Chapter 12
I was welcomed by the comfort of my bed and I swear I slept better than any time in the castle. It was probably because of my longing towards home and finally being here. When I woke I felt refreshed but no better than I did yesterday. I was still here in my home, with a comatose mother and a broken heart. Once I woke I made my bed and organised my new dresses into my closet, which was fairly difficult since my room was small. The jewellery was lain out on my vanity in many boxes but I couldn’t bear to look at them. The King had left me incredibly gifted and I was grateful but what was the point of them? I would wear them and constantly be reminded of what I don’t have, and what doesn’t belong.
The windows were dusty as I looked out and the town grey. I couldn’t see myself fitting in again after everything. I would eventually grow accustomed to what I had seen as normality but I would never fully relax until my mother is awake and well again.
I washed my face and slipped out of my sleeping gown and into a pink silk dress that the King had gifted me with. I felt beautiful in it but it also brought me grief as every moment I wear it, it will constantly remind me of the King. I carried the jug of water into my mother’s bedroom with a few clothes to clean.
I stood in the doorway, staring at her sleeping form. There was only a short amount of time left for her if she didn’t wake up. Her body was wasting away without food and water would only hold her spirit on this earth for so long. But still I put a smile on my face and kept hope in my heart.
“Good morning, mother. It is a rather beautiful day today; it’s unfortunate you cannot see it.” I knelt by her bedside and pulled back the covers. She was pale and frail, her skin looking washed out and sad. I dabbed the cloth into the water and then across her cheeks. It didn’t take long but once I was done cleaning her I replaced the sleeping robe with a fresher one and brushed her hair into a neat plait beside her neck.
With a soft kiss to her forehead and a gentle prayer I left her bedroom to accomplish my chores which after such a long period were in dire need. I watered the plants hanging in the home and on the balcony. I dusted and swept, cleaned the floors and benches and collected some washing. I would go find some fresh fruit and vegetables and meat for dinner tonight but first I will go down the river and clean.
I carried the basket down the local streets and stopped every now and again to look at the markets. I was worried for my mother but Aunt Caroline said she would visit early this morning, not long after I left. People still stared as I walked, and it wasn’t helping me with my nerves. I missed just blending in with the crowd and enjoying a bright day with my mother.
The current was fast today but still low. Rain was expected in a few days even though the sun still shone without a cloud in the sky. I removed my shoes and left them before the bank. I took an item from the basket and rubbed it vigorously against the washboard I had brought. A couple of hours flew by and when I was finished my hands and back were sore and I was grateful for the short walk back home.
“I could have done that for you, niece,” Caroline sighed leaving her tea and making her way towards me.
“It was no bother, aunt, I quite enjoyed some time of normality.” I placed the basket on the stair to hang later on today. “I’m going to the markets, would you like anything?”
“No thank you, my dear, but you must tell me what you want for your birthday coming up. A celebration is being held in the town square at the end of the week. It will be a spectacular night.”
“My birthday...I had completely forgotten, aunt.”
“Go, my dear, I shall bake some bread for tonight. Don’t worry; it shall be fun and welcoming.”
I smiled at her and retrieved some coins, grabbed another basket and made my way. I bought what I needed and some fruit for myself. The day was cool but lovely and I enjoyed every minute being outside. I chatted to some of the people who were fascinated by the castle and what lay inside. Some of the girls were gushing over the beautiful dress I was wearing and how jealous they were. Everyone loved hearing of the tremendous amount of food and colourful art and tapestries. I found myself just as much loving the stories as they did.
I never realised how grateful I was living with such abundance. I had whatever I wanted and more.
When the breeze thickened and the sky began to grow darker I made my way home where the smell of fresh bread invited me inside.
~**~*~*~
“Wake up, Claire, wake up! Something has happened.”
I sprung from my bed, the night still upon us and rushed to the sound of my aunt. It was my mother’s bedchamber and a burst of energy pushed my faster. My heart lurched at the thought of losing her. I couldn’t lose her after all of this. She’s held on for so long, why would she leave? I burst into tears as I saw my mother sit herself up shakily. “Mother?”
“Come to me daughter,” she whispered, her voice raspy and dry.
I basically leapt into her arms my heart filled with so much love it hurt. How could this be? I just cleaned her the day before and she looked lost and close to death but now she is awake. “I thought I’d lost you,” I whimpered.
“I will never leave your side, Claire. Ever.”
“I’ll get some food,” Caroline chimed in sounding full of excitement. “This is wonderful.”
“I’ve missed you so much, mama.” My mother’s eyes looked dull and tired and she didn’t look like she could keep them open for very much longer.
She stroked my hair and cheek with a soft smile. “I missed you too, my dear. I never thought I would be able to see you smile again, or to touch your warm cheek with my own hand. God has heard my prayers.”
“And mine too, mama.” Caroline parted us for a moment to hand me the bowl of stew that we had prepared earlier. I fed my mother but before too long she couldn’t stay awake so we left her bedroom with a relieved sigh. “It’s a miracle,” I told Caroline.
“It really is. Now get some rest so you can be up early tomorrow.”
I retreated back to my bed and slept restlessly. I couldn’t sleep because the world was finally showing mercy on me. I was too excited for tomorrow morning where I could wake up and actually see my mother awake and normal. It would be a normal morning, on a normal day, in my normal life.
So when the sun finally rose I was out of bed and making a big welcome breakfast for my mother. Caroline came out wearing her gown and helping my mother walk to the table. It broke my heart to see how weak she was but I knew everything was finally working out. I brought over the food and sat myself down at the end, across from my mother.
“It’s strange...” she said softly looking about at the hanging plants. “I never believed I would see this place again. Caroline, I’m shocked you didn’t keep this house neat.”
I laughed. Of course that is what she would say after being in a comatose state. Her sister frowned with a smile on her face. “Dear, I was too worried about you.”
“Don’t patronise me, sister,” she shook, “you were too busy with that new butcher. What’s his name?”
I giggled. “Aunt, do you really fancy Mr Harold Greaves?”
“He’s stable and very kind to me. I wouldn’t want anything more.”
“What about a man who loves you?” I laughed.
“He’s married, unfortunately. Mr Greaves would love me if he wasn’t already...”
“Tied up,” my mother smiled.
“I wouldn’t get on the bad side of Mrs Greaves anyway; she’s horrible when she’s mad.”
The morning went on like normal and I enjoyed every moment. It felt like someone had finally released the air back into my lungs. Unbelievable relief. My mother was frail but living, we were home and safe, I had food and stability. I wouldn’t want anything more...
But how about a man who loves me?
~*~*~*~
“The sun is nice,” my mother sighed closing her eyes and sitting back in the rocking chair. “I wish I could come with you.”
“I’m only going into the markets, it’s nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Oh, but I miss the ordinary.”
“You’ll but up on your feet in no time.”
She shook her head and ushered me forward. “Go before everything is sold.” I stepped off the porch and followed the worn in cobbled road to the markets. There were more people on the streets than I thought there would be. Everyone was crowded in large groups, off to the side, whispering yet loud at the same time. It’s almost like life had briefly froze to watch on.
What was happening?
I pushed through the crowd and was thrown about as people jumped and cheered. Curious, I crept on until I reached the front and almost fainted. The King stood in the centre of the marketplace, his face smiling towards the crowd. I was more than surprised to see him at all, let alone so soon. His torso was covered in a rich green jacket and a crisp white shirt underneath which poked up around the collar. What surprised me the most was the beautiful woman next to him. It was one of the girls remaining. I guess she won. I was grateful that he stayed true to his word and released Amy but hurt that he could so quickly and easily discard the love he had for me.
The woman wore a bright green gown to match the King’s attire and waved along confidently to the crowd. Her arm was wrapped around the King’s and I realised she was possessive. It was clear on her face that she was gloating. She was getting married to the King and she loved every moment of our praise.
They both greeted the crowd, offering some coins to the families in most need of it. He hadn’t seen me yet and I was glad. If I could get out of this crowd and back home he would never have known I was here, no awkward glance that made me feel even worse than I already did now. I took a deep breath and went to turn but someone saw me. I never realised I’d been standing beside her the whole entire time.
Elizabeth is an extremely big fan of the King and I think she hates me because of what happened. When our eyes met she gasped and stood back whispering to the others around her. People then began to stare at me and whisper back. They left a wide circle around me and I began to panic. I need to leave before Delron and his bride looks over.
It didn’t go so well for me. Our eyes met and my heart stopped. I could see the surprise and pain and guilt in his eyes but all he could see in mine were embarrassment and shock. My stomach churned and all I wanted to do was crawl into a whole and die. Everybody stared, silent and hesitant. They didn’t want to say anything to prevent this inevitable moment. I wanted someone to cough or sneeze or laugh so they could stop this staring contest, this awkward moment that made me want to cry.
My heart was the only thing I could here, it beat in my chest so hard and fast I thought it was going to jump out. I hated the attention, it was bad enough already but now I was the centre of attention and I couldn’t escape it. Delron’s eyes wouldn’t let me go either. My mind screamed for me to look away but I was too entranced to. He was there, he was in town standing in front of me and I couldn’t force any words out of my mouth. Even with all these thoughts running through my head I had to say something. Delron was still my King, even after everything that happened I still have to show respect, but I couldn’t say anything.
I opened my mouth but shut it quickly afraid that I would squeak. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, curtseying shakily to him. I didn’t want to piss him off by embarrassing him in front of the whole town, so I stayed silent. The soon-to-be Queen had a soft smile on her face, like she was enjoying the embarrassment I was going through. I nodded my head politely to her as well before backing away.
I couldn’t get out of their fast enough. Tears poured down my cheeks for a reason I don’t know. They just kept flowing no matter how fast I wiped them away. I ran home, tripping on the upturned cobbles and shattering my day further. The sky was lovely when I had walked out but now it was greying, just like my mood. I felt horrible, nothing could get worse.
My mother was still by the door where I had left her but this time she was up and concerned. I couldn’t stop for her, I couldn’t look her in the eye and let her see what I felt. Not like this, not now, not when I was so vulnerable. I rushed past her, past my aunt who rose from her chair in fright and straight into my room. I shut my door, locked it and pressed my back against it.
I broke down, my chest aching and rapid, hiccupping sobs leaving my lips. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think properly except for how heartbroken I was.
I CAN’T BE HEARTBROKEN.
I can’t love Delron, he is a hard King who is very possessive and cruel but then he is so kind and loving and gentle, it breaks my heart. But I can’t feel this way about him. We’re so wrong, and it’s not right. I have my mother to take care of; I have my home to support and a life to live.
I felt pathetic and helpless. The world had to be mocking me, God had to be mocking me.
The King had a new bride, a new future. I just hoped he was happy with her and would one day have a family. I hope he right also, I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did.
“Claire! What’s going on?”
“Nothing, go away.”
“The King is in town, does it have anything to do with him?”
I was silent, unable to form anything through my sobbing.
“Claire…” Caroline whispered. “You love him don’t you?”
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sorry for now uploading sooner, really really sorry...
love from Hayley Clark xx