⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING:
• self harm mentions <3
・⎯⎯ ⭔ SCARLETT'S POV:
My eyes flutter open, it's almost five o'clock, im awake fifteen minutes before my alarm. I remember I'm in a hotel room, my body feels unusually heavy.
I look down to see the sleeping girl on my chest, it's my girl.
I stroke her hair gently, hoping she doesn't wake up. I look over to Elizabeth to see she's on her phone. Instead of moving or talking, I message her instead.
Me
Good morning.
Lizard:
You're awake early.
Me.
Unfortunately, look over, hannah is on my chest.
Lizard.
I know, she's been like that for a while, she took her jumper off in her sleep as i expected.
Me
How long have you been awake?
Lizard.
Since four, couldn't get back to sleep.
I feel a shift on my torso, she's stirring.
She moves over, so she's hugging my arm with her back against my side.
Me:
Looks like I only have one arm now.
Lizard:
Don't act as if you don't like it.
Me
Shut up.
I put my phone down and turn onto my side, so I'm spooning my sleeping daughter. I stroke her hair gently. I must drift off because my alarm goes off. I shut it off and realise I'm still being hugged. So I lay a little longer, Lizzie goes and gets ready. She turns on the bedside lamps and the ones in the room, avoiding the main light so that hannah doesn't wake up and instantly be blinded.
Half an hour later han let's my arm go, so i go get ready.
At six, she starts waking up.
'Morning sleepyhead.' Lizzie smiles as han rubs her eyes. She just sighs and turns into the pillow. 'You are not a morning person. It's okay, neither is scarlett.' Lizzie jokes. 'Rude.' I shout from the bathroom.
I finish my makeup and go to wake hannah.
'Honey you gotta get up.' I say as i start rubbing her back, she sighs and rubs her eyes once more, stretching her legs before she finally sits up.
'Hii!' I coo as I sit next to her. 'Where's my jumper gone?' She asks sleepily.
'Lizzie folded it up, it's on the sofa. You took it off in your sleep.' I answer with a small smile.
'Okay. Do either of you have a cleanser I can borrow?' She sighs. 'I do, I have my outset one.' I offer.
'I use that one at home so my skin won't be funny about using a different one.' She says as she goes to pick up her phone.
'You use The Outset?' I smile as i question her. 'Just the cleanser, moisturiser and travel bag I've been saving so I haven't been able to buy new stuff for a while.' She says.
'What have you been saving for?' Elizabeth asks. 'These tickets, food money and money for when i leave the system.' She replies.
'You have to buy your own food?' Lizzie asks shocked. She nods. 'They leave for weeks at a time sometimes, usually taking most food with them.' She murmurs. 'That's ridiculous.' I furrow my eyebrows.
'They leave me fifty bucks for every week they're gone, I spend it on food, then any extra goes to savings.' She elaborates.
'You're mature about it, i have spending issues.' Lizzie shrugs. 'She does. She can't stop shopping. Like she does it all the time.' I joke.
'Has there ever been a time where you've had to go hungry because of it?' I ask her and she nods. 'That's awful.' Elizabeth says.
Hannah gets up and starts brushing her hair.
'I love the red hair.' I say walking closer to her. 'Thank you, I dyed it because of Natasha and Wanda. I also was just really bored.' She shrugs with a smile.
'What colour was your natural hair?' Lizzie asks. 'The same colour as scarlett's, little bit darker though.' I smile to myself at the thought of her natural hair.
'You can borrow my stuff, just help yourself, makeup or whatever.' I say, hopefully she accepts. 'Thank you.' She smiles and lifts her arms up when she ties her hair up, the light hitting them more.
My eyes go wide, she swiftly leaves after that.
'Elizabeth did you see that?' I ask quietly. 'See what?' She says confused. 'Her arms. They're scarred.' I say... trying to determine whether i'm worried or confused. 'No, I didn't. Just relax a little, wait for her to come back out.' Lizzie says softly as I sit down.
'What does that mean? Why are they like that?' I question borderline frantically. 'Some people who struggle, hurt themselves, whether it's starving or cutting themselves. If i think you're saying what I think you're saying, that might be it.' She says quietly. 'She wouldn't do that?' I spoke, more as a question. 'Just stay calm and wait.' Lizzie says, rubbing my shoulder.
The door opens from behind us.
'Forgot my clothes, I didn't use any of your things, I can't be bothered with makeup.' She smiles politely.
'Hannah can you come here a minute?' Lizzie asks. 'Yeah, my clothes are over there anyways and I kinda need those.' She quips.
'Are you okay?' Lizzie questions her. 'Yeah? Of course I am?' She furrows her eyebrows in confusion.
Lizzie holds her hands in hers, then rubs her thumbs over the backs of hannah's wrists.
'Oh...' Her eyes widen in realisation.
'So I'll ask you again. Are you okay?' Lizzie asks softly and she just nods.
'Okay. Keep getting ready honey.' Lizzie says softly, gently stroking her thumbs over hannah's.
She gulps softly and nods, pulling her hands free and quickly scurrying off to the bathroom.
'It's not your fault scarlett.' Elizabeth says quietly as she hugs me. 'It is. Oh god it is. This isn't how it was supposed to happen.' I whine.
She just keeps hugging me until we hear the bathroom door unlock.
She's just wearing what she wore yesterday, cute little pink converse, reminding me of the ones from her final photo.
'Fancy getting hotel breakfast?' Elizabeth asks us. I reply with a soft 'yeah'. Still trying to process what happened.
She calls Dana while we're walking there.
'Hey Dana, I'll meet you at the entrance to comic con, is that okay?'
'Okay got it I'll meet you there, how are you?' She asks Dana.
'That's good. I'm okay.' She smiles.
'Yeah I'll talk to you later, i love you. Tell your parents I said hi.' She says as she hangs up.
'That Dana?' Elizabeth asks. 'Yup. She's meeting me somewhere.' She says.
'Man! My instagram blew up!' She says stopping to look at her phone. I furrow my eyebrows and look over her shoulder.
'Oh it's just because people noticed you follow me. Thanks for the extra couple thousand followers scarlett, Dana will be happy for the fame.' She shrugs as she shuts off her phone. 'You're welcome.' I chuckle to myself.
'You ever thought about acting when you're older?' Elizabeth asks as we find a table in the restaurant downstairs. 'Yeah, i passed my performing arts exam every year. Also looking at acting colleges.' She says.
'That's brilliant. Are you going to be more broadway or TV?' I ask. 'I don't know, I don't really want fame. I hate paparazzi, it just seems so weird. But at the same time, I do kinda wanna be an actor so I'll have to suck it up.' She rambles.
This makes me feel iffy. I'm famous, I'm going to have paparazzi up my ass a whole lot more if she comes home, and she's already got people fawning over her on instagram because of me.
'Interviews look fun though.' She shrugs, interrupting my thoughts. 'They are. Do what's best for you. Either way you're going to be famous.' Lizzie advises.
'Yeah, at the same time I kinda just want to own like a little cat bookshop in LA and live in the apartment above it, like something from a hallmark movie.' She scrunches her nose as she smiles.
'A cat bookshop?' I raise my eyebrows and smirk. 'Absolutely a cat bookshop! Or a dog one. Either way. I've always wanted a pet, so that way I get books and pets smushed into one.' She says smiling. 'Good point.' I say with a wink.
'What does Dana wanna be?' Lizzie asks. 'Take a wild guess.' Han jokes with an eye roll. 'Model? Actress? Something with fame?' Lizzie guesses making eve chuckle. 'Yep.' She says, popping the P.
'She's obsessed, i don't think she needs the fame to know she's pretty, she's beautiful and I hate when she thinks the only way people will like her is if she has a fan base.' She says, her smile dropping a little. 'She is very pretty.' Lizzie says with a warm smile. 'I know.' Han mirrors lizzies expression.
'So, any boys we should know about? Or girls?' Lizzie smirks, raising her eyebrows. 'Nope. And i'd totally get kicked out if I came home with a girl so that is a definite no.'
'Date who you like, only person it matters to is yourself.' I advise. 'True, but I do kinda need somewhere to live.' She chuckles. 'That is very true.' I smile.
We all go over to the buffet, taking what we'd like and then we all converse over random topics whilst we eat.
She had the childhood i wanted her to have, but it didn't last as long as i had planned. She was raised wonderfully. Her mom would be so happy with the way she turned out.
'I was in the car with them, we were on a road trip and all the pillows were in the back, literally cushioning my blow. I didn't wake up until a week after, but I remember my momma telling me she loved me, and that she would always be with me if she didn't make it. She died before paramedics got to us while holding my hand.' Hannah explains softly.
'I'm so sorry.' Lizzie says, also about to cry. 'It's okay! I spent a lot of time hating the universe for it, I've come to terms with it now. I understand that it's just an accident, an unfortunate accident. There's always a plan.' She maturely answers.
'Did you hate me for it?' I ask softly.
She frowns a little, playing with her fingers, but ultimately spills the truth. '...Yeah i did. I hated my birth mom for years after that. I blamed it all on her. Because I was only young when it happened, I didn't understand that it wasn't her fault, black ice is horrible, I've barely been in a car in the winter since, I thought about it a lot, and I just realised that my birth mom didn't make this happen, it's not her fault, she isn't here and she can't cause it, I think I was more jealous than angry. Because I didn't know if she had other children and had moved on.' She furrows her eyebrows in thought.
We keep talking about things as we finish up. The bill will be included in our room bill so we just get up and leave.
'Okay it's eight o'clock. We need to get a wriggle on.' Elizabeth says as she finishes looking at her watch.
We decide to start heading towards the comic con building, but of course, paparazzi up our asses.
I pull hannah in front of me again, using my hands to shield her face. They keep grabbing at her or shouting at her and she's looking up at me not knowing what to do. She's a very anxious little girl, it's a shame that paparazzi is the reason why she's so scared. She walks by my side, hiding her face as we keep walking. I cover the other side of her face that's showing.
We get to traffic lights and we're being swarmed. Elizabeth stands the other side of her.
'Scarlett she's panicking.' Elizabeth whispers to me.
I put my hand on her back and she's right, she's struggling to breathe.
'Hannah can i carry you instead?' I ask.
She nods and lifts her arms up for me.
She buries her face in the crook of my neck, wrapping her arms gently around my neck, playing with my hair slightly. As comforting as it was; I wish it was in a better situation.
We finally reach the building and security keeps them out.
We get to a back room where we can leave our things while we're out. And I sit on the sofa in there.
'You okay?' I ask softly as i stroke her back. She nods, her breathing is still a little off.
'Can you sit up honey?' Elizabeth asks as she sits next to us. Hannah sits up, facing us. I use my thumbs to gently wipe the tears off her eyes.
'Good thing you didn't wear makeup otherwise it would be down your face.' Elizabeth quips lightheartedly. Hannah smiles, thanking me for carrying her.
'I used to react a similar way, eventually you realise that you hold more power over them. Plus you can pull out the lawyer card, that always scares 'em.' Elizabeth comforts with a smirk. 'Yeah, they don't have to grab at me though. I don't like it.' She frowns, her lip quivers slightly. 'I know they're not allowed to touch you either. Once the media sees they've grabbed at you there will probably be an uproar.'
'I don't want them to lose their jobs, they have families to feed. I just don't like it personally.' She says as she starts worrying she'll make people lose jobs. The way she worries about making people lose their jobs is so sweet, even if they deserve it. 'Look at you, all considerate of people who weren't nice to you.' I say. She's definitely been raised well.
'Okay, we can go now I'm okay.' She smiles and gives us a thumbs up.
She crawls off my lap and heads to the door.
'I bet you really loved that huh?' Elizabeth says smiling. 'Shut up.' I say as i start smiling like an idiot.
Everyone always says I'm made of steel, like I don't feel any sort of love or joy, which is funny because I probably feel it the strongest.
We all unfortunately have to part ways, me and Lizzie gave her our phone numbers and asked her to message us after the panel.