**
Saturday, 12th October, 1996
This morning, it was the Quidditch game of Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff, and Patrick really wants me to come and see him play. I, however, couldn't think of anything worse. Everywhere I turned, people were still talking about what happened in the library. It was the talk of the castle.
What hasn't helped matters, was that any time Draco and I tried to talk yesterday, we were almost immediately interrupted by someone. He kept giving me these apologetic eyes, like he was screaming that he was sorrier than he ever had been.
Yesterday in Defence Against the Dark Arts, with five minutes to spare, Draco was called into Professor McGonagall's office. Everyone cheered and oohed, and all the Slytherin boys all congratulated him. That meant we weren't able to spend our free period together.
We were all sat in the common room, waiting for the Quidditch match to start, and all I could think about was the fact I would have to be watching Draco, and listening to all the gossip about us both. I kept trying to think of ways to get out of it instead of pitching in with the conversation.
A timid little second year boy cleared his throat and stared at us all like we were the scariest and terrifying looking group of people to exist. His cheeks were rosy-pink, and he couldn't look at any of us for too long.
"Hey there, sweetheart, how can we help you?" Megan smiled at the young boy,
"Sorry, I um- I have this to give to Maddie. Professor Snape g-gave it to me," the Hufflepuff boy squeaked.
His hands were shaking as he passed me the envelope. I recognised the slanted, small, and neat handwriting immediately. My heart fluttered, eager to read what he'd written. I was aware that everyone's eyes were on me.
Meet me by the Prefects common room. 11:00am when the Quidditch match starts. Please, my love. I know I'm probably the last person you want to see, but I need to talk to you. I'm thinking of you.
-D.M
I had to hide my smile as I read his words. I had to admit some confusion at why he was wanting to meet me when he was supposed to be playing Quidditch against my house. I didn't care too much, however.
"What's your owl say, Mads?" Hannah asked absentmindedly,
"Oh, you're going to have to apologise to Patrick for me, I can't make the Quidditch match this morning, I have a meeting with- someone. I can't get out of it," I took a deep breath, chewing on my bottom lip,
"Who with?" Zacharias asked, arching an eyebrow at me,
"It's private," I shrugged my shoulders slightly,
"Won't you tell me, Mads?" Hannah nudged my elbow,
"Madam Pomfrey," I whispered in her ear, hating myself for lying, but also relieved I had a credible reason to skip Quidditch and meet Draco,
"Tell me about it later, do you want me to come with you?" Hannah whispered back to me,
"No, that's okay, I'll be fine. Thank you though, babe, love you," I said, finally glad I could be honest for once.
Hannah nodded and held my hand. Everyone was looking at the two of us like we had gone completely insane.
"It's private," Hannah kissed my cheek.
Hannah then gave everyone a look that said, "you had all better change the conversation, now," and I've never been more grateful to have Hannah Abbott as my best friend.
**
As everyone made their way to the Quidditch Stands, I walked to the Prefects common room to finally see my Slytherin boy. I felt that nervous knot start to form in the pit of my stomach. It was as though it was the first time meeting him all over again.
The whole walk there, it felt like I was walking on a cloud. I couldn't get one part of Draco's letter out of my head though.
"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see."
It hurt my heart to think of Draco sitting there, believing that I didn't want to be with him, because that's the furthest thing from the truth. He's the only person I ever wanted to be with, at all times.
There he was, foot on the wall, looking so effortlessly cool. It took me back to every single morning he would wait for me in the spot between our common rooms.
He was wearing a plain black turtleneck sweater, a black blazer, and black suit trousers. His hair was parted on the left side of his head and impeccably styled, not a single strand of hair was out of place.
I felt like an idiot in my yellow floral sundress, with sheer brown tights and brown chunky cardigan. I wasn't sure why, but I also felt really juvenile around him. Like he was so grown-up and mature, and I was just pathetic and useless.
With each step and fiddling with the cuff of my cardigan, I kept thinking about how I would greet Draco.
A simple wave?
Jumping into his arms?
Just saying hello?
It wasn't like we'd had an argument and I certainly didn't feel that constricted feeling in my throat and chest when we have gotten into a disagreement or dispute. I didn't exactly know the etiquette of seeing your sort-of-not-really boyfriend for the first time after getting caught having sex.
As soon as Draco noticed me, he pushed his foot off the wall and threw his arms around me. I was finally back in my safe space. I slotted into his arms so perfectly.
He muttered the password so we could enter into the Prefects common room. It was eerily silent in there, not even the young witches and wizards in the portraits were moving.
"I am so sorry, Madeline, I feel fucking awful," Draco said, sitting us down on the sofa. He nestled me into the nook of his arms, wrapped tightly around my shoulder,
"It's okay-"
"No, it's not okay, Madeline. Stop trying to make me feel better. I handled things really badly, and I was a fucking cunt to you. I just need you to know how sorry I am," Draco interjected, his tone a mixture of being cold and shameful.
Instead of saying anything, I decided to move out of his arms and straddle myself on his lap. I connected our lips, letting my tongue slip into his mouth. My arms were wrapped around his neck and his hands were placed on the small of my back. I thought I'd let my actions say what I was thinking.
"You should hate me," Draco pulled away, our foreheads touching, "I just fucking left you there,"
"I could never hate you, Draco. I know we never meant for that to happen, we got carried away in the moment," I reassured him, pecking soft kisses along his jawline,
"I hate me, I just have to sit there and listen to everyone talking about you and it makes me fucking mad. I keep getting these images of your face as I walked away," Draco shook his head, his tone full of vulnerability,
"I have to listen to my friends talking badly about me, the anonymous girl in the library, I just try to ignore it," I shrugged my shoulders,
"I can't even tell them to shut up because you're not like that but then they'd know it was you. Then I hate myself even more for not saying it was you, because then it makes me feel like I'm ashamed of you. I'm not, but we can't be together, and I don't know-" Draco cut his sentence short, taking a deep breath,
"Shh, it's okay. We're here and we're alone and we're together. No one else matters," I gently planted my lips on his,
"I kept trying to apologise yesterday, I really did, but we barely got two seconds to talk. You do believe that I'm trying to be a better person, don't you, love?" Draco asked quietly, his hand running up and down my back tenderly,
"Of course. Speaking of... what did Professor McGonagall want yesterday? Are you in trouble?" I asked,
"No, because it was just hearsay and there was no concrete proof, there's nothing that can be done. McGonagall just implored that I practice safe sex, or coitus, as she put it, and that I refrain from taking a partner in such public places," Draco shrugged, his grey eyes so sad and full of shame, it broke my heart,
"So, I wasn't mentioned at all?" I chewed on the inside of my cheek,
"She asked who the girl was, because she wanted to check on her wellbeing or welfare or whatever, but I told her I had it covered. I made sure to keep your name out of it, don't worry, darling," Draco said, leaning forward and kissing me softly,
"Why aren't you at Quidditch anyway?" I cocked my head,
"Pretended to be sick. I knew it would be the only time that I got to speak to you alone. Everyone thinks I'm in the hospital wing, I'll just make out I wasn't too bad, and Pomfrey let me go," Draco said, his tone nonchalant,
"Who is playing as Slytherin Seeker then?" I asked, shuffling forward on his lap,
"We have substitutes for this sort of thing, silly girl," Draco chuckled, running his hand up and down my thighs.
I put my lips onto his, moving his hands further up my leg and closer to my pussy. Grinding on his lap, Draco was moaning into my mouth, his fingertips digging into my skin.
"No, stop, Madeline. You're getting me hard and I really don't think that's a good idea," Draco said, his tone firm and direct,
"I'm sorry, I just love being so close to you," I whimpered, resting my head on Draco's shoulder,
"It's not that I don't want to, believe me, I want to fuck you every single moment of every day, but I just think we need a few days cool-off, given what happened," Draco stroked my hair, shuffling down on the sofa so that we were even closer.
**
Slytherin had won that morning's Quidditch match, and I was secretly glad because it meant some glory for Draco's house. However, I then felt guilty for feeling that way when I knew everyone was feeling pretty deflated from the defeat.
Sitting in the Great Hall waiting for lunch to be conjured, the conversation had got turned back round to Draco, the library, and the girl he was having sex with.
"Do you think Malfoy faked being sick because he's so embarrassed about getting caught?" Leanne asked, with a slightly cruel snicker,
"No, of course he didn't! Don't be so horrible," I replied nearly instantly, feeling my blood run slightly cooler,
"How would you know, Maddie?" Leanne knitted her eyebrows at me,
"I bumped into him when I was at my- meeting," I swallowed the lump in my throat,
"Why are you always sticking up for him, Maddie? He's such a dick," Zacharias rolled his eyes,
"That's rich coming from you, mate," Justin nudged Zacharias on the elbow, laughing,
"Enough about him. I want to know about the girl he was fucking in the library. I mean, who does that?" Hannah screwed her face up in disgust,
"I know exactly what you mean, like there's a time and place for that," Megan said, her voice polite but still disapproving,
"What a dirty slut, like come on. She deserves all the ridicule she's getting," Hannah scoffed.
I thought I would be relieved of the topic change but listening to my best friend unintentionally calling me a slut made me want to cry right there at the Hufflepuff table.
"Has your new best buddy told you who the slag was, Maddie?" Zacharias laughed, "I'm going to have to find out who she was and introduce myself. I wouldn't mind getting noshed off in the library,"
I just shook my head, not knowing what to say. My chest bubbling with humiliation and my throat starting to tighten, a feeling of shame I'd never felt for myself before.
"Eww, as if any girl in their right mind would ever do that to you, Zacharias," Hannah pretended to throw up, "At least when I'm with Seamus, you know, we make sure to go to a place where no one can bump into us. You have to be respectful of other people,"
"Are we still talking about this? I'm sure whoever it is feels bad enough already, just leave her and Draco alone," I said through shaky breath,
"You know, it's not even that they were reckless enough to have sex in the library that does it for me, it's that they thought they were invincible or something. They were bound to get caught, have some self-respect, you know?" Susan pulled her lips into a tight line, completely ignoring me,
"Why are you all focussed on the girl? Malfoy should've known better than to do that in such an open space. He's a Prefect, he's supposed to set an example," Ernie said, shaking his head in disappointment,
"You're right, Ernie. Malfoy is a disgusting piece of shit and should be ashamed of himself," Hannah sneered,
"Please don't talk about him like that. He made a lapse in judgement, that's all. Are you saying none of you mess up from time-to-time? Stop talking about something you don't know the full details of," I said in a much sterner tone of voice than usual.
After I said that, everyone just looked at each other and all had expressions on their faces that said, "I think we need to shut up." Every one of my fellow sixth-years swiftly shut their mouths and I think they knew they'd upset me.
**
It was finally time for Patrick and me to go on Prefect patrol. The day had been going by excruciatingly slowly and I couldn't wait for it to be over. No one had spoken about the library thing again, not out loud at least. I could tell by the hushed whispers and belittling, knowing looks.
I know by speaking about Draco I put a big target on my back and probably made myself look really suspicious, but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. Hearing my friends talk about him in that way was too much. I wasn't sure what was worse – the things they were saying about Draco or the things they were saying about me.
Sure, they didn't know it was me, but that's not the point. If it hadn't of been me, they would still be talking about some poor girl. Who was Hannah to judge anyway? I knew for a fact she's had sex with Seamus all over the castle. Not that I'd actually say that out loud.
We were walking around the east side of the castle, and with every corner turned, I was hoping to bump into Draco. Although, I had to admit, I did feel secure with Patrick, I was glad I didn't have to walk the corridors alone like I did with Justin.
Patrick insisted that we stick together as he knew how much the castle freaked me out at night time. My arms were across my chest, hugging myself tightly.
"What's the matter, Maddie? You've been really quiet this evening. You wanna talk about it?" Patrick asked kindly,
"I'm alright," I pulled my lips into a tight line,
"Come on, you know you can talk to me. I can sense that tone of voice from anywhere," Patrick said to me kindly,
"How do you feel about this whole Draco in the library thing? Please try to be as unbiased as you can, I know you don't like him," I said, trying to conceal my nervousness,
"I don't know, Maddie, I don't think it's really any of my business," Patrick cleared his throat, sounding uncomfortable,
"You seem to be the only one who thinks so then," I exhaled a breath of air of my nose, finding myself feeling pleasantly surprised,
"Well, I suppose – being unbiased here – it's very unfair for people to be so crass and gross about it. People have sex, I don't see what the big fuss is, I don't know why everyone is being so high and mighty about it. The girl-" Patrick paused for a moment, "Whoever she is, I don't think it's fair to call her every name under the sun,"
"Wow, it's nice to nice to find someone that actually agrees with me. I feel really bad for her- the girl, she really is being called all sorts," I said, attempting to sound unassuming,
"Whoever it is will be okay, I'm sure of it," Patrick then looked at me as though he knew it was me somehow.
**
As Patrick and I were almost finished with Prefect patrol, laughing about me missing Quidditch, as we were making our way through the south side of the castle and my heart stopped as I noticed him walking with Riley.
He was still wearing his perfectly tailored all-black casual suit, his broad shoulders, his clenched jaw, his bored expression, his set eyebrows, his beautiful head of perfect white-blonde hair, his painfully beautiful facial structure, his breath-taking grey eyes.
However, as soon as we all locked eyes, I had a bad feeling about what was about to happen. Draco stood up a little straighter and Riley looked displeased with Patrick and me being near them.
I noticed Draco's lip curl up at the corner, but he sorted out the lapel on his blazer and arched an eyebrow, trying to put on his "I don't care" face again.
"What are you two doing down here, Baldwin?" Riley huffed, rolling her eyes,
"Exactly what you're doing, Yates. We're just doing what our duties ask of us, so don't even start," Patrick said, trying to sound as polite as he could,
"This isn't your area, so fuck off back to the hole you crawled from," Riley pulled her lips into a tight line, her tone very cruel and sarcastic,
"Excuse me?! Maddie and I are just covering every side of the castle, making sure we're thorough and doing our job properly. Don't you dare talk to us like that!" Patrick said through gritted teeth, he was squeezing his fists into a tight ball,
"I'll talk to you however I like, Baldwin-"
"We were just checking this section and then making our way back, Yates. So, back off and let us do our job," Patrick breathed heavily, his tone exasperated and fed up,
"How does it feel, Maddie?" Riley said out of the blue, a very sickly-sweet and over-the-top tone,
"I'm sorry?" I said, picking at the skin of my finger,
"How does it feel to be in the clouds, high up on your moral high horse?" Riley smiled at me with a mean wickedness,
"I don't think I am-"
"Oh, please," Riley rolled her eyes, "You think you're so proper and so perfect. I can do nothing wrong, everyone loves me, blah, blah fucking blah. Isn't it just exhausting?"
"I really don't know what you mean, Riley. I'm sorry if I've done something to upset you," I looked at Draco, pleading for him to say something,
"Look, leave them alone, Yates. Let them just do their job and we'll do the same," Draco said in an uninterested tone, whilst giving me a knowing look,
"Of course, you'd say that Malfoy. She's your new little pet after all," Riley looked back at Draco, "I just think you're both as pathetic as each other,"
"Come on, Maddie. I can't be bothered to listen to this anymore. Goodbye, Yates," Patrick huffed, "Malfoy," he added, nodding his head sharply.
Patrick put his arm around me as we walked back to the Hufflepuff common room. Glancing over my shoulder, Draco was saying something to Riley, and I could tell by his body language that he was scolding her for what she said to us, or rather, to me.
Patrick was talking to me about something, and I couldn't concentrate on anything he was saying. It was all white noise, muffled... nonsense. He could have been saying absolutely anything to me.
Draco looked back at me, and he shot me an apologetic look, smiling at me softly. I think he even tried to ignore the fact Patrick was holding me. All I wanted to do was run back and insert myself into Draco's arms instead.