-warning of drug use-
* Mikey *
-
Turns out Alex had thrown up because he'd been disgusted with himself. I wasn't sure what to think about it all. Was I too pushy with him? Did I do it too soon? Did I convince myself he was better just so I could get him off to fullfill my own sexual needs? I was a dick. I really was a dick.
Alex was asleep now. It was 11am, Saturday morning and he was asleep. It'd been 3 days since the incident and he was trying to seem ok but I knew he wasn't. He'd been stirring through the night until about 6am, and only properly drifted off at 8. No wonder he was still sleeping.
He looked really cute. He was just in his boxers and he was snuggling up to my chest, gripping onto my skin. I looked over his arms, seeing the healing cuts and burns and traced my fingers across them. Hopefully they wouldn't scar to bad. I'd pick him up some E45 to help reduce the scarring, he didn't need anymore of them.
Groaning softly, Alex opened his eyes.
"Hey,"
"Hi," he murmured. "What time is it?"
"11,"
"Shit,"
"It's ok," I chuckled. "How are you feeling? And don't lie, I'll just get sad."
Alex rolled his eyes and took my hand. "I'm ok,"
"Better than yesterday?"
"Yeah," he sighed. "I promise,"
-
Alex was in the shower and after finally letting him go in on his own, I sat down on my bed with my phone, It was safe to say that without Alex, I had pretty much nothing going for me. I didn't really care though. It wasn't like Alex was going anywhere.
"I've got a secret, it's at the tip of my tongue, it's at the back of-"
I reached over and answered Alex's phone. "Yeah?"
"Hey Alex," Kat chirped down the phone. Eugh. She was too happy sometimes.
"It's Mikey,"
"Oh. Where's Alex?"
"Shower,"
"Oh. Well I was just wondering if you guys were up for a party tonight? James is having one and I asked Hunter to invite you guys but he got all weird so I thought I would,"
"Party," I murmured. Would that be a good idea? Alex was still kinda sick and sad and just not feeling too good. Huh. I'd ask him later. "I'll let you know when Alex is back. He's not been feeling too good,"
"Oh. Well let me know,"
I hung up just as Alex walked through the door with his wet hair and nothing but a pair of boxers on. He looked so cute like that. It was like, he looked so innocent but at the same time like he could just kill someone. It was a weird way to describe it but that's what it felt like.
I raised an eye-brow. "You're teasing me baby,"
"Sorry," he murmured. He headed over to my bed and dropped down on it. He was adorable. So I jumped up from the floor and allowed myself to climb on top of him, sitting on his waist and running my hands up and down his chest.
"Now you're teasing me," he groaned and I chuckled.
"Sorry," I smirked. "Kat phoned. James is having a party. You feeling up for it?"
"Alcohol seems good," he noted.
"Indeed. But then the last time you had alcohol-"
"I'll be fine," he assured me. "When is it?"
"I'll phone Kat and see. You sure you're up for it though?"
"Yeah," he smiled. "I am."
*
Me and Alex headed downstairs at 8pm. The party started an hour ago but it was always shite at first so we waited a bit. We were both wearing black skinny jeans, converse and he had a BMTH shirt on whilst mine was Suicide Silence. His hair was messier than mine and he looked more pale. I wasn't sure if it was because he was still feeling shit or he just looked like that. I could never tell anymore.
"You guys going to Hunter's?" Mom asked as we stepped into the front room.
"Yeah, we'll be back tomorrow."
"Ok, i love you both."
We smiled at her and Dad as we walked out, neither of us feeling bad about lying to them. It was just easier that way. Plus, if they knew we were going to be drinking then they'd flip. Well, for Alex. Not me. Drinking on medication like his was a stupid idea; which was why we rarely drunk
After we got a few streets down from our house, Alex took out his fags. I swear he was using them as a coping mechanism now which I wasn't sure about. I couldn't tell him to stop because I smoked too. it was confusing.
"You're smoking more," I noted.
"It's kind of addicting,"
"Figured," I laughed. "Hey um, when we get there, I think you should stay close to me."
"Why?"
"You're cute and vulnerable and there'll probably be assholes here,"
"Oh," he murmured. He scrunched his face up and I stopped.
"What?"
"You make it sound like I'm a baby,"
"You are a baby," I teased.
"Mikey," he frowned. "You act like I can't look after myself,"
"That's not what I'm saying," I groaned. "What I mean is that things happen at parties. It could happen to anyone. I'm just worried about you," i reached for his hand and traced my fingers over his. "Ok?"
He smiled a bit. "Yeah. Ok,"
"Ok," I pulled him close. Pressing my lips to his, I smiled into him. "Let's go,"
*
When we got into James', Kat was the first to run up to us, dragging Hunter with her. She stood there for a minute, looking kinda drunk and ditzy, staring at us cluelessly. Then she jumped forwards and wrapped her arms round me.
"Alex!"
"Hunter, control your girl." I gasped, awkwardly pushing her off. "Mikey,"
"Oh," she shrugged, launching at Alex. Ugh. I hated her sometimes. I knew she was drunk but did she have to throw herself on him? I wasn't threatened or anything but she of all people knew how Alex could be easily scared.
"You alright?" I awkwardly looked at Hunter.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Drunk?"
"Ish,"
"Alex I think that you should come upstairs into James' room because they're playing bring me," Kat squealed. She grabbed Alex's hand, pulling him towards her. He looked at me first and I felt kinda bad. it was like he was waiting for my permission or something.
"I'll go get us some drinks, I'll be up soon." I assured him.
"Ok," he smiled a little before being dragged off by Kat.
I looked at Hunter. "You not going with them?"
"Need a smoke," he admitted, laughing a bit. I relaxed. I wasn't sure if me and Hunter were friends now or if we just had to tolerate each other for our other half's sakes. But I knew I could easily get back to being friendly with him if I knew where he was at.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Do you like herbal?"
"Why does it matter if i-" Hunter gave me a look and it clicked. "Ohhhh,"
He rolled his eyes and gestured me to follow him. We headed out through the kitchen and out into the back. Some people were out smoking and me and Hunter seemed to have the same idea, so we went further into the garden where no one would try get us to share.
Hunter sat down on the grass, taking out some tobacco from his pocket and a small see through bag. He took out a paper and tossed one to me as well. Huh, that was generous. I thought we'd have to share one. He crumbled the weed and took a small bit of tobacco, mixing it up. He passed it to me and I did the same.
When we were done rolling, he tossed me a lighter.
"Does Kat know you've got this?"
"She knows," he nodded. "Not how much but that's not important,"
I laughed and he rolled his eyes. "Like you're gonna tell Alex you're smoking it,"
"I will tell him," I said honestly. "Just um..I'll say that I had a few draws and not a full one."
"Nice,"
"Mhmm,"
"What's up with you two then?" He wondered. I didn't know if he actually cared or if he was just making small talk but things were going well so I carried on.
"Good i think,"
"You think?"
"Well yknow, I sucked him off and he threw up."
"Oh."
"Yup."
"Um,"
"Did that happen to you?" I asked. "Don't answer if you don't want to. I'm just confused about what to do about it,"
"Umm sort of," he squinted his face up, taking in an icredibly long draw. "It's confusing. Just..fuck, I dunno. Just wait until you know he's ready, I guess. Like, even if he says he is and you know it's bullshit, don't do anythnig. Wait until it's pretty clear that he's ok,"
"When do you know?"
"You're the one who's in love with him," he laughed. "I dunno. But you'll know, I think."
"Huh," I murmured, pretty unsure of what to say. I could feel the drug taking over my head and everything immediately became more vivid. I mean, it helped a lot with me and Hunter. If we weren't sharing alcohol or a joint, we'd be at each others throats.
"Hunter?"
"Michael,"
"Shut up," I muttered. "Do you think that you'd be able to talk to Alex? Like, not now. Just, whenever you feel like it. Sometimes I don't think it's enough that I tell him he's ok, I think he needs someone like you for a while. Yknow, someone who's been through it."
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Yeah sure, no problem. Could go find him now if you want to?"
"In a minute," I agreed. "Turns out I do like herbal,"
He laughed, rolling his eyes at me and tipping his head back as he sucked in another draw. I wasn't sure if it was just the weed, or my current happiness with my brother, but things were starting to seem a lot better.
-
[AN] guys I'm sorry for the no updates and the shittness of this one. Been a tough few months but I promise to get right back into this and make it as good as I can. Suggestions are always welcome, and I love you all xx