The night of Axel's death was strangely uneventful, which worried both Lucas and Daniel. It was expected that Harley and Jackie would be just as distraught in the evening as they were earlier on in the day, but exhaustion must have taken over by nightfall, because the two were out cold before the sun had even set. Lucas was grateful for that in the end, because it allowed him and Daniel to take a trip to the hardware store to pick up a piece of plywood that could block the entrance of the house. They would have to leave through the backyard for a few days, or at least until Lucas managed to figure out how to install a new door.
In the quiet hours of the evening, Lucas and Daniel set to work nailing the wood to the door frame, Daniel holding the sheet up as Lucas grabbed nails from where they were pinched in between his lips, before hammering them into the threshold.
"Elijah called a few hours ago, while you were getting Harley to bed," Daniel began solemnly.
Lucas furrowed his eyebrows, plucking the last nail from his mouth so that he could respond. "How is he?"
Daniel looked forward again, the bruises on his face casting dark shadows that made his cheeks look gaunt. "He's okay, staying with Nana because she's nervous not having someone there who could defend her and Elijah's father if it came down to it."
"Understandable," Lucas replied, grunting as he hammered in the final nail.
"I told him. . . what happened. He sends his condolences," Daniel smiled tensely, and Lucas stepped back, sighing as he leaned back against the wood they had just put up.
"I appreciate that," Lucas replied, a genuineness to his tone. "I'm glad he's safe."
"And. . . how are you holding up?" Daniel asked, slightly fearful of Lucas' possible reaction, but Lucas just looked tired and defeated, his normally sharp features relaxing into something somber.
"Honestly? I'm not really sure. It'll probably hit me when I'm alone, and then I'll be okay again. Making sure Harley and Jackie are alright is helping me through it, it's something productive for me to do."
"Ah, eres el padre de la casa ahora," Daniel joked, grinning playfully.
Lucas snorted, shoving Daniel's shoulder playfully.
"Hey, there was something else I wanted to bring up. I've been talking with my folks in Mexico about this for years, before any of this had happened, but it didn't seem like the right time. Now I think it is," Daniel started, and Lucas lifted an eyebrow. It was rare for Daniel to talk about his family, and even Lucas was missing a lot of the pieces to his background. "You know my mom moved down there with my dad when his work visa expired, and she didn't want my younger siblings to grow up missing their dad, so I stayed behind to take care of her mother, which was the only thing keeping her back, really. And when abuela passed, that's how I got the house, as you know. Anyway, they want me to be with them in Mexico, to live with the family."
"Your abuela has been gone for a few years now, you stayed here just for us?" Lucas questioned in surprise. Daniel shrugged.
"It was good times, I wanted to. Like I mentioned, the timing wasn't right, and that way José had somewhere to stay when he came up here. He loves visiting The States. But things are different now, and that's okay, I'm taking it as the universe sending me a sign that it's time to go. Eli had already decided to move out soon because Nana is getting older, and Jackie needs a place to raise her kid. You and Harley need somewhere to live."
Lucas was speechless, turning towards Daniel. "Are you leaving us the house?" He breathed.
"Look, I don't want to get rid of this house, especially not to some asshole contractor who will just turn it into a kombucha bar or some shit. I want to keep it in the family, so I want you to keep living here. Call it your home. I want to come back someday, and I'll need somewhere to stay," Daniel beamed, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets. Lucas' breath caught in his throat, shaking his head slightly in disbelief.
"Daniel, I-"
"The mortgage is nearly entirely paid off. Come on, you of all people would know it'd be stupid not to take a deal like that."
Lucas pursed his lips, blinking quickly as he stared blankly at his feet. He was already stripped raw emotionally, and Daniel's kindness was simply overwhelming. Lucas just nodded his head, an easy smile stretching across his face, but the frown lines around his mouth seemed much deeper than they ever had before.
"Thank you, Daniel. I don't know if I could leave this place yet, anyway. Too many good memories that outweigh the bad. We'll take care of it for you."
Reaching out, Daniel carefully pried the hammer Lucas was gripping out of his grasp, his eyes soft with sympathy. "Get some sleep, Lucas. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night, Daniel," Lucas mumbled, watching as Daniel turned away and headed back up the stairs. Now alone in the entrance of the house, Lucas turned his back to the wall and slid down to the floor, pulling his long legs up to his chest. He sat for a moment in the silence, hearing the blood rushing in his ears as what was once the most lively area of the house now sat vacant and soulless. Lucas' eyes settled on the couch in front of the TV, where they would get together on weekends to drink and watch movies, Axel always laid out on the couch like it was a bed. His eyes then wandered to the stove, where Axel frequently stood to cook up something good for the household. Lucas could see him standing there, sweaty and always with a makeshift bandana headband to keep the hair out of his face, only to blink and be met with a dark emptiness.
Lucas couldn't stop his emotions now, and the tears just began to fall, and fall, streaming down his face as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. The grief flooded over him like a broken dam, suffocating him as he drowned in it, and his hiccupping lungs could no longer take in any air.
It'll probably hit me when I'm alone, and then I'll be okay again.
That's just how grief rears its ugly head. Lucas allowed himself to cry there on the floor, clinging to that assurance that he would be okay again.
After he managed to pull himself together, Lucas got up off the floor with a grunt, stiff joints and achy bones protesting with the movement. He must have been tensing his muscles all day without even realizing it, now finally paying the price in the first instance of calm waters.
Trudging up the stairs, he was looking forward to passing out in bed next to Harley, to finally put this horrific day to rest and focus on the new. When pushing through the door to what was once Harley's room, but more realistically is now their room, Lucas startled slightly at the darkened figure sitting upright, staring wistfully out the window.
"Hey," he whispered, inching forward slowly. Lucas wasn't exactly sure if he was glad to see Harley up or not. He missed his boyfriend, but knew with the pain he was harboring, it was probably better for him to stay asleep.
"Hi," Harley replied in an even softer tone, turning his head to watch Lucas sit tentatively on the bed next to him. "You haven't gone to bed yet?"
"No," Lucas sighed, lacing his fingers together in his lap. "Daniel and I had to get something up to block the front entrance."
There was a choking silence after that, Harley returning his gaze back out the window as Lucas watched his eyes well up with tears, face scrunching up with the same despair he had worn all day.
"What do we do, Lucas?" He cried, lifting up his shoulder to wipe the tears from his cheeks with the fabric of his t-shirt. "We're just supposed to move on? Go to bed, get ready for the day, make breakfast- how can we be expected to just go back to routine? It all seems so horribly mundane, going through the motions as we did before, only now without Axel. I-" Harley choked on his next word, curling up into an even tighter ball as he started to lose himself.
"Harley," Lucas prodded, only to be met with no response. "Harley," he said firmer this time, reaching out to unwind his boyfriend's arms from around his legs to clasp his large hands around Harley's. "Can you look at me?"
The younger man raised his head from where it was bowed between his shoulders, those beautiful emerald green eyes he shared with his brother even brighter under the moonlight and tears. Lucas had to remind himself of what he even wanted to say, so swept away within those irises.
"That's exactly what we're going to do. We're going to keep surviving because that's what Axel would want of us. We're gonna get ready for a little baby to join us in just a few months, and we're not gonna bend to what Dawson wants. And maybe we'll get 'outta this place someday, get into a career, have that fucking dog named Cooper, yeah?" Lucas grinned, and his heart melted at the little chuckle that bubbled out of his chest. "But we'll never become something we're not. How could we ever lose that Southside charm?"
"Yeah, you're right," Harley whispered, letting out a shaky sigh and leaning forward to rest his forehead on Lucas' chest. He felt two warm, sturdy arms wrap around his torso and pull him in tighter, and a pair of lips plant a kiss on his forehead. The same little kisses Lucas always gave him at night when he thought Harley was asleep, unaware that the other man had known about them this entire time. The little things Lucas used to do when he thought no one was looking, when he wanted to express his affection, but couldn't afford to lose people's perceptions of his hardened persona.
"There's something I need to tell you about," Lucas mumbled, causing vibrations to run through the cheek Harley had pressed above his boyfriend's heart as he spoke. "Axel wanted to keep it between us, but I think the time is right now."
Harley slowly sat up with a wary expression, meeting Lucas' eyes. "Something bad?"
"No, no. Not at all," Lucas cleared his throat, looking away from Harley and into a dark corner of the room to keep his train of thought. Everything would always get so jumbled together when he was staring right at Harley. "When Axel and I finally found a stable place to live, after we moved into this house, Axel asked me to start a savings account for you, and to see what I could do with a few thousand in stocks."
"What? With what money?" Harley exclaimed.
"Any that he could spare while working odd jobs and dealing. After the first year of our little business, our network and connections grew. We had more clients and more people to go out and sell, so we were turning a good profit. A really good profit. The bills were already cheap here, and by further splitting it up between everyone, we each came away with more than a decent wage at the end of the day. Axel always wanted to put half of his money towards your account. Between that and the stocks there's like thirty grand there."
Harley was frozen, jaw practically fallen to the floor. "You can't be fucking serious."
"I thought he was being stupid, or just a glutton for punishment, maybe both, but I couldn't believe he wanted to give that much money to some bratty teenager who lived in Northside," Lucas scoffed, to which Harley frowned and smacked him in the arm, and Lucas pretended to cower away.
"Is that why you were such a dick to me when I first met you?" He snarled.
"Yes, and no. Mainly yes, but I thought you were cute and that was very confusing for me because I also thought your brother was cute and there was, like, a lot of frustration there."
Harley rolled his eyes, crossing his arms to feign irritation, but the small smile that played on his lips gave it away. Lucas was just thankful that he was able to smile at something that day, no matter how small. "So why would Axel put away all that money for me?"
The question darkened the once light hearted mood, and Lucas grew solemn, grabbing Harley's hand to play with his fingers. "For college. Or trade school, or getting a nice place to live. Anything that could get you on a path to a better life than he had."
"Fuck," Harley closed his eyes, feeling himself get worked up again. He regretted not realizing how much his brother adored him, loved him, until it was too late. Axel just worked in mysterious ways. He enjoyed his time in the spotlight getting showered with praise for how good he was at running the business or that his chicken was always well cooked and seasoned, but he did the truly remarkable things under the shadows, giving up any potential appreciation for those acts. For the ones that he loved, Axel didn't do the things he did for notoriety, he did them because he simply wished for them to have a good life.
Harley didn't even want to think about the countless hours and work Axel had put in over the years to give him that amount of money. All the comforts and luxuries Axel had passed up over the years just to be able to provide more money for his little brother- the thought simply killed Harley inside.
"I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad," Lucas squeezed his shoulder, attempting to ground him and keep Harley from getting caught in his sadness again. "I'm telling you this to give you the strength to keep going, do what you need to in order to have stability and security, because that is all Axel ever wanted for you."
"I- I didn't think I would ever get to college-"
"Do it. I know that's been a goal of yours. You're smart, Harls, you can do whatever you set your mind to."
Harley began to shake his head in decline. "But I'm not going to leave you behind," he protested, before his face suddenly lit up. "You should go too! You're clearly good with money, and math, and you could get scholarships to help pay for it, and-"
"Baby, people like me don't go to college," Lucas chuckled, gazing down at his boyfriend in endearment.
"And why not? Why can I go and you can't?"
"Because I don't even have a high school diploma," Lucas mumbled.
"Then get your GED! Tell them your story! You have to break the cycle, Luke, or you're going to be stuck here forever. You can do it, you already have real world experience with business and finances."
Lucas deadpanned. "Now I know you're not suggesting putting 'selling weed' on my résumé."
"Clearly not. You have to frame things so that they sound impactful and amazing, even if they aren't. You were a salesman and head of finances for a local, family owned business that provides holistic remedies."
Harley's boyfriend stared at him for a while, before bursting out into laughter, bringing his hands up to cover his face. Never having seen such a strong display of happiness from Lucas, Harley was partially paralyzed from where he sat witnessing the extremely rare event. A genuine, from the soul, bout of laughter. He had never believed before that Lucas even had it in him.
"What's so funny?" Harley shrieked as Lucas'
fit eventually died down.
"You," the other man murmured, removing his hands to place a peck against Harley's lips.
"Well, then I guess I won't even apply if you don't," he stated defiantly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Oh you're applying," Lucas fixed him with a warning glare.
Harley shrugged nonchalantly. "Not if you aren't."
"Fine," Lucas groaned, flopping onto the bed on his back. "I'll apply to accounting or some shit. Doesn't mean I'm committing, just applying."
"Glad to hear it," Harley hummed, leaving a kiss on Lucas' cheek before crawling under the covers and promptly rolling over, his back facing Lucas, who quietly inched forward until he could wrap himself around Harley before his eyes slid closed.
The following days, Jackie still had barely left her room, and Harley took a bit of a nosedive. Lucas understood what was happening, however, because he felt that same dark cloud suddenly wash over him as well. He theorized it was because Axel's death hadn't really processed yet, and that first night they were able to almost forget what had happened, expecting to wake up and see the cheeky man the next morning as usual.
When Axel was not in fact there the next morning, was when things started to feel real.
Lucas figured that time was the best thing for all of them, so he simply placed food regularly on the nightstand in Jackie's room, and left without even an acknowledgement from the woman who was always in bed.
He didn't blame her, though, not at all. The fact that the plate was at least partially empty by the time he came back to check in was good enough, and he left her be to come out when she was ready.
Axel's ashes were ready to be picked up a week and a half later, and any amount of progress they all had made in healing felt like it reset to square one. Jackie had just barely emerged from her room before then, and once they had Axel's ashes back home, they were immediately thrown into conversations about what to do with them. Jackie insisted on spreading them somewhere outside as opposed to buying an expensive plaque on the cemetery, but Lucas and Harley did not hesitate to agree. They all knew Axel would not only hate for them to spend an exit any amount of money on storing essentially dust, but could even picture him rolling his eyes at the prospect of something as clean and proper as being remembered in a cemetery.
That just wasn't who Axel was. He was rebellious, cocky, and a family man down to heart.
Harley mentioned a park in a rather cleated part of Southside, where Axel used to take him as a young child to shield him from the abuses at him. It was rusty, and dirty, and probably a huge risk factor for tetanus, but Harley loved to go.
Because he got to be with his big brother, and that was all that mattered.
Jackie was on board with the idea right away, and Lucas couldn't picture a better place himself.
That was where all the boys and Jackie ended up on a random Tuesday evening, standing amongst the broken playground equipment while they spread Axel's ashes, watching the wind carry it away as they said their goodbyes.
As painful as it was in the moment, the hole that was left in their hearts began to patch itself up, and the pain wasn't quite so fresh and raw anymore.
They began to move on to their new lives, with Axel's memory always held close.
The trees were now turning into the magnificent colors of fall once the first week of October rolled around. Harley and Lucas were watching a horror movie, until Harley clambered onto Lucas' lap, and they began to lazily make out, the movie long abandoned. They had a lot of movies on their track record that were only half seen due to that. Daniel made fun of them ruthlessly for that.
"Shit, we should go to bed," Harley pulled away to mumble against his boyfriend's lips, but Lucas tried to surge forward again to reattach their lips.
Harley almost became immersed into the kiss, but made a chuffing noise and pulled away again. "Ah, you have an early job interview tomorrow, big guy. Up."
Lucas groaned as Harley's weight suddenly lifted off of him, leaving him cold and craving the feel of his boyfriend's body again. Realistically, he knew Harley was right, but didn't want to admit it knowing that would cease the make out session. Then again, a bar manager position in Northside was good experience and even better pay, so Lucas really wanted to nail that interview. Thinking about the opportunity was enough to get Lucas to his feet and following Harley upstairs.
As the couple reached the top of the stairs, ready to head into Harley's room to retire for the night, Jackie was walking meekly down the hall, wringing her fingers nervously. She was wearing one of Axel's shirts and some athletic shorts, her voluminous hair not yet tucked into the updo she usually went to sleep in.
"Hey Jackie," Harley greeted softly, taking a few steps forward to meet her. "You're not in bed yet?"
"I wanted to ask you two about something I've been thinking about, and I couldn't sleep until I did," she began softly, rubbing slow circles on the side of her stomach. "If anything happens to me, during the birth or after, would you take my little girl in? I don't want her goin' into the system, she should be with family, and I don't trust anyone to take better care of her than her two uncles."
"Jackie-" Harley breathed, blinking quickly as his eyes grew glassy.
"Of course we would," Lucas cut in, nodding his head as he took Harley's hand. "And we want you to know that you're welcome to stay here with us. We can help you take care of her when she arrives, and take on some of the late night wake-ups. You don't have to do this alone, Jackie. You're family, and we're here for you."
Jackie's lips pursed as she dabbed at her watery eyes, but when she glanced at Harley nodding along in agreement with Lucas, she fell apart. She sobbed as Harley rushed forward to hug her, crying along with her as the grief and hurt suddenly became so very raw again.
"We're here for you, Jack," he whispered into her long, curly hair, his tears falling into the strands. "And we're here for our niece. She's not going to know a second without love."
"I want her to be an O' Reilly, is that okay?" Jackie whispered brokenly, pulling away from Harley as she looked between the two men with a worried look, afraid that she was overstepping. "I just want her to have her daddy's name."
Harley laughed, shaking his head as he wiped his cheeks. "You're already cursing this child before she's even born?"
Jackie sighed contently, gazing out the small window in front of the stairs overlooking the street as a serene smile stretched across her face. "Not a curse at all. After all, the O' Reilly's have become the most important men in my life," she turned her head towards Lucas. "Ain't that right, Luke?"
"It's true," Lucas nodded in confirmation, wrapping his arms around Harley from behind and resting his head against the other man's temple, lips poised just above Harley's ear.
"The man I'll love forever."
~
Just one more chapter, can you believe it? It feels like this book had just gotten started, but it's been fourth months! I'm sad to see it end, these characters really took on a life of their own, and I had so much fun writing them.