to read to them, skip stones and go fishing and fly kites with them and prove that he was a better man than Jang Gang.
But now that he was here after knowing what Gaeun and he had lost, Wook couldn't help but ponder over his dreams. All he had was his title as the Young Master of the Jang family despite not being Jang Gang's true son. A result of your mother's affair, Lord Park had spat at him. Wook didn't even have adequate skills as a mage to earn any respect in Daeho. How, then, could he provide for his children when all the fortress did was gossip and laugh at him?
"You can never hurt me, Gaeun," Wook finally said, picking up a flat stone from a discarded pile, "No matter what you say or do." He placed the stone on the ground and began to make another tower, "I...wouldn't have been ready, had the baby stayed. I have no power, no respect, no honor in Daeho. But I would've done whatever it took to give our family a better life."
Our family. It sounded so...fulfilling. As if he had achieved one of the greatest things on this earth. The possibility that he could have a family with the woman he loved, the possibility that he could grow old with Gaeun and cherish her and serve her made Wook believe that he could do anything. He could march into the palace at this very moment and claim the throne only to lay it all down at his wife's feet.
He held out the last rock for Gaeun to place. "Do you want to name him?" He asked, feeling his throat constrict. He and Gaeun could've had a son to look forward to, had Fate been kinder to his wife. Wook knew exactly how she felt, having experienced her yearning for someone to call her own.
Gaeun finished the prayer tower and smiled, "No. No, I don't think that would be right. Naming him would mean that he wasn't supposed to stay for long with us. That we're saying goodbye. But if we don't, then he can come back to us—as a son or as a daughter."
"As you wish, then." Wook pressed his palm flat on the ground over the grave and said, "You heard that, right? Come right back to your mother and me when we're ready. We will love you with every shred of our existence although, between you and me," he whispered playfully, "I'll love you more if you return as my daughter instead. Boys are a menace. I would know. And you better take after your mother. I was horrible as a kid."
He heard Gaeun laugh through her tears. The sound of it made his insides twist. Wook dug his nails into the dirt and chuckled, "Your mother is beautiful and kind and strong, and you'll be very lucky to have her. I'm not so bad, either. I'll be your favourite because I will save you from your mother's punishments and take your side during arguments and we'll play pranks on your uncles together and...and I..." He covered his eyes with his hand as his voice cracked.
All Wook could see was Gaeun—curled up in her bed in the dark—and the way she had borne everything with no one to rely on. He hunched forward, weeping, and gasped, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone like that, for making you suffer by yourself."
Gaeun pulled him into an embrace, letting him burrow his face in the crook of her neck as he wept with her. "Look at you, crying like this," she teased, cradling the back of his head, "What will the child think? 'My father's such a crybaby, sobbing even after I said I'll come back'." Even when his sobs quietened, Wook couldn't keep his tears from soaking into Gaeun's collar. He felt her kiss his temple as she continued to murmur comforting words to him. "It's okay, Wook-ah. Everything will turn and we'll be okay. We have time.
"We have all the time in the world."
♕♕
not a fan of this chapter tbh but i do have a few favourite scenes (eg, where wook fantasizes about punching yifan and in the next scene, tells gaeun that she was too harsh with him + where he yells at her and she cries from the surprise)! sorry about the typos or any abruptness. im sleep deprived from being the elder daughter in a brown family.
is there foreshadowing in this chapter? welp, i don't know! i have a solid plot for s2 already. well, not solid but a basic skeleton. well, not a basic skeleton but a vague idea. but we'll get to s2 if and when i finish the first part *cries while giving you a thumbs up because we're still at ep 8*
thoughts? comments? spare validation?