I'm relaxing. It's weird.
The science building didn't recover quite as quickly as they'd hoped, which meant more cancelled lab days. So, no placement and no classes.
They emailed over some tests to make sure people weren't going completely off the rails. I'd finished them already.
"You seem... different."
I try not to let my eyes bug out of my head when I nearly drop the glass of orange juice as Ella corners me in our kitchen.
"I do?"
"Have you used a new skincare?" She gets up close, her nose almost touching mine has her eyes pinball over my face and hairline. She could give the FBI a run for their money in the art of interrogation.
"No?" I didn't mean for it to sound like a question. She crosses her arms and leans back on her heel.
"Your face is like, glowing." She puts emphasis on the 'glowing' part.
"Thank you."
"Your hair looks shiny."
"I washed it."
I guess you could say I'd been pretty cagey after my night with Carter.
It was... incredible. Even still that seemed too small a word for it. Mind blowing. Life altering. Christ, if he ever knew I thought this, his ego would outgrow Donald Trump's.
But shit. Shit, shit, shit. It was true. It was amazing. And I wanted to do it again. So of course, with my self-diagnosed verbal diarrhoea, I'd said as much to him a couple of days ago, before clambering out of his car, desperate not to take anything back. I didn't even recognise myself.
I'd meant what I'd said about wanting to keep things casual, I wasn't going to inconvenience myself with feelings. So, prying roommates weren't ideal.
"Are you wearing perfume?"
"Are you high?" I counter, taking a sip of my juice, mouth suddenly dry. She smirks knowingly.
"I guess I'm not quite buying the 'nothing happened with Carter' act. You still look freshly fucked."
"My god." I cough and splutter as she leans back against the counter, laughing as she finally gives me some breathing space.
"If pushing you is what it takes, then I'll push. It's been days. I want to know everything." I sigh and wipe the dribble of juice off my chin. "Is it big?"
"He has a jeep, they're a great size." I sidle past her out of the kitchen, her grabby hands stop me from darting away.
"I clearly wasn't talking about his car, aren't you supposed to be the genius in this friendship group?" Her smile is playful but there's a spark of annoyance in me that I can't quell. I was tired of feeling like some sort of charity case friend, some kind of side project that she was working on to try and 'fix'.
"I thought I was the hermit?" The smile drops off her face.
"I'm so sorry about that." In the blink of an eye the playful teasing look I was so used to on Ella's face becomes a wobbling lower lip and tear-filled eyes. I put my juice down and open my mouth to apologise for my temper, but she stops me.
"I've been so selfish." Ella grabs my hand; my mouth is still agape as she continues. "I said that out of selfish anger because I missed my best friend. I'm not trying to make excuses; you were grieving, are grieving, and I didn't know what to do. I thought I'd lost you." She takes a quivering breath. "I'm so sorry about ditching you at that party, I'm sorry for the Spanish inquisition, I know I'm too much sometimes."
I squeeze her hand, deep down I hadn't realised I'd needed the apology so much.
"I accept your apology. Ella you're not too much. You're my best friend, and yes, his dick is big." The tears spill down her cheeks as she bursts into a fit of giggles. I wasn't about to go into detail about the fact I'd never actually seen Carter's penis, but I'd certainly felt it. It was definitely big.
"I'm sorry for being overbearing, I take back what I said. I don't think pushing is ok, you just look, happy. I'm glad." She shrugs, before wiping some of the jet-black mascara that had smudged beneath the perfect wing.
I pull her in for a hug, regretting holding in any resentment for what Ella had said, I had been a hermit for a long time.
I was taking control now. I did feel different.
The experience with Carter had been an awakening and I wanted more. So much more.
"Can I ask-" Ella starts, her face now dry, and eye makeup once again immaculate. "Are you dating him now?"
My pulse quickens and I take hold of the cool glass, chucking back a mouthful before answering.
"No, we're not dating." I hate that it sounds like there's a toad in my throat. We're not dating. We haven't been on a single date. It's casual.
"Just hooking up then? That seems more his style." There's that damn toad again, it's practically taking up residence in my trachea.
I don't respond, I just smile plainly. It is his style, that's why it will work. He's never pretended to try and be anything more.
"Lou, I promise no more interventions or questions from me after this one." I reluctantly meet her eyes. "Is that what you want?"
I take a deep breath and chew on my bottom lip before the words burst out of me.
"I want breakfast. I want to get brilliant feedback from my work placement. I want to do so well on the assignment that bitchy Professor Marsh can go suck a dick. And... I want to feel sexy, desired and have some fucking fun."
I can't believe I just said all that out loud, well, the breakfast and work part is believable. Ella is practically bouncing in giddiness at my announcement of wanting to hop on the express train to fun town.
Because Carter and I wouldn't go on dates, that wasn't the agreement, but he made me feel sexy and desired, it was exhilarating.
"Can't say I'm against that can I?" She air kisses me before she spots my phone lighting up with a notification on the countertop, she winces when she sees the time. "Fuck, I'm going to be so late to class." She grabs her bag and checks her reflection once more before opening the front door. "Oh, I'm staying out at Marcus's place tonight, so I'll see you tomorrow. Love you!"
"Love you."
After eating some scrambled eggs on toast, I grab my phone and plop onto the couch. Like before, the notification from Instagram still sat there. I take a deep breath before opening up the app.
carterhughes01 – I need to see you.
Wow. Can't say he's indirect. Goosebumps travel across my arms as I stare down at his message. It could mean either of two things:
1. I need to see you; I regret everything that happened the other night and we need to call off whatever that bizarre agreement we made was.
2. I need to see you naked.
Praying its option 2, I respond.
richards_l – I'm free this evening?
I can see that he's typing, my heart is beating so fast, and my throat feels too tight, I hope the toads ok.
carterhughes01 – Your place? Can I show my face, or do I need a disguise?
richards_l – It depends on the disguise.
carterhughes01 – I think I have a ski mask somewhere.
richards_l – Are you planning on hijacking a car to get here too?
carterhughes01 – I'll do what it takes.
richards_l – My place is fine.
With Ella out at Marcus's and Kate visiting her Mom, I'm torn between telling him that my place will be empty, and he needn't worry about being seen without it sounding too suggestive, I'm still not sure what it is he needs to see me for. We seem to have developed some strange kind of friendship these last few weeks. When we haven't been insulting each other. Maybe this is his way of wanting to let me down easy.
carterhughes01 – I might have an old Jack Sparrow outfit.