A/N: Hello my innocent, kind, wonderful, slediforous readers... So... I just want to say... *sigh* I am thoroughly prepared for you guys to kill me after this chapter so I may or may not drop this update and then just *run away*... So... yeah... You've been warned *nervous laughter*
It was Saturday again and Abigail was officially two months old; yesterday had marked exactly sixty days since she'd been born. I couldn't believe it had been two months already. So much had happened in that amount of time yet it had felt like a few split seconds to me.
Sav had insisted that we throw Abby a mini party and she'd been so determined to celebrate that I hadn't been able to stop her from picking up a small cake from the store and making her way over. She was headed here now.
I was excited to spend time with her, as I always was. Yet I was pacing my apartment. Because I'd been thinking long and hard and I'd realized I was being a complete chicken. There had been so many great opportunities to tell her how I felt, but I hadn't taken them. I was such a coward. But no more. I couldn't just sit back and tell Rico he needed to pursue the girl he liked while I idly sat by. Surely Andy would understand, right? It wasn't like I was taking advantage of Sav. If she didn't have feelings for me, I was planning on backing off and just staying friends. I could do that for her. I respected her. But if she did feel the same way, surely Andy could forgive me. I was making his sister happy so surely he couldn't stay mad at me... right?
Abigail bounced in the chest carrier as I paced around the room, babbling. It was like she sensed that soon we would be celebrating her and she was antsy for the attention. It made me smile slightly, but it wasn't enough to stop the swarm of butterflies rampaging in my stomach. Mutant butterflies with claws that ripped at the lining of my organs.
I shivered at the disgusting image that that thought gave.
With a breath, I grabbed an energy drink from my fridge. I really didn't need anymore energy, but it was the first drink I saw and I needed something to distract my hands and mouth and... well, my everything.
I was thoroughly zoned out of reality, lost in my rampaging thoughts, when a knock came from the door. Freezing, I licked my lips. That was her.
Deciding to temporarily put Abigail in her crib just while we set things up, I went to my room and back in a flash. With a deep breath and a straightening of my spine, I approached the door to open it. When I reached out to the handle, I realized my hands were shaking. That was new. It was fine. I would just shove my hands in my pockets and she'd have no idea. Or maybe she would. She was perceptive like that.
I realized I still hadn't opened the door for her yet and so I yanked it open.
"Hey, I-" But I stopped because Sav wasn't the one standing on the other side of the door. It was Mora.
"Uh..." she started, shifting from foot to foot nervously. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
She sighed. "I need to talk to you."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "You already did."
"I know. And I know that you said I needed to move on... But, Kason, I tried. Really hard. But I just can't. So I'm here, begging. And I'm going to keep begging. I can't let you go."
I rubbed a hand down my face. "Mora, please. I can't do this right now."
"If not right now, it's going to be later. I'm already here. So let's do this right now."
"You don't understand. Sav is on her way here."
Mora stood taller. "I don't care. We need to talk."
I let out an exasperated breath. "Fine. Say what you want to say." Maybe if she got it all out, she'd leave faster.
She nodded and stepped closer, taking my hand. I took a small step back just so we weren't so near one another. I didn't want to be close to her anymore and it just proved that no matter what she said, things would never be how she wished they'd be. Too much had happened and she was clinging onto a hope that wasn't there.
"Kason, I should have said this the other day at the DESH. Maybe it would have changed your mind sooner. I don't know. But..." Her deep brown eyes peered up at me, staring so intently at me as she displayed her entire soul to me. So vulnerable all for me. "I still love you, Kason."
I scoffed. "That's not true. If you loved me you would have never gone behind my back with Nick."
"I wasn't thinking straight. He did things that made my head spin and I couldn't-"
"I don't want your excuses," I growled. "If you ever loved me, ever, you would have never even thought about it, let alone actually done it. It's not hard to grasp, Mora. I don't understand how you expect me to just roll over like some star-struck puppy and start loving you again."
"Please," she pleaded, her eyes welling with tears. "I've tried to live without you these past several months, thinking that Nick might somehow replace what you took with you when you left, but he just can't." Swallowing, she added in a whisper, "He's not you."
"That's an understatement," I barely muttered. Shaking my head, I wiggled my hand out of hers. "Look, Mora, you need to stop. Nothing you can say can change my mind or my heart. So just stop. How many times do I have to tell you?"
"No!" she exclaimed back, her voice laced with desperation. "I'm not the same girl I was then. I've cleared my head. I'm never going back and I would never do it again. Don't you see that's why I'm here? I wouldn't have broken up with Nick if I was still who I was then."
"That's not true. You stood by just days ago as Nick threw insult after insult at both me and Sav. If you loved me, you wouldn't have stood for it. You've done so many things to prove that you don't truly love me that there is nothing that you can do or say that will change my mind. End of story."
She shook her head adamantly. "That's not true. There is something."
"No, there isn't. So you need to leav-"
She yanked the front of my shirt forward and down, and her lips crashed into mine. Desperation bleed from the tears lingering on her cheeks and determination in her grip held me to her.
My mind was so frozen in pure shock as she kissed me that I just stood there, not knowing what to do. My body wasn't connected to my brain anymore because when I screamed at myself to push her away, I physically couldn't.
I didn't regain control over myself until I heard a ding from somewhere to my right. The elevator. Sav. Sav.
I shoved Mora away, so hard it might have hurt her. But I didn't care because when I looked over, I saw Sav staring wide eyed at me. She didn't move to get off the elevator. But it didn't take long for her frozen figure of shock to be replaced with the steeling of anger. She slammed a button on the panel and the doors started to slide shut again.
"Sav, wait! Wait!" I ran down the hall toward the elevator, but when I got there, they'd already sealed shut. I pounded a fist against the door, wishing I could pry it open with my bare hands.
Then I remembered. The stairs.
I sprinted to the other end of the hall, needing to catch her before it was too late. As I passed Mora, my chest flamed with rage. I didn't stop but threw over my shoulder, "I will never love you again." And then I was flying down the stairwell, leaving her to do whatever she wanted with those words. I didn't care if it broke her into pieces. All I cared about right then was Sav. I needed to stop her before she left. Before it was all too late.
I was completely out of breath by the time I made it to the bottom floor. But I'd caught her. The back of her red head was nearly to the front revolving doors.
"Sav, wait, please!"
Right before she stepped outside, I reached her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back in. When her gaze found mine, my heart stopped. Not in the normal way from admiration. But from fear.
"Sav, please, I-"
"You what?" she snapped, yanking her arm out of my grasp. "You what, Kason? By all means, try to explain to me what's going on."
"You don't understand. It's not what it looks like."
"Not what it looks like?" she bellowed. "It looks like you were having the time of your life making out with your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you! She cheated on you, Kason! With a major piece of crap who can barely say two words together without sounding like the devil himself. Yet you were kissing her!"
"No, I wasn't! She kissed-"
"Why do I even care?" she said almost to herself, stepping back and grabbing her hair in fistfuls. "I don't care. I don't. Not for me. You can do whatever you want. It's a free country. But just remember that those same lips kissed Nick's lips too. Nick's."
"Sav, please, just give me a second to explain."
"I don't need an explanation. It's your life, so I don't care. Just let me leave, okay?"
"No, please-"
She turned, shaking her head. I tried to grab her hand again but she was too far away.
Desperately, knowing there was nothing else I could do, I screamed, "I want to kiss you!"
Sav paused in the foyer of the two doorways, though she didn't turn around. Not right away.
My mouth became completely dry, realizing what I had said. I'd just let it out. But she'd stopped. She wasn't gone yet.
So I swallowed and tried to continue. "I don't love or even like Mora anymore. She kissed me. You're the one I want to kiss. The one I like. Not her."
She was as silent as the dead. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign. But I hated it. But I also didn't want to rush her. I'd just dumped everything out there at once, all on top of her right after she saw Mora kissing me. She needed time to process it.
Finally, when I thought I might explode from anticipation, she slowly spun on her heel, dropping the grocery bag in her hand that I hadn't even noticed to the floor. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to see in her expression, but it wasn't this; her gaze had gone dark, unlike anything I'd seen before. Almost like I'd burnt out the light within her. And that expression scared me more than anything I'd feared before.
She stared at me for a long moment before she shook her head. "No, you don't."
"Yes, I do," I insisted earnestly, stepping closer. "So much more than I realized. It's you, Sav. Not her."
"No... No, you're not going to turn around and say that just to get out of this... I'm not going to let you use me like that."
"I'm not using you-"
"Stop! Just stop..." She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her hands over her face. She stood there, looking as if she was trying to keep herself from completely falling apart.
I thought maybe I could step closer, take her hand, but she was more attentive than I realized and held up her hands. "No."
I didn't take another step.
Again, her silence echoed off the walls around us, making a nervous chill ice me to the bone. I hated this. I hated it, I hated it, I hated it.
Eventually, she let out a slow, deep breath, and when she spoke, her voice was even, calm. But detached. Cold. Nothing like the Sav I knew. "My mom called me this morning and said that my dad has gotten worse. He's struggling to get out of bed in the morning. I... I think I need to go. I need to help him."
It felt like the seven stories over me were coming crashing down on my head. "You're... you're leaving." I didn't ask it. But it was a plea for confirmation nonetheless.
She nodded. "He needs me. My family needs me. And I definitely don't need this..." She held her elbows and hugged her arms close to her body, looking so delicately broken. "I think maybe we need time apart."
There it was. The punch to the gut that knocked all the breath from my lungs. "Sav... Sav, no."
"Yes..." She shook her head, her voice quieting still. Deflating more and more until there was barely anything left. "I need time to think. And I think you do too. We just... need to be apart."
"Please, Sav," I begged. "Please don't do this. I need you. You can't- I can't- There's..." My words weren't making sense anymore. I couldn't process what was happening.
For a moment, she looked up at me, meeting my eyes. And I saw what I didn't want to see. Pain. So much pain. So much disappointment. So much brokenness seeping into her veins. Because of me. But still, she drew closer and gently took my hand, surrounding it with both of hers as she stared at me. In a whisper that broke my heart to crumbling pieces, she said, "This isn't goodbye forever, Kason. But it has to be goodbye for now."
Her figure blurred as tears stung at my eyes. With feather lightness, she brushed a kiss on my knuckles, and then dropped my hand, turned around, and left.
The doors slid shut behind her, but the cold still lingered. All the warmth that she'd given me as my friend, as someone I needed, was taken with her. And I stood there, shivering. Because she was gone.
A/N: ................................ uhm ......................... So........................... *sits in awkward silence as the rest of you rage* .............................. I honestly don't know what to say, ngl. I suppose I'm not great at consoling y'all when this is technically my fault.... heh.... Uh so yeah. Though I'm just gonna say it now, things don't exactly get much better from here so.... yeah.... just, prepare I guess *nervous laugh as I slowly back away from the girl in the back with a pitchfork and torch* Well, uhm, if you have any non-murderous thoughts, I'd like to hear them here. But, y'know, if they're violent then.... I guess still leave 'em just know that Wattpad has hate/violence policies XD ----->