My brain was spinning while Ryder drove me to my house. I couldn't blame Milo for his hostility, if anything, he was being unreasonable with how calm he was. I certainly felt like I wouldn't have handled the situation as well if the roles had been reversed. Maybe it would have been a different conversation if Ryder hadn't been there and it was doubtful that there would have been any conversation should Ryder have gone alone.
But, all that aside, it didn't make sense. I had tried to connect the dots, yet nothing added up. Milo made great points. Coincidences didn't mean anything. Sometimes things just overlapped. And the alternative timing was also fair, that it was Ryder that had an effect on my parents and not some food that they consumed.
"Did you ever eat anything from the bakery?" I blurted.
Ryder didn't even raise an eyebrow in surprise. "No, just coffees. And I only ever had coffees that you made for me."
Well, that scratched my idea then, unless there was another way to find a werewolf who had consumed something out of the café. It did seem odd to put in the effort of sending out fragile humans into the woods to maybe kill a single wolf if you had the means to poison an entire population slowly. And, it seemed strange that they would be poisoning food and couldn't be bothered to tell the people who were selling it. Then again, Armond wasn't a particularly chatty type. The thought of him hiding something from his team seemed entirely feasible.
Ryder helped me get out of the car when we arrived home. I was getting stronger, but days like this still took everything I had to offer. If I hadn't been buzzing from the altercation, my eyelids probably would have been drooping by now. With a steady arm around my waist, Ryder helped me up the path to my home and boosted me up the crumbling stairs when I faltered a little.
I was deposited on the couch and left to my own thoughts. It just didn't make sense. There was something I was missing. There had to be. But I didn't know where to find it, I didn't know who to ask.
Ryder reappeared with a bowl of oatmeal, fresh apple cubes and maple syrup on top. I noticed how he winced when our fingers touched.
"Do you miss it?" I asked quietly.
He offered me a weak smile as he sat down beside me. I immediately noticed that he kept a little distance between us. "Of course I miss it," he admitted finally. "Every time I touch you, I'm reminded of what I had. And also how I lost it. I feel like I've forgotten that we aren't bonded sometimes. Then, I touch you and I'm surprised. Then I have to remember it all over again and..."
I could understand. There were moments when I missed the fire, the heat, knowing exactly what to do and say without having to think about it. and there were nights when I woke up panting, my mind filled with images of him screaming for me, the magic being torn from both of us.
"Do you miss it?" he questioned.
"No." The answer was instant and steady.
"Really?"
"I never expected to have a mate. It wasn't something that I was looking forward to or that I would just get. And when I had to make choices—" Like when the purple princess demanded to know if Ryder was the one for me, "I wondered how much of it was my choice and how much of it was just the bond. Of course, you're wonderful. But, sometimes, it felt like the choices were not my own. Like some primal part of my brain overrode the reason. Sure, the intensity was amazing. I won't deny that. But this is good, too," I insisted, reaching out to take his hand. "This is steady and strong. This is slow and patient. There is no franticness to this, no rush. This is just...love. Maybe it's human love, but it's everything I've ever wanted. It's more than I ever hoped for."
Ryder was silent for a moment. He stared straight ahead at the shut-off television. Then, he nodded once. "Yeah. You're right. Just because it's not what I expected, doesn't mean it's bad. You're still here." He squeezed my hand gently.
"I'm always going to be here," I vowed.
He sucked in a breath and averted his eyes once more. And I knew a grand Ryder announcement was coming in that blunt, abrupt way of his. "I think you should let this whole werewolf-wolf-drain thing go."
I didn't let the word leave my mouth right away, because that wouldn't be fair. I took in his words. I could just release it all, let go of the leash that was attached to the ugly black dog that I dragged around with me. I could get a real job. I could move out of this mountain town and start over. I could stress over spreadsheets and emails instead of life and death situations.
My answer remained the same. "No."
"Georgia, come on."
"Wolf-drain is still out there. Whatever it is, however it works, it's still out there. And figuring out what the hell it is, is going on might not bring my parents back, but it might help others. If we could get medication to Cassey—"
"It was a one-time, experimental drug," he protested.
"Would you let this go?" I shot back. "Would you let this go after there was a pinch of hope given to you? Would you let this go when you can see things that don't make sense?"
"Georgia, we had the mate bond ripped out of ourselves. You couldn't move. you couldn't talk. What more do you need?"
It was true. And I still had nightmares about it. I would wake up feeling like my lips had been glued shut and sometimes it took hours for me to convince myself that this was real life, not a dream. It was awful. It was horrifying.
But my answers were still out there. I could feel it.
"Would you let this go?" I repeated.
Ryder sighed heavily. "No."
"Exactly. There is something out there. And there is going to be no one better suited to figure it out than a girl who hunted werewolves for a living and a werewolf." I faltered then, realizing that I had overstepped. "Well, if this is something that you want. I won't sign you up for this if you don't feel like it's for you. I'm sure Ajax and Keiko have dozens of—"
"If you're in this, I'm in this," Ryder stated.
And despite the bleakness that surrounded us, despite what we had lost, I smiled a little.
~~~Distraction Section~~~
Happy Easter Sunday if you celebrate!
Question of the Day:
What is the most out of character thing you have done?
I gave someone the finger on Christmas eve because they were texting and driving and almost caused a wreck more than once.